24. Chapter 24
Ikeep replaying last night”s events in my mind, wondering how something so perfect could go so wrong.
After my dance with Patricia, I returned to our table and waited. I thought Laila had gone to the ladies” room. When she didn”t return after ten minutes, I asked Kim to check in on her, and I found out she wasn”t there.
I called her, but there was no answer. The last time I saw her, she was with Jim, so I looked for him. He was gone, too.
”Kim,” I said, ”do you have Jim”s phone number?”
”Murphy or Morris?” she asked.
”Murphy.”
I called the number.
”Hello,” Jim said.
”Jim, this is Sam.”
”Sam, I just dropped off Laila at your folks” house.”
”Why? I asked. ”What happened?”
”She saw you and Tricia making out.”
”What are you talking about?”
”I don”t know, man,” he said. ”We all saw it.”
”She kissed me,” I said in my defense. ”We were not making out.”
”Well,” he said, ”you”re going to have to explain that to her.”
”Are you coming back to the hall?”
”I am,” he said. ”I”m taking Kim and Jim home.”
As soon as he walked in the door, I was on him like white on bread.
”What the heck happened, Jim?”
”Hey, man,” he began when he saw me, ”you”re barking up the wrong tree. I only gave her a ride. She was pretty upset.”
When I headed for the door, Jim followed me.
”I gotta go, man,” I said, walking away.
”Wait,” he said. ”This is important.”
”What?” I asked, feeling frustrated and angry.
”I”m sorry,” he said, raising his hands in surrender.
”Talk fast,” I said, taking long strides to my car. ”I gotta go.”
”I tried my best to explain to Laila what a snake Patricia is.”
”What do you know about Patricia?” I asked, thinking he had no business interfering.
”I know you two had a huge fight our junior year,” he said. ”You wanted to go to Guatemala for the summer, but she didn”t. You were broken up for nine days during spring vacation.”
”How could you possibly know that?” I asked.
”I know that because she spent them with me.”
”What is that supposed to mean?” I asked, balling my hands into fists.
”I know this is hard to hear,” he said, taking a step back, ”but Patricia and I hooked up every night that spring, even after you got back together.”
”That”s impossible,” I said, ”and if you don”t shut your mouth, you will regret it.”
”Look, man,” he said, ”don”t threaten me. It”s the truth, and I can prove it.”
I stopped dead in my tracks and glared at him.
”Patricia has a small tattoo of her zodiac sign on her hip,” he said. ”She got it when she was sixteen using a fake ID.”
”What are you saying?” I asked, dumbfounded.
”No one can see that tattoo unless—.” He stopped talking when my posture changed to that of a coiled snake ready to strike.
”I”m sorry, man. I really am. I thought you two were broken up for good.”
”And after?” I asked. ”You said you were with her even after we got back together.”
”She”d come over in the middle of the night,” he said. ”I”d sneak her into my room using the stairs in the back of the house. You”ve been to my parents” house, so you know it”s around the corner from her parents. I”m telling you the truth.”
”Why tell me after all these years?” I asked, slowly realizing that the only thing this revelation was wounding was my pride.
”Because Patricia doesn”t love anyone but herself,” he said. ”She ruins everything she touches. She planned and timed that kiss perfectly so Laila would see it.”
”Goodbye, Jim,” I said before climbing into the car.
”The kiss is one thing,” I thought out loud. ”My lies are another. Laila is never going to forgive me.”
When I came home, she wasn”t here, so I kept calling and leaving messages. I was losing my mind. When eleven o”clock came and went, I debated whether I should call Loren or Adam to see if they”d heard from her. I chose Adam because I thought Aaron would kill me if I woke up his pregnant wife at two o”clock in the morning.
”I was waiting for your call,” Adam said as soon as he picked up, sounding wide awake.
”Where is she?” I asked.
”She”s coming home,” he said.
”All her stuff is still here.”
”It”s the middle of the night, Sam. She”s safe. She”ll call you when she”s ready.”
”Adam, I give you my word that this is all a misunderstanding.”
”Did you lie to her?”
”I did,” I admitted, ”but I had every intention of sitting her down and fessing up.”
”Yeah, that never works,” he said. ”Good night, Sam.”
”Okay,” I said. ”And Adam, I”m so sorry for waking you guys up.”
”No worries,” he said. ”We”ll talk soon.”
I spent the entire night sitting on the couch, hoping she”d call me.
At eight o”clock, my phone rang. I picked it up as soon as I saw it was Loren.
”Go ahead,” I said, ”tell me I”m an idiot.”
