Chapter 60 Penny
Chapter 60
Penny
It’s morning, and Penny’s eyes open, adjusting to the darkness. She had drawn the curtains and blinds thinking she could shut yesterday out along with the rising sun. She slept fitfully, the memory of the video taken on the Profile hike a punch to the gut. The girls and their stupid selfies, Tracey’s stirring up a hornet’s nest. She’s terrified to turn on her phone. Jean-Paul had been kind enough to prepare a tray for her, but hiding in her room signaled defeat.
Her foot grazes against something, and she startles. A body. And then she remembers. Rosalie. Afraid to wake her, she remains still. It had taken Rosalie a while to fall asleep, and only when her breaths had smoothed into a steady rhythm did Penny attempt to sleep herself.
Last night, she caught Rosalie with her suitcase coming out of her room, thinking she could slip outside unnoticed. Something about the girl struck a chord in her— someone else’s child.
“Where are you going?” Penny asked.
“I can’t stay here.” Penny was pretty sure she’d been crying. “I’ve ruined everything.”
Her maternal instincts kicked in, and she managed to coerce Rosalie to come inside to talk. “It’s late. Where do you think you’re going at this hour?”
Rosalie didn’t argue. The ease with which she dumped her bag and plopped on Penny’s bed suggested she’d been looking for someone to mother her, and through the dim light, Penny noticed she was back in her dark T-shirt and jeans.
“What’s going on?” Penny asked.
Rosalie folded her head in her hands. “I made a mistake, and I can’t take it back. And it’ll just be better if I leave. I’ll go stay in a hotel or somewhere near the hospital.”
Penny sat beside her on the bed. “You’re not leaving. Do you want to tell me about it?”
“Not really, but I’m guessing you’re not going to take no for an answer.”
“I’m not.”
Her backpack sat on the floor beside her suitcase, and Rosalie leaned over and pulled something out. She handed Penny a green notebook. “Open it.”
She leafed through the papers one by one when something caught her eye. It was hard to miss. Jean-Paul’s name in bold black letters.
She grabbed her glasses from the end table, certain she had misread.
“Rosalie.”
“Penny.”
“You know what this means.”
“Yes. I just detonated Jean-Paul and Renée’s marriage.”
Penny was stunned, and she tried to keep it contained.
“I came here because of him. I didn’t think it through. I wanted to meet him. I thought it was such a great plan.” Her hands came up to her hair and clenched.
“Jean-Paul was Cassidy’s one-night stand?”
“I can’t think about that. It’s gross. And Jean-Paul swears he didn’t sleep with my mother, but I have this document that, well, kind of says he did. Now he’s going to tell Renée, and everything is ruined, and it’s all my fault.” She buried her face in her palms and began to cry.
Jean-Paul? And Cassidy? Was it possible there was another Jean-Paul De La Rue? She scooted closer to Rosalie and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. She tried reassuring her everything would work out, but she wasn’t convinced herself. A meteor was heading their way. First Henry’s father made off with the De La Rues’ savings, and now Renée was about to find out her husband has a daughter with another woman. What could she possibly say that would help?
“I should have never lied and gone on that stupid website. I’m an idiot.”
“You’re not an idiot. You’ve lost out on a lot. It made sense for you to go after what you needed.”
“But I cheated. Just like him.”
“It’s a little premature for that, Rosalie.” But the parallels were clear. “We are not our mistakes. We are not our parents’ mistakes. Or our loved ones’.”
“I should go,” she said.
Penny didn’t want to let Rosalie go. She wanted to hide her in her room and protect her from all that was about to blow. “We’ve all made mistakes, Rosalie.”
“I’m sure you haven’t.”
“Oh, I’ve made some big ones.”
She thinks about Ellie. And Tracey harassing Leo. Leo spilling everything. What it all meant.
“Sometimes mistakes change us in ways we’d never expect. I made a mistake once.” Listening, Rosalie fell back on the bed. Penny didn’t know where she was going with this, but she kept talking, desperately wanting to help, to fix what she couldn’t before. “Don’t pull away from the people you love, or want to love, out of fear. You deserve to be loved. Let’s be patient and see how this unfolds. I bet you’ll be surprised.”
“As surprised as Renée?”
“Renée’s an adult. And I’m sure there’s an explanation of some kind.” What that explanation was, Penny couldn’t even begin to fathom.
“Can I say something without you thinking I’m the most awful person in the world?” Rosalie asked.
“You’re not the most awful person in the world. There are several people with that honor. You’re not one of them.”
Rosalie smiled, and Penny’s heart ticked in her chest. She wasn’t ruined after all.
“I don’t want Cassidy to die. I swear—”
“Of course you don’t.”
“But I’m mad at her. And it’s confusing.”
“Go on.”
“You sound like Lucy.”
“Moms are ad hoc therapists.”
“That’s the thing. I’m not sure how to say this ... I’ve never felt that with Cassidy.”
“Felt what?”
She stared at the ceiling when she replied. “It’s always been the other way around. Cassidy’s never felt like a mother to me.”
Penny let it sink in, the burden Rosalie carried.
“And I think I’m angry. I know I’m angry.” Her voice broke. “Like, why couldn’t she be like the other mothers?” She rolled over on her side to face Penny. “Why couldn’t she be like you? Or Lucy and Sienna?”
Penny took her time in answering. She didn’t want to get this wrong. “Some people are just limited. That’s all. It doesn’t mean there’s no love. It just means they’re incapable of more.” Penny inched closer. “It shouldn’t be like this, and I understand being angry. You want a mother. And the one you have isn’t there.”
“She was never really there.” It came out hushed.
Penny stroked her hair, wondering how that had to feel for a young girl. What it must feel like to need a grown-up, having to make decisions on her own. She couldn’t imagine her daughters taking on such responsibilities. This explained a lot. Rosalie hiding herself away, assuming the role of parent.
“That had to be ... has to be very difficult for you.”
She buried her face in her hands again. “In some ways ... I think ... maybe it would be easier if ...”
“Don’t.”
“It’s true.” She was talking to her palms, tears spilling through her fingers. “I’ve been prepared for this day. She prepared me. Do you know how many times I went to sleep wondering if she’d be there in the morning? And if she was, which Cassidy would I get? I told you I’m a horrible person. But it’s how I feel. And I feel like if I don’t say it ... I don’t know what’ll happen.”
Penny thought about calling Lucy in. She didn’t want to make another mistake. She’d lived with her own long enough. She reminded herself she was a good mother, a good person. “Come here.” She leaned closer, pulling Rosalie into her arms. She hugged her hard, as though she could give her the comfort she’d been denied. At first, Rosalie resisted, but then she slowly succumbed, her body falling into Penny’s, letting somebody love her, take care of her.
The next thing Penny knew, Rosalie was asleep.
This morning, Penny watches Rosalie’s breathing, aware how precious it is. There’s a lot to sift through, but they’ll figure it out. Before falling asleep herself, she’d stayed up, thinking about their talk. Thinking about the events over the last week. The girl had no idea what she’d given Penny last night. She’d given her courage.
Her cell phone rings, and she grabs it before it wakes up Rosalie. It’s the hospital. Cassidy’s awake. She’s relieved to hear the news, and she hangs up as someone knocks on the door.
“I came to tell you the good news,” Renée says.
And before Penny answers, Renée pokes her head through the doorway. “What’s Rosalie doing here?”