Cate
You would think, after experiencing the best kiss of my life just yesterday—okay, my only kiss, but still, I know it was a good one—from the man I’ve had a crush on for years, I’d be in a good mood.
You’d be wrong.
This afternoon, I’m a grumpy, snarly mess full of tangled emotions, unresolved horniness, confusion, hope, and frustration. My insides feel like a knotted ball of yarn, and every time I try to untangle it to relieve the tension swirling through me, I somehow only manage to make it tighter.
My skates scrape over the ice as I head to where my water bottle is. I’m not really thirsty, but I need the space right now. I can’t think with Alex’s hands all over me, and that’s exactly where they’ve been all freaking day. Our tango routine is very sexy, with passion and anger and loads of physical closeness. It’s definitely the horniest routine I’ve ever skated.
“You good?” Alex asks from several feet away, startling me. I plaster a smile on my face and nod quickly, even though I’m pretty sure it’s a lie. How can I be good when I know what his kiss feels like? When I don’t know if he’ll ever kiss me again?
That thought sends a pang of agony through my chest, and I take another long pull on my water bottle.
I want to say something, but I’m not sure what. It doesn’t matter, because I don’t get the chance to say anything before Deb calls us back to center ice.
It’s a Sunday afternoon and we’ve got the ice to ourselves today while we work on learning all of the intricate choreography of our long program.
“Now that we have the basic mechanics down, I want to spend time working on the artistry,” says Deb. “I think you made good progress in your off-ice session, but we need to remember that we’re trying to tell a story, as well. The teams that rise to the top don’t just focus on lifts and throws—although those are important, of course. But the best teams have the ability to make whoever’s watching feel something, and it’s what sets them apart. You can skate a technically perfect program, but if the artistry is lacking, it’ll fall flat.”
She skates in a slow circle around us and then catches my eyes. “I want you to imagine that you’re a courtesan. You entertain various men as part of your job, even though there’s one man in particular you would prefer to be with.” My heart jumps into my throat at the sheer eroticism she wants us to evoke. I don’t know if I can do it and keep myself intact at the same time.
She has no idea what she’s asking of me right now.
“And you,” she says, turning to Alex, who’s listening with a slight frown on his gorgeous face, “You’re that man. The one she wishes she could be with. And you’re not okay with sharing her. It drives you wild with passionate anger. By the end of the routine, we’re going to move from passionate anger to true, unending love. I want to see it in your faces, in the small movements between elements, in your body language. She is yours, and you’re not going to let her go.” She turns back to me. “His love will set you free.” She lets out a little chuckle, and I wonder if my cheeks are red. They feel hot. “It’s a lot, I know, but we’ll work through it. Let’s start with the lift.”
I swallow thickly and my cheeks burn. This lift involves Alex’s hands very high up on my inner thighs as he spins me over the back of his broad shoulders, then holds me in front of him, my bent legs perched on his thigh until he lifts me above his head.
I nod and meet Alex’s eyes. He’s staring at me, a muscle ticking in his jaw, his arms crossed. He looks almost angry. For several long seconds his gaze holds mine, and I wonder if he’s replayed the kiss as many times as I have.
But, despite the tension radiating through me, I nod and skate towards Alex, offering him my hand. Deb cues up the music and we fall into the routine.
“You’re mine,” Alex growls, making my entire body shudder with need. “I don’t share.” His voice is low in my ear as we move into the lift, and I tell myself that he’s just getting into the character of the routine.
So I decide to follow his lead. “You’re the only one I want,” I whisper as his hand lands on my inner thigh and he spins me effortlessly over his shoulders and to his opposite thigh. His hand grazes my ass as he settles me in position, and I tuck my head against him for the tiniest moment, telling myself it’s to sell the artistry, the passion of the program. Not because the need to be close to him is slowly undoing me from the inside out.
He lifts me easily into the star lift, his hand hot on my hip as we spin, cold air whipping against my skin. We’re spinning so fast. I’m so high.
My heart feels like it’s going to explode in my chest, and I wobble, just the tiniest bit as we move from the star position to a platter position, which involves Alex’s hands on my stomach as I stretch my arms out in front of me, my back arched.
His hands are too low. One of them is right on my mound, and I think I’m going to burst into flames. My clit is pulsing. The rink is a blur around me. I lose focus and my balance wavers.
He feels it and lowers me instantly to the ice, completely skipping the difficult dismount we were supposed to do. The music stops and Deb skates over, but she doesn’t even get the chance to speak.
“I don’t know if star to platter is going to work,” Alex says immediately, his hands on his hips. I can see the tension in his jaw, the tendons of his neck, and frustration washes over me.
“Why not?” I ask.
“Because you almost fell.”
I scoff, all of the sexual tension and frustration coalescing into anger. “I wobbled. A wobble is not a near fall. And you missed your hand placement.”
