Waiting on You (Love & Whiskey #3)

Prologue

prologue

PAIGE

Fourteen Years Old

“You can’t give up,” Dad yells on the other side of their bedroom door.

It’s closed, so they don’t know I’m here. I wasn’t supposed to be home for another two hours, but Mrs. Simmons got food poisoning and had to cancel math club.

“What the hell am I supposed to do without you?” he asks.

“I’ve tried,” my mom cries, her voice raspy and weak. “But I can’t do it anymore. I need you to not fight me on this. My time is limited, and I want to spend it with you and Paige.”

“You’re asking me to sit back and just let you die!” Dad argues. “You can’t ask me to do that! That’s not fair.”

Ever since Mom found out that she has cancer, Dad has been extra nice to her. He’s even stopped moving us all over, choosing to stay in London because Mom said this city makes her happy.

She’s been fighting the cancer for a long time now, but from what they’re saying, it sounds like it isn’t getting any better and Mom is going to stop her treatments. I don’t know a lot about cancer, but I know that the treatments make her sick and miserable, but without them, she’ll die, which is apparently what she wants to do.

“No,” Mom says. “I’m asking you to understand that I’m choosing to enjoy the time I have left with the people I love.”

“Paige is going to be devastated,” Dad says, his tone filled with emotion. “She needs you.”

He’s not lying. My mom is my best friend, and I can’t imagine my life without her. She gets along with my friends and boyfriend, and everyone loves her. She’s the person I go to when I’m having a bad day. She listens and never goes all mom on me the way a lot of my friends’ moms do.

Every weekend, holiday break, and even many afternoons after school, we explore together. I hate moving, but she’s always made it a fun adventure, and because of her, I have already experienced so much that the world has to offer. She can take the simplest of things and turn it into something magical.

“She’ll be okay,” Mom chokes out. “She has you. And when I’m gone, you will have each other.”

No, I won’t be okay, I think, but don’t voice out loud. I need you to fight. I need you to want to live for me. Don’t you want to keep making new memories with me? Our latest scrapbook isn’t finished yet. There are so many pages that need to be filled. I need you, Mom!

“Damn it, Finley!” Dad barks, making me jump. I’ve never heard him raise his voice to my mom, let alone yell at her like that. “This isn’t what I wanted! What the hell am I supposed to do with a teenage girl? You need to fight!” he says, as if plucking the words straight from my head. “She needs you !”

“She will have you !” Mom sobs.

“I didn’t ask for this,” Dad hisses, and even though I should be focused on my mom choosing to die, his confession has me taking in his words.

“ You wanted this,” he continues. “The family, the baby. I told you that I was scared that I wasn’t cut out for that type of life, but you told me you would be by my side. That we would do this together. You wanted her. And now, you’re going to abandon her instead of fighting for your life… for her . You’re going to leave me, and I’ll have to raise her on my own. That’s not what was supposed to happen!”

“That’s not fair,” Mom cries, her sobs getting louder as my heart cracks in my chest. “I can’t fight anymore. I’m too tired and weak, and I don’t want to spend what’s left of my life fighting. I just want to be happy for the little bit of time I have left.”

Oh my God…

My mom is going to leave me.

My dad never wanted me .

Where does that leave me?

I’ve always been closer with my mom, but I thought it was because my dad works long hours. He’s a pilot, and he’s gone a lot while my mom doesn’t work and has always been home with me, so it makes sense that Mom and I are closer. But I never knew that my dad didn’t want me. He’s older than my mom by twelve years. She always jokes that he’s an old man, and he always says she has a thing for older men.

He was between flights when they met at a bar, and they hit it off. Within a few weeks, they were married, and soon after, I came along. I once asked Mom why I didn’t have any siblings, and she said I was so perfect that they didn’t want any more kids. But now, it sounds like it’s because my dad gave in to her wanting me despite him not wanting to have a family.

I think back to all our memories, the birthdays, the family trips. My dad has told me more times than I can count that he loves me and is proud of me.

Was it all a lie?

When I get back to my room, I close my door softly so they don’t know I’m home, and I bury my face into my pillow as I cry.

My mom, my best friend, is giving up and letting the cancer win. She’s going to leave me, and when she does, I’ll be left alone because the only other person in my life never wanted me to begin with.

Later that night, Mom finds me in my room, but I pretend I’m asleep and stay there until the next morning, wanting to prolong the devastating news I know is coming.

She has chosen to stop the treatments.

She has six months, if she’s lucky, to live.

I want to ask her why I’m not enough for her to want to fight for her life, but instead, I tell her I love her and that everything will be okay, knowing that it won’t be.

We spend the next several months making the most of our time together. Dad takes shorter flights, and we spend time together as a family. We visit all the best spots in London, and Mom makes each new place feel magical. We fill up the rest of the scrapbook and start a new one ...one that will never get finished because we don’t have enough time.

I never tell her what I overheard, but deep down, I’m selfishly dreading the day she leaves me. I’m praying the cancer will somehow leave her body, and with the way she laughs and smiles, I sometimes wonder if maybe the doctors were wrong and my mom is healthy.

But then, one morning, everything takes a turn for the worse. Mom is hospitalized due to an infection, and it all spirals from there. She has a stroke and sinks into a coma, and a few days later, with Dad and me by her side, her heart stops beating.

Dad and I cry, begging her to come back.

But she’s gone .

And it feels like she took the magic with her.

The day of Mom’s funeral, Dad hands me a light-pink envelope with my name scrawled across it in Mom’s handwriting.

He’s been distant since she passed away. At first, I tried to be there for him, but the more he pushes me away, the more I realize that what I overheard that day in their room must be true. Dad hadn’t wanted me, but now, he’s stuck with me.

I go to my room and open the envelope, both nervous and excited to read my mom’s words. I don’t know when she wrote the letter, so I don’t know what I’ll get.

My dearest Paige,

From the moment I found out I was pregnant with you, my world changed for the better. You are not only my daughter, but you are also my best friend. You are the light in the dark and the magic in an otherwise ordinary world.

If you are reading this, I am gone. I hate that I won’t be on this earth to watch you grow up and be the extraordinary woman that I know you’ll be. But please know that if there’s a heaven—and I believe there is—I’ll be watching you from above.

There are a few things I want you to remember as you go on your journey in life. First, the magic doesn’t lie. I felt the magic the day I met your father and again when you were born. And I feel it every day that I spend with you guys here in London. When we go on our adventures and make our scrapbooks, the magic is there. Never lose sight of the magic, my sweet girl.

The next thing I want you to remember is to always believe in yourself. Follow your instincts, your gut, and most of all, your heart. It will never steer you wrong.

Find your passion. When I met your father, I was lost. I had so many jobs that I didn’t love, but then I became a wife and a mom, and I learned that my passion was my family. I don’t care what your passion is, but make sure you find it and never settle for anything else.

Please continue our scrapbooks. I loved creating them with you, and I hope, one day, you’ll continue them with whoever you find the magic with. Whether it’s a significant other or your child, I hope you will continue our tradition of going on adventures and documenting them because that’s what life is about.

I’m so proud of you, Paige, and I feel so blessed that I got to spend so many years with you. I want you to laugh and smile and love hard. Be careful who you give your heart to because you, my girl, deserve all the magic in the world and I don’t want you to settle for anything less.

I love you, and I’m always here.

Love,

Mom