”She”s hurt and angry,” Loren said.
”I want to get on the first plane to New York and try to explain myself in person.”
”Give her some time, Sam. I know my sister. She needs time to process everything.”
”How can she process any of it if she doesn”t have all the facts?”
”You lied to her, Sam.”
”Yeah,” I said, ”that”s a fact I can”t dispute.”
”And a tough hurdle to overcome,” she said.
”Does Jon know?” I asked.
”No,” she said. ”Laila wants to talk to Mom and Dad in person.”
”I am so sorry,” I said. ”You know I”ve loved your sister since the moment I met her.”
”I know,” she says, ”but what you did was stupid.”
”How am I going to get her to trust me again?
”I don”t know.”
I may be a freelancer, but I still have to work for a living, so I grab my laptop, sit on the bench on the front porch, and try to move some projects forward. I keep getting email notifications throughout the day, but they”re all from Patricia. After the tenth one, I delete them from my inbox and trash folder. I also block her, which will send all her emails to my spam folder. Better there than where I can see them. Patricia”s constant barrage of emails gives me an idea.
Dear Laila,
I don”t know where to begin. I have so much to say that I should apologize in advance for the long email.
Let me start by saying that I”m sorry. I”m sorry for lying to you. I”m sorry for hurting you. I”m sorry for ruining everything.
Patricia is such a distant part of my past that I wanted to leave her there. I didn”t want to spend one single moment thinking about or talking about her. I thought if I ignored everything related to her, I”d never have to deal with her again. When she reappeared using a different name, I wanted her to be that person: Tricia Duncan, my pastor”s daughter, my classmate, the reunion organizer, and an old friend—nothing more. That”s where I went wrong.
By avoiding my past, I ruined my present and jeopardized our future.
You”re the most important person in my life, and I should have valued our relationship enough not to leave anything out, no matter how distant or insignificant. So, I would like to start at the beginning.
I was a skinny, lanky, awkward, taller-than-average kid who loved pizza, math, computers, and basketball. I wore thick glasses and grew out of my pants faster than I could replace them, so highwaters were a constant part of my wardrobe throughout high school. I was popular because I was on the basketball team and because I was Patricia”s boyfriend, not necessarily because I was attractive. Think Napoleon Dynamite, but taller. If this made you smile, it means you”re still reading this, and I might still have a chance to make it up to you.
Patricia and I knew each other growing up because we went to the same school, and she was the pastor”s kid at my church. My grandparents and Patricia”s parents have known each other forever. When my grandparents moved and would come back to visit, the Duncans came to the house to see them, and they would bring Patricia. That”s how I got to know her. She was beautiful, smart, and popular, and one day, she decided she wanted me. She was my first love, my first everything. She was an only child, spoiled and self-centered, but I didn”t care. I was infatuated with her.
We became official during the summer before our junior year of high school when we went to Guatemala with our church youth group. That trip was a defining moment in my life. I learned some Spanish, met interesting people, enjoyed their culture, and thought the food was incredible. I became my own person, separate from my parents, my siblings, and my friends, but especially separate from Patricia. The more I loved who I was becoming, the more she resented me.
When the spring of the following year rolled around, we had to reserve our spot for the next trip to Guatemala. I had been looking forward to it for a whole year. I had saved all the money I made tutoring and teaching piano, and I had taken Spanish courses for six months in preparation for the trip. When Patricia told me she wasn”t going, I didn”t try to convince her to go. I never could”ve predicted the wrath she would unleash on me when I told her I was going without her. When her temper tantrums didn”t dissuade me, she broke up with me.
Our breakup was almost a relief. I can”t explain it. I thought we were over for good and I was okay with it. When Patricia found out I had taken a girl out on a date, she searched me out and begged for us to get back together. I gave in, but nothing was ever the same again. I think she pushed my buttons just to see how far she could go. When the topic of children came up, she told me in no uncertain terms that children were out of the question, so I decided to break up with her.
By that point, I saw no future with her. We were both in college, seeing less and less of each other, but we were still a couple. The night I went to her apartment to break up with her, I think she knew. She told me she was having second thoughts about having a family. She said she loved me, and you can imagine the rest. I walked out of that apartment feeling ashamed, more obligated, and committed to remaining in the relationship and marrying her.
Part of me wants to believe that she loves me and that she has changed. The other part knows better.
The boy who loved Patricia is not the man I am today. But more importantly, the man I am today loves another woman.
I love you, Laila.
Call me when you”re ready to talk. I”ll wait as long as it takes.
I miss you.
Sam