Chapter 19
Nineteen
Blair
The leaves are changing, and fall is in the air.
It’s almost Halloween, and the air smells like woodsmoke and cold apples. The trees are fire-colored, the sky bruised with early dusk, and the campus is already buzzing with talk of parties and costumes and who’s hooking up with who.
But I’m not thinking about any of that.
I’m thinking about him.
It’s been a month. A month of Kane’s hands on my body, his voice in my ear, his eyes on me like I’m the only thing anchoring him to the ground. He still watches me. Constantly. Quietly. Like it’s a habit he never intends to break.
And the strangest part?
I don’t want him to.
Something is steadying about it. Something grounding. I used to flinch at the idea of being seen too closely, of someone noticing the cracks in my routines, the way I count steps or check locks or fold my sleeves just so. But Kane doesn’t flinch. He doesn’t look away. He just sees me.
And somehow, that makes it easier to breathe.
I catch him sometimes, across the quad, leaning against a tree, pretending he’s not waiting for me to look up. But I always do. And when our eyes meet, something in my chest settles.
He doesn’t smile. He doesn’t wave.
He just watches.
And I let him.
Because maybe I like being his favorite ritual.
I zip up the back of my costume and turn to the mirror, tilting my head. The black lace gloves, the velvet corset, the sheer skirt that hits mid-thigh—it’s dramatic, a little dark, and exactly what I want. Not cute. Not safe. Striking.
The campus Halloween bash is tomorrow night. They’ve built a corn maze across the football field, strung orange lights through the bleachers, and promised bonfires, cider, and music loud enough to drown out every bad decision.
I’m not going for the cider.
I’m going because Kane will be there.
And I want him to see me. See that I’ve embraced his darkness.
I smooth my skirt down and reach for the lipstick, deep red, almost black. It’s bold. It’s a warning. It’s a promise.
Because tomorrow night, I’m not just showing up.
I’m showing off.
And when I step into that maze, I want him to follow.