When It’s All Said And Done

Chapter 1

Vanessa “Nessa” Evans

My mind raced a mile a minute as I laid next to my boyfriend of four years, Nasir.

The sex we’d just had temporary distracted my mind from the dark cloud over us.

Tomorrow was Doom’s Day in my book because it was Nas’ sentencing date.

Back when I was fifteen planning our future, I never pictured a prison stay as part of it.

With the unknown being unknown I was on pins and needles until tomorrow, and so was he.

“Nessa,” Nas called out.

“Yes?” I turned to face him.

“I can’t thank you enough for takin’ out a loan for my bond. I don’t know what I would’ve done had I had to stay in jail until my trial. I promise I’ll pay you back with interest.”

“Nas, stop that. I did it because I love you and I’d do it again in a heartbeat. You don’t have to pay me back because if the roles were reverse, I know you’d do the same. Plus, you’ll pay me back by buyin’ me a two-story house with a massive master bathroom and a big ass backyard.”

“It may be a while before I can do that, but I promise I gotcha.”

“It’s ok. However long it takes will be worth the wait. We’re goin’ to stay positive about tomorrow, ok? And no matter what the judge says I’m going to be there for you every step of the way.”

“Ok.”

He pulled me on top of him as he wrapped his strong arms around me.

Tears slowly slid down my face as I thought of this being the last time he’s able to hold me.

Nas was not only my first boyfriend but my first everything.

I didn’t know how I was going to handle him being away, but I was going to be strong for him.

There was no need for me to hound him for the decision he made three months ago that landed us here.

He was already beating himself up enough and the only thing I wanted to give him was peace.

I said a quick prayer before I closed my eyes to try and get some rest.

The next day, my leg bounced uncontrollably as I sat behind Nas in the courtroom.

I had a death grip on his grandma’s, Evangeline who everyone calls Mama Eva, hand as my stomach flipped around.

When the judge ordered Nas to stand up for his sentencing time seemed to move in slow motion.

Nas was about to be sentenced for an attempted armed robbery charge, and with this being his first time in trouble I was hoping for probation or even just a year away.

My hope quickly evaporated soon as the judge opened his mouth.

“You are hereby sentenced to five years in the Florida Department of Corrections. Bailiff, escort Mr. Wilson to the back to be processed. He’ll be shipped off in four days’ time.”

The wind felt as if it were knocked out of me as I did my best to stand.

Mama Eva helped me to my feet as the tears came down at rapid speed.

As the bailiff made it to Nas, he turned to face me.

His face was a mix of emotions, I could see the hurt, anger, defeat, and sadness clear as day.

We mouthed ‘I love you’ to each other before he shook his head.

My eyes stayed on him as they walked towards the back.

When he looked at me again his face was stone cold and free of any emotions that I’d just seen which worried me.

“Jesus, be with my baby,” Mama Eva prayed as we left the courtroom. “Nessa, how are you holdin’ up?”

“I think I’m goin’ to be sick,” I answered as I searched frantically for a bathroom.

Running into the women’s bathroom, I entered an empty stall just as I threw up what little breakfast I’d eaten.

Wiping my mouth with some tissue, I dropped it in the toilet before flushing it.

After I washed my hands, I made my way out to find Mama Eva.

When we made it to her 2007 Toyota Camry, I got into the driver’s seat.

Before we pulled off, I had another break downbecause what was I going to do without Nas for five years.

Mama Eva didn’t speak any words but rubbed my back until I was ready to go.

When we pulled onto her block in Liberty City, the whole strip was hot.

Kids ran through the street while women strutted up and down the sidewalk in little shorts.

With the hope of catching the eye of one of the dudes shooting dice or making plays while music blasted from parked cars.

All of this was a typical day during the summer in Miami.

I pulled into Mama Eva’s driveway before helping her out of the car.

“You gonna spend the night with me again?” Mama Eva inquired as she sat in her recliner next to the AC window unit in the living room.

“Yes ma’am. That way I can use your car and go see Nas in the mornin’ before my shift,” I answered as I covered her with a blanket. “But first I’m goin’ to go check on my mama.”

