When We Burn (The Blackwells of Montana #1)

Prologue

DANI

Twelve Years Old

“ D ANI!”

Oh, no. No, no, no.

I made him mad. Again.

My heart is pounding in my ears, and I think I’m going to throw up.

Hide, Dani.

No, I can’t hide. It’ll only make things way worse if he has to look for me.

I poke my head around the side of the living room, looking into the kitchen, and swallow hard when Dad’s eyes narrow on me.

“You didn’t do your chores this morning.”

“I d-d-did. I just forgot the eggs.” By the time I utter the last word, it’s hardly audible, and he’s stomping toward me. Oh, God. Please don’t do this, Dad.

I cringe when he takes me by the shoulders and gives me a shake. How I wish Holden was here.

“You’re worthless,” Dad spits into my face. I can smell beer on him, even though it’s before nine in the morning. “You’re nothing. I should kill you, just like I did your fucking whore of a mother.”

I can’t stop the sob that comes out of my throat, and that only makes him madder.

“Oh, are you going to cry ? Of course, you are, you stupid bitch. Well, then I’ll give you something to cry about.”

“No!”

He stops, and I cringe. Talking back is the absolute worst thing to do. He tugs me even closer, his nose almost touching mine.

“You think you can fucking sass me, you little cunt?”

I whimper, and that horrible smile slithers over his face. I might die today. I almost wish I would because then this wouldn’t happen to me again.

“Guess it’s time to teach you a lesson.”

I want to plead, to beg for him not to do this. But it wouldn’t do any good because my father is a monster. He’s worse than anything that could be thought up in movies or books.

He’s the devil.

With something between a snarl and a laugh, he grabs my hair and yanks me, striding fast through the kitchen .

He’s not going to just run the faucet over my face this time?

Oh, God. Mom, if you’re in heaven, I think I’m coming to see you today.

He busts through the back door, still dragging me. I can vaguely hear my sisters crying. I don’t know where they came from. My eyes are wild as I try to see, to look around us. I think that’s Darby running toward the barn, and I hope with all my might that Dad doesn’t see her because she’ll get it next.

We’re not allowed to go to the barn.

Dad’s yelling, but I don’t understand the words through the rushing of blood in my ears. I can see the pond now. The pond that’s so dirty, so filthy and full of snakes and bugs that none of us will go near it. But right now, my choice has been taken away. Again.

The next thing I know, my head is being held under the water, and all I can hear is the bubbles in my ears. I hold my breath as long as I can, and just when I think I have to take a breath, I’m pulled out, and Dad’s face is in mine again.

“You stupid little fucking bitch !” I’m gasping, struggling to pull in enough air because I know I’m about to go back into that water.

But suddenly, I hear the horse, and then Holden has punched Dad, knocking him on his butt, and I’m being gently urged away from the water as Holden punches Dad again.

“No!” I scream, reaching for my brother. “He’ll kill you! ”

Oh, God, what have I done? Dad will kill my brother. We can’t lose him. We’d never survive.

I hear the crunch of bones, and my heart drops in terror.

“You fucking rat?—”

Whack!

“You’ll never lay another fucking hand on them, you hear me?” Holden yells.

And then there’s a terrifying thump, and I’m too scared to look. But Dad’s knocked out, and then Holden’s in front of me, holding my face in his hands. “Are you okay, baby?”

I nod, and then I wrap myself around my brother. Oh, God, what if he killed Dad? What would we do if Holden went to jail? As much as I hate him, please don’t let him be dead.

My sisters are with us now, all crying. Darby’s the oldest, and she’s trying to comfort us. I feel horrible because I’m so wet, and I don’t want them to get wet, too. But no one seems to care about that.

Clinging to each other, Holden herds us to the truck, grabs a towel out of the back seat, and wraps me in it, before getting us settled. There aren’t enough seats for all of us to have belts, and we have to sit on laps, but he’s driving away from our ranch and over to the Blackwells’.

We always go to the Blackwells’ ranch when we need to escape.

I don’t know why, but Dad never follows us here. It’s the place that we feel the safest.

Someone must have called ahead because Brooks, Beckett, and Bridger are there to greet us. I wonder when Holden told them we were coming. I’m both mortified and relieved, though, and so thankful that we’re here. We’re led inