CHAPTER THIRTEEN
MORGANA
“Hello, kitten.”
My throat went dry as I heard the click of my bedroom door closing. The bolt sliding into place. My heart was beating too quickly, sweat was beading on my forehead and neck, I was suddenly terrified I’d made a mistake.
A stranger was in my room with me. A stranger who knew my secret. A stranger I could not see.
“Shhh,” he said. “Don’t be afraid. I told you, I came to help you.”
“You also told me men lie.”
“And have I lied to you yet?”
I’d been trying to be strong. Trying not to cry from the pain, from the doom I felt from my vorakh. But now that someone was here, someone was speaking to me, soothing me, even if they had ill-intentions, it was enough for my guard to fall, my vulnerability to surface. I’d been acting strong for too many hours. I couldn’t do it anymore. I broke down, tears rolling down my face. Just because I wasn’t alone. Because a ghost of help had arrived.
It was so fucking stupid.
“No, kitten. No more tears. I’m going to take the pain away. I swear.”
He stepped closer, his face and form hidden in the shadows. A hand reached out and cupped my cheek, a calloused thumb stroking my skin.
I sniffled. “How? How do I make it stop? How do I stop the noise?” There were still so many thoughts in my head, pounding, invading. A sentry on duty. A soturion flying on ashvan. Another guarding the wall to the fortress. Everyone’s mind was whining incessantly. And loudly.
“Like this,” he thought.
He leaned toward me, and I reached out a hand, touching metal. Armor. A soturion. I reached for his shoulder, my arms shaking. He was taller than me, and my heart pounded even harder when I made contact. My body may have been innocent of another’s touch, but my mind wasn’t. I knew what we were doing. I knew what came next.
“You’ve never done this before,” he said, not in the way where I knew he’d heard my thoughts just then. But as if he’d known for a long time.
“No,” I confirmed.
“I’ll show you. Teach you. Then you won’t need me. You’ll be able to do this whenever you want, with anyone you want—whenever you need to.”
He leaned in, his breath against my cheek, and then his lips brushed mine. They were soft and full and left shivers running down my spine. I sighed. And he did it again, then pressed his mouth to mine, both hands cupping my face, wiping away my tears as his thumb stroked my cheek.
I kissed him back, liking the feel of him. And then emboldened, nibbled on his bottom lip.
We stayed like that a long time, taking turns slowly kissing the other, exploring as my breaths came faster, and our bodies pressed closer.
My heart kept pounding, louder and louder, first with a warning. Then excitement. Need. Fear. And then … desire.
Suddenly his mouth moved more frantically against mine, and his hands roamed lower, squeezing my ass, and pulling me into him. He removed any space that still existed between us and I was more than aware of his erection, pressing between my legs. I stifled a groan. I’d never truly felt one before. Not purposefully. And never … there. I could feel myself pulse in response.
“Go ahead,” he said, grinding into me. “Take your pleasure. Use me.”
I froze, suddenly self-consciously unsure what to do.
“You know what to do,” he purred. “I’ve heard you pleasure yourself at night. Many times.”
My cheeks reddened. I started to pull away. “No.”
“Kitten. You can use me, use me like you use your hands.” His voice in my mind was suddenly deeper, huskier, “I want you to.”
I closed my eyes, even though I couldn’t see anything. Even though he couldn’t see me.
“You spied on me? When I …”
“No. It’s a hazard of this power. Can you stop yourself from all you hear now?”
I bit back a retort. He was right, and yet …
“Don’t be embarrassed. I’ve loved every time you’ve done that.”
A blush crept across my cheeks, and I started to roll my hips, sucking in a breath as the heat there became more, and more. I arched my back, my hips undulating, seeking him again and again.
“Good kitten.” He wrapped his hands around my neck, stroking my skin as he moved to my shoulders, to the straps of my dress pulling them down, before at last, he palmed my bare breasts. They felt heavy in his hands, his thumbs sliding across my nipples until I cried out.
