When He Reads To Me

43. Lissie

Chapter 43

Lissie

“It feels like home.”

“ I need to shower,” he says.

“Can I come with you?” I ask. “I mean, you wanted to talk, and I’ll need a shower before I have to see the lawyer today.”

“Clubhouse or my place?”

“Your house.” Grabbing a bag, we leave Letti’s and head to his place. We’re quiet on the drive. I’m not sure what to say. He let Cody live for me. Which I’m sure he wouldn’t have done for anybody else.

When we arrive, I smile as I look at the house. I love this place—it’s somewhere I could live forever.

“Why haven’t you been staying here?” I ask.

He kicks off his boots and tears off his shirt as he walks up the stairs. He doesn’t answer me, so I put my bag down and follow him.

When I reach his room, the shower is already running, and I easily see him through the open bathroom door. Deciding I don’t want us to fight, I take off my clothes, enter the bathroom, open the shower door, and step in behind him. He doesn’t stop me when I place my arms around his waist and pull myself to him.

“I think I love you, Elizabeth,” he whispers, still not facing me, his head against the wall. “And I fucking hate that I do.”

I flinch at his words. “Milo.”

He turns around, and before I can say another word, he pushes me backward, slamming my body against the wall and picking me up. He wastes no time positioning himself at my entrance, and I’m already eager and ready for him.

That’s the thing—I think I always will be for him. I yearn for his touch like it’s ingrained in me, and when I don’t have it, I miss it. Want it.

As soon as he slides into me, I wrap my arms around his shoulders and let him take control. He moves me up and down, each thrust deeper than the last, claiming me. All of me. I don’t tell him that he’s going too fast, that I can’t keep up my breathing—it’s rushed and shallow from the onslaught of emotions running through me right now.

Milo Savage just told me he loves me.

And that he hates that he loves me.

Maybe I hate that he loves me too.

Or maybe not.

Love.

Hate.

Those emotions can go and suck a dick.

But not his dick because that is currently mine.

I bite into his shoulder as I come. It didn’t take long for him to get me there. It never does with him. He knows exactly what he’s doing and how to do it. Perfectly.

He stops, burying his head in my neck, breathing heavily. “Don’t hate me,” he says quietly.

I pull back and look at him. “I don’t hate you, Milo.”

He lifts me up and off his cock, and when he places me back on my feet, he’s gentler, careful with each movement he takes. He turns away from me and steps under the spray. I hear him mutter something to himself before he turns to face me again. “You need to leave.” He steps out of the shower.

“What? Why?”

“Because I just changed my mind, and I am about to hunt down your husband and kill him.” He grabs a towel and wraps it around himself. “And you should leave this town now .” He walks out and leaves me standing in his shower, stunned and speechless. The warmth of the shower contrasts sharply with the cold emptiness settling in my chest as I try to process everything.

What the hell just happened?

As I step out of the shower, I stand there in his bathroom, unsure what to do. After getting dressed, I leave the bathroom and find him already dressed and shoving his feet in his boots. He turns to face me as his cell starts ringing.

“I’ll give you a ride.” He stands as he answers his cell phone. After a moment, his eyes find mine, and something has changed in them. “I want you to stay real calm,” he says in a soft voice, his hand gripping the cell.

I look at him, remaining calm, at least for now. “Do you think you being an asshole right now is going to make me lose it?” I ask with an eye roll.

“Elizabeth.” He says my name with such seriousness and takes a step toward me.

“Promise me you will stay calm.”

“What is wrong with you?”

“That was Mason,” he says. “He just found Letti.”

“Umm, okay, was she hiding?”

“He found her dead in her bed.”

I hear him say my name, but it doesn’t register.

Dead in her bed .

Like my mother was.

Maybe I’m dreaming.

I slap myself across the face, hoping it’ll wake me up, but I’m still standing here, staring into the eyes of the man who saved me many times from being alone in that house when I was married, but who is now the one responsible for breaking my heart.

“Say something, Elizabeth. You’re going pale.”

I can’t even fathom forming words right now. Thoughts are piling up in the back of my mind, but none are reaching my mouth. I take a tentative step back, and Milo reaches for me, but I put my hand out to stop him. His arm drops back to his side, listening to my unspoken instructions.

He’s lying.

He doesn’t want me here, so he’s lying to get me to leave.

“Talk to me,” he says.

But again, I say nothing.

I pick up my bag and head for the door. As soon as I reach to turn the knob and pull the door open, he says my name again. It makes me stop, and my hands grip either edge of the doorframe for balance.

“You’re lying in order to get me to leave,” I accuse.

Milo grabs my bag and throws it in the car. “We have to go. I have to find him,” he says.

“Find him ?” I rasp.

His dark eyes meet mine, and he lays his hand on my arm.

I shove him away.

I don’t want his hands on me.

“Cody. I have to find Cody.”

I shake my head. “Cody? Why?”

For the first time, a profound sadness clouds his eyes. “Because he killed her.”

“No. No, you just let him out. You said so yourself.”

“That was an hour ago. From where we were keeping him to Letti’s is a thirty-minute walk,” he explains.

“She could still be alive,” I breathe, hopeful, but Milo shakes his head.

“Mason had to be dragged out by Morris. Morris is a wreck—Letti was his sister. I have to go. I have to find him.” He opens the car door, and like a robot, I get in. He drives to Letti’s apartment and I sit in the car as he gets out.

“Stay in the car,” he orders me before he closes the door.

What is going on? My head can’t wrap around what is happening right now.

Surely, it’s all fake.

Pushing the car door open, I stand on shaky legs and walk up the stairs to her apartment. I find Mason sitting outside her bedroom door, his head between his knees and his chest rising up and down with each breath. He doesn’t even look my way as I push the door open wider.

I hear Milo’s voice and Morris’s grunted response before I see her.

Blood covers the bed, and her feet are hanging off the side. A loud scream rips through me, causing both men to swing their heads in my direction.

“It’s your fucking fault,” Morris shouts at me with hatred in his tone. I turn at the sound of a loud smack and find Morris sprawled on the floor.

“Get up,” Milo growls at Morris before turning to me and softening his tone as he says, “I told you not to come in here.” He reaches for me and lifts me bridal style, cradling my head against his chest to keep me from seeing.

But it’s too late.

There is so much blood.

Her white sheets were coated with crimson.

And Morris is right—it is entirely my fault.

Milo carries me out as a police officer arrives. He nods to Milo, and they exchange words, but I don’t hear them before I’m moved again. He puts me in the car, buckles me in, and takes me away. Neither of us says anything as we arrive at the clubhouse. When he parks, he hits the steering wheel hard as Axe walks out. Axe opens my door and looks across the car’s roof to Milo as he gets out.

“Keep her here. Don’t fucking let her leave,” Milo orders.

Axe nods and helps me out. My eyes are so blurry that I just let him guide me as if I’m a robot. He takes me to the room where I have spent so much time reading to Milo and shuts the door behind him.

I fall to the floor, curl into a ball, and cry.

This is all my fault.