Chapter 14
CHAPTER 14
ALEC
I go for a run the morning after I found Evie and Juno up in the middle of the night. Normally, I would just head to the Summit and run on one of the treadmills there rather than put my knee through the stress of running on concrete, but after last night, I’m keyed up, filled with a restless energy I can’t define.
I want to do something . I just can’t figure out what.
Hitting the pavement at six AM seems like as good an option as any.
It’s cold when I step onto my front porch, cold enough that my breath fogs in front of me, and the grass is crunchy with a sparkling sheen of frost. I pull a beanie onto my head to keep my ears warm, then rub my hands together and set off down the sidewalk. The longer I run, the clearer my mind becomes, and slowly, I start to make sense of the energy pulsing through me.
Yesterday afternoon, when the bus finally pulled into the Summit parking lot, I was comfortable admitting that I like Evie. That I want to get to know her. But last night, there was something else going on too. Feeling that baby fall asleep in my arms tapped into something in my brain that I’ve never experienced before. Something primal. I don’t just want to date Evie, I want to protect her, take care of her. I’m talking fight her battles, kill the bad guys, rid the world of anything and anyone who might ever hurt her. And I want to do the same for Juno, which is the most foreign part of all.
I’ve always been the guy who will move my date to the inside of the sidewalk or keep a steadying hand on her whenever we pass by strangers on the street. I open doors, open jar lids, carry heavy suitcases. But all of that just feels like being a nice guy who’s aware of his surroundings.
This feels different.
I hit three miles before my knee starts to hurt, but as soon as it does, I slow to a walk. I’m happy to push through the pain on the ice, but there’s no reason to do it here. I round the bend on the cul de sac just south of my house, then walk up the hill, making a mental note of where the pain is the worst so I can mention it to Eric.
The house is still quiet when I make it back inside, but Evie should be up soon since I know today is her first day of work. I’m not sure what time, but I’m guessing whatever time it is, she could probably use some coffee sooner than later, considering her night. I take a quick shower and throw on some joggers and a t-shirt, then head to the kitchen.
While I wait for the coffee to brew, I send Megan a quick text, hoping her clinicals schedule will mean she’s up early.
Alec
How does Evie like her coffee?
Megan
SHUT UP YOU ARE TOO SWEET.
Which is exactly how she likes it. Cream and the amount of sugar you think a normal person would like, plus the same amount one more time. Dessert coffee.
Alec
Got it. Think she’s already awake?
Megan
She’s up! I already talked to her.
Alec
Perfect. Thanks.
Megan
Just for the record. I know what’s happening here. And I just want you to know I LOVE IT.
Alec
No more warnings or threats?
Megan
I only warned you because I didn’t want her to get hurt by your shameless flirting. It’s totally different if you’re serious.
I think about the way it felt to hold Evie last night, how good it felt to take care of her.
Alec
I’m definitely serious.
Megan
YAY.
I make the coffee, then carefully carry it upstairs.
This could completely backfire, but I’m trusting my gut and just going for it. I knock on Evie’s door, then wait, heart hammering in my chest.
“Come in,” she finally calls.
When I open the door, she’s sitting cross-legged on her bed, a hoodie pulled over her pajamas. Juno is on the comforter in front of her.
“Hey,” I say. “Thought you might like some coffee.”
She smiles wide and lifts her hands out, wiggling her fingers in a “give me” motion.
I hand her the cup, then sit down on the foot of the bed, watching as she takes a sip. Her eyes widen. “It’s perfect. How did you know how I like my coffee?”
“I asked Megan,” I say. “She’s also the reason I knew you were awake.”
“Is that what she’s going to do with us now?” Evie asks. “Call us in tandem? Maybe we should just call her together and put her on speakerphone, get all the conversations out of the way at once.”
“We only texted, but don’t give her any ideas,” I say. “She’d probably love to have us on the phone together.”
Evie takes another sip, then sets the coffee down on the nightstand beside her bed. “Thank you. That’s delicious. Exactly what I needed.”
“Did you sleep?”
“Yes! Thanks to you. Juno didn’t wake up until six.”
“That’s amazing.”