“Ok sweetie. Well, take my keys with you and lock the front door.”

“Yes ma’am.”

After securing the front door, I headed down the sidewalk towards my house.

We lived a few blocks over in Pork and Beans projects.

As I made my way home, I spoke to some of the kids and ignored the dog calls coming from some of the niggas.

My heart belonged to one guy, and everybody in the neighborhood knew that.

When I made it to the front door, my heart dropped when my eyes landed on the eviction notice.

Snatching the paper off the door, I entered the small two-bedroom apartment I shared with my mom. Daphne.

“Ma! You home?!” I yelled out as I surveyed the empty liquor bottles all over the living floor.

“Yeah, baby. I’m in my room,” she called out.

Stepping over the bottles, I made my way towards her room to get some answers.

I’d just given her majority of my check.

Plus, it was going to be impossible for me to pick up more shifts at Family Dollar because I’d just paid for me to start my CNA classes at night.

This eviction was the last thing I needed to be stressed about with everything else on my plate.

When I stepped in the doorway of her room, I was disappointed by the sight before me.

She laid spiraled cross her mattress naked with a bottle in her hand.

Ma, get up! I came home and there was an eviction notice on the door,” I explained as I shook my head. “I been giving you money to go towards the bills but clearly you haven’t been payin’ them.”

“Girl, don’t come in here fuckin’ lecturin’ me! I’m the mother in this bitch!” She snapped as she tried to sit up.

“Then fuckin’ act like it because we ‘bout to be out on the damn streets!”

“Ain’t no we. Yo’ ass hardly be here. You be over there with Nas and his grandma. So, just gone back over there I’ll figure my shit out. Hell, I think I can go stay with one of my friends.”

“Are you serious right now?”

“Yes, Vanessa, I am serious. You’re grown now and I can’t keep stressin’ over takin’ care of you. Mama gotta live her life.”

“Some fuckin’ life.”

“Vanessa Aaliyah Evans, watch yo’ mouth.”

“Why? I’m grown, remember? But you don’t want me here fine. I’m gone.”

I ignored whatever she was saying as I took a few steps down the hall to get to my room.

With tears running down my face, I packed up my stuff and placed them in trash bags.

It hurt my feelings the way my mom tossed me to the waist side like she didn’t give a fuck about me.

Granted she wasn’t the best mother growing up but she made sure to always keep a roof over our heads and some food in the fridge.

Giving my room one last look, I cleaned my face before leaving out.

It was so humiliating walking back to Mama Eva’s house with two trash bags in hand.

I walked with my head held high unfazed by the whispers.

Once I was safe inside the house, I cried again until Mama Eva came and found me by the door.

After I explained everything to her she was happy to have me move in with her.

The comfort she gave me today was the only thing that got me through such a rough day.

The next day, I was at the jail soon as visiting hours started.

After I was searched, I waited for Nas at a table.

It seemed like forever passed as other inmates came out but not Nas.

Just as I was about to ask a guard for an update, the door opened and out walked Nas.

The emotionless expression he had on his face was still there but accompanied by a slight mug.

The clean fade he now sported through me for a loop as I continued to take him in.

His warm brown skin covered his six-foot muscular build.

As I looked into his dark eyes, I felt like I was staring into bottomless pits as he sat in front of me.

His tattoos were visible before the sleeve of his orange jail-issued uniform.

I noticed his strong jaw flexing out the corner of my eyes, which caused me to look up and notice him staring at me.

“You cut your hair?” I wondered as my eyes shifted back to the top of his head.

“Yep,” he shrugged as our eyes locked. “Might as well do it on my own time before these crackas do.”

“It’s different, but it doesn’t look bad. Plus, you got that good ass hair, so it’ll take no time for your dreads to grow back. Watch how these next five years fly by in a blink of an eye. I’ma be there every step of the way, I just hate that you’ll be sent away on your twenty first birthday.”

“Tell me about it.”

“But once you’re settled, I’ll be there to visit you, baby.”

“Speakin’ of that. We actually need to talk.”

