When Sky Breaks: Burn & Break Duet Book 2

31. Sky

Nerves shot to hell,my hands tremble as I open the door to the restaurant. Convincing Johnny to meet me here in town instead of at a fancy restaurant took some cajoling, but eventually, he agreed.

He’s already at a table facing the big outside window, glancing over the menu with a slight grimace on his sharp features. Although he’s classically handsome in that never-a-hair-out-of-place sort of way, I’d pass over him in a crowd.

Imperfections ground us, yet I’d bet anything Johnny would see them as something that needs fixing instead of admired for their realness. Thank god he’s never noticed the scar on my palm, or else he’d probably recommend me to a plastic surgeon buddy of his. My scar, although a painful reminder, is also a source of strength, a badge of honor, the fact I’m still alive.

“Hey,” I say as I remove my jacket and place it on the back of the chair over my purse I let hang off it.

He stands as I sit and then slides back into his chair, clearing his throat. “Hey.”

I’m facing away from the window, so the only thing I get to look at is Johnny and the shadows in his dark eyes as he studies me.

“How’s the hospital?” I start off with, after giving the server my choice of drink. Small talk with Johnny is awkward, as I’m afraid to say the wrong thing. With August, I never need to guard my words.

He shrugs and turns the page on the menu. I already know what I want, and I’m positive it’s going to be nowhere near what he’d choose for me. The Rusted Tavern’s BBQ pork is cooked fresh every day and is so tender it melts right off the bones it was prepared with.

“Fine. I finished up some meetings and will head north soon. I can do a lot of work online with the staff here, but my other patients at Mercy need me.”

I nod and fidget with my napkin, rolling the thin paper between my fingertips. “Makes sense. I didn’t think you’d stick around for as long as you did.”

The server arrives with our drinks, and I quickly sip on the ice-cold water, hoping it settles the brick in my belly.

She takes our order, and the frown on Johnny’s face at mine is annoying as hell. Screw his steamed veggies and chicken breast over brown rice. It’s the middle of October, and I need comfort food when it’s cold outside.

As I place my hands in my lap to keep from shredding the napkin into tiny pieces, the back of my neck prickles. I glance over my shoulder out the front window, but the sun has set, and it’s too dark to see anything. Must be my anxiety over this impending conversation.

Last night, as I curled up in bed, clutching my blankets, what I needed to do struck out in stark clarity.

It was time to let Johnny go.

He’s merely been a placeholder the last few months, nothing more than a distraction to my problems. It’s not fair to lead him on, especially when I feel nothing toward him anymore. If I ever did.

It was fun in the beginning, but the more time I spent with him in my comfortable surroundings, it became clear how much he didn’t fit in my life.

The lavish parties and spontaneous vacations were exhilarating, a chance to shed my former skin. Until I realized I love the person I am. The quiet, book-obsessed woman who loves to help others and eat carbs, snuggling under the covers until it’s way past acceptable time to get out of bed, and most definitely wouldn’t consider swimming with sharks cathartic. I prefer all my limbs, thank you very much. A simple life with simple people who crave comfort just as much as me.

I didn’t have that. Except with one person. And not the one sitting across from me.

Finally, Johnny inches forward in his chair and seems to relax. He opens his hands wide as he props his elbows on top of the worn wooden table. “Look, babe, I’m just going to spit it out. I’ve tried to be as patient of a boyfriend as I can be for you, but something has to give. I’m going home soon, and I need to know if that’s even a good idea with your ex clearly trying to get you back.”

Goosebumps erupt on my arms as I slide my hands to grip the corners of the table. Eyes on his, I make sure he’s focused before I speak. Not even his handsome features can hide the complete incongruence of all this. “Let me be clear here. You’re not my boyfriend. You keep saying that, but we never actually sat down and discussed our status. As far as I was concerned, it was casual.”

Johnny pinches his fingers around the silverware he hasn’t unwrapped before releasing it. “So what, this was just some game or whatever to get back at your ex?”

I shake my head. “I had no idea he would be here. I came home for my dad. You’re the one who showed up and inserted yourself into my family business without talking to me first.”

He tenses his jaw. “I did it for you.”

“I never asked you to. I know the doctors here take excellent care of him, and he has me.” Heat rises in my chest. “I’m not some nurse who doesn’t know her shit, Johnny. Pediatrics or not, I have it handled.”

He looks past me, his eyes glazing over with frustration. “So now what? I just go home, and that’s it?”

My head jerks a nod. “Yes. I don’t think we’re compatible for each other.”

He snorts. “And your ex is? Come on, Sky, he’s just some lowlife who didn’t realize what he had in front of him.”

August isn’t perfect, but neither am I. He’s never been a lowlife, and that statement alone has anger rippling over my skin in waves. “I don’t expect you to understand. There’s a lot you don’t know about me or August and, to be honest, I never felt comfortable enough to let you in.”

To let anyone in. Except August. He knows the deepest parts of me and still never judged me once for them.

Johnny scrapes his chair away from the table as he stands, rising to his full height as if that will intimidate me. All I do is stare, impassive, as he pulls his sleek wallet from the pocket of his slacks and flicks it open. Dumping a wad of bills on the table, he glares at me as he tucks the wallet back in.

Unable to keep the barb to himself, Johnny spears me with a derisive expression as he shrugs on his suit jacket, looking so out of place here among the sea of jeans and T-shirts.

“Give my meal to your father. He needs to be eating healthier as he goes through treatment.” With that, he stalks out of the restaurant, the gust of wind from outside caressing the skin on my neck.

Relief floods me, and I slump in my chair. The rock sitting on my lungs cleaves away.

The server arrives and asks if I want everything to go, and I tell her no, that I want to eat my meal, and she can keep Johnny’s. Neither Foster nor Trek will eat it, and I’d rather give her more of a tip for having to witness Johnny being an ass.

Once I finish my delicious meal, I wipe my mouth, grinning at the barbecue sauce left behind, and hand her the whole wad of cash, loving the way her eyes light up when she sees how much I’m leaving her.

It’s the small things that count. Johnny can go screw himself.

* * *

“You got a minute?” I ask Phoebe once I’ve pulled out of the restaurant parking lot.

“Yeah, hang on,” I hear her say before rustling sounds come from the phone.

I place her on speakerphone so I can concentrate on driving.

“Sorry, I’m good now. Graham just turned on one of our episodes, so I made him pause it.”

“Oh, we can just talk later, then.”

“Absolutely not. He’s got a phone. He can browse while he waits. We spend a lot of time together, it’s you I miss. So tell me, how have you been, how’s Foster? Trek?”

I chuckle. “We’re fine. Pretty good, actually. I feel like we’re getting on the right track, you know?”

“Aww, babe, I love to hear that. What else? How’s Johnny?”

I sigh. “I just broke up with him.”

She gasps. “Really? What did he do? Do I need to grab Graham and drive down for some recon? Despite his gentle giant attitude, you know he’d back you up.”

“No. It’s fine. I just realized he wasn’t for me. It just didn’t feel right.” I crinkle my nose, remembering the pinched look on Johnny’s face whenever I did something he didn’t approve of. Like I was one of his patients who chose the chocolate pudding over the oatmeal because when you’re dying, the last thing you want to eat is bland food.

She hums. “Probably the right call. He was all right for the most part, but I don’t think he got you like he should’ve.”

“Definitely not. There were days I would barely remember to text him, let alone see him.”

She’s silent for a minute while I sit at a stoplight, the car finally warm, and all the windows clear from the condensation.

“Does it have anything to do with August?”

I hit the gas when the light turns green. “Some of it. August and I have spent some more time together.”

There’s a loud shriek from her end.

Her shocked response makes me elaborate. “Not like that, no. Make no mistake, this hasn’t been easy. Seeing him and being around him has been hard…”

“But?”

The breath I release is shaky, as are my words. “It’s made me realize a lot about myself and how I’ve shut so many people out. And god, Phoebe, I can’t lie. The chemistry is still there between us.”

“Chemistry is just chemicals.”

“You’re talking to a nurse. Of course, I know this, but…”

“But what? He hurt you. It’s hard for me to forget it, but seems a piece of cake for you.”

My teeth ache as I grind them. “It’s been far from it. In fact, I don’t think I’ve slept more than five hours a night since I’ve been back. But listen to me, please. Just listen.”

She sighs. “I’m here, babe.”

I squeeze my fingers around the steering wheel. Her resolve is weakening, just like mine. “I know you’re just looking out for me. But August makes me feel alive and safe. He’d do anything for me. You can’t sit here and tell me that Graham doesn’t do that for you?”

Phoebe talks, and finally, there’s a smile in her voice. “Graham is my person. He gets me. Now, he didn’t pull the shit August pulled on you, so it’s definitely a different experience.” Her sigh is heavy yet full of understanding. “But you two have always had this like special connection. Hard to explain, but it felt like you two belonged together.”

I’ve reached the driveway, so I park and lean my head on the rest, massaging the tight muscles in my neck. “Well, I’m not as mad at him anymore.”

Phoebe laughs. “That’s a good sign. I might not be like super duper excited about this, but all I’m gonna say is, take it slow. There’s no rush. Spend more time getting to know this version of August and see if he still makes you feel that way.”

“I think I still love him,” I whisper, the words crystalizing like ice on glass.

“It’s okay if you do, hun. Like I’ve said before, if you felt nothing for him, you wouldn’t have hated him for so long. Means he makes you feel something.”

Love and hate run parallel to each other. I hated August for what he did, but I think I’ve always loved him for who he is.

“Thank you. I’ve missed you and your sageness.”

She chuckles. “Babe, I got you. Keep me updated. I’m glad things are going well. I’m gonna need you to visit, though. I love Graham, but I need some Sky time.”

After making promises to see each other soon over the holidays, I hang up and sit in the car admiring the new shutters and new outside lamp, the glow warm against the dark sky.

She’s right—I should take it slow because although forgiveness is powerful, it doesn’t erase.

But the mere thought of releasing August from this wound unravels a string in my belly, unspooling the tension I’ve held so close to my heart.

It’s time to let go of the last threads of hate and hold on to love.