And only then, did I realize the voices had grown quiet. They were still there. My head still hurt, still pounded. But it was … less. The sounds faint. Distant.
“You see?” he asked, and kissed my cheek.
I could only pant in response.
“You need more. Come.”
He swept his arms beneath my knees, and carried me to the bed, laying me back before he crawled over me. I could hear his armor coming off. Metal hitting the ground, straps unbuckling. Cool air rushed against my skin, until his mouth fastened on a nipple.
And then he was lifting the hem of my dress, pulling the skirts above my waist, and slowly removing my underwear. He didn’t say anything as he slid his hand back up my leg, fingers grazing over my center, touching me there for the first time. His fingers moved in a circle, until I gasped and he pushed inside. I tightened around him, suddenly afraid.
“Shhh,” he thought again. “Don’t you feel it? Feel the peace. Feel the quiet?”
“Yes,” I thought.
“Good.” He returned to kissing me, moaning against my lips as his fingers started to slide in and out of me. The pleasure was starting to build, the way it did when I was alone. And before I could stop myself, my hips rocked to meet each thrust of his hand.
“You want faster?” he thought.
“Yes.” I groaned, shocked at my response. Shocked at how good it felt. “Gods, yes.” He did as I asked, giving me more, giving it to me exactly where I wanted it, where I needed it. And then I was losing control. Pleasure, raw and wild, fired through my limbs. The voices that had plagued me quieted even more. There was a silence in my head that I hadn’t felt in hours.
His tongue swept into my mouth, swallowing my cries as I came, my body shuddering around his fingers.
I’d just barely come down from the release when he cupped me roughly between my legs, then slid two fingers back inside, languidly stretching me, before adding a third.
“Morgana, you know what comes next.”
“What?” I asked, even though I knew the answer. I still needed to hear it.
“I’m going to fuck you,” he whispered.
I clenched around him, nervous again as I heard his belt unbuckle, and his pants slide down. My legs shook as he crawled on top of me, spreading me further. I could feel the soft hairs on his legs against the smoothness of my skin.
“Wait. I don’t know. I’m not sure,” I thought urgently. I still hadn’t seen his face. I still didn’t know his name. Or if I was making a mistake. How had I gotten here? What in Lumeria was I even doing? This was a stranger. This was the last thing I expected to happen today.
“It’s okay. I’m going to take away the pain, remember? Take all the pain that lingers.”
The high of my orgasm was starting to subside, and I could feel the torture of my vorakh already returning. The pounding headache amping up again with slow, steady beats. The inane thoughts of every person still awake in Cresthaven driving into my skull.
My mind was twisting, scared of what I was doing. Scared of who he might be. Wondering if I should wait, if this was supposed to be more special, more meaningful. Just … more. And yet … What did it fucking matter? I’d been wanting to do this, hadn’t I? And I wanted the pain to stop. Who cared who he was? Who cared how this happened? As long as it did, as long as the silence came.
“Okay,” I thought, and lifted my face, seeking out his lips in the dark.
“When I’m inside you,” he thought, “it will be different. We won’t be able to communicate like this. If you want something, if you need anything … you’re going to have to tell me. Out loud.”
“You won’t read my thoughts?”
“That’s the point. That’s the whole Godsdamned point.” He stroked my center.
“Will you tell me your name?” I asked.
He shook his head, “Ready?” He seemed to laugh. “Ready to make the noise stop?”
Swallowing roughly, I nodded. “Ready.”
He grinned against my lips and lined himself up at my entrance, gently rubbing his length up and down my core. My breath caught, my heart thundering, and then suddenly, he pushed inside.
I cried out.
“Fuck,” he grunted. “You’re tight.”
I could barely breathe. My mouth opened. It was so much at once. And he was everywhere, filling all my senses. All my awareness. I could feel him on every inch of my skin. Covering me, inside of me, becoming part of me. His aura enveloped us, a forceful shadow that felt like the power of death.
