Chapter 28
28
“ Y e cannae do this! He’s after me. He only wants me. I’m one person, and ye’re about to lose hundreds,” Astrid protested.
“Do ye nae ken what ye’re worth?” Thomas asked as he moved swiftly to her side.
He took her hand and pulled her closer. Just having her near gave him the strength to keep going.
“I ken that none of this would have happened if I didnae come into yer life. Olivia would still be here,” Astrid said as he cupped her face in his hand.
“But then I never would have met ye,” he whispered as he rested his forehead against hers. “And that is a horrible world to live in. Trust me, I was there. I remember. Nay, Astrid. I’ll nae give ye up. Nae for anything. I’ll save me sister—ye can count on that—and I’ll do it without havin’ to sacrifice ye.”
Astrid swallowed hard as she tried to wrap her head around the news. It felt like Laird Chalium had punched her in the gut. Yet, deep down, she knew this was how it was going to end—with her death at Laird Chalium’s hands.
She’d always known it, deep down, but a part of her had hoped that somehow, someway, she’d be able to escape her fate. The knowledge settled over her like a heavy cloak, suffocating and relentless.
“Nay, dinnae even think about it. I’ll nae put ye in harm’s way. I swore that I’d keep ye safe, and that is exactly what I plan to do,” Thomas continued, his voice still low and rough.
“But Olivia… have ye thought about what it’ll do to me if Laird Chalium kills her? We were supposed to be in the castle.”
“Aye, and then ye would have been taken.”
“Ye dinnae ken that,” Astrid fired back. “And I would hope that me husband would do everything in his power to ensure that I never crossed the threshold. So, yer argument is moot. We cannae think about what could have happened. There are a million different ways that this could have played out, but we’ve got to focus on gettin’ Olivia back.”
“Aye, without havin’ to put ye in the crosshairs. Astrid, I dinnae care how many ways ye try to convince me that it would be better to let ye go. I’m tellin’ ye now, I willnae. I cannae lose ye, do ye understand? That isnae even a thought that will cross me mind again.”
Astrid threw her arms around his neck and pulled him closer to her. She wished there was a way to ease his worries. But no matter which way she tossed the dice, it always came out snake eyes.
It seemed that fate had other plans for them, and it didn’t consist of happiness or a long life.
“Ye’ve got to think this through,” she urged as she planted kiss after kiss on his cheeks, trying to distract him from his troubles. “Ye go to war wit’ Chalium and ye’re goin’ to lose people. Men and sons who should never have had to fight for me.”
“Ye’re their Lady, they’ll gladly lay down their lives for ye,” Thomas said as his hand stroked her face.
Astrid leaned into his touch, savoring the heat of his palm. “I dinnae want them to,” she whispered. “Ye need them to keep yer lands secure and safe.”
“Astrid, I willnae hear another word about this,” Thomas said through clenched teeth.
Astrid could see that she was pushing one of his buttons, but she didn’t care about the consequences. Not when someone’s life was on the line.
“Ye ken as well as I do what Laird Chalium is capable of. If ye refuse him, Olivia could pay a very hefty price. Are ye willin’ to put her life on the line? Ye cannae say that I’m more important than her, when she’s the one who is there in me stead, bein’ on the receiving end of his cruelty.”
Thomas’s face twisted in anguish, his eyes filled with a deep, stormy pain that made her heart ache.
“I would rather face a thousand battles than let him take ye from me,” he said, his voice cracking with emotion.
Astrid reached out, her hand brushing his cheek, feeling the warmth of his skin beneath her palm.
“Ye have to, Thomas,” she pressed, her voice barely above a whisper. “Ye have to see that Olivia is the one who shouldnae be in this mess. She’s innocent, and she doesnae deserve to die. I cannae let that happen.”
“And just what exactly are ye proposin’? Ye think I’m goin’ to let ye just waltz right out of the castle? I’ll lock ye up in the tower before ye can even cross the bridge.”
“Is that right? And how well did that work out for ye the last time ye tried to keep me holed up?” Astrid asked. Her voice rose with her anger as she glared daggers at him.
How could he not see that this was their only option? Her path had been drawn since the moment she pulled her dirk on Laird Chalium and held his life in her hands.
She watched Thomas’s shoulders drop in defeat. She understood all too well the feelings that were coursing through him. The feeling of being trapped in a corner with only a spoon to dig a hole with.
Having to pick was tearing him apart, and Astrid couldn’t bear it. If anything happened to Olivia, Thomas would resent Astrid, and if Astrid died, he’d resent Olivia.
It was a predicament Astrid was glad she could wiggle her way out of.
“I’m goin’ to do what I must for our clan and yer sister,” she declared, her voice firm and ringing with determination.