“She’s in a much better mood this morning too,” Evie says. “She’s super smiley, if you want to see.” She spins Juno around and scooches her toward me.
I lean down on my elbow, stretching out across the foot of the bed, and tug Juno a little bit closer so I can easily make eye contact. When I do, Juno kicks her feet and coos.
“Good morning, Juno,” I say, lifting a hand and patting her belly. I smile, and she immediately smiles in return. When I make a silly face, she laughs.
I look up at Evie, eyes wide. “Did she just laugh at me?”
She grins. “She totally did. Pretty amazing, right?”
I repeat the face and watch in wonder as Juno laughs again and again, feet kicking in excitement. An ache forms deep in my chest that I can't identify at first, but then it shifts and sharpens, and I recognize it for what it is.
I want this.
I want lazy mornings in bed with my wife, a kid tucked between us. I want to make coffee for someone as easily as I make it for myself. I want to talk about a baby laughing or rolling over for the first time. I want to be a dad.
I focus on Juno’s smiling face and ask myself a surprisingly hard question. Does having them around make me want this generally? Like, now that I’ve gotten a taste of having a woman and a baby in my home, I know I want it for myself with a nondescript future someone? Or did Evie and Juno stir this awake in me because I want it specifically…with them ?
It only takes a few moments of thought to decide it’s the second one. When I try to picture that future life, it isn’t with some random, faceless woman. It isn’t Riley or anyone else I’ve ever dated. It’s Evie’s face I see.
Acknowledging as much only makes the feeling intensify, and I have to take a steadying breath to keep myself from saying something out loud.
Evie is studying me closely, a curious expression on her face. “I should probably get ready to go,” she finally says, though something in her tone makes it sound like she doesn’t want the moment to end any more than I do.
“Right. Absolutely.” I sit up and look down at Juno. “Do you…” I hesitate, not wanting to impose but also knowing I’d like to help. “Can I hang out with Juno while you do? Would that help?”
“Really?” Evie asks.
“Sure. I could take her downstairs. Watch some game tapes. See if she has any feedback for me.”
Evie laughs. “If you don't mind, that would be amazing. I would love to shower without having to worry about her.”
“I’d be happy to. I don’t have to be at the Summit until ten.”
Evie tosses off the covers and stands, and I do my best not to stare at the long stretch of her bare legs.
“Are you up for getting her dressed?” She crosses the room and rummages around in a drawer. “I already changed her diaper, so it’d be pretty easy. Onesie, stretchy pants, little socks.”
“Sure,” I say. “That sounds doable.” I stand and pick Juno up, noticing how much easier it feels. How much more comfortable I am with her in my arms. Evie hands over the clothes and walks with me to the bedroom door.
“Thank you for this,” she says. “Seriously. I shouldn’t be longer than forty-five minutes or so.”
“Take your time. I’m sure we’ll be fine.”
We are fine. More than fine. Juno is bendier than I expected her to be, and it’s pretty easy to wiggle her into her clothes and get everything snapped and adjusted. She’s still happy and smiling when her mom comes downstairs looking refreshed and more beautiful than ever.
Evie bustles around the kitchen, putting together a lunch and a few snacks to make it through her workday. She pulls several bags of milk out of the freezer, adding them to the diaper bag, then retrieves a few of Juno’s bottles from the dishwasher.
Little pieces of her, traces of her life, are present all over the house. The baby gear, the bottles, the piles of tiny laundry. The house has never felt so lived in, and I really, really love it.
“You’re going to do great today,” I say once I’ve walked her to the front door.
She looks up at me, blue eyes wide and brimming with hope and excitement. “Thanks.” She holds my gaze, then puts Juno’s carrier and all her bags on the ground beside her before stepping toward me and wrapping her arms around my waist. “Thanks for your help this morning.”
I hold her close, hands pressed to her back, and breathe her in.
She leans back and looks up at me, a vulnerability passing over her expression. “And last night too. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”
“I was happy to help,” I say, because it’s absolutely the truth.
As soon as I’m back inside, I pull out my phone and call Riley.
The faster she takes down the photos of us, the better. I want it clear to anyone who’s curious. Right now, there’s only one woman taking up space in my mind. And it’s Evie.