We All Live Here

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Chapter Thirty-nine

Celie

Mum has spent at least an hour in the bathroom getting ready. She’s done her hair in waves with the curling iron, like she used to do when she was getting interviewed for one of her books, and she is wearing her dark pink velvet trouser suit, the one she only wears for special things, mostly because Truant’s hair sticks to it. She doesn’t look like someone going to a primary school play, but when she casually mentions that Jensen is going to join them, Celie swiftly puts the pieces together. When he arrives, in smart jeans and a dark blue shirt, Mum keeps smiling shyly at him, and being weirdly over-animated, but pretending to Celie that nothing’s going on. It’s like she thinks Celie is actually blind. But Jensen is all right. He doesn’t seem the kind of guy Martin’s mum went out with before her current boyfriend, who made it clear he didn’t like having her kids around, and always held the remote control so that Martin couldn’t watch his own programs.

My mum keeps doing this stupid fake laugh when Jensen says something funny. It’s actually embarrassing.

Martin’s response is immediate.

My mum used to put on this posh voice. I used to call her Your Majesty when he was around just to wind her up.

They travel in Jensen’s pickup truck. It has three seats in the front, which is actually quite cool, not that Celie is going to let them know she thinks that. Bill, Mum says, is going to meet them there with Penelope. When they get to the school Penelope is helping Bill out of the car, like he’s an invalid or something. He’s wearing his tweedy suit with the matching waistcoat and Penelope has dressed up in a sort of Chinese silk shawl with a big sparkly comb in her hair. It’s kind of amazing that people that old even try.

Dad had texted to say he was coming to the play but told her he would be sitting with Marja’s mother because Marja is still in the hospital and Hugo is “a bit wobbly.” He still hasn’t said anything about the perfumes. She thinks he’s worried about the baby and a piece of her wants to thank the baby because she’s secretly glad that it’s keeping the attention off her. Celie mostly just hopes her mum and dad aren’t going to start arguing, like they did at the Christmas pantomime.

The school is already packed with people, even though Celie thought they would be early. She spies a couple of her old teachers and ducks away so that she won’t have to talk to them. People are helping themselves to glasses of wine from a long table at the back and taking their seats, dads looking like they’d rather be at the office, and mums trying to control small children. There are paper cups of squash and chocolate biscuits on the end table for the kids. Celie takes two and puts them into her pocket in case she gets hungry in the performance. She is a bit cross with Mum for insisting that she comes to the stupid play. She has to get her character studies finished for Animation Club, and they are going to take hours, and she still can’t do hands that don’t have sausage fingers. She spots her dad on the right-hand side of the seated area. When he stands and waves she makes her way over to say hello, hoping Mum won’t notice because she and Jensen are finding seats with Bill and Penelope. Even though Mum would say it’s fine to sit with Dad, she knows, but it would probably make Mum feel weird, and then she would hide it by being über -cheerful and acting like everything was totally fine, which sort of feels worse. Sometimes she feels exhausted by all the feelings going on in her family all the time.

It feels odd not having seen her dad for this long, like he doesn’t even belong to her family anymore. He looks older than he did when she last saw him and he definitely needs a haircut. Marja’s mother, who is very glamorous for an old woman, with thick blonde hair like Marja’s, stands up to give her a hug and Celie accepts it, though it feels a bit uncomfortable. She’s not like her actual grandmother or anything. But then, she observes, neither is Bill. Maybe her family is just going to be this endless bunch of not-quite-connected people from now on.

Dad seems grateful that she took the hug. He keeps touching her shoulder and saying it’s good to see her and he’s sorry he hasn’t been around. Celie doesn’t want to tell him she’s been quite happy without him.

Then Dad asks her who Violet is playing and Celie says she doesn’t know. He says Hugo has a big part and he’s very nervous about remembering his lines, like Celie’s meant to care, and Celie tries to look interested, because Dad always wants her to act like Hugo is her brother. Really all she wants to do is head back to her seat because she’s worried that Mum won’t save her one and then she’ll have to sit next to people she doesn’t know, so she says she has to go to the loo, walks around the back of the main hall, and comes in again on the other side just so it won’t hurt his feelings.

Mrs. Tugendhat, who looks exactly the same as she did five years ago when Celie left, comes over and tells Celie she can’t believe how much she’s grown (why do old people always say this?), then takes Mum to one side and says her father is amazing, that he’s been amazing. Everything is going to be amazing. Mum glances at Bill and looks a bit confused. Celie is watching them, trying to work out what is coming next, but then someone comes up and whispers something to Mrs. Tugendhat, who makes her apologies and hurries away backstage.

