Chapter Twenty-One
chapter twenty-one
PAIGE
“Uncle Nate!” Annemarie, Nate’s three-year-old niece, yells. “Come and throw me in!”
“Me too!” Dylan, her two-year-old brother, adds. “Throw me in!”
Nate looks between the kids and me, torn on leaving me, so I say, “Go! Go play with your niece and nephew. I’ll be fine right here.”
“Or you could go in with me.” Nate waggles his brows. “You know I’m dying to see you in that swimsuit you put on this morning.”
“Uncle Nate, please!” Annemarie begs.
“Go play, and I’ll think about going in.”
“Fine,” he says, standing and pulling his shirt over his head, exposing his washboard abs, chiseled chest, and sexy tattoos. He drops his shirt onto the table and then reaches down to tie his board shorts that came loose.
The act has my gaze sliding down his abs and landing where that perfect V, along with his happy trail, dip into the front of his shorts like the biggest tease .
Nate leans down, gives me a quick kiss, and then takes off running toward the pool—his backside almost as perfect as his front—yelling, “Cannonball,” as he jumps in and makes a show of splashing the kids.
“Might want to wipe that drool,” Carol, Nate’s dad’s assistant, says with a smirk. “You know, they say it’s bad for the mom-to-be to be craving anything. When I was pregnant, my husband insisted on making sure I got everything I craved. His mother said if a pregnant woman doesn’t get her cravings fulfilled, the baby will come out drooling.”
I bark out a laugh at the gray-haired woman who’s old enough to be my grandmother. “Is that so?”
“Yep. So, if it’s your baby daddy you’re craving, make sure it’s being fulfilled.”
She winks at me, and I laugh harder, seriously loving this family.
“Well, in that case”—I glance at Nate, who’s taking turns throwing his niece and nephew into the water—“I’d better go get my fill.”
I wink back at her, and she nods in approval.
I’m about to head over, but my bladder screams in protest, so I take a detour inside to use the bathroom. One thing I won’t miss about being pregnant is the constant need to go pee, and from what Kira and Ana have told me, it’s only going to get worse as my pregnancy progresses.
Once I’ve washed my hands, I head back out, but before I get to the doors leading outside, a masculine voice says my name, stopping me in place.
I look back, assuming my name was being called by Nate—maybe he followed me inside—but the next spoken words have me realizing my name wasn’t called…it was mentioned.
“She doesn’t want to move here, and Nate isn’t going to force her.”
I glance around the corner and see Dustin and his wife, Valerie, standing in the kitchen, talking. It must’ve been Dustin who said my name.
“You could always step up as COO,” Valerie says.
“Yeah, except I like my position, and I’m not sure I’d be able to run Bradford the way Nate does. He’s going to work remotely for now. Besides, if anyone should be stepping into that position, it’s you. You’ve been working under him for years now.”
“I’m nowhere near ready for that,” Valerie says, shaking her head. “I thought when Nate became CEO, I’d move up as COO and be trained by him. I don’t want to step into that position and fail.”
“Then, we’ll have to bring someone on board.” Dustin sighs.
“But it’s always been a family-owned and -run company,” Valerie points out, making my heart sink.
“What choice do we have?” He pulls his wife into his arms. “In order for Nate to be with Paige, he has to move there.”
“But he’s worked so hard, and he was so close to becoming CEO. Where will he work?”
“I don’t know.” Dustin shakes his head. “And it sucks. I mean, he’s busted his ass to make this company what it is. But I get it—if I had to choose between you and my job, I’d choose you every damn time.” He kisses her softly, and she sighs into him. “All we can do is support his decision. He’s going to work remotely for the time being, and we’ll figure it out as we go. You know Nate. He wouldn’t leave the company hanging.”
“He must be devastated,” Valerie murmurs. “I hate this for him.”
Tears prick my eyes at their words. At the fact that I’m causing this because of my own insecurities. I want to support Nate and move to Dallas so he doesn’t have to leave everything and everyone he loves behind, but I can’t do it. I can’t give up my entire life and move to Dallas. What happens if we don’t work out? Then, I’m left with nothing. I’ve put so many people first, and I was left with nothing every single time. I hate that he’s in this position, but I can’t put him first.
Which only leaves one option…
We need to end whatever this is between us and focus on raising our baby together. It sucks that we’ll have to co-parent long-distance, but it’s done all the time. We’ll figure it out.
I step outside since I have nowhere else to go and I don’t want Dustin and his wife to know I overheard. I’m about to have a seat back at the table where I was sitting before when Nate calls my name.
“Come in the pool,” he says with a smile, swimming to the edge. “The water’s nice.”
I consider saying no, but the last thing I want is to draw attention to myself in front of his entire family. Nate won’t stop until I tell him what’s wrong, and at his family’s home, in the middle of his dad’s birthday barbecue, is not the place to have this conversation.
We need to get through this weekend, and then once we’re back in Rosemary, I’ll tell him that I’ve made the decision to keep things between us strictly about the baby.
