What Love Can Do: O’Neill Brothers (Home to Green Valley Book 1)

Eighteen

Her heart couldn’t have ached more if he’d broken it with both his strong hands.

No “Goodbye, Lilly.” No “Thank you for the times we shared.” Nothing. Just a kiss on her head like a period at the end of a long, beautiful, if confusing, sentence. There was nothing she could say to stop him from leaving.

She could hear Quinn telling Con that everything had been packed. “So, let’s go.” The front door of the BB closed, and her chest imploded with a million questions and regrets, as she stood staring at the empty room that had held the O’Neill brothers and all their things just a moment before. Now, it was just a cold space where her heart had been.

Wait…

He hadn’t taken everything. In his haste, he’d left something brown and leather and very, extremely important sticking out underneath his pillow—Maggie Phillips’ journal. Quickly, she rushed in and scooped it into her shaking hands, wondering if she should run out after him, but he’d already taken off, peeled out of the BB parking lot, fleeing like a priest from his personal demons.

She wrapped the loose leather string around the journal and held it close to her heart. Chances were, he would notice soon enough that it was missing, and then he’d have to come back to her to get it, but only after suffering a bit. Yes, it was an evil thing to think, but he was the one who left in a rush, refused to listen or talk things through.

Closing the bedroom door, she headed upstairs to her room with the journal, closed her door behind her, and sat on her king-sized empty bed, book in hand. The urge to glance through its telltale pages was overwhelming. There might be insight there about her father, why Maggie left for Ireland, things that would help Lilly understand a tormented woman’s train of thought.

Lillian knew once her eyes fell on the written words within, her brain would soak them up, simmer them a while, then serve them up in some form, one way or another—whether she agreed with Maggie’s decisions or not. She could, of course, adopt a head full of morals all of a sudden and not read it at all—but then again, Quinn had clearly told her that he trusted her completely and that she could read the journal whenever she wanted.

She wanted to understand Quinn better. Right now, she needed to feel close to him. He was hurt and angry right now, but she knew he’d been right to place his trust in her.

Lilly went to her room’s fridge, pulled out a bottle of chardonnay, and poured herself a chilled glass. Then, slipping into her sweater, she escaped to the outdoor terrace with the journal, sat on her lounge chair, the very one she and Quinn had made love on almost two weeks ago and breathed in the scent of jasmine and gardenia. Striking a match, she lit one of her outdoor lanterns on the side table, hung quietly for a few moments, listening to the silence of the valley, and began to read.

Hours later, Lilly went to see her mother. She knew exactly where to find her. Most of the time, they were both tethered to the bed-and-breakfast but when she was troubled, Penny Parker gravitated toward Parker House and the vineyard where her husband had worked alongside his family. As Lilly headed over there, the sky’s patchwork of purple and yellow clouds set against the autumn orange background brought sad memories. Dad had died on a day just like this. His ALS had hit an all-time low, and the hospice finally made “the call” to deliver the bad news.

That had been heartbreaking enough. Add to that the last couple hours reading Maggie’s journal and the slap when Quinn walked out of her life, and it was enough to make Lilly want to curl up into a ball and burst into tears. But there was no time for that. She had to find her mom to make things right.

She spotted her mother’s emaciated form within the endless rows, talking with a worker, touching the cabernet grapes with loving tenderness. Lillian shuffled up to where she stood and panted an end-of-walk sigh. “Hey.”

Her mother whirled, wiping her hand on the towel she’d strung from a loop on her jeans. “There you are.”

“Can we talk?”

Mom nodded. “Let’s go back to the veranda.” She turned and walked slowly toward the main house, dragging her feet. She was definitely getting slower these days, which worried Lilly.

“I’m sorry for the way I left the kitchen earlier,” Lilly said. After Avery’s rude comments, she had slapped down her towel, torn off her apron, and stormed out, finishing dressing as she’d walked out of the kitchen. “But I want you to understand where I was coming from—”

“But?” Mom interrupted. “Lillian, when you apologize, apologize. There are no ‘buts.’”

Lilly scoffed. “At least I’m apologizing, even though I didn’t do anything wrong. I mean, aside from being half-naked in the kitchen, that is. I didn’t know you were coming back so soon.”

Mom raised an eyebrow in her direction. “You did more than that. You know what you did.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Lilly asked, vying for her mother’s eye contact and not getting it. “What do you have against Quinn? I know in your mind, he’s the spawn of the devil, but he’s not. First of all, he’s not a clone of Maggie Phillips, and second—”

“What would you know of Maggie Phillips? You weren’t even around yet, Lillian.”

“I didn’t need to be around. I can read. I read Maggie’s journal about those days before she left for Ireland and the few years that followed. She wasn’t an ogre, Mom. I know you won’t understand, but she wasn’t. She cared, and she had to hurt some people to follow her heart—”

Her mother stopped and faced her. “Stop telling me that you think you know what I feel. ‘I know you feel this…I know you think that.’ You don’t know what I think.” The wagging finger was up and doing what it did. “You aren’t me, so please…keep this about you.”

Mom continued walking, and Lilly fumed. “You know, Mom, you keep interrupting me, which just goes to show that you don’t even respect what I’m saying.”