It turns out Mum has saved her a seat—right beside her, with Jensen on Mum’s left, and Bill and Penelope beside them. They are four rows behind Dad and Marja’s mother and Celie feels anxious because Mum will definitely be able to see them, though at least Marja isn’t there. Penelope keeps fussing around Bill, asking if he’s warm enough and checking he’s happy with his water. Celie can tell he’s a bit irritated by it, but he pats Penelope’s hand and tells her she’s very kind and really must stop worrying. So Penelope keeps pointing out kids she’s taught piano to, then blushing, like she’s boasting or something.

If my mum and dad have another fight here I am going to kill myself , she texts Martin.

Hey, at least it will get you out of watching a kids’ play , he responds.

The wooden chairs are the exact same ones from when she was at school here. Celie has a weird flash of memory sitting in one: the feeling of boredom and safety that she always had at primary school, before everything went wrong, before her friendships evaporated and Mum and Dad split up.

And then it happens. She hears Mum say: “Ohhh, no.” For a moment she thinks it’s something to do with Dad and Marja and her stomach lurches, but when she looks up, following Mum’s gaze, she sees Gene at the side of the hall, wearing his leather jacket and a really skanky T-shirt with a man smoking a joint on the front. He is making his way toward them. Mum looks at Jensen, and says something. She gets up, which is difficult because pretty much everyone else has sat down by now. Celie has not told Mum about Gene, and feels the knot of anxiety solidify inside her.

“Stay away. I’ve asked you to stay away. I do not want to risk anything happening to Bill. Why can’t you see that?”

Celie is only four seats away from the end of the aisle and she can hear everything Mum is saying. She suspects all the other parents can hear it too, because everything has gone a bit quiet and people are definitely looking. She glances to her left. Jensen is watching Mum, and Bill is staring straight ahead but with the kind of tense look that says he knows Gene is there too.

“I just wanna talk to him.” Gene’s voice is always too loud.

“Absolutely not.”

Oh, God , she texts Martin. My other granddad has turned up and he and Mum are fighting. Now I do want to die.

Martin doesn’t respond for a minute and then he just says, Oh shit .

“Sweetheart,” Gene is saying. “He needs to know the truth.”

“He absolutely does not. You are not talking to him.”

Everyone is looking now, heads swiveling, a low rumble of conversation rippling around the seats. Celie sinks in her chair. Why is her family literally the only family in the world who does this kind of thing? Why can’t she just have a normal family where people turn up to stuff and get on with each other?

“Lila. Honey. Let me talk to him.”

“Gene, I swear if you do not get out of my kid’s school right now I am going to call the police and have you thrown out.”

“Two minutes. That’s all I’m asking.”

Mum’s face is pink and furious. She hisses at him. “Go home, Gene. I am going back to sit with Bill now, and you need to leave.”

At the mention of the word “police,” Jensen had risen and made his way past Celie toward Gene, meaning that the four people between have to stand up again. Oh, great. Now more people are involved. Someone in the chairs behind them is asking in a whiny voice what is going on. Celie wonders if she can just go and hide in the toilets. Mum comes and sits down beside her, and leans across, apologizing to Bill.

“We’ll make sure he leaves. I’m so sorry.”

Bill doesn’t say anything.

Jensen is standing in front of Gene, pretty much blocking Gene’s view of them. Gene puts his hand on Jensen’s arm. “Jensen. Help me out here. I wanna sort this.” As Celie watches, they have a whispered conversation. Jensen is leaning in close and nodding. Gene does not look like he’s leaving any time soon. Please just go , Celie thinks, feeling the eyes of the whole school hall on her family. People in the front are actually turning round in their chairs to see what’s going on.

Jensen makes his way back to Mum, which means that all the four people have to stand up and sit down again. They are starting to look a bit pissed off. Mum’s face is all tight and furious. “Is he going?”

Jensen says quietly: “He wants to tell Bill something. He says he can tell him through me.”

“What?”

“You don’t want Bill to talk to him. But I can…pass it on via the phone? I actually think it might be helpful.”

Lila looks at Jensen, disbelieving. “Oh, for Chrissake. How?”

“Just…just hear him out. And then he promises he’ll leave.”

Mum glances behind her at Bill, and then at Gene, who is hovering at the end of the aisle, watching them. She looks like she can’t work out what to do. Her face softens a bit when she looks at Jensen and she lowers her voice. “Will you stop if you think it’s going to make things worse? I don’t want…”

Jensen puts a hand on hers. “I will be a very careful translator if necessary.”

Mum thinks again, then sighs and turns to Bill. “Will you just hear what Gene has to say? Then he says he’ll go.”

