Chapter 35
Xavier’s words echo in my head, filling the air with their significance. This is insane. He can’t be serious.
I open my mouth to call bullshit, but the look in his eyes stops me. There’s no humor, no teasing. Nothing except the truth.
I shift uncomfortably on his lap, and his gaze darkens. His fingers tighten around the back of my neck and he brings me closer, his face inches from mine.
“I told you before, you’re mine. The other recruits have never had the privilege of touching your body. I have. They’ve never tasted you. I have. And they sure as fuck haven’t heard the sound of you coming. But I have. That’s why I marked you. That’s why I’ll kill anyone who thinks they can take you from me. Do you understand, Delilah?”
I suck in a breath, his confession a jolt to my senses. “Xavier.”
He presses his forehead to mine and inhales. “Fuck, I love the way you say my name.”
“What am I supposed to do while you’re gone?”
“Be a good girl.”
“And if I’m not?”
“Then I’ll punish you.”
I blink at him, half turned on, the other half—the smarter one—apprehensive. “What about the other recruits? What will they do to me?”
“Nothing, if they know what’s good for them. All of the recruits took a vow of celibacy for our senior year, but that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t try other things with you. Things I’d kill them for. You have to be careful while I’m gone.”
“Xavier,” I whisper.
“Yes, bride?”
“Don’t leave me here alone.”
“You won’t be alone. June is here.”
June. I forgot all about my friend, which makes me a piece-of-shit human. My only consolation is that Xavier is a force of nature, one that destroys you before you have time to protect yourself.
I shake my head, my chest heavy. “She’s hurt and probably traumatized.”
“But not my girl.” He looks at me with pride, stroking my cheek. “I’m going to talk to Declan. He’ll watch over you while I’m gone. With him having his own bride, he’s the least likely to fuck you.”
“Benjamin can do it. Erm, I mean, watch over me, not the other thing.”
“Fuck no,” Xavier says, his tone sharp.
He tightens his hold on my neck to the point of discomfort. I try to pull away, but his grip is too strong, so I glare at him. Xavier only leans closer, his eyes narrowed.
“Never say another man’s name to me in my fucking bed.”
I swallow, my pulse pounding at the dangerous edge in his voice. “But he’s family.”
“I’m your family now, Delilah. It’s only a matter of time until your name matches mine.”
“You’re fucking crazy. And you need to let go of my neck. You’re hurting me.”
His fingers fall away, and I rub the ache in the column of my throat.
He watches the movement, his eyes darkening. “You have no idea what I want to do to you, do you?”
“No, and I don’t want to know.”
“Liar.”
“I don”t know what your problem is, but I’m not letting go of Ben,” I say, desperate to change the subject.
“Your loyalty is one of my favorite things about you, but it’s misplaced. It belongs to me now.”
I roll my eyes. “Get fucked.”
“Careful, little raptor. That’s a very tempting offer.”
I scowl. “Ben?—”
“Enough,” he says. “I don’t trust Benjamin with you.”
My heart jumps, and I suck in a sharp breath. “Why? He’d never hurt me, unlike some people.” I give Xavier a pointed look.
“He wants to fuck you, Delilah.”
Denial is quick to rise, and I sputter. “No way. He sees me as a little sister. That’s it.”
“He does see you as someone precious, but he also wants to fuck you. He’s conflicted because you’re his foster sister. All you have to do is give him the slightest provocation, and he’ll fucking take it.”
“Are you talking from experience?”
“You’re my obsession,” he says, ignoring my question. “When it comes to you, I’m the furthest from immune.”
I stare at him, not sure what to make of that. He’s not making any sense. But that hasn’t stopped my heart from stuttering in my chest.
“I know for a fact that Ben feels the same way I do,” I say.
Xavier gives me an exasperated look. “He’s wanted to fuck you for three years. Maybe even longer. Trust me, he’ll take any chance he can to get close to you. Why do you think he chased you in the woods? He wanted you to be his bride, not mine.”
I scrutinize Xavier’s face, searching for lies, but there’s nothing. Nothing except a truth I’m not ready to accept.
“You’re wrong, and I’ll prove it to you,” Xavier says. “Has Benjamin ever touched you for longer than necessary under the guise of affection?”
“I—”
“Has he ever looked at you with longing and you mistook it for platonic love?”
“Wait.”
“Tell me, did he ever say something that could’ve held an underlying message?”
My stomach drops. I want to tell Xavier to go fuck himself, but his words have provoked my memory bank. Images from the past flit before my eyes of me and Ben.
The look in his eyes the night before he left for college. The way he said he wanted to kill Frank for me... I should have noticed sooner.
“No.” The denial holds no power. I shake my head as though it’ll clear my mind of the uncertainty plaguing me. “This isn’t how things are between us.”
“One final question. I know he sees you as something more, but do you see him as a brother?”
I clamp my lips, refusing to answer.
With his free hand, Xavier takes a strand of my hair and twists it around his finger. “A man who is in love with you, a man who has been a brother figure, or a man who is a member of the Order... which do you see?”
My chest rises and falls with every shallow breath. “Ben is my brother.”
“Is he, little raptor?” Xavier’s hand stills as if he’s desperate for my answer. “Don’t lie to me. Not about this.”
“Yes.” I glare at him. “I’ve never looked at Ben like that.”
“I love the way you look at me.” He releases his hold on my neck and strokes his finger along the bottom of my lip. “Like you want to kill me, but you want to fuck me as well.”
I don’t say anything. There are a million questions bouncing around in my head, but I can’t form a single word with Xavier gazing at me with hunger in his eyes. After being ignored and rejected by guys throughout high school, his attention is unnerving and exhilarating.
I’m addicted to the feeling of being wanted, something I never felt this intensely before. Even with Ben.
“He’s my brother,” I whisper. It’s the only bit of truth I’m willing to recognize. Everything else has major implications that’ll come with change. I don’t want to lose my relationship with Ben.
“He doesn’t see you in the same way.”
“I…” I close my mouth, unable to convince myself that Xavier’s wrong.
He drags his lips along my jaw. “He’ll fight me for you. And he’ll lose. I won’t hesitate to get rid of him.”
“Don’t hurt him.” When Xavier doesn’t readily agree, I lean back and squint at him. “Promise me?”
He presses his mouth to mine, stealing the rest of my plea. It’s a soft kiss, meant to comfort. And to remind me I’m his.
The gesture is too tender to be from a killer. My body remains stiff with reluctance as he coaxes me with every sweep of his lips and every caress to my skin. When I don’t give in, he cups the side of my face and angles my head to trace the seam of my mouth with his tongue.
I’m torn between fighting Xavier and losing myself in him.
“Promise me,” I repeat against his lips.
“That’s not a vow I’m willing to take, not if it keeps me from you.”
“If you hurt him, I’ll never forgive you.”
Xavier’s gaze hardens, a mixture of frustration and anger flitting across his face. He leans back as if my words have physically struck him.
“I see,” he says, his voice a whisper swallowed by the tension in the room. “I promise not to hurt him… unless your life is at stake.”
The heat of the moment dissipates as quickly as it arrived, replaced with a cold, stark reality. Xavier would kill someone I love to keep me alive. I could never choose myself over Ben, but Xavier would. Without hesitation.
“Okay,” I say.
My stomach knots as my voice hits the air. Deep down, I recognize I’ve pushed Xavier to his limit. His compromise in this situation might be the only security I can cling to.
The complexity of our relationship, bound by a contract but initiated years ago, is something I’m struggling to navigate. However, I can move forward knowing Ben is relatively safe from Xavier’s wrath.
As long as I don’t provoke it.