What I Should Have Done: A Forbidden Military Romance (Anchors and Eagles Book 2)

Chapter 1

MIKEY

Home.

Somewhere that existed in a world which wasn’t mine. But at least the place I was headed to for the next couple weeks didn’t involve the kind of death and violence that no human should ever experience. It was somewhere I lived, and there was someone there who gave me a semblance of what home could be like someday.

At least she was someone I looked forward to coming back to. She kept me moving forward. One day, when my soul wasn’t drowning, maybe then I’d be home. That had to be what had held her back from agreeing to set an exact date for our wedding for a while. The proposal occurred before I left on my last deployment, and I finally received a letter stating she’d picked a date for next June.

Shrugging my rucksack tighter up my shoulders, my eyes scanned the crowded main level of the airport. Sunlight blazed in through the windows, casting a yellow hue over the white walls. The squeaking of the tiles beneath my boots was drowned out by the chatter of people rushing to their next destination. Heading toward the exit, a tall figure I’d know anywhere caught my sight.

A mischievous grin stretched across his lips. “Mikey!” He waved and pushed through a group of people who parted like the Red Sea.

“Man, is it good to see you,” I replied and clasped my hand in his.

He tugged me toward him and I patted his back.

“You’re in need of a shower and shave,” Griffin said, breaking the greeting.

“After I see my girl.” While running a hand over my beard, the hair prickled beneath skin that was raw and tender from too many hours spent without a break from the grating pressure of violence.

“That bad of a tour?” he asked as we exited out into air that had never smelled so fresh nor felt so free.

My feet stopped beneath me of their own accord, and I turned my face toward the clear sky. Through the hum of engines and the buzz of chatter, the sound of birds chirping danced through the air. A cool breeze brushed across my face that was definitely in need of some moisturizer.

“Just grateful for the break, no matter how short.” I inhaled deeply, drawing in the taste of oxygen that wasn’t coated in a dusting of sand. Relief swept across my shoulders, reminding me that the pop of a car backfiring wasn’t something barreling toward me to take me to meet my maker.

Tipping my head forward, my eyes met Griffin’s. There was an indescribable lightness about his figure that I desired to have someday. Though it seemed mixed with a new burden, and one I couldn’t quite place. Resuming our walk, Griffin steered us down a sidewalk and toward the overpass tunnel which led to the overflow parking lot.

“Thanks for picking me up, by the way. I know a four-hour drive is one hell of a commitment. But surprising Rachel, that’s a win that I need,” I said as we stepped up a gradient and emerged from the tunnel.

Sunlight once again blazed in a crisp blue sky, and while the white cotton balls floating carelessly across the canvas overhead weren’t new, they felt different.

Griffin stuffed his hands in his pockets, and we rounded a corner. “Least I could do.”

“Sure the wifey doesn’t mind?” I wrapped my hands around the straps of my rucksack a little tighter.

“Nah, she’s off at one of her MMA training sessions. Her next fight’s in a month.” A wide smile full of adoration filled his face. That man was still as in love with that woman as the day he’d shared with the team that he’d met someone.

“That’s right, I forgot she started that up after your youngest was born.”

We stopped beside the same truck he’d driven for years.

“Jane was never meant to be solely a mom and housewife. Nothing against the women that want that, but I knew she was itching for something else the moment she asked to go fucking skinny dipping while eight months pregnant with Carter.” Griffin chuckled and shook his head, some strands of hair falling into his face.

“You are whipped, my guy. Absolutely whipped.” I pulled open the back door and tossed my luggage in, then hopped up to the front passenger side, the smell of clean leather assaulting my senses.

“Damn straight,” Griffin answered, climbing into the driver’s side. The truck rocked with our movement, and then he popped the key into the ignition.

“Yet there’s something else you’re feeling, too…like guilt.” I leaned my head back against the rest that seemed a little too soft after sleeping on the ground for the past couple weeks.

