95
Lillian
We’ve all stopped dead. Even Christensen looks shaken.
“Augustus and I agreed not to tell you,”
Heather Erin says to Sasha.
“You wouldn’t have gotten to where you are now if you’d known. You wouldn’t have committed yourself to Admirer.”
Sasha crumples. Set up, knocked down. I want to wrap them in my arms. I want to crush the phone in my hand and watch Augustus’s face flicker out.
“You fuckers,”
says Cyprus.
“Hold up, hold up,”
says Augustus. “Alex —”
“Still Sasha,”
says Quinn.
“I was just looking out for you,”
says Augustus.
“It would have been a distraction. I didn’t want to give you false hope. And it’s not what you really wanted anyway. Remember how it feels to have a hundred thousand people scream your name? The Channel gave you that. They’ve got your back. I’ve got your back. Brothers to the end, right?”
Heather Erin gives the slightest nod to Augustus. Good dog.
Her and I both know that Sasha’s waited their whole life to hear some part of those words. Heather Erin says Sasha can’t expect Augustus to make the biggest decision of his career on a whim. Let’s get on the plane. We’ll all sit down at the beach house and sort out what you need. Augustus and her and the entire Channel.
Manipulation I’d ram back down their throats.
These posers of empathy.
“Shut. Up,”
I say. When Heather Erin doesn’t, I snap the words at her. Give it authority, conviction, too sharp for an airport. I just play louder than her.
And I look her in the eyes so she knows there’s no limit to how far I’ll push this.
I set the phone on the arm of a chair so I can see Augustus properly and put my body between him and Heather Erin.
“Forget about ‘the biggest decision of your career.’ Sasha’s your family. You can be a solo act. You’ll still be famous. You’ll lose millions, but you’ve got millions to spare. Someone will write new hits for you. But you’ve only got one sibling. From everything Sasha’s said about you, I’ve taken away two things. They love you. And you’ve treated them like trash.”
“Sasha, what have I ever done to you?”
Augustus gets their name right when he wants to.
Sasha pauses so long that I’m scared they’ve bought the deceit.
“It’s more what you haven’t done,”
they say eventually.
“It’s that you don’t even know me well enough to know I’ve never heard a crowd scream my name. Or to realize how you’ve hurt me.”
“It’s all the chances you’ve had to be good to Sasha,”
Quinn says.
“Somehow, my friend still cares about you. No one gets it. I’d talk them out of it if I could. Because you’ve let those chances slip away.”
“Don’t do that this time,”
says Cyprus.
“You won’t get another chance to start treating Sasha like they matter.”
In the background of the call, someone tries to say something to Augustus, but he brushes them off. To us, he says.
“That’s what I’m trying to do. Leaving Admirer isn’t the right choice.”
“You took my choice when you kept the truth from me,”
says Sasha.
There’s a spark in them I’d dedicate my existence to breathing life into. All our eyes are on Sasha.
“I can’t let you throw away our future like I almost did,”
says Augustus.
“You and I don’t have a future if you choose this over me.”
Augustus stammers, peters out. He’s pushed Sasha and they’ve pushed back, and I see on his face that he’s glimpsed how badly he’s broken this. That it might already be too late.
Sasha’s still got the sort of words they’ve used to connect to every person in a stadium. They step away from Heather Erin and pick up the phone.
“Dad built an escape in case one of us hit a breaking point. I’m there. If I go back, it will break my heart every single day from now until the end of that contract.
“I’ve needed a family to look out for me for most of my life. Not one who was trying to make me famous or use me to get famous. I’ve got that family now. They’re here. They gave up something that meant the world to them to come get me. Today, you can be my family by helping me stay with them. It’s that simple.”
It’s quiet then. More encompassing than when Sasha silences a crowd.
“What do I need to sign?”
asks Augustus.
I could throw my hands in the air and start crying all at once.
Then Sasha looks down at Heather Erin. The spark aflame, threatening.
“Don’t try to expose my identity. If that happens, it will be on my terms. People love Admirer. Not you. Not the Channel. I have the followers, the fans, the platform. You gave them to me. Don’t make yourself regret giving me that power.”
Heather Erin starts to say how she could make us all famous, but Cyprus shushes her.
Sasha looks from me to Cyprus to Quinn. They’ve got tears in their eyes.
“Can we go now?”
“We’ve got this from here,”
says Christensen, holding his hand out for the phone.
“Maybe you can still catch some of Monochrome Stoplight.”
Sasha doesn’t say goodbye to Augustus. They see Quinn’s open arms and hug him. Then the rest of us join in until Wavelength’s huddled like we’re about to play a show. We’re close together standing in departures. I don’t even know if I’m crying. Some of us are.
I just know Sasha’s here. They’re close to me, and they’re not leaving.
Sometimes, you can count on the people you love to save you. They can’t keep you from diving in or protect you from the waves, but they can stop you from drowning.
I hold Sasha’s hand as we head toward the exit.
They’re trying to say they’re sorry we didn’t get to open the show and we’re trying to find a way to explain it. We’re a band and a family.
“Remember when we sat on the edge of the parking garage?”
I link my fingers with theirs.
“That’s when I knew I wanted you in my life. Somehow. Someplace. I knew that if you fell, I’d start missing you before you hit the ground.”