What Are The Chances (Phil-U #2)

7 I’m not jaded

CHAPTER SEVEN

I’m not jaded

RILEY

The second Will left the room, I slumped against the therapy bed. Instant mistake. It was still warm from where he’d sat.

I felt like I’d just failed some epic test. Three years of actively avoiding him had just been erased in an instant. It had all been a waste. Avoiding hockey games. Avoiding all the best parties. Blacklisting the Athletes’ Centre and its surrounding facilities like I could get the plague simply by stepping inside.

It was only when I went to pick up my phone and call Parker that I realised my hands were still shaking. I hadn’t been prepared for that. My phony confidence began fading quickly as I grasped what’d just happened. Will Caufield and I had just interacted, albeit a bit tensely, but normally nonetheless as though we didn’t have a history that had left a mental scar.

Was I going to cry? Was I going to laugh? Was I going to combust? I didn’t know. But I couldn’t sit still.

I hastily gathered my things, locking the door to the physical therapy rooms before heading to the parking lot. Though once I reached it, I halted. Had I left enough time between him leaving and me walking out? Was I going to run into him and Grace? Would they be arguing about the fact he hadn’t told her about his ex? Or worse, would they be sucking faces?

I’d never been na?ve and thought Will hadn’t moved on. The stories puck bunnies told travelled through campus like rapid fire. But that didn’t mean I was prepared to see it.

After a respectable amount of time blankly staring at my phone, I took an encouraging breath then jogged to my car .

Unlike running which cleared my mind, driving had the opposite effect. As I navigated through our college town, I started noticing things I’d forgotten. Instead of seeing Oscars, the town’s nicest restaurant, I saw the restaurant Will had taken me to for my birthday. And when I saw Taco Bell I recalled drunkenly munching on nachos with Will and his friends after they’d returned from an away game where they’d shutout the home team.

Heavily snapping back to the present, I slammed on the brakes to slow for a traffic light I’d almost missed. I was not going to be able to handle seeing Will for the remainder of the semester. But what was worse, fronting him and dealing with the aftermath, or bailing and letting it seem as though I was hung up on him?

Ten minutes later when I walked inside my house, I still didn’t have the solution. I stalked straight up to my room and changed my Phil-U polo for a running crop and jacket, then snatched up my headphones and a cap.

When I came back downstairs, Parker was at the breakfast bar, her laptop open and a stack of homework in front of her.

“Hey,” I said, heading for the fridge to grab a cold water.

She cocked an eyebrow. “Hey?”

I frowned back. “What?”

“You really didn’t see me when you stormed inside just before?”

Guiltily, I shook my head. Up in the clouds was an understatement. My thoughts were literally bouncing off the moon.

“Sorry. My brain’s a little scattered.”

I’d piqued Parker’s interest. She closed her laptop. “Why?”

While I hadn’t actively divulged my failed freshman year relationship to Parker, I wasn’t going to lie to her now she was asking. She was my best friend. I told her everything.

“I, ugh, just had a run in with my ex.”

Her face morphed into astonishment. And a little bit of excitement too.

“I didn’t know you had an ex.”

“Ancient history,” I dismissively said.

“Your reaction doesn’t make it seem like it’s ancient history. When and why did you breakup?”

“The end of freshman year. He cheated on me.”

That wasn’t the whole truth. I mean, he did. That’d been the final straw. But Will and I had been on our way to breakup territory for a while. Cheating was an easy explanation though. Whenever I dropped that bombshell the follow up comment was generally along the lines of he’s a dick, you’re better off. Then that was that.

“Huh,” Parker mused. “That makes a lot of sense.”

Her response strayed from the norm.

My mouth parted in surprise. “What do you mean? ”

She dramatically rolled her wide eyes. “Riley, you’re freaking gorgeous. You have the fittest body I’ve ever seen, your long hair is literally so healthy it shines, and don’t even get me started on your killer rack.”

Despite my chaotic thoughts, I found myself laughing. Parker never failed to lift my mood.

“Yet in all the years we’ve been friends, I’ve never seen you date a guy.”

I opened my mouth to protest, but she spoke over me.

“And don’t say it’s because you don’t get hit on, because I’ve witnessed that. I’ve also seen you shut almost every single guy down.” She drummed her manicured nails on her closed laptop. “But I understand now. You’re jaded.”

“I’m not jaded,” I said defensively. “And there have been guys since him.”

A night here or there. Nothing serious. But if I was being honest, while there had been guys since Will, there hadn’t really been one since him. None that gave me butterflies like he did. None that kickstarted my heart the way he did. None that ignited my body the way he did. And none that I’d kissed.

With the handful of guys I’d hooked up with over the past three years, I hadn’t let any kiss me. Sex was fine. Oral was fine. Kissing was not.

When the first boy had tried after Will and I broke up, I’d found myself turning my head at the last second. To me, kissing felt so intimate. And for a while there’d been a part of me that thought maybe Will and I would work through things and get back together. Though even when that possibility fizzled out, I couldn’t go through with it.

I’ll bet Will could.

Heck, he’d kissed someone when we were still dating, and no matter what lies I told myself to excuse that horrible mistake, he’d still betrayed me in a way I never would have betrayed him.

“Clearly not enough,” Parker stated. “Babe, if you’re still this hung up on him, that just proves you need to get out more. Less running. Less studying. More fucking.”

Bad time to take a sip of water. My sudden burst of laughter caused me to choke. After coughing uncontrollably for thirty seconds, I looked at Parker with watery eyes.

“Speaking of, I’m going for a run.”

She groaned. “Of course you are. I’ll allow it today. But on Saturday night we’re on mission find Riley a new guy . Trust me. You’ll have forgotten about your run in with your shitty ex in no time.”