“Yeah, we have so much to catch up. You’d be surprised with how much can happen within twenty-four hours. Because you won’t believe that stunt my mom just pu…”

“Vanessa, we’re done!” he shouted quieting the entire visiting room.

He looked around the room before clearing his throat to push through the awkward silence and stares.

My eyes misted as the other inmates continued with their conversations while I hoped that he didn’t say what he’d said.

“Uh, my bad. I didn’t mean to shout at you, but this is the best thing for everyone involved. ”

“The best thing for everyone or just you, Nasir?!”

“You may not understand it right now, but this really is for the best. Once I get to prison I want you to move on and live your life. I’ll be good so don’t worry about me, Vanessa.”

“I can’t believe you’re sayin’ this shit to me right now. We can do this time together, Nas.”

“It’s not about the time. I don’t want you anymore. Do whatever and whoever the fuck you want I don’t care.”

I wanted to yell, scream and shout, but nothing came out as I watched him stand to his feet.

I searched for some type of emotion in his eyes and face but came up empty.

My heart broke into a million pieces as I sat there as he walked back towards the door he’d exit out of.

A few minutes passed before I found the strength to finally get up.

Each step I took back to Mama Eva’s car felt so heavy, as I thought of everything that just transpired.

As I sat in the car, I cried my eyes out as I realized all the fucked-up shit I’d just gone through.

My phone rung breaking my crying session as I grabbed it out of my purse.

I held the phone as a picture of me and my best friend, Yasmine, taking over my screen.

As I battled with whether I wanted to talk or not, I continued to watch as the phone rung until it went to voicemail.

Letting out a sigh, I started the car before pulling away from the jailhouse.

On the way to Mama Eva’s house, I called Yasmine back and filled her in with everything.

Talking about it again worked me up, and Yas promised to meet me over there.

I wished like hell these last two days were a horrible nightmare, but this was actually my reality.

When I pulled up to the house, Yas was already waiting outside for me.

Soon as I got out of the car, she rushed over to me and hugged me tightly.

“I am so sorry, Nessa,” she apologized as I cried on her shoulder. “You really don’t deserve any of the fuck shit you’re goin’ thru.”

“Why would he do me like this?” I questioned as I broke our hug to open the door. “He just ended things like it was nothing! Like what did I do?!”

“Nessa, what’s goin’ on?” Mama Eva questioned as she joined us in the kitchen.

“He broke up with me! Oh, God, I’m goin’ to be sick.”

I brushed past them and darted into the bathroom. After I emptied my stomach, I noticed Yas and Mama Eva standing at the doorway.

“Nessa, are you ok?” Yas side-eyed me. “You’ve been throwing up a lot lately.”

“Yeah, my body just under a lot of stress,” I downplayed.

“I can understand the stress, but when was your last period? You’re usually asking me to bring you some feminine products, but this month you ain’t asked for shit.”

As I thought about this month it finally dawned on me that I hadn’t asked or brought anything for a period.

Mama Eva disappeared and came back with a pregnancy test for me to take.

They left me alone in the bathroom as I tapped the test against my hand and paced the floor.

The last thing I needed to add on my plate right now was a damn child.

But I’d be a fool to think the symptoms weren’t there.

“Well, what does it say?” Mama Eva questioned me as I entered the living room.

“It, uh, it, uh,” I stumbled over my words as I held the tip covered test in my hand.

“Give me this,” Yas grabbed the test from me. “Oh, shit. It says she’s pregnant!”

“Ooh, I knew I dreamed of fish for a reason the other night,” Mama Eva smiled brightly.

“We aren’t tellin’ Nas,” I sternly instructed causing Yas to look at me like I was crazy.

“Wait, what?” Mama Eva snapped her head in my direction.

“He made it very clear that we were done,” I reiterated. “If you want anything to do with my child, we’ll respect my wishes. Nas will not know about my child, understood?”

“I hope this isn’t permanent. But I understand,” Mama Eva reluctantly agreed. “I just hope that this is something you’ll be able to explain once he gets out.”

“I’m doin’ what’s best for me, like he did.”