We’ll finalize the Kingston-Bradford collaboration, and then he’ll go back to Dallas with his family and his job, and we’ll figure out how to co-parent long-distance.
“Paige,” Nate yells again. “You going to come in, or do I have to come and get you?”
Several people chuckle, their eyes on me, so I nod and stand.
“I’m coming,” I tell him, forcing a smile onto my face.
I take my cover-up off and fix my newly purchased maternity bathing suit. I’m still on the smaller side, but my belly has popped, and I now officially look pregnant as opposed to bloated. I went with a two-piece, hoping it will give my belly room to grow since the summer in Texas is hot and we spend a lot of time in the water.
As I walk over to the pool, Nate gives me his full attention, his eyes alight with lust, mixed with love, and my stomach knots because Nate loves me. He’s attracted to me. He not only wants me, but he also wants this baby.
A little over four months ago, I walked in on my boyfriend having sex with my friend, and I questioned if I was enough. If I was pretty enough, good enough in bed, enough to be loved. Yet every time I’m around Nate, he does nothing but show me just how enough I am.
To my ex, I was one woman in a room filled with many others. But when Nate looks at me, it’s like I’m the only woman in the room.
And despite how he makes me feel, I can’t have him because it’s not fair to either of us. He might be willing to give up everything to be with me, but I’m not going to let him do that.
When I get to the bottom step, Nate encircles his arms around me, and I wrap my legs around his torso. The backyard is filled with well over fifty people, but when I’m with Nate, it feels like everyone else disappears and it’s just us.
“I love this,” he says once we’re in the middle of the water.
“What?” I run my fingers through his wet hair, trying to memorize everything about him. I only just got him back, and I’m already going to have to give him up.
“The feel of your stomach against mine.” He grins. “I read that the baby will start kicking soon. I can’t wait to feel him or her.”
He presses his lips to mine, and I sigh into him .
“What else did you read?” I ask curiously. I didn’t even know he’d been looking up stuff about the baby and my pregnancy. Imagining him googling pregnancy questions makes me smile on the inside.
“A lot of stuff.” He shrugs. “Like, at twenty weeks, we can find out the sex.” He grins. “What do you think? Should we find out?”
I’ve thought about it, but the idea of finding out stresses me out. It’ll make it that much more real. It means we can start buying things, decorating the nursery, which means we’ll have to decide where the nursery will be. Which means having a conversation about where we’re going to live. But now, I know where we’re both going to live, and it won’t be together, which means…
“Paige,” Nate says, quirking a brow. “If you don’t want to find out the sex…”
“We can find out,” I whisper, trying and failing to keep my emotions in check.
Maybe I should just move to Dallas to be with him. It would solve all our problems. He has a beautiful home and a good job. He loves me and this baby. And I love him.
But then what happens when he doesn’t want me anymore?
What happens when I’m no longer worth sticking around for?
When he wants a new woman to warm his bed? A new family to play house with ?
Where will I be left then?
Before I can stop myself, tears well in my eyes, and Nate notices immediately.
“Hey,” he says, “what’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I tell him, hating that I couldn’t keep my emotions in check. “I just…” I can’t get the words out, so instead, I bury my face in his neck and hold him tight.
I know he’s confused, but he simply holds me, letting me silently cry in his arms.
Cry for the relationship that was doomed from the start.
For the baby who’s going to be pulled in two directions.
For our hearts that I have no choice but to break.
Because I’m terrified that he’s going to resent giving up everything to be with us.
Because I can’t let him give up everything to be with us, yet I can’t find it in me to give up everything to be with him. And fuck if that doesn’t make me a horrible person.
“Paige,” Nate says softly. “I think you’re having a panic attack, Princess.”
It’s then that I look up and realize he’s carried us out of the water and into the house. I’m sitting on his lap on a chair in the kitchen.
“I’m sorry,” I cry. “I’m okay.”
“No, you’re not,” he says with a shake of his head. “Talk to me, please. Tell me what’s wrong so I can make it better.”
“You can’t,” I whisper.
“Try me.”
I open my mouth to let it all out, but before I can get the words out, Dustin and Valerie appear.
“Hey, is everything okay?” Dustin asks carefully.
“Yeah,” I choke out, pushing off Nate and standing despite him trying to keep me in his lap. “I was just having a moment. This pregnancy is going to be the death of me.”
I force out a laugh, and Valerie joins, but neither Nate nor Dustin joins in, both too intuitive for their own good.
“Can you give us a minute?” Nate asks.
“Yeah, of course,” Dustin says. “We’re about to sing ‘Happy Birthday.’ Come out as soon as you’re ready.”
“Actually, we should go outside with everyone else,” I say, not wanting to be left alone with Nate. “We can talk later.”
Nate looks like he wants to argue, but thankfully, he nods in agreement, and I sigh in relief, not wanting to have this conversation until we’re back in Rosemary, where I’ll be safe to wallow in self-pity in the comfort of my own home.