Griffin shook his head, shifted the truck into drive, and slowly backed out of the parking stall. “It was my fault I didn’t see how cooped up she felt sooner. Like what the hell was I thinking teasing her about having a fifth baby while still pregnant with our fourth? She’d already given me the family I wanted.”

Nodding slowly, my gaze tipped toward him as we merged with the pool of traffic leaving the airport. “I remember you mentioning that conversation, but I never asked how she reacted when you did.”

“Playfully, like normal.”

“Right. And what were your intentions behind teasing her about it?”

“I just wanted to make sure she knew how beautiful I found her no matter what her body looked like. She’d made a comment earlier about feeling fat and…” His voice trailed off as he stared out the front windshield.

“You guys have been married for five years now, and this conversation happened two years ago, right? That’s a long time to carry guilt. Besides, I think she knew you were teasing,” I replied, closing my eyes as the whine of his diesel engine drowned out the rest of the traffic.

Cracking an eyelid open, I wiggled my brows. “Anyway, ever think that was why she asked to go skinny dipping in the first place?”

He knotted his jaw and rolled his eyes. “Fuck you.”

“Fuck you, too, man.” I grinned and closed my eyes again as Griffin steered the truck onto the highway. “Besides, if it had truly bothered her, she’d have let you know. Jane doesn’t put up with your shit.”

“No, no she doesn’t,” he replied quietly.

We continued on in silence, the gentle whisper of the air conditioner dancing across my face. Luxuries of a world that hadn’t been mine in months now rested at my fingertips. There was a part of my soul that was envious of Griffin—of his life that seemed so calm and consistent.

Right now things were at least calm, and the longer that we drove, the closer I was to that consistent life I’d been experiencing with Rachel. Three years of coming back to her was the unvarying part of my life, but there was something…

“Do you miss it?” I finally asked, breaking the serenity that had settled thick in the air.

The sound of Griffin shifting in his seat reached my ears as the truck bumped over something on the road and we slowed.

“Sometimes.” His hesitant answer held words unspoken, and I opened my eyes. A shadow dipped across his face, as ominous as what he didn’t say. He ran a hand over his jaw. “Sometimes I feel like I let the team down. That my place in this world isn’t here, but I also know it isn’t there.”

Weaving away from the stretch of concrete highway, homes began sprouting around us. Subdivisions budded against a quaint horizon. “Jane.” That was all I needed to say as he nodded.

“The other day, she actually mentioned an idea of starting a private security offshoot from the company,” he replied, spinning the wheel with his palm.

“Just keep a spot open for the rest of us. Then when we all retire, we’ll just hop on over to work for you. Again.” A chuckle escaped my chest.

A grin spread across his lips, the lightness returning to his eyes. “You think it’s a solid idea?”

“Fuck yeah, man. I couldn’t imagine retiring to sit in a damn cubicle all day. If you don’t do this, then somebody better blow my ass up overseas ’cause there’s not enough therapy in the world to fix what’s messed up in my head.”

“Shit, I doubt I’m totally ‘fixed,’ but Jane sure makes the hell we’ve been through a little more worth it.” He paused and ran a hand over his jaw. “She makes things quiet. I never knew what quiet truly sounded like until she came around.”

My brows twitched and I shifted my gaze out the window. “Rachel doesn’t do that,” I confessed. It was unintentional, but the words escaped my lips before I could clip them away.

Griffin slowed the truck even more and glanced at me, his gaze intensifying. “But you proposed to her?”

“Yeah.”

“So, maybe you’re just feeling nervous for this leave since wedding planning will be on in full blast.”

“Shit, I haven’t even thought about any of that stuff.”

“Don’t beat yourself up too much about that.” He clamped a hand on my shoulder and urged the truck over to the curb. “We live pretty fucked up lives, and I doubt Rachel will be upset that what color the napkins will be wasn’t a priority while you were deployed. She’s put up with you for three years now.” Griffin removed his grip on my shoulder and turned the truck off.