“I didn’t miss it. We’re still getting the mechanics of the lift down.”
“Oh, so it’s okay for you to miss your hand placement because we’re still learning, but one wobble from me and you think I’m not good enough to pull this lift off?”
Oh no. I can feel hot tears pricking at the backs of my eyes. Shit. Shit shit shit.
“No one said anything about you not being good enough,” he says, frowning deeply. “You wouldn’t be here if you weren’t good enough.”
“Then why do you want to change the lift? It was one small mistake.”
His eyes go hot and dark and his jaw tenses. “Because you fell once before and it sure as fuck isn’t going to happen again on my watch.”
We’ve somehow skated closer to each other over the course of the argument and I press my finger into his chest.
“Don’t treat me with kid gloves, Alex. That won’t help us get anywhere. If you don’t trust my skills as your partner, then you’re right, we can’t do the lift. We can’t do any of this.” I gesture at the empty rink around us.
“That’s not…” He shakes his head and sucks in a sharp breath, cutting off whatever he was going to say.
Deb moves carefully between us. “Why don’t we call it a day?” she says quietly. “Take some time to cool off.” She looks at me. “We’ll run the lift again. We don’t need to cut it. Get some rest and we’ll try again tomorrow.”
I nod, and then skate off the ice before anyone can see the tears I’m fighting valiantly to hold back.
The thoughts swirl around my head like bats. Alex doesn’t want me. He doesn’t think I’m good enough. He doesn’t trust me, or see me as his partner, his equal. He thinks kissing me was a mistake. He rejected me because I’m a stupid girl with a stupid crush and now that stupid crush is affecting my skating, and he’s going to change his mind about us. About everything.
I hear Alex follow me off the ice, but I don’t turn around, hastily grabbing my skate guards from the ledge of the boards and jamming them over my blades before walking toward the women’s locker room.
“Cate,” he says from behind me, and there’s a catch in his voice that makes me turn. I hastily wipe at my eyes, but not before Alex gets a glimpse of just what a mess I am. “Oh, shit,” he breathes, and then with a question in his eyes, he reaches for my hand. “Can we talk? I don’t want to leave things like this.” He glances around and then moves closer. A part of me wants to pull my hand away, but it feels too good to have his big fingers woven with mine. He lifts his free hand and brushes away a stray tear on my cheek with his thumb. “I won’t leave you like this.”
A tremble passes through me and I feel like I’m made of Jell-O. Like I’m about to spill everywhere and it’s going to be messy and impossible to put back together.
But I nod. Because he’s right. For the sake of trust and communication and our athletic partnership, we should talk.
“Grab your shoes and meet me back out here,” he says, giving my hand a squeeze before letting go. I nod and head into the women’s locker room, quickly changing out of my skates and into my sneakers. Back in the main area, Alex takes my hand again and leads me toward the far end of the rink. I’ve never ventured this far down, but I see that there are a couple of glassed in meeting rooms tucked into the far corner. He leads us into the first one, shutting the door behind us.
“I’m sorry,” he says immediately, his hands out at his sides. “I’m sorry that I made you feel like you’re not good enough, or that you can’t handle the lift. I’m sorry that I got scared and wanted to change it. I’m sorry that you feel like I’m treating you with kid gloves. I can’t seem to help it.” He shoves a hand through his hair and paces from one end of the small room to the other. I watch him, sinking down slowly into one of the chairs around the meeting table.
“What do you mean, you got scared?” I ask, folding my arms across my chest and wishing my heart would calm the hell down.
“I could feel that your balance wasn’t steady and it scared the shit out of me.” His eyes are wide and sincere, and I know he’s telling me the truth. That his reaction was more about his own fear than any kind of judgment about my skating abilities.
“Why?”
“Because the idea of you getting hurt again makes me want to break things, Cate.” He stops pacing and meets my eyes. “I…I need to protect you. And that protective instinct took over today. It’s why you feel like I’ve been too delicate with you. When I felt you start to lose your balance, all I could think about was your accident.” He crouches down in front of me, bringing his face level with mine. “I don’t want you to think I don’t respect your abilities. I think you have so much talent and skill, and together, we have a lot of potential. I know you’re able to do the lift. My reaction had nothing to do with that, and everything to do with wanting to keep you safe.”
“You were just trying to protect me?” I ask quietly, hope warring with confusion and making me dizzy.
He nods, his eyes wide and solemn.
I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to think, or how to process this. But I’m not mad anymore. How could I be when the only man I’ve ever wanted is telling me he’d break things if I got hurt?
He takes my hands, weaving his fingers with mine, making soft warmth flow through me. “I’m sorry,” he says again. “We’ll work through the lift and figure it out. And I’ll find a way to manage…” He clears his throat. “This.”