But as he slid all the way in, like a Godsdamned miracle, my mind was quiet. The voices had stopped. My headache was gone.
By the fucking Gods. He’d told the truth.
He was still, allowing me to adjust to his size. It hurt. But … the other pain I’d been feeling for hours—that had been worse. And that was gone. Never before had my mind been so quiet, my thoughts so at peace.
I nodded up at him, urging him to move. His hips rolled back as he thrust in and out. The more he did that, the better it began to feel. The more my body welcomed him, stretched to accommodate the thickness filling me.
He rocked into me, a hand reaching for my leg as he slid deeper inside before pulling back, and thrusting again.
“How does that feel?” he asked, tenderly reaching for my face. He pushed my hair back. “How are you doing?”
“Good,” I whimpered. “It’s good.”
“Are you sure? Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked, his voice holding more concern for me than I’d expected. It was so different from the seductive voice he’d had before. It was almost as if he meant it—as if he cared.
Before I could answer, an ashvan raced past my window, leaving behind enough of their glowing blue light to illuminate my lover’s face. Just for a second.
He saw the moment it happened. The second I recognized him, and stilled, his muscles tensing.
His long dark hair fell past his shoulders like black silk, and his eyes were made of pure indigo.
“Moriel?” I said, my heart pounding.
“Ereshya,” he said, and kissed me.
I woke up with a gasp. My body was overheated. I was Morgana. I was Morgana. Not Ereshya. But that dream … It wasn’t a dream, not exactly. That had been my memory of my first night with Aemon—almost. Until the end.
“Interesting,” Parthenay said, her voice snide. She leaned against the roughhewn stone of what amounted to the doorway to my bedroom. “You woke just before it got really good.”
“Get the fuck out,” I said, trying to control my breathing.
“But you had us all so entertained.”
My throat dried as I turned my head. Half a dozen akadim were in my room, hidden in the shadows of my peripheral vision. They were all kneeling on the floor, some with their hands hovering between their legs, watching me with red, hungry eyes. There was lust in them, a monstrous kind. But also fear. Fear of me. And reverence.
I was their queen now. A title I never wanted. Especially not over them.
“What are you doing?” I asked, trying to keep my voice from shaking, from showing weakness. “No one is supposed to come in here.”
“We were drawn,” Parthenay said innocently.
“Gryphon-shit! Just because you invade my privacy doesn’t mean you get to drag all of them in here, too.”
“Trust me,” she chuckled, “I didn’t. Though, unlike them, I did have a front-row seat to what you saw. You know, I always wondered what it was like to get fucked by a king. By a God. Now you’ve shown me. Twice. But them? They came from your own call. They sensed the desire leaking off you.” Her stupid hateful face contorted into one of mock passion. “Oh,” she cried out, one hand on her breast. “Oh, Moriel.”
“ Maraak ,” chanted an akadim.
I stood from the bed enraged, my pulse pounding too quickly. I grew more used to them every day. I had to. But each morning was a fresh shock, like it had been during my captivity. It didn’t matter that they considered me their queen, that Aemon had sworn they wouldn’t hurt me. They were hateful, horrible, soulless things.
I took a step forward. “Get out. All of you. Now!”
The akadim rose, bowing before me. “ Maraaka ,” each one said as they exited my room, their faces downcast. At the tail end were three demons, smaller than the rest. More mortal in appearance. Their eyes were red, their fingers clawed, their necks adorned with the silver cuffs linking them to Aemon. I could almost sense the power, the strength and violence inside them. It mixed seamlessly with their intelligence. But they were still monsters.
And even though I knew they wouldn’t hurt me. Knew they called me queen, I hadn’t expected them all to listen to me so willingly, to be so docile.
“Why? Why wouldn’t you expect that?” Parthenay asked. “ Maraak Moriel has named you queen. They show their devotion daily.”
