Warrior’s Cross

Chapter Three

The snow falling heavily outside almost obscured Cameron’s view of the street and the city beyond. A few candles filled the apartment with a popular scent of the season, and he had switched on the tiny twinkle lights he’d hung in the windows. His favorite Internet radio station played jazz holiday tunes, and he felt that was about all he needed for the holiday mood this year.

The afternoon and early evening had come and gone without so much as a hint of Julian’s return, and Cameron had convinced himself that it was what he’d expected, trying to ignore the disappointment.

He’d abandoned his book on the couch in favor of fixing himself dinner, using a recipe from Jean-Michel, the chef at the restaurant. It wasn’t exactly Christmasy: a thick, meaty lasagna with several layers that had required Cameron to search out a kitchen store the week before to buy extra-deep lasagna pans. He chopped and grated and cooked ingredients for almost an hour; one pan of lasagna was done and had been in the oven about two hours. Now he was putting the second together to freeze for another time.

Washing his hands for the umpteenth time, he paused to finish his glass of wine and refill it, grunting in surprise to find he’d somehow managed to finish the entire bottle. Shrugging, he set it aside and pulled another bottle off the rack. No reason not to get more than tipsy tonight, he thought wryly. No work tomorrow, no one to be presentable for, nowhere to go. He looked down at the huge lasagna and smiled. And he’d have food for days. Weeks, maybe.

Without warning, the puppies started yapping hysterically and ran for the front door. Cameron looked after them in surprise. He hadn’t heard the bell ring or buzzed anyone into the building. Frowning, he glanced at the clock. Seven-thirty. With a soft harrumph he rounded the bar to walk toward the door, carefully shooing the puppies away with his feet before peering through the peep-hole.

He jerked back in surprise and allowed himself a moment to quietly panic before he pulled off the chain and opened the door.

“Hello, Cameron,” Julian greeted in a soft voice. “May I come in?” he requested.

Blinking several times, Cameron stared for a long moment before shaking himself and stepping back. He thought vaguely that he should ask how Julian had gotten into the building, but when Julian spoke, the thought totally disappeared from his head.

“Thank you,” Julian murmured. When he stepped into the apartment, his dark clothing glistened slightly; it was soaked through and flecked with ice crystals.

Cameron closed the door behind him after counting the puppies now flopping around Julian’s feet, and his eyes moved upward over Julian’s clinging clothing. “You’re all wet,” he observed stupidly. “I’ll get you a towel,” he added, blushing slightly as he turned to head toward the bathroom.

“A towel won’t do me much good,” Julian answered with a wry smile as his hair dripped and rivulets of melted snow ran down his face, catching in his beard.

Stopping, Cameron looked at him more closely and stifled a laugh.

“What’d you do? Snow angels?”

Julian gave him a self-deprecating smile and lowered his head to run his hand through his wet hair. “Well, I considered one, but at the time I still had a dry sock to consider,” he joked. “I was walking. I had to leave my car because of the blizzard. You were much closer than home,” he admitted, looking slightly abashed. “I’m sorry,” he offered.

Cameron frowned. “Leave your car?” he repeated dubiously. On the well-snowplowed Chicago streets?

Julian pursed his lips. “You really want to know?” he asked, repeating himself from the night before.

“I think so,” Cameron answered before considering it.

“I hit an ice sheet,” Julian said right away. “The car was pretty much done for the night after that.”

Cameron cocked his head and looked Julian up and down, not seeing any injuries. “Are you okay?” he asked as worry flared.

“I’m not hurt,” Julian assured him quickly. “I may be sore tomorrow,” he added as he pointed to his chest and rubbed it. “Safety belt,” he explained.

Still concerned, Cameron nodded toward the bathroom. “There’s towels in the basket if you want to shower. You must be freezing. It’s like ten degrees outside even without the wind.”

Julian nodded and watched Cameron with a curious expression.

“Do you mind?” he asked seriously. “I can call for a ride and go.”

“Of course I don’t mind!” Cameron said in surprise. “I wouldn’t turn you out soaking wet.” He pointed at the bathroom. “Go,” he said firmly.

Julian’s lips twitched in amusement, and he nodded obediently as he began to loosen his tie. “Yes, sir,” he drawled in a soft, low voice.