His eyes meet mine, and I can tell he means more than just his protectiveness. He means the sexual tension between us. The kiss, which we still haven’t talked about.
“You mean yesterday,” I say, and his thumbs trace over the backs of my hands, tingles rippling outward in the wake of his touch.
He lets out a low chuckle and licks his lips. “Yeah. Listen, Cate. I’m going to be really honest with you.” He exhales slowly and then meets my eyes again. “I don’t regret kissing you. Not for a second. I meant it when I said I’ve wanted to do that since I first laid eyes on you. I meant it when I said that I want you. But if we want this partnership to work, I think it’s best if we put anything romantic or sexual on the back burner.”
Hearing Alex say the word sexual does something to my insides, and I find myself shifting on my chair.
I nod slowly, digesting his words. If he can be honest, so can I. “That’s…understandable. But disappointing. Because I’ve never liked anyone the way I like you. I get that it could be complicated, but that doesn’t make me want it less. Want you less.” My heart is trembling frantically as the truth spills from my lips.
His chest heaves and his gaze drops to my mouth. “We can’t, Cate. I’m too old for you, and we could mess up a good thing. I want to win another world championship. I want to be on the podium at the next Olympics, and I think you and I can do that together. No, scratch that,” he says, shaking his head vehemently. “I know you and I can do that together. So it doesn’t matter that I think about you constantly, or that I want to kiss you right now, or that I have the worst, most depraved thoughts about what I’d do to you if you were mine.” He exhales, his nostrils flaring. “We have to find a way to manage this so that we don’t risk our professional future. Our goals. Dreams.”
“Right now, my dream is to hear about these depraved thoughts. In detail.”
He groans and drops his head back. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
“But you did. Because you want me.”
“Fuck, yes, I do.”
“What if…” I bite my lip, hope and lust and lightness zipping through me when his eyes zero in on my mouth. “What if we could have both? I like you, Alex. A lot. We wouldn’t be the first pairs team to have a romantic relationship.”
He stands and shoves a hand through his thick hair, making me wish it was my fingers raking through it as he did some of those unnamed depraved things to me.
“There’s still the age difference,” he says after a moment.
“It doesn’t bother me,” I say. “I meant it when I said that I kinda like it.”
Silence falls between us, and the hope soaring inside me falters, making everything inside me constrict, an emotional bracing for impact.
“Unless…you’re not interested in dating me? Or don’t see a future for us? Romantically?” I feel as though I’m holding my entire heart in my hands, holding it out to him and hoping he doesn’t toss it carelessly in the trash.
He drops to his knees in front of my chair and his mouth is on mine, kissing me softly and gently. I moan against his mouth, and his tongue slides against mine, a gentle, almost reassuring caress. I thread my fingers through his hair, which is impossibly soft, holding him close as we kiss, slow and unhurried.
“How could you think I wouldn’t want to date you?” he asks, peppering kisses down my neck. I tilt my head, silently encouraging him. “I do, and that’s the problem. Because what I want and what I should do are two very different things.” His teeth scrape over my earlobe and I gasp, jerking against him. “I stroke my cock and think about you every fucking day, Cate. The things I think about you…they’re filthy.”
A lust more thrilling than anything I’ve ever experienced spirals through me, stealing my breath, making me forget about everything besides Alex and how badly I want him.
“Tell me,” I beg, fisting my hands in his hair and bringing his mouth back to mine. He kisses me deeply this time, his tongue licking into my mouth, his lips wet and soft.
“No,” he growls. The sound is lust tinged with anguish. “I shouldn’t even be kissing you right now.” He nips at my bottom lip and then kisses me again, long drugging sweeps of his tongue that have my clit throbbing. “You make me weak, Cate. So fucking weak for you.” He’s kissing my neck again, his hands sliding up my outer thighs to my hips. My pussy is aching, my heart is throbbing wildly, and all I know is that I need Alex right now like I need air.
“So be weak,” I manage, my voice high and reedy. Unrecognizable to my own ears. “I want you. I want this.”
“I’m twelve years older than you,” he says, kissing down my throat. “I shouldn’t be doing this. You’re so young and sweet and I’m a twisted bastard who wants to corrupt you in all the worst ways.”
His words set off a detonation somewhere deep in my belly, and I moan. “Do it. Corrupt me. Make me yours.”
He pulls away, chest heaving, eyes bright with lust. “You don’t know what you’re asking for.” He slides a hand into my hair and tugs, just hard enough to send sparks dancing across my scalp. “I’m intense, Cate. I’m already obsessed with you. If I fuck you, I’m never going to let you go, and you need to be sure that’s what you want.” He tugs on my hair again, and I moan. “Be sure, princess.”
And with that, he stands and leaves, shutting the door to the meeting room behind him, leaving my head spinning, my heart pounding, and my pussy throbbing.