“I know plenty of queens in history who weren’t respected, nor obeyed. A title alone is not something that protects you, and certainly not against akadim.”
“It protects you,” she said, a note of jealousy in her voice. “They hunt in your name.”
I scoffed. “And did I ask them to hunt for me?”
She shrugged disinterestedly. “Maybe not. But you have the shard.”
“The shard you’re babysitting?” I asked.
You’re the one sleeping with it in your bed , she thought. You’re paranoid. You know I can’t take it from you.
Then why cast your shadow in my door, I thought. We both know you’re here to make sure I don’t leave.
She smirked, her mind suddenly quiet.
There was something else in her mind, something she was trying to hide from me.
I shook my head, trying to glean the thought from her. But I was faced with her own onyx wall, protecting her secrets.
She’d been taunting me for days. Coming in here, or thinking thoughts to me at all hours to drive me farther than Lethea. She mocked my thoughts and fears. Tried to unsettle me over my relationship with Aemon. Or King Moriel as everyone referred to him. She made my meals, and she ran my baths each night. Always with a snide remark. I thought it was jealousy at first, that Aemon was … well, not mine. But more mine than hers.
And then I wondered if I was clouding my own judgment. If my own distrust of her had made me paranoid. I associated her with my kidnapping. With her capture of Lyr and Rhyan.
But slowly, I was starting to realize that was just a distraction. She was doing her best to throw me off, to keep me from realizing what she was truly protecting.
Not me.
Not the shard.
But my ability to use it. The ability I’d been trying to tap into for days while Aemon was gone.
Her eyes narrowed, clearly reading my thoughts. She stormed out of the room.
I’d been determined to figure it out since I’d last seen him. I’d been holding the shard, trying to keep my memories of Ereshya at bay, while getting closer to the source of the crystal’s magic. I wasn’t sure what I was doing. But I knew that each day I felt more aware of its ancient magic, felt more of a spark inside me when I touched it. If Parthenay and Aemon were worried about me being able to do so, then it meant only one thing. It meant I could.
It meant I was close.
It didn’t matter if Aemon had a claim on the crystal, if it wanted to answer to him. Because I now knew, it could answer to me.
I picked it up off the bed, feeling its weight in my hands, and stared, letting my eyes go slack. The shard began to glow. Indigo light filled the room, and colored my skin until I was as blue as Mercurial. I closed my eyes.
I am Ereshya , I thought. Guardian of the Valalumir. Servant of the Council of Forty-Four. Goddess of the Orange Ray.
I opened my eyes. The crystal in my hands began to heat, brightening, and the tiredness I felt from waking was gone. I had been hungry, about to demand breakfast. But now, I was satiated without needing food. Even more light spilled between my fingers, casting a vibrant sea of color against the stone walls. Lifting my arm, I held up the shard with only one hand, like a scepter. Like I truly was queen. It was large and heavy, and I’d always needed two hands to hold it. Now one was all it took. I felt stronger. Powerful.
Like a Goddess.
Like Ereshya.
I walked out of my room, and into the main hall. Aemon’s Throne Room. My throne room. A large expanse of the Allurian Pass with a throne, and little else, but tons of akadim roaming around. All wearing the silver collar he’d given them, forming his own kashonim.
What if I did that? What if I bound them to me?
My chest tightened. No .
That still seemed wrong. Like I’d be taking it too far. I knew my sisters didn’t understand, knew they felt I’d betrayed them. But I wasn’t like Aemon. I wasn’t a monster. I didn’t want to be. Maybe I didn’t need to go that far, didn’t need to mix my blood with the akadim. I just needed to prove I could command them. Prove I could get what I wanted.
If I could control them, control them long enough to bring the Empire down, I could free Jules. I could find my way back to my sisters. To my family.
Parthenay walked past, her eyes widening at the shard, glowing against my skin.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“How dare you address me so informally,” I said.