I leaned my head back, glancing at the simple, brick building to my right. There it was. The house that was supposed to be my home with the woman that was my past, present, and future. She was the one thing that remained the same. The one constant in my life.

Inhaling deeply, my lungs expanded with a breath of not just reassurance but encouragement. Rachel was inside. Waiting for me as she had been every deployment up to now.

“By the way,” Griffin continued. He popped open his door, jarring me from my thoughts. “Have you guys finally found someone permanent for the team?”

“You’re a hard man to replace, Reaper.” I pushed open my own door and jumped down, raising a brow in his direction as he rounded the front of the truck. The perfume of freshly cut grass lingered in the air. Bright green stains from a mower tracked across the driveway that led up to a white garage.

“Hasn’t it been long enough?” Griffin’s eyes traced across the same house I stood frozen in front of, my rucksack dangling over one single shoulder.

“Yeah, maybe…” My mind barely processed what he asked as my attention locked onto an unfamiliar, puke-green Toyota Tacoma in my driveway. Rachel drove a white Honda CRV, and I had my Silver Tundra and motorcycle. Neither of us owned a Tacoma, and I couldn’t recall a family member of hers that had one either. My family didn’t exist—literally—so there was no way it was them.

Every nerve stood on end, prickling as if a thousand spiders crawled beneath my skin. Even Griffin remained silent, his gaze narrowing on the same vehicle holding me glued to the cement. With each heartbeat hammering against my ribs, fate stole me closer and closer to a fear that was eating away at whatever sanity still held me calm and collected.

“Don’t jump to any conclusion yet…” Griffin said. His words were hesitant.

“Except I know you’re thinking the same thing I am,” I mumbled back.

The fire that roared in my heart a moment ago, excited to finally reach my home, died in an instant. Doused by water that held unwanted answers. My faith in love extinguished the moment my feet found the strength to march silently up the drive.

As quietly as the death both Griffin and I had often delivered, I swung open the front door, which should’ve been locked. The tips of my fingers prickled with anticipation, a certain knowing bubbling low in my stomach.

Moans and groaning. All the sounds of pleasure coming from the bedroom were unmistakable.

My blood curdled in my veins. The rage swarming in my heart wasn’t directed at whoever the strange man waiting at the end of the hallway may be. All of that anger wasn’t even directed at the woman who so clearly wanted someone else.

No, the tendrils of wrath twisted around my own soul.

And then the anger ripped out any love that I’d had for her.

Never before had a change in my feelings for someone been so drastic, so instant, and so undeniably tangible.

My casual footsteps carried me across the hollow floorboards, the gentle light of the sun shining through billowing curtains moved as calmly as the pity weighing on my heart. Just another moment and memory to bundle up and shove to the darkest corner of my mind.

Curling my fingers around the golden knob, it silently spun, and the door swung open without a creak.

Griffin stood as a silent shadow behind me as disgust roared like hot coals in my stomach. The stranger’s gaze caught me first, his downturned green eyes snapping up from my fiancée’s bare ass. His entire naked body turned rigid mid thrust, and shock crossed such soft, baby-like features.

“Who-who are you?” he gasped in fright, his fingers digging into Rachel’s hips.

Her disheveled red hair flew back as she threw her head up from staring at the unruly bed sheets. “Mike?” Her eyes nearly bugged out of her head.

Suddenly, both of them scrambled backwards, throwing whatever they could find between each other, and tugged the sheets up to their chins.

“You know him?” the stranger seethed between his teeth as Rachel refused to bring her brown eyes toward mine.

Drawing in a breath, I ran my tongue across my teeth. “Hey Griff, who’s your realtor?” I asked, turned around, and closed the door behind me. Rachel’s shriek rattled the pictures on the wall.

“I’ll send you his contact information. Wanna stay with Jane and I while you look for a new place?”

“Thanks, man,” I answered, shrugging the rucksack higher up my shoulders.

Fuck that.

So much for finding my home.