Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
Taylor
P ouring a cup of coffee, I flicked a glance out the small window over my kitchen sink that looked through my porch and out over endless acres of land, trying not to let exhaustion get the best of me. The lingering memory of that kiss haunted my dreams, keeping me up most of the night. Leaving me in a state of both sexual frustration and annoyance. I was trying to be understanding because I caused that battle he was fighting, but clinging to the possibility of us would ultimately destroy me.
Bringing the coffee cup to my lips, I nearly dropped it when Cole strolled into view with two saddled horses.
"What the..." I muttered, setting the coffee cup down. I hadn't heard from him since the night before when he'd stormed out of the bar, leaving me alone with nothing but the memories of what happened. I pushed open my front door and stepped out onto the porch, letting the door slam behind me. "You remember how to ride that?" I teased, nodding to the horse, and he cut me an amused look. With as much time as we'd spent on horses, I knew there was no way he could ever forget. "You're a city boy now."
He shook his head, a smug smirk pulling at the corners of his handsome face. "No, why don't you come down here and remind me."
"What are you doing here?" Because I really thought I would never see him again in person.
A smile tipped up one side of his mouth as he lifted one of the horse's reigns. "I thought you might want to ride the fence line with me to check for damage." This had to be done not just after every storm but randomly to make sure you didn't lose cattle through a damaged fence, but Cole's family had people who did that for him, and I didn't. So, either Cole didn't want me to do it alone, or he wanted to spend the day with me.
I narrowed my eyes. "That will take all day."
"Yeah." He nodded. "Bailey packed us a lunch and some drinks. She was supposed to go with me, but she's on baby watch." Now I knew he was full of it because Bailey, even though she loved her horses, wasn't a ride-all-day kind of girl.
Crossing my arms over my chest, I shouldered the wooden pillar holding the porch roof up, trying to decide whether or not to call him out.
"Oh, come on," he smirked, "you love riding."
It wasn't the riding that was my problem. "Honestly, Cole, you're giving me whiplash and not in a good way. This feels like a game, and I really don't want to play it with you."
"I know it feels like that, but it's not a game, Taylor." He shook his head. "I'm sorry about the other night." He paused, blowing out a heavy sigh. "I was hoping you wouldn't call me on this." I forced a smile and shrugged. Shifting both of the horse reigns into one hand, he ran his free hand down his face before his gaze met mine. "There's a small part of me that is telling me to pack my shit and disappear back to Nashville and never look back even knowing what I know now because I know that my heart can't take another break like that, but..." He paused again like he was searching for the right words. "But there's another part of me that says I'm crazy if I don't at least see if there's still something between us. Like if we don't at least try, we might..." He trailed off.
"We might what?"
"We might always wonder what might have been. I feel like neither of us will ever be able to truly move on if we don't at least see."
The word 'move on' clung to me like someone was holding a pillow over my face, and I was struggling to breathe. It was always in the cards, right? Once Caleb passed, what did I think I was going to do? It never once crossed my mind that I may have another chance with Cole, but the thought of moving on never did, either.
"The other night, didn't I tell you there's still something there?"
He pressed his lips into a tight line as his eyes softened. "It's all physical. I know the physical chemistry is there, but is that all it is now?" My gaze dropped to the ground as the truth of his words sank in, and my heart ached. "I never stopped loving you or the idea of you, of us, but we've both changed, and I don't know if we are still the same people anymore."
My gaze lifted, meeting his, and I nodded. "You're right."
"If you're not interested or you've already moved?—"
"I haven't," I cut him off. "I have one stipulation." His eyebrows arched in curiosity. "We are friends, and we see if it blossoms into anything more but no more of what happened last night." He nodded.
"Don't start something you can't finish."
"Oh, I can..." I cut him a look, and his smirk faded. "That wasn't a challenge."
I shook my head. "Nope."
"So, will you come with me today?"
"Do you promise to keep your hands to yourself?" He nodded, and I smiled. "Yeah, let me go change."
It wasn't until I was inside the privacy and behind the safety of my bedroom door that I let the tears fall. It felt as if I was mourning the loss of my childhood and my first love all over again. I swiped away the tears stinging my cheeks and cleared my throat. I didn't know who Cole and I were anymore or if there would ever be a Cole and me again, but I was thankful I was getting a second chance. A second chance at friendship and maybe even at love, but my heart was terrified of being ripped to shreds.