Chapter 8
Chapter Eight
Cole
T he noise from the crowd was deafening, and the lights were blinding. A bead of sweat streamed down my face as I stepped back, drinking it all in. It didn't matter how many times I'd performed. Every time I walked out on the stage, it was like a completely different adrenaline rush—like a drug, a high I never wanted to come down from.
When I stepped out on that stage, nothing else mattered. Everything in reality disappeared, and it was just me and my music.
The music started for the song I always closed my set with: Heartless. This was the first song I'd written after leaving Bridgewater when all the pain was still fresh, and singing it tonight with her in the building felt bittersweet.
I sang the chorus a little louder this time just to ensure that she heard every word wherever she was in the building. The memories flooded forward. Not the bad ones. Not the one where she told me she was marrying my brother. The ones where I fell in love with her and my chest tightened.
As I belted out the final lyric, my voice cracked with raw emotion. I thrust the mic skyward, my hand trembling slightly. The fans' roar washed over me, but I barely heard it through the thundering of my own heartbeat. I flashed a smile that felt more like a grimace and stumbled off stage, my legs leaden with exhaustion and unresolved feelings.
The concert was over, and it was back to reality.
"Great show." Wyatt thrust a white towel at me as I passed, his smile not quite reaching his eyes.
I was still angry with Wyatt. Of all the people in the world, why did he have to bring her here?
"You can't ignore me forever." Wyatt's voice echoed through the backstage area, his frustration palpable in the air.
He had no idea how long I could ignore him because he had no idea what he'd done by bringing her here.
A group of girls with backstage passes hanging around their necks caught my attention. That was what I needed. My gaze shifted around the open backstage area.
"Go relax." Wyatt slid up next to me, his gaze darting between me and the group of girls. "We've confiscated phones, cameras, and anything that records video or audio. I'll come get you about eleven-thirty to get on the bus."
"Where's Taylor?" The words tumbled out before I could stop them. I scanned the area, my chest tightening with a mix of anticipation and dread. I shouldn't care, but for some reason, I wanted her to see me walk away with these four girls, knowing what we were about to do. It was childish, but the need to hurt her like she'd hurt me was real.
"I gave her the night off." Wyatt flashed his expensive smile. "Go have fun." He slapped my shoulder before strolling off. For some reason, that irked me. It shouldn't. I should be glad she was gone and out of my sight, but I wasn't.
My gaze shifted back to the girls, and the sudden need to disappear was strong. I wanted to be alone.
"Hey, Cole." The tallest girl twirled a strand of hair around her finger, her lips curving into a coy smile.
"Hey, ladies. Why don't y'all wait for me in my dressing room." I forced a smile as they erupted into giggles, fighting the urge to roll my eyes. "I'll be right there." More giggling, and I watched as they disappeared down the hall.
"Good show, man." I heard six times on my way towards the exit.
Pushing through the door, I sucked in a deep breath of the cold air as I flipped my white ball cap from back to front and adjusted it so it covered my face before pulling my black hoodie over my head.
A cold beer sounded good right now, but for the first time in years, I didn't want the crowds and loud music. I wanted solitude and quiet. Seeing Taylor brought up so many memories and feelings I'd worked so hard to forget.
When I first left Bridgewater for Nashville, I buried myself in my music, and when that wasn't enough anymore, I started drowning myself in alcohol. I stayed wasted because it made everything easier.
When River was born, it was like everything had changed. I wanted to be better for her, but it didn't take long for me to fall back into old habits. I hadn't realized how bad I'd gotten, though.
I dragged myself up the bus steps, the metal clanging hollowly under my feet. As I rounded the corner, the sight of her hit me like a physical blow. My lungs seized, and for a moment, the world tilted on its axis. Her familiar scent - vanilla - filled the air, catapulting me back to happier times. My fingers instinctively reached out, aching to touch her, before I caught myself and clenched them into a fist at my side.
Looking at her now, I couldn’t help but see the girl I used to love. The girl I still loved.
"Fuck me." The words escaped in a harsh whisper. I averted my gaze, hoping she hadn't noticed how my breath caught at the sight of her.
"Cole." Taylor's eyes widened, her fingers freezing mid-tug on the hem of her oversized black tee. It was my fucking bus. "Uh, what are you doing here so soon?"
"So soon?"
"I mean... I thought... Well, I..." She pressed her lips into a tight line.
"Well, spit it out, Taylor."
"Sorry." She sighed. "I didn't think you would be here until closer to 11:30. I was going to make something to eat and be in bed before you got here. So you didn't have to see me."
That made more sense as to why Wyatt wasn't in a hurry to get me straight to the bus. Every show ended with him trying to corral me onto the bus immediately, but not tonight. Tonight, he wanted me to go party with four groupies. He was protecting her, and everything about that infuriated me. Did he know what she'd put me through? He was my friend, not hers. Was he fucking her? "Fuck this," I growled, twisting to leave. I was going to the bar.
"Don't do this, Cole." I ignored her, but her footsteps pounded behind me. "Think about your career." Fuck this career, I never wanted this career without her. "Think about your daughter." I stopped. "I'll go to bed. You won't have to see me again. Just please come back to the bus."
"Fine." I spun on my heel, my jaw clenched so tight it ached. "Just stay out of my way." I pushed past her and stormed back onto the bus. I felt like I was going crazy. I wanted her gone, but I didn't want her to leave. I didn't want her around me, but I was mad if she wasn't. I hated her, but I was still in love with her.
I needed a shower and sleep. I hadn't slept since she showed up, and I was losing it.