Cameron raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms, watching in interest. Every time they spoke, a little more of Julian’s personality seemed to creep forth. It was anything but cold and foreboding. There was actually humor buried under there somewhere.

Julian removed his coat as Cameron watched, hanging it carefully on the coatrack beside the door. He turned and considered Cameron’s gaze. “Did you want to help me?” he asked in amusement.

Reaching out to touch Julian’s hand, Cameron could tell he was nearly frozen. “If that’s what it takes to thaw you out,” he said frankly. “I’m surprised you’re not blue. Get moving. I’ll try to find you something dry to wear.”

“Thank you,” Julian murmured before turning and heading for the bedroom, undressing as he went.

Cameron followed along behind, taking the wet clothes as Julian pulled them off. Once in the bedroom, he slung them over a chair and went digging in his dresser. It would be a neat trick to find anything to fit Julian, but Cameron thought he had a couple oversized pairs of sweatpants and T-shirts that might work. For all that Julian was tall and broad-shouldered, he was very trim through the middle.

Cameron couldn’t dry Julian’s clothes for him; it was all high-class, dry-clean-only stuff. He cringed as he looked at the expensive labels. He couldn’t afford to breathe the air in those stores. Not many people could.

Julian made short work of showering, apparently just getting reasonably warm. He re-entered the bedroom with a towel around his waist, but water still ran down his chest and shoulders in thin streams.

Cameron glanced up from where he knelt in front of the fireplace beside the bed, having set it to burning. He stood and gestured to the clothes spread out on the foot of the bed before walking over with a frown. “If you don’t dry off, you’ll be right back where you started,” he scolded.

Julian smiled. “At least I’ll already be out of the wet clothes.” He licked his lips as he looked at Cameron fondly. “You’ve been drinking, haven’t you?”

Cameron narrowed his eyes. “What makes you ask that?”

“Because you’re a little less... twitchy,” Julian pointed out with a cock of his head.

The huff that was Cameron’s reply didn’t do anything to counter Julian’s statement. Neither did Cameron reaching out to yank the towel from the other man’s hips and tossing it over his head to roughly dry his dripping hair. Julian grunted in surprise and lowered his head obligingly. Cameron continued rubbing until he thought Julian’s hair might be sufficiently dry, and then he pulled the towel away and slid his hand into the damp hair to check. Julian watched him from under lowered lashes, his dark eyes shining.

Appeased, Cameron took the towel and dried Julian’s neck, shoulders, and chest before stepping back and pointing at the clothes expectantly.

Julian gave him an amused smile.

“I might have had some wine,” Cameron said reluctantly.

“No kidding.” Julian laughed.

Cameron turned up his nose. “Fine then,” he said, letting the towel drape around Julian’s neck and shifting his weight to step back.

Julian snagged him and pulled him closer, kissing him with a small snicker. “I quite like you like this.”

Smiling again, Cameron curled his arm around Julian’s neck.

“Don’t do it often,” he admitted. “Usually working.” He ran his lips along Julian’s jaw and down the side of his neck, humming softly as he breathed in the other man’s scent.

“How much have you had?” Julian asked in interest.

Cameron flushed and hid his face in the crook of Julian’s neck. His answer was muffled in warm skin.

Julian laughed harder as he wrapped his still-damp arms around Cameron and hugged him. “That much, huh?” he prodded.

Cameron pulled back, looking obstinate. “Some. A bottle. Maybe.”

“Uh-huh,” Julian responded. “Well, come on; give me some,” he invited with a smile as he turned Cameron around and began pushing him out toward the kitchen, heedless of the fact that he was still nude.

Clearly, Julian was a man who was either used to being naked or was very comfortable with his body. Possibly both, Cameron speculated. He laughed as Julian urged him along. “I was getting ready to open the next bottle when you knocked,” he explained. “I’m making lasagna!” he claimed, as if that justified it.

“Sounds like a drinking task to me,” Julian affirmed with a sage nod.

“You’re humoring me,” Cameron accused as Julian pushed him into the kitchen.

“Yes,” Julian answered with a laugh.

Cameron stopped at the bar. “You’re laughing at me too.”

“Only a little,” Julian insisted with sincerity.

Cameron reached out to snag the corkscrew and slid around the bar that separated the living room and the kitchen, putting it between him and Julian. “No wine for you,” he muttered.

