Wasted

Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

Cole

S ilence surrounded us as we stood at our side of the bed—the very small bed—staring down. I lifted my gaze up her bare, tanned legs, tiny tight black shorts, up to her tight pink tank top with no bra because I could see the outline of her perky nipple, meeting her pretty blue eyes. The awkwardness between us was nearly unbearable. We'd shared a bed more times than I could count, but this time was different, and we both knew it.

Her gaze shifted back to the mattress. She shoved a fist on her hip and frowned. "I'm not sure we are both going to fit." She bit her lip, hesitating. "Maybe I should just…"

I groaned, pinching the bridge of my nose. "It's fine." My hand dropped, and I fixed her with a pointed stare. "Just get in the damn bed." I wasn't sure if she didn't want to sleep in the same bed as me or was just trying to be polite and give me my space; regardless, it was getting on my nerves. I would sleep on the floor before I let her sleep there.

She shot me a questioning glance before finally turning and sinking onto the bed, prompting me to do the same.

We both shifted around, trying to find a comfortable position. The bare skin of our arms and legs brushed against each other, sending a wave of heat straight to my cock that I had to mentally talk down several times, but when she rolled away, and her ass brushed against me, I groaned in sexual frustration. My hands twitched with the urge to grab her and pull her against me, curl around her, and make her mine again. I wasn't sure if it was the fact that I'd missed her or that I hadn't had sex in way too long.

She shifted her weight, causing the bed to creak. "Sorry. This bed is so much smaller with two people."

I cleared my throat, trying to hide the sound of desire in my voice as I shifted to my back, shoved my hands under my head, and stared at the ceiling so I didn't have to look at her. "It's fine."

She rolled to her side, facing me. A soft chuckle escaped her lips. "You keep saying that." Her eyes searched my face, a mix of amusement and concern. "But it really doesn't seem fine when you groan like you're in physical pain."

I was in physical pain. My hands ached with a need to touch her, my dick throbbed with a painful urge to fuck her, and my heart broke that I couldn't have what I used to with her anymore. "I am fine," I reassured her. "I just haven't shared a bed with anyone in a long time." Too long, actually.

Her voice dropped to a whisper, barely audible in a quiet room. "Me either." She tugged at a loose thread on the pillowcases, avoiding my gaze.

I needed a subject change because I was too exhausted to revisit my feelings. "So, are you really going to sell this place?"

Her lips vibrated as she exhaled heavily. "Yeah, I don't have much of a choice, but I think it's time to move on and figure out the next part of my life."

I narrowed my eyes, studying her expression. "Is that really what you want to do?" My fingers drummed against the mattress, betraying my skepticism.

Even when we planned to move to Nashville, it had always been in the plans to come back here someday because this was Taylor's happy place. She loved the open fields and her horses. The city would have driven her crazy. She huffed out a laugh, and I flicked her a glance as I narrowed my eyes. "What's so funny?" She shook her head, averting her gaze. "Don't do that. Just say it. Please."

A sad laugh bubbled up from her throat. She turned her face towards the ceiling, blinking rapidly. "My life has never been about what I want." She paused for a moment. "Think about it. When I was ten, I wanted to join the rodeo." I smiled, remembering how I had spent hours watching her barrel race. "Then my mom got sick, and my dad lost it. I had to step up and help take care of her, so I gave up racing, and then she passed away, and my dad fell apart." Her voice cracked. "I had to keep the farm running, and I was okay with all of it because I had you. You were the one thing I didn't have to give up. Then, my dad was diagnosed with cancer, and I had to take care of him and the ranch. Finally, I thought everything had changed, and boom, my dad's cancer spread, and he was losing the ranch. Then Caleb was sick, and he needed me to be his voice so that you or Kylie didn't have to. And then I knew I had to give up you too." She cleared the sadness out of her throat. "Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, but now it's just me, and I don't even know what I want anymore."

Thinking back, I couldn't remember a time when Taylor wasn't taking care of someone else.

"And you were going to go to Nashville to help me follow my dreams." My chest tightened, and I thought back and remembered her dreams. She wanted to ride bareback on the beach, travel with the rodeo as a barrel racer, travel to London and visit the museums and see the amazing architecture, swim with the pigs in the Bahamas, and grow old in this house with me and our family.

She shrugged. "I wanted to go with you."

I rolled on my side so we were face to face. "So tell me the truth. If money was no object, would you sell this place?"

She smiled softly. "No." She shook her head. "This land has been in my family for generations. My parents are buried here, and so are my grandparents. So, no, I wouldn't sell it, but money is an object, and I'm not taking the money from Wyatt. It just doesn't feel right."

I stretched, feeling the fatigue settle into my bones. A yawn escaped me. "You're a lot more stubborn than I remember."

"Look who's talking."

I smiled. "You should get some sleep."

I closed my eyes, hoping she would too, but I knew my mind was racing too much to actually sleep even though I was exhausted. I knew everything Taylor said was true. I'd been by her side through most of it, but it never really sank in that she always cared for everyone else and never herself.

I lay silently with my eyes closed until I heard her breathing shift from shallow, short breaths to deep, slow breaths. She was asleep. My eyes eased open, and I instantly regretted it because she was so fucking beautiful.

I reached out and brushed a strand of blonde hair from her face and slid it behind her ear. I was supposed to go back to Nashville in two days, but I knew, at that moment, I needed more time. More time with her. I wasn't ready to say goodbye again for what would be the last time.