Bill sort of harrumphs for a minute and then he glances sideways and says: “Well, he’d better hurry up. I don’t want my granddaughter’s performance interrupted.”

The school orchestra has started filing in. There are tiny year threes with triangles and tambourines and bigger year sixes with guitars and a clarinet, all being shepherded into their red plastic seats at the front by a variety of teachers. Celie thinks that any minute this thing is going to start and her family will still be there bringing the drama. She sinks even lower in her seat. Jensen nods at Gene, and Celie watches Gene tap something into his phone. Jensen’s phone rings with a disco tone, which causes a whole bunch of parents seated around them to tut and start shifting in their seats. Jensen holds up a hand in apology. He puts the phone to his ear and listens. Then he leans toward Bill.

“He wants to tell you there’s been a big misunderstanding.”

“I’m not interested in anything that man has to say.” Bill looks straight ahead. Penelope is holding his hand tightly, running her thumb backward and forward over his knuckles.

Jensen looks at Bill, then holds the phone back to his ear. “He says he’s not interested…Okay…okay.” He listens, then leans toward Bill again. “He says you have the wrong idea about the time he and Francesca spent together. He realizes you think they had sex. They didn’t. They just hung out.”

“Had sex”? What is this? Now we’re bringing old-people sex into this? Celie wants to throw up at the thought of people that old even thinking about having sex. She puts her face briefly into her hands. She is not sure this night could get any worse.

Jensen is still talking, his voice too loud, even though he’s trying to be quiet. “He says she just wanted to party. To be young again. She hung out with Gene and the crew of the movie at a bar, she danced and had a good time, and the next day he didn’t see her—he thinks she went shopping in Dublin. Or maybe to see her friend. But that was it.”

Bill turns in his seat. “Then why on earth did he tell me he slept with her?”

“He didn’t,” says Mum, after a moment. “The letter just said she saw him.”

Bill looks at Mum. “He didn’t sleep with Francesca?”

Jensen says loudly into the phone: “Bill says you definitely didn’t sleep with Francesca?”

They look at Gene, at the end of the row of parents. Gene shakes his head, and pulls a face. He says something into his phone. Jensen listens and says: “He says your mother would never have looked at another guy. This has all been a terrible misunderstanding.”

Bill is clearly stunned. Almost as much as the parents around him, who cannot believe what they are listening to.

“You’re absolutely certain?” says Bill.

Jensen speaks into the phone: “He says are you sure?”

Jensen nods at whatever Gene is saying. And then he puts his hand over the mouthpiece. “He says Bill, old pal, the drugs may have knocked out a good part of his gray matter, but he would definitely have remembered that. Sorry, Celie.”

“Honestly, that is so not the worst part of this conversation.”

Bill blinks. “Is he telling the truth?”

“Are you telling the truth?” Jensen nods again and turns back to Bill. “He says Scout’s honor. He doesn’t want to leave without you knowing the truth.”

Something weird has happened to Bill. He is staring at his hands. And shaking his head to himself. And then he looks at Penelope. “Oh, my goodness,” he says. “I feel rather foolish.”

I feel sick , thinks Celie.

“You don’t have to feel foolish, Bill,” says Mum, her voice weird and sort of dull. “It was an easy misunderstanding to make.”

Bill says again: “She didn’t sleep with him.”

Penelope is smiling at him in the gooey way she does. “Of course she didn’t, darling. Of course there was an explanation for it.”

Mum is staring at Gene. Bill is still in shock. “Oh, goodness,” he says. “Oh, goodness. I seem to have caused a bit of a fuss.”

No, they’re telling him. No, no fuss. Not at all.

Someone has turned the overhead lights down. The school hall hushes. Jensen continues, whispering loudly as if nobody can hear him: “He says he’s sorry for the misunderstanding and he realizes now he should have told you she’d visited Dublin but it was honestly such a small thing he didn’t think anything of it at the time.”

The orchestra has lifted their instruments. There is a music teacher Celie doesn’t recognize standing in front of them, her hands raised like an actual conductor.

Bill looks at Gene. “Tell him thank you. Thank you for clearing that up. That’s…very decent of him.”

People have started to hiss around them now, telling them to be quiet, to please for goodness’ sake stop talking. There are now about eight hundred reasons Celie wants to die. Jensen sits down beside Mum, leaning forward so that he can keep talking to Bill. “He says that’s very decent of you…And he says any time you want to hang, he’s down for it.”

“Dear God.” Bill rolls his eyes. “He never stops.”

And then the music starts. Celie looks over but Gene has disappeared into the darkness. And when she turns back to her mother, Celie sees—with some surprise—that she looks like she’s about to cry.