“He left me in charge,” Parthenay said. “I’ll address you how I want.”
“And he left me queen.” I turned away from her, ignoring her shout of “stop” in my mind.
Nearly a hundred of the akadim were in the room, all in disarray. Some eating. Some fucking. One had even dragged in a helpless girl, crying. Human. She had no aura. She’d come from the non-magical lands.
They’d been doing that for days. Sneaking out of the Pass beyond the Lumerian border and feasting. Half of their victims had been torn to pieces, made a meal of in all ways. The other half had been turned into akadim. Those were the ones without collars.
“Akadim!” I yelled. “ Ani Maraaka Ereshya. ”
They froze, turning slowly to face me, listening intently. I recognized the ones who’d been in my room falling to their knees.
Parthenay’s eyes widened. “You don’t know what you’re doing,” she hissed.
“I think I know exactly what I’m doing.” Then I raised the shard. Its glow lit the room, making lights dance across the gray stones. The cavern appeared to be flooded in deep indigo waters from the crystal. A deep, dark light, but still too bright for the akadim, who hid their eyes, hissing in pain.
“ Teka! ” I commanded. “ Teka el me. Teka el ra Maraaka .” The order for them to kneel before their queen seemed to echo off every wall, until there were a thousand commands in the air. My voice. Ereshya’s voice. I could no longer tell the difference in the echoes.
Several seconds of silence passed, and then all at once, they did as I commanded, falling to their knees in supplication, claws spread and heads lowered. Some even placed their faces against the floor.
I couldn’t help but feel stunned that they’d listened. But even more than that, I was afraid of what I’d done. Of what I’d commanded. I remembered … remembered being Ereshya. Remembered fearing when Moriel had done the same. I hadn’t dreamed it yet, but I could see in my mind’s eye as clearly as I could see the monsters before me, thousands falling to their knees and shouting his name.
Now … they fell for mine.
Moriel can still overrule you , Parthenay thought. You are second to him. Do not be so bold as to think he won’t punish you when he returns.
Will he? Will he punish his queen? Will he punish the Goddess he has taken to his bed again and again? Life after life?
Parthenay’s mouth tightened, her nostrils flaring.
Or will he punish you? I thought. I am the one who possesses and commands the shard of the Valalumir. I am the one who can take possession of another. I stared down at her. And you’d do well to remember, I am second to no one. You are bold to think he won’t punish you. Or that I won’t. And when she remained defiant in her stillness, a sudden wall erected around her thoughts, I narrowed my eyes, pushing against her defenses. Parthenay? I crooned in my mind. I do believe, I said , Teka .
She flinched, her face giving away her surprise. Glaring, her lips curled in anger, the golden Valalumir tattoo on her cheek—the sigil of the Emperor she’d once served—had turned indigo.
I pointed the shard at her, still marveling I had the strength to hold it so easily. And then I lowered it.
Parthenay fell to her knees.
“We are at your service, your majesty,” Parthenay gritted through her teeth. “How may we serve you?”
“That girl,” I shouted, pointing at the one they’d dragged in. “Release her. She’s to be my new maid. And my maids are not to be touched.”
There was a collective grunt from the akadim who’d surrounded her. I could feel their dissatisfaction at the command, could feel her fear. She was blonde, with pale skin. Pretty blue eyes. Eyes that had never seen such horrors before. At least, I could spare her from seeing more.
“Come,” I said, extending an arm out to her.
Shaking, her eyes roaming wildly around the room, as if expecting to be struck down at any moment, she stumbled forward in torn, ragged clothes.
You’re no better , Parthenay thought. You still command over them. They have their ways. They have to eat.
They have to do what I say! I snapped. Then out loud, I looked out over my monstrous court. “I’ll take breakfast in my room. Alone. She’ll need a meal, too.” I took the girl’s hand, glaring at Parthenay. And then left, without looking back.