“How are ye so eager to sacrifice yerself? Some of me best men still hesitate for their Laird, but ye… ye amaze me, Astrid. Yer strength and resilience are inspirin’. Ye make a fine Lady McFair,” Thomas said.
“I ken what ye’re doin’, and ye can stop,” Astrid said as she rested her head on his chest to listen to the steady beat of his heart. It was the only sound that soothed her nerves.
“I dinnae ken what ye’re talkin’ about.”
“Aye, ye do. But I’ll nae be buttered like a bird and put away till ye want me again. Laird Chalium willnae stop until he gets what he wants. And what happens next time when he takes Eileen? Or Melody? What about Alba? Ye ken he will snatch the lot of them if it means gettin’ his hands on me.”
“And ye think I’ll just stand by and let him threaten me family? Me clan? What sort of man do ye take me for?”
“Ye’re strong, but Thomas…” Astrid trailed off as he recoiled from her as if she were about to strike him.
“Either ye trust me or ye dinnae. It cannae be both ways.”
“Of course, I trust ye,” Astrid insisted. “Ye think I’d let just anyone touch me the way ye have? Ye think anyone could get as close to me as ye have? Trust isnae the issue here.”
“Clearly, it is!” Thomas shouted. “Because if ye trusted me, ye’d ken that I’ll find a way to save Olivia—one that doesnae entail ye offerin’ yerself up like a lamb for slaughter.”
“And we circle back to this,” Astrid grumbled as she stepped back from him, her frustration boiling over.
The fact that he was as stubborn as ever irked her. Why couldn’t he see that she had no choice? Laird Chalium wouldn’t stop. Only when the light left her eyes would she find the peace she had so longed for.
But what of Melody? How could she leave her daughter in such a cruel world? And once she was gone, what would stop Laird Chalium from continuing his rampage and killing everyone she held dear?
“Why must ye be so stubborn?” Thomas huffed as he shook his head.
“I was just wonderin’ the same about ye,” Astrid retorted.
They were like boxers, each taking their respective corners.
Astrid was slowly coming to the realization that Thomas wouldn’t be persuaded. He wouldn’t cave, and he’d end up putting far more lives at risk. She couldn’t stand the thought of anyone dying for her.
“Why can ye nae see that I’m doin’ all that I can to keep ye safe?” Thomas asked, worry etched on his face.
“I see it,” Astrid answered as she stepped back toward him. “And I appreciate it, I do. But ye’re nae goin’ to change me mind about this.”
“Then I’ll lock ye up and throw away the key until I have saved me sister. That way, I ken ye’ll be safe.”
“And how well did that work for ye last time ye tried?” Astrid asked, tilting her head to catch his eye.
The hint of a smirk gave her hope that maybe she was getting to him.
“Then the dungeons,” he said. “But ye willnae escape me again.”
Astrid flashed him a smirk that cut through the tension in the room. “Och, ye think so, do ye? Well, I’d have to disagree wit’ ye on that. I think I could slip through yer fingers and ye wouldnae even ken it.”
With a surge of raw emotion, Thomas pulled her close. She gasped as the heat rolled off him and seeped through the fabric of her bodice, warming her bosom. His lips hovered dangerously close to hers as he looked deep into her eyes.
“I will find a way,” he vowed with such conviction that she had no choice but to believe him. “I’ll find a way to keep ye by me side. I willnae let ye go.”
“Ye willnae be able to stop me,” Astrid said as she stroked his cheek, wishing she could take away his worry and pain.
“I should be the one to face him, nae ye.”
“Ye willnae be able to negotiate wit’ a man like Laird Chalium, and ye ken it. He thrives on fear and power. If ye refuse to meet him, he’ll send Olivia back in pieces just to send a message. It’s me he wants. I cannae live wit’ the fact that Olivia is sufferin’ because of me.”
Thomas’s face twisted with a mix of pain and frustration. His gaze never left hers as he tightened his arms around her. She felt his chest rise and fall on a deep inhale and exhale.
“Ye’re me everything, don’t ye ken that?” he whispered into her hair. “How am I supposed to let ye go when we’ve just found each other? And if ye dinnae want to stay for me, then think of Melody. She needs ye. Ye made a vow to her, remember? What of that? Are yer vows so easily broken?”
“So, are ye goin’ to tell me what’s really goin’ on?” Melody asked as her smile slowly vanished.
Astrid wished she could hold on to the moment, but with the rumors circling about the castle, it was only a matter of time before Melody heard.
“I dinnae ken what ye’re talkin’ about,” she said as she led Melody to the right side of the bed and pulled back the covers for her.
“Aye, ye do. But that’s fine. If ye dinnae want to tell me, I’ll ask Eileen. She tells me everything, ye ken.”
“Does she now?” Astrid asked with a smirk as she tucked the child in and pulled the covers to her chin.
Melody bobbed her head.
“And what has she told ye that’s turned out to be true?”