Lilly’s mother hung her head from exhaustion. “Listen, I don’t feel like arguing with you. I do respect what you’re telling me, but if you’re going to try and convince me that there’s nothing wrong with you seeing a boy from that family, you’re very much mistaken.”

“A man, Mom. We’re not teenagers. We’re grown adults, and we actually don’t need your approval, though it’d be nice. Nobody knows why people do the things they do. We can only assume they have a good reason. It’s called the benefit of the doubt. If you did something crazy, wouldn’t you expect me to give you that same benefit?”

“Sure, but I’ve never done anything to make you mistrust me,” her mom replied. They reached the main house and her mother headed for her favorite wood table on the patio. “Don’t even try to compare me to that woman, because I won’t stand for it.” She huffed.

“Are you for real?” Lilly yanked out a chair and plopped into it. “Mom, there’s three sides to every story. In this case, there was Dad’s, Maggie’s, and the gray area in between. The way I see it, you should be thankful Maggie broke up with Dad. It made him come back to you. Isn’t that what life is about? Letting go of the things you want, and if they come back to you, then they’re yours?”

“I didn’t let go of your father, Lillian. He was ripped from me.” Her mother’s eyebrows formed a straight line. “Maggie knew Ken had a girlfriend and didn’t care. She pursued him anyway. Then, when she got bored, she broke his heart, and yes, that opened the door for him to come back to me, but he was wounded. I was wounded. A good person doesn’t go around wounding people.”

“She was living her life, Mom, doing what she felt was right.”

“At the expense of others’ feelings? I’m not even going to dignify that with a response. Look, I don’t know what it is you’re trying to tell me, but like I said, I won’t be convinced. You can talk to everyone in this town, and they will all tell you that Maggie Phillips was no good. She was a tramp.”

“She was a girl, Mom. Just like you at the time. She can make mistakes.” Lilly played with the edge of a cloth napkin. “And she loved Dad greatly, but he was too controlling for someone like her.” She shut her trap quickly. She hadn’t meant to suggest that her mother was good for being controlled, but her mother had tolerated his set ways well. “Is that why you’ve seemed militant ever since he died? Now that he’s not around, you figured someone has to give the orders? Because holy shit, I can barely breathe sometimes.”

Her mother glared at her across the table. “I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

“Why? Because I’m speaking the truth? Because I’m not just sitting idly by while you tell me what you want me to do with my life? Because I’m telling you that, no matter what, I’m moving on with or without your blessing.”

“I thought you came here to apologize.”

“I did, but maybe I was hoping you’d offer one too. Should have known better.” Lilly pushed back her chair and stood. She didn’t know why she had even bothered to sit. Talking with her mom was like talking to a concrete wall.

“You were nice, and now you’re just rude,” her mother said, but Lilly would not give into the guilt trip.

“I used to be quiet, not nice. Don’t mistake the two. Now I’m swallowing my fear of talking to you, and it’s amazing how liberating it feels.”

“Well, don’t stop on account of me!”

Lilly took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Stay calm. “I don’t care if you agree with me anymore. It’s my life, and I just came to say I was sorry.” Lilly started walking away.

“Sorry, not sorry?” Her mother laughed, dismissing her with the wave of her hand. “Listen, if you don’t forget that boy and that entire family, you’ll live to regret it. Your father did, but he learned too late. Go to Miami. I don’t care. Find a good man over there. I’d rather see you happy with a man who treats you well far away from home than you living close to me with a man who doesn’t.”

“Who says he doesn’t?” Lilly held back her rage. Why did this bother her so much? And why was she about to defend Quinn O’Neill the way he wished she would have, even though he’d left? Because he still deserves it, regardless of the outcome. Lilly came charging over to her mother and squatted in front of her face. Evenly, she said, “That man has listened better and treated me better and wished more love and luck for me in the short time I’ve known him than you have in my entire life!”

She was keenly aware that Nancy and the staff was poised at the door to the patio doing a terrible job of pretending not to be eavesdropping.

“Well, if that’s how you feel, then I don’t know why you’re still here. Go already. Leave early to Miami. I’m sure you can find another family there that will treat you better, since I haven’t done anything for you all these years!” A buildup of tears rose into her eyes. “Since I haven’t worked my whole life to make sure that my only child is taken care of, that she won’t have to struggle her entire life like I have. God, how can you be so ungrateful?” Mom broke into tears and hung her head over the table.

Lilly reached out to grab hold of her shoulder. “Mom…”

“Leave me alone.”

“All I meant…all I’ve been trying to say, is that I would like your support very much. I would like for you to be proud of me. I would like for you to trust me.”

“I do trust you!”

“Then don’t worry who I date, where I live, or what I do with my life. Can’t you just be happy for me?” It was a simple enough question, but she knew, from the look on her mother’s face, that it was asking too much. Lilly shook her head slowly. “You know, something I learned from Maggie’s journal is that people always see the person who broke up a relationship as a villain. Even though she did what was right. She spared Dad years of unhappiness and maybe even a divorce. She gave you your marriage. She gave you me, and she gave me…my life. Finally, she gave me Quinn. Even if it was only for a short time, she gave me a man to love.”

Lilly turned and headed out. There was nothing more to say. With or without her mother’s blessing, she was moving to Miami. With or without Quinn’s love as well.