Julian snorted and turned his head a bit when the sound of tiny feet came stampeding around the corner toward them. “Oh, fun,” he commented as the puppies lobbed themselves at his bare ankles.

Cameron snickered at the look on Julian’s face. He set the corkscrew on the bar and walked over to the lasagna fixings. “How was work?” he asked.

Julian looked up at him, a hint of the guarded mask appearing before he looked back down and gently lifted his foot, trying to shake off a puppy without booting it across the floor. “It was... predictable,” he answered vaguely.

“Predictable,” Cameron commented. “Sounds... exciting. Although, I guess you would think my job is predictable.”

“I waited tables once,” Julian told him. “ Once , as in one night,” he was quick to clarify. “Nothing predictable about that. I’m much better off doing what I do, thank you.”

Cameron looked over his shoulder, grinning. “I can’t see you as a waiter,” he agreed. “You sort of have to talk to people, you know?” He turned back to the pan and finished layering the second lasagna.

“I talk,” Julian responded, sounding affronted by the implication that he didn’t.

Cameron wiped his hands off on a dish towel and covered the deep pan with aluminum foil. “Uh-huh. And just how many dinners at Tuesdays did it take before you said word one to me?” He glanced to Julian as he carried the pan over to the freezer.

“I was nervous,” Julian offered lamely.

Cameron shook his head in disbelief as he shut the freezer door and turned around. “Then why sit in my section every Tuesday for who knows how many months?”

Julian grinned and finally wrapped the towel around his waist again after wresting it from two growling dogs. “Ten. Because I liked to watch you.”

Cameron blinked. Ten months. Wow. That long? “Watch me, but not speak to me.”

Julian sighed as his smile fell, and he lowered his head for a moment. “I was afraid I would say something out of line,” he said seriously.

Cameron’s brow furrowed. “Out of line?” He tipped his head to one side as he walked back to the bar and started opening the bottle of wine.

“Blake Nichols is a very good friend of mine, as well as a business partner,” Julian explained softly. “It wouldn’t do to get on my knees in the middle of his restaurant and beg you to come home with me.”

Cameron fumbled with the corkscrew while he blinked in shock that was aided by too much wine. His mouth dropped open as he tried to say something, but nothing came out; he could do nothing but stare at Julian with wide blue eyes.

Julian returned the look earnestly, waiting.

“Would you really have done that?” Cameron finally managed to ask.

“Probably,” Julian answered with a nod. “Blake told me I couldn’t,” he added in what was nearly a sulk.

Cameron’s eyes widened again. “Probably?” he repeated weakly.

“I would have been subtle,” Julian insisted with a straight face.

Cameron was completely bowled over. “Subtle? How is getting down on your knees and begging subtle ?”

“I could make it subtle,” Julian insisted under his breath as he waded through the puppies and around the bar to join Cameron. He took the wine cork with one hand and Cameron’s hand with the other before he gracefully dropped to his knees in front of him and looked up at him with impish dark eyes.

Cameron had not one single idea what to do. All he could do was stare down at the gorgeous sight in front of him. That glittering gaze held him mesmerized as he tightened his fingers around Julian’s.

“See?” Julian asked innocently. “It’s less subtle when I’m naked, but you get the point,” he said in a low voice, obviously trying not to smile as he released Cameron’s hand and slid his hands up the backs of Cameron’s calves. It was obvious he was enjoying himself, but Cameron wasn’t quite getting the joke.

Cameron waffled a little and finally lifted his free hand to ghost over Julian’s short hair. He thought about it for a long moment before finally murmuring, “Point taken.”

Julian grinned up at him and let his hands move up over the backs of Cameron’s thighs. “Were you cooking?” he asked.

“Cooking?” Cameron repeated in a daze, hand still moving lightly over Julian’s head to curl down and coast over his ear and cheek.

Julian laughed softly, seeing the effect his actions were having.

Cameron shook his head to clear it and dipped it to one side. “I would have said yes,” he whispered.

Julian gave that a genuine smile that warmed his eyes to a deep brown. “That’s good to know.”

Cameron felt a flash of panic. “You’re not going to try it, are you?”

As he put a hand to his heart, Julian gave him the most angelic face Cameron had ever seen. “Try what?” he asked.