“She said that Laird Chalium sent a messenger,” Melody answered, her voice laced with pride.
Astrid pursed her lips and shook her head in disappointment.
“Aye, that he did. But ye need nae fret about it, me love. I’ve already decided what I’m goin’ to do.”
“Ye’re leavin’ me here, are ye nae?” Melody asked breathlessly.
The question hung between them, waiting to be answered.
As much as Astrid didn’t want to answer, she knew she couldn’t avoid it any longer.
“Do ye remember when we lived in the village under the leaky thatched roof and we met Peter?” Melody bobbed her head. “We did everything we could to help him, do ye remember? But nay matter what I gave him, his fever just wouldnae break. Well, I have a chance to save Olivia, and ye. I have to do what I think is right.”
“I dinnae want ye to go,” Melody whined, grabbing her pillow.
“Ye’ll be safe here. Thomas loves ye, and he’ll see to it that ye’re cared for. I ken he will. But listen to us,” Astrid said, trying to find some way to ease the tension in the room. The last thing she wanted was to give Melody nightmares due to all the worry. “We’re talkin’ as if I’m never comin’ back—and that may nae be the case. I could go to Laird Chalium, and he could be merciful.”
“Since when has he ever been merciful?” Melody sniffed as tears streamed down her little face.
“Never, but there’s always a chance for a miracle, right? Maybe he’s had a change of heart,” Astrid said as she brushed the hair from Melody’s face.
But the girl’s tears wouldn’t stop, so she climbed into the space beside her.
“I love ye,” she murmured as she pulled her close. “I loved ye the moment I laid eyes on ye. Ye were this wee thing in me arms, and the smile yer maither gave me when she handed ye over to me… I’ll take that wit’ me to me grave.”
“I dinnae want ye to go,” Melody cried as she turned to snuggle into Astrid’s arms.
The child rocked in her arms as she wept. The sniffling and heartache were almost enough to break Astrid’s resolve. But thinking of Olivia with Laird Chalium, and all the vile things he was certainly doing to her, was enough to keep Astrid set on her task.
“I ken,” she whispered. “But I have to. Nay one should pay the price for me mistakes.”
She stroked Melody’s hair and listened as the child cried herself to sleep. Only when she was certain that she could shift without disturbing Melody did she attempt to slip out of bed.
Her legs felt wobbly and numb from staying in one position for so long.
Astrid moved around the room, trying to regain the feeling in her legs when she noticed a shadow lurking on the balcony.
Of course, Thomas would be listening in on her conversation with Melody. But how much he heard was an entirely different story.
Swallowing hard, Astrid moved to the balcony door and stepped out into the night air. The icy embrace was a stark contrast to the warmth of her room. She wrapped her arms around herself to ward off the cold.
Thomas stepped toward her and draped his cloak over her shoulders, and instantly the chill was gone.
“Here,” he said as she pulled in a deep breath.
She wished she could bottle up his scent and keep it with her forever. She loved the fact that his cloak still retained some of his warmth.
“Thank ye,” she said, snuggling into the cloak. She flashed him a sleepy smile as she noticed the worry etched on his brow. “If ye think ye can change me mind, ye cannae.”
“I ken,” he answered as he rubbed her arms to warm her. “And I have nay intention of wastin’ me breath on that. I can see that ye’ve made up yer mind.”
“Aye, I have.”
“And so have I,” Thomas said as he lunged for her.
Astrid squealed as the world spun around and she found herself hanging over his shoulder.
“What are ye doin’? Put me down,” she grumbled as he carried her into his chambers.
“I’ll nae let ye go so easily, lass. I’ve told ye, ye’re mine, and I’ll do wit’ ye as I please.”
“Is that so?” Astrid asked as he threw her on the bed.
She landed hard and turned swiftly before he could tackle her to the mattress.
“Aye, it is. Ye married me. We made our vows.”
“It was a marriage of convenience.”
“And I failed ye, lass. I’m sorry. I swore to ye that I’d keep ye safe, and ye want me to let ye just waltz out of the castle… It willnae happen.”
“So, ye’re detainin’ me?”
“Aye,” Thomas said.
The playful gleam in his eyes made Astrid forget her woes. A smile tugged at the corners of her lips.
“I’d like to see ye try,” she challenged as she darted toward the door that connected their rooms.
Thomas wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and carried her back to the bed. He ripped her shift off her body, exposing her nakedness to him.
“Like something ye see?” she asked, taunting him.
His eyes roamed over her body as his smile widened.
“Maybe. I’ll have to sample the wears before I make any decision,” he said and leaned down, crushing his lips to hers.
If this was to be her last moment with her husband, then she was going to make it a night he would never forget.
Forgive me, husband, but I’m only doin’ what I think is best. And I pray that one day, ye’ll understand why I had to go.