Chapter 69 Penny
Chapter 69
Penny
Penny wriggles in the bed beside Leo, memorizing the previous night.
It hadn’t been like one of those rom-coms, where there’s some big reveal and the couple has this hot sex and lives happily ever after. Leo hadn’t proposed again. He didn’t make any sweeping announcements. It wasn’t the movies.
Instead, they’d sat on the porch in the old rockers, talking late into the night. They discussed that afternoon in Palm Springs and the parts that hurt the most. The way their bodies led them astray, the remorse that plagued their dreams the months thereafter. Ellie’s tiny body, lifeless on the ground, as they pumped air into her. How they let Alara and Buckley down. How they let each other down. (Though no one beat themselves up as much as Alara.) They talked about their kids, assuring them that what happened to Ellie wouldn’t happen to them. When you board a plane, and the flight attendants go over the safety demonstration, they tell you to put the oxygen mask on yourself before your child because if you run out of oxygen, you can’t help anyone else. Leo and Penny had run out of oxygen.
Last night, they may have separately imagined running off into the woods and tumbling in the grass. But they saw how passion could overtake things, and they were being careful. When they finally returned to her room, they were sober and clearheaded.
She asked him to stay.
He said he would.
They didn’t get undressed. They lay clothed beneath the covers, the moon casting a ray of light across the duvet.
She rested her head on his chest, and he stroked her hair.
He told her how much he had missed her.
She had missed him too.
When they had almost fallen asleep, their phones dinged.
He told her to let it go, but she worried it might be the kids.
She rolled over and tapped the screen with her finger. Abruptly, she sat up.
“Who is it?”
He didn’t wait for her answer.
He leaned over and grabbed his phone.
She read the text several times, slowly letting it sink in.
He did too.
We won’t ever get over losing our daughter. We’ve had to find a way to live in a dark, cruel world. But we’re doing it. For her. For us. And you need to do it too.
She read it over and over, memorizing it when another text came through.
It was not your fault.
Penny burst into tears, releasing a flood of emotions she couldn’t rein in as Alara gave her grace. Leo held her tighter, stroking her hair. Her gut instinct was to reply, I don’t deserve it , but she held it in. The loss was too big. It would live inside them forever.
She missed Alara. She’d been racked with guilt. Stuck. Scared. Her fingers hovered over the keyboard because there was so much she wanted to say, to apologize for again, to bridge the distance, but she needed time.
She had no doubt they saw the video. She would call Alara when she got home. She would be there for her friend.
A third text came through, making her jump. Thank you for not mentioning her name.
They lay knotted together, his body wrapped around hers like a second skin. And sometime during the night, by the light of the moon streaming in, she watched Leo breathe. Something inside her came alive, and she kissed his cheek, slowly stroked his hair. He was in a deep sleep, and it took him a minute to stir at her touch. But when he did, he peered deep inside her eyes, rolling on top of her, peeling off their clothes. There was an urgency, but they took their time, and their bodies found the rhythm that first brought them together. She told him to stay inside her forever.
When they finished, he gathered her from behind, their naked bodies pressed against each other like shells. “I love you,” he whispered in her ear.
“I love you.”
“Is what’s his name going to be upset?”
George. She had forgotten about that small fib.
“I trust he’ll survive.”
“Do you trust me?” he asked. “It’s important you do.”
She thought about it. The answer was unequivocally yes. “I do.”
This is how they started their anniversary day, repeating the words they promised all those years ago.