Visibly worried, Cameron reached down to tug at Julian’s hand, urging him to stand. “Not that I would mind the effort,” he clarified as Julian grunted and got back to his feet slowly. Cameron looked up at him. “C’mon; I’ll feed you,” he said abruptly, trying to dispel the sudden tightness in his chest. “But you’d better get dressed or I’ll get distracted again.”

Julian smirked as he looked down at his towel. He watched Cameron moving toward the oven for a moment before turning on silent feet and padding across the main room to disappear behind the screen. Cameron’s eyes lifted to watch him the whole way, and he slowly licked his bottom lip. Once the man disappeared behind the dividing screens, he let out a shuddering sigh and practically collapsed against the counter.

Julian had wanted to beg him. Beg him . The concept literally took Cameron’s breath away. For his own reasons, Julian wanted him.

Badly. And in no way would Cameron put any sort of stop to it.

Cameron took a long, shaky breath. He could very easily love this man. That was far scarier than any gun or ambiguous job.

Julian was frowning and rubbing at his chest when he stepped back out into the outer room, wearing one of Cameron’s T-shirts and a pair of sweats that didn’t quite reach his ankles.

“How are you?” he asked Cameron abruptly.

Cameron looked up from the heated lasagna he was pulling out of the oven when Julian spoke from across the room. He really had no idea how to answer that question, given the last half-hour. He settled on the easier answer. “Hungry.” He nodded down to the hot dish. “This just needs to set up some, and I’ll get some French bread and salad out.”

Julian came closer carefully. “It smells wonderful.”

Nodding, Cameron unwrapped the bread with only slightly shaky hands and turned back around to look at Julian and grasp for something to say. “Wine?” he asked after his eyes cast over the newly opened bottle.

Julian looked down at the bottle and smirked. “No, thank you,” he responded. “Am I making you uncomfortable?” he asked, his voice low and calm once more. “I can go,” he offered.

Cameron glanced at him and just as quickly looked away. “I just don’t know what to say,” he said. “No one’s ever said something like that to me before. I don’t want you to go,” he managed to get out as he stared at the wine bottle. “Why did you come back?” he asked starkly.

“I promised I would,” Julian answered in surprise. “I intended to get here earlier, but I tend to drive faster than I can walk.”

“I didn’t expect to see you again,” Cameron told him. “Like I said earlier, you’d never spoken much to me at all.”

“You didn’t think I’d come back?” Julian asked in a hurt voice.

“I don’t know you,” Cameron answered defensively. “Not really. And for the most part, anybody I get involved with isn’t interested in sticking around,” he added.

Julian stared at him in open shock. “Then you’ve been fucking the wrong people,” he finally said with absolute certainty.

Cameron’s head snapped up, and he boggled. “I have?” he said, voice cracking a little.

“Of course,” Julian responded with a nod of his head. “Someone would have to be out of their mind not to come back to you. I walked through a blizzard to get here.”

Cameron met Julian’s eyes. “I’ve never met anyone like you before,” he said in quiet amazement. “You make me feel...”

Julian raised an eyebrow and rubbed his chest distractedly, waiting.

“Special,” Cameron supplied, barely audible. “Wanted.”

Julian grinned widely. “Good,” he said matter-of-factly.

“And confused,” Cameron added with a sigh of resignation. “Why is that good? Strokes your ego?”

Julian pressed his hand over his heart as if he’d been hurt. “Ouch,” he responded with a slight huff. “No,” he added as he leaned his elbows on the counter. “Because that’s exactly how I want you feeling.”

“Oh.” Cameron just looked at him in wonder. “I just might have to kiss you now,” he warned.

“Well then, just let me move closer,” Julian drawled cheekily as he glided around the counter and stopped next to Cameron. He wrapped an arm around Cameron’s waist carefully and leaned down to give him a chaste kiss on the corner of his mouth.

As soon as Julian came close, Cameron lost his hold on his worries, and they melted into the background. Instead, he turned into the heat of the other man’s body, lightly bumping Julian’s lips against his again. He drew a shaking breath and tilted his head back to kiss Julian gently.

“Maybe I need some more wine,” Cameron whispered.

“No, you don’t,” Julian assured him, tugging him closer and kissing him hungrily, cradling his head in one large hand as he did so.

It was easy to relax against Julian’s chest and be kissed, and Cameron reveled in it, feeling the heat spark between them just like it had the night before. Just like that morning. Just like he hoped, at that very moment, it would for more time to come.

Julian hummed contentedly and smiled as he pulled back from the kiss. “Thank you for letting me stay,” he whispered against Cameron’s lips.

“Any time,” Cameron murmured without thinking, raising his eyes to meet Julian’s. Somehow, being in Julian’s arms soothed the nerves and worry of the unknown.

“I could grow used to this,” Julian said.

Cameron let his eyes move over Julian’s face. “Okay,” he said softly.

“Okay?” Julian echoed.

Cameron nodded solemnly. “I’d like it,” he clarified, “if you grew used to this.” He held his breath as he waited for Julian to answer.

Julian smiled slowly—a real, honest smile that seemed to melt away his hardened exterior. “Good,” he responded as he slid his hands into the rear pockets of Cameron’s jeans possessively.

Cameron released his breath and smiled as he gulped for another one. He shifted and hooked his wrists behind Julian’s neck. “You might change your mind once you get to know me. I’m awfully boring.”

“So am I,” Julian retorted with a spark of mischief in his eyes.

“I really don’t see how that’s possible,” Cameron said dryly. “The man who would get on his knees in the middle of a four-star restaurant to beg a waiter to go home with him?”

“That’s not interesting. It’s just being smitten,” Julian corrected.

“Smitten? With me?” Cameron asked with a disbelieving laugh.

“You think I get on my knees for just anyone?” Julian asked with another playful sparkle in his eyes, as if sharing a private joke with himself.

“Had I not seen it with my own eyes, I would bet you got down on your knees for no one ,” Cameron said with absolute surety.

Julian lifted an eyebrow. “Well. You were mistaken,” he chastised gently. His eyes flicked around the kitchen. “What shall we do for the few minutes it takes for dinner to finish?” he asked softly.

Both Cameron’s brows rose as he considered the question and grasped for some sort of answer. “Roast chestnuts?” he threw out.

“Is that what you call them?” Julian asked innocently as he turned and looked at the herd of tussling puppies. Cameron’s jaw dropped, and he rapped Julian on the chest with his knuckles. Julian gasped and pressed his hand to his sore chest, backing away. “Ow,” he protested, though he still laughed.

Cameron turned up his nose. “Love me, love my dogs,” he said snootily, trying to make a joke.

Julian tried to suppress a smile as he looked at the puppies again.

“Well,” he sighed with regret. “I suppose I could learn.”

Cameron wondered about that answer. Learn to love the dogs? Or learn to love him ? He edged slightly closer to the other man again. It was a weakness of Cameron’s, something the majority of men he met didn’t like: he thrived on physical contact. He loved the simplicity of touching. He craved it even more than the thrill of hot sex. So he stole the opportunity to lean his temple against Julian’s shoulder for just a moment and press his nose to the warm skin of Julian’s throat.

Julian wound his arms around him, and he dropped his chin and kissed Cameron impulsively before he let loose a long, growling sigh.

Cameron stiffened slightly and pulled back, thinking Julian was reluctantly humoring his stolen moment of cuddling.

“What?”

“I wish I’d known I’d be here for Christmas,” Julian answered while tightening his arms around Cameron’s waist to stop him from moving away. “I would have... gotten something,” he finished uncertainly.

“Gotten something? Like a present?” Cameron asked.

“Yeah,” Julian answered with a nod, and his cheeks flushed.

Cameron gazed at him for a long moment. “You’re more than enough of a present,” he finally said.

Julian raised a wry eyebrow. “You got coal in your stocking as a kid, didn’t you?” he asked flatly.

Cameron thumped Julian’s chest again. “You’ve already told me how you’d embarrass yourself in front of an entire restaurant to try to get me to go home with you, and you think you can come up with a better present than that?”

“I can’t help it if your standards are low.” Julian laughed as he pulled Cameron even closer and trapped his arms to protect his sore chest.

“See if you get laid tonight!” Cameron told him with a huff.

“Is that a challenge?” Julian asked as interest sparked in his dark eyes.

Cameron narrowed his eyes. “Challenge? Are you gonna get on your knees again?”

“If that’s what I need to do,” Julian purred as he kissed gently behind Cameron’s ear, holding him as if they were slow-dancing.

“And the challenge would be resisting you?” Cameron asked, sighing softly as Julian nuzzled the tender skin. Julian hummed in the affirmative and nipped at Cameron’s neck.

Cameron moaned and tilted his head back. “For how long?” he asked hoarsely. His jeans were already getting tight across the front, damn it.

“You said tonight,” Julian reminded in a murmur as he slid his hands under Cameron’s shirt.

Cameron whined softly. “Did I?”

Julian lifted his head and sniffed the air pointedly. “Smells like dinner,” he announced with an evil grin as he began to pull away.

Cameron growled and yanked him close. “One more kiss,” he demanded. Julian grinned just before it was snuffed out by the meeting of their lips.

“All right,” Cameron said reluctantly as he finally let Julian go.

“Dinner.” Then he got a crafty look in his eyes. “Can’t have you weak and hungry before bedtime.”

“That’s right.” Julian grinned happily as he rubbed his hands together in exaggerated anticipation.

Cameron shook his head slowly. “You just amaze me, you know that? Sometimes I don’t know what to say.”

Julian watched him with an unreadable expression before lowering his head slightly.

Using hot pads, Cameron carefully lifted the lasagna from the stovetop and set it on the trivet.

Julian chewed on his bottom lip, for once not making eye contact as he frowned thoughtfully. “I suppose it’s hard to find common ground with a man you don’t know,” he offered.

Cameron nodded slowly. “Is there... is there something beyond the fact that you liked to watch me?”

Julian raised his head and met Cameron’s eyes again. “At first?” he asked. “No. You were fun to look at,” he admitted with a smile that said he might still be fun to look at.

Cameron’s eyebrow jumped, although Julian had already said something along those lines earlier. “And then?” he prodded.

“You weren’t afraid of me,” Julian said promptly.

Confusion crossed Cameron’s face. “Afraid of you? Why would I be afraid of you?”

Julian shrugged slightly. “Some people are,” he admitted.

Cameron considered that, tipping his head as he recalled Julian dressed all in black and towering over him. And the gun. “I guess I can see that,” he admitted. “You could look sort of intimidating, if I’d met you somewhere else, maybe. Hadn’t occurred to me, though. Not in the restaurant. I mean, in general, like leaving with a stranger after admitting no one was waiting for me, and then the gun, yeah. That’s scary. But not you specifically.”

Julian smiled weakly and nodded.

Concerned, Cameron set down the spatula and leaned one elbow on the counter, peering at Julian. “It hurts you,” he said in realization.

“What does?” Julian asked as he unconsciously placed his hand on his chest again.

“People being afraid of you. Maybe even... lovers being afraid of you?” Cameron asked softly.

Julian raised his eyes and met Cameron’s with what might have been hints of surprise and sadness. They were gone just as quickly as they had come. “Maybe,” he acknowledged at a whisper.

“Have any of them not been afraid of you?” Cameron asked, meaning the lovers. His heart hurt for him.

Julian studied him searchingly for a long moment. “Can I include you in that answer?”

Cameron swallowed. “I am a person,” he said.

Julian smiled slightly and nodded. “You are,” he affirmed as he continued to look into Cameron’s eyes. “Then just the one,” he added in answer to the question.

“Person?”

“Lover,” Julian corrected.

Cameron blinked, amazed he’d pried that answer out of Julian, but the implication really bothered him. “I’m your only lover who’s not been afraid of you?”

Julian nodded silently and shrugged. Cameron frowned in sympathy. How could anyone be afraid of a man who had turned out to be so gentle? Was Cameron just missing something? Was there another part of Julian he hadn’t yet seen? Was it the gun people couldn’t get past? He couldn’t believe that.

“How do you stand it?” he whispered. “Don’t you have anyone?”

Julian gave his head a slight jerk in answer and smiled. “A few people.”

Cameron relaxed a bit and nodded. “Good,” he said as he stepped over to the refrigerator to pull out a bowl of tossed salad and a bottle of dressing. “Everyone should have someone.”

Julian gave a small smile and shrugged in embarrassment.

Cameron frowned. “What about the restaurant?”

“I go there to see Blake, not eat the food,” Julian admitted. “And then it became to see you. Because I don’t like the cranky bastard all that much,” he added with a laugh.

Cameron’s jaw dropped. “You don’t like the food? But why eat? Why not just see Blake and leave?”