32. Carson
CHAPTER 32
CARSON
All the breath in my body turned tail, running for cover at those words. My words. I’d wanted to kiss him for months. Fuck me. Years. I’d wanted to kiss him for years. Nearly fifteen, to be exact.
I wanted to know what it felt like to be kissed and to kiss someone in return. But I’d never wanted it to be with anyone other than Roman Ott.
His lips looked like two poofy pillows.
Would they be soft or firm?
Would kissing him live up to the fantasy that lived in my mind?
Would it be a combo of coffee and the spearmint gum he loved so much?
If so, I wasn’t sure I was down for that because it sounded nasty.
Who am I kidding? I’d lick the bottom of my boots if it meant I could finally feel his lips against mine.
“Carson?”
My eyes bounced from his mouth to his eyes and back as I chewed my lip. Longing twisted my guts into a knot that snowballed into a dozen knots, all multiplied again and again until I felt as if my insides were tied up like a pretzel.
I looked at him. His soulful gaze locked with mine briefly before it darted to my mouth.
Did he long for a taste of me as I did of him?
“Please, Roman. I gotta know.”
“Know what?”
“What it’s like to be kissed by you.”
Growling in my throat, I yanked him toward me, slanting my mouth over his as I took what I wanted from him. What I needed. What I craved.
I might’ve taken him by surprise, but he didn’t remain docile. As soon as we connected, he took from me with the same fervor.
Our lips parted.
Our breath mingled.
Our tongues fought for dominance.
We lost ourselves in each other, giving into what, for me, was a lifetime of denial.
My inexperience should have made me a fumbling mess, and I probably was, but it didn’t feel that way. It felt amazing. So amazing that my cock swelled instantly. A whiny moan filled the room. The vibrations in my throat made me realize the sound came from me.
Roman pulled back slightly. His lips hovered over mine, and his breath still ghosted across my face. I gazed up at him. Need clawed at me, making me desperate. I needed his mouth on mine. I needed to feel him against me. I leaned into him, but he leaned away like two magnets that weren’t lined up quite right.
“You okay?”
The question came out in a pant, and that’s when I noticed his chest rising and falling rapidly.
“Yes. Better than.”
His mouth ghosted over mine, our lips dragging across each other.
“I’ve wanted to kiss you for more than half my life. I don’t think I could handle it if you regretted it later,” he said.
I cupped his face, stroking my thumbs from the corners of his mouth over his cheekbones. Pain radiated through me, but I pushed it away as I gazed at him, my eyes cataloging the features of his face. I knew them as well as my own, or so I thought.
At this distance, his beautiful blue eyes weren’t just blue. They were a multitude of colors. Flecks of green and gold scattered in the deep ocean blue, giving them dimension and facets I’d never noticed before.
“I’ve waited my whole life to know this feeling.”
“Same.”
I chuckled, brushing my lips against his, sipping at his mouth with tiny flicks of my tongue. “No, Rome. It’s not.”
I closed my eyes to block out the inquisitive look I knew I’d find in his eyes.
“What do you mean?”
Sighing, I whispered, “I’m a twenty-seven-year-old gay man whose dick has only ever been interested in one guy. You. You’re the only person I’ve ever wanted. The only person I’ve ever kissed.”
He growled. I felt it rumble through his body, and blood flooded my crotch, pooling between my legs and making me throb. A hum, like a buzz of electricity, danced through my body. The gasp that bubbled up in my chest got swallowed when he took my mouth.
He possessed me. He nipped, sucked, and licked, taking what he wanted from me, and I followed where he led. I had imagined this moment more times than I could count, but nothing prepared me for the dominant, sexy beast of a man before me.
A soft knock at the door pulled us from our lust-fueled haze, and we sprang apart. Or rather, he sprang away from me. I wasn’t springing anywhere with the broken leg I was waiting to be taken into surgery to repair. At least not anytime soon.
“Just a minute,” I called, staring at Roman, my voice still breathless from the kiss I waited my whole life for.
Roman gazed back at me. He was so fucking beautiful, with his full lips shining and puffy, his pupils blown wide open. His chest expanded in a deep sigh as he cupped his hand over his mouth, rubbing down to his chin. His eyes closed, and I worried he regretted what happened or didn’t feel the same way.
Another knock sounded at the door. Whoever was on the other side of that door had better have a damn good reason for interrupting. Roman cleared his throat and dropped his hand. My gaze followed, and my mouth went dry.
Holy shit.
His cock snaked down the leg of his khaki uniform pants. The outline was blatantly evident. I watched, wide-eyed, as he cupped the bulge and adjusted himself. My tongue dragged over my lips, wetting them as my eyes rose to his.
“Jesus Christ,” he swore under his breath.
A third knock, followed by a female voice, said, “Surgical transport is here.”
Roman waved a hand at me and said, “Put a pillow over that or something.”
I glanced down at the tented sheet. Heat flooded my face, and my eyes widened, stretching painfully. Ignoring the pain in my arms, I covered my crotch with both hands.
Roman stepped to the door, flipping open the lock before pulling it open. He looked back over his shoulder. “I’ll have Mama call your parents.”
My brow furrowed. I hoped he was just putting on a front for whoever was at the door he was blocking my view of, and he wasn’t actually walking away. I opened my mouth to ask him to stay, only to slam it shut when he winked.
My lips twitched as people flooded into the room. The nurse from earlier followed by several orderlies.
The nurse said, “Okay, Ensign Wilcox, time for surgery. You can visit later,” as she and the others bustled around me.
All the while, Roman and I stared at one another. It was like a movie where the main characters stood in the middle of a busy city, everything speeding by them at twice the normal speed while they were at half speed. Everything happened in a blur.
Everything but Rome.
He became my touchstone.
The thing that anchored me.
And if I thought I longed for him before, that was nothing compared to what I felt now. It was like that kiss transferred a part of my soul to his. As they pushed me past where he stood at the door, I grew closer to the missing piece only to have it replaced by what could only be described as a rubber band stretching taut as I was pushed past him and into the hallway.
Unable to help myself I called out, craning my head around to find him, “Hey, Doc!”
“I’m behind you, Carson.”
I breathed a sigh of relief at his words, even as the image created by those words sent my blood pooling between my legs yet again. When he came into view beside my gurney, my fingers twitched as I fought off the urge to touch him. I stared at him in silence, mirroring his gaze. The nurse cleared her throat. My eyes darted to hers. She widened them slightly, raising her brow as she did.
Panic filled me. Did she know? Or had she guessed? I wanted Roman. I wanted to embrace who I was and quit denying myself, but I couldn’t lose my career. SEALs were masters of the universe. We knew how to do a bunch of shit. We had to, but most of our skills didn’t translate well to the private sector.
Knuckle-draggers had two options—the military or a private military company. And a PMC wasn’t the life I wanted. I wanted to be a tier-one operator, and I was, but this thing with Roman could take that away. Not that it was his fault. I was the one who begged him to kiss me and then forced the issue when he didn’t act fast enough.
Wetting my lips, I inhaled, filling my chest with air to push away the fear and worry, then looked at Roman and asked, “Can you check in on the guys? Make sure they’re all okay and know what’s happening with me?”
He nodded, patting my shoulder. “Will do. Now, let them take you to surgery.”
“Thanks,” I replied.
The nurse and orderlies pushed me forward, away from Rome. This time, I stilled myself against the rubber band feeling that tugged at me as we parted. I clenched my jaw as the urge to call out to Roman came over me again. I had to be strong. I had to fight. I couldn’t let lust or whatever this feeling was derail a career I shed blood, sweat, and tears for.
My resolve lasted until the elevator. The orderlies spun the gurney around, and I came face to face with Roman Ott.
Wanting him could save me, but it could also destroy me.
He was my heart’s greatest desire.
The only man or person I’d ever been attracted to.
The only person I’d ever kissed.
The man I loved.
He was the only thing on this planet I would risk my career for. And I couldn’t believe it. I’d given up everything to be a SEAL. I chose to suffocate my feelings for Roman and that worked well for me until he re-entered my life. Since I laid eyes on him again, I’d been unable to shut the lid on the way he made me feel.
Looking up at the pretty nurse beside me, I asked, “Can he go with us?”
“To the OR doors, yes.”
“Thanks.”
“Dr. Ott, I’m not liking his stats. Can you ride with us?”
Roman strode forward and slid into the elevator beside the gurney. “Do we have the med box?”
“Yes, doctor.”
“Good. Let’s get him up to surgery.” Roman placed a hand on my broken leg and said to me, “You’re going to be okay.”
I nodded. I wasn’t worried about the surgery or the injuries. I couldn’t bring myself to be parted from him just yet.
“Do you have any questions, Carson?”
My eyes widened before I could school my features. When I looked up at him, the asshole I’d fallen in love with smirked at me.
“About?” I ask, clearing the frog lodged there as my cock took notice.
“The surgery or your injuries, of course. What else?”
Keep smirking, doc. Payback’s a bitch.
“Yeah, how long will I be… out of commission?”
Heat ignited in his gaze and bloomed in his cheeks. His Adam’s apple bobbed down and up the throat I couldn’t wait to drag my tongue across.
I smirked at him as I waited for him to figure out an answer.
“Umm… well, that leg’s gonna get a rod, and then there’s the collapsed lung, and that’s not even taking into account the concussion and the broken ribs.”
“I’ve had all the stuff but the broken leg before.”
“Yes. I’m aware,” he muttered.
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah, I guess you would be, doc. So, will I operate again?”
“I don’t see anything that says you won’t.”
The elevator doors opened, and we were greeted by the surgeon and an OR nurse I didn’t know. “Dr. Ott, is this your patient?”
“Not officially. Ensign Wilcox and I grew up together.”
“Yep, best friends for over half our lives. He’s my mama’s favorite son,” I joked.
“That’s cause I didn’t give her any flak.”
“Bullshit, doc. You just didn’t get caught, is all.”
Roman laughed, and I sighed in relief. Neither of us could afford to be outed. He had his mama and Margot to think about, and I had my career. As much as I’d hate my life if I got booted off the teams, I could follow Adam and Brock into the PMC world. But Rome, he still owed the military time for his education.
The ER nurse smiled at me and said, “It was nice meeting you, Ensign Wilcox. I’ve heard so much about you that I feel like we already know each other. I’ll come check on you after surgery. I need all the stories I can get on Dr. Ott.”
“Oh, no, Ursula. That’s not happening. He’s sworn to secrecy.”
I smiled at her and said, “What Rome doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Come by anytime.”
Roman patted my shoulder as the surgical nurse took over for Ursula. “Carson, I’m going to check on your teammates and call my mama so she can call yours. Anything you want me to pass on?”
“Yeah. Tell Mama and Daddy to keep their asses in West Virginia. I’ll be home before they can figure shit out. And tell the team I’m fine. Foster’s probably about to lose his shit.”
“Will do. I’ll check in on you when you come out of the OR.”
He turned and walked away, glancing back over his shoulder at me. The doctor and nurse yammered like a couple of magpies, but I wasn’t focused enough on them to tell if it was about me or to me. I was too focused on Rome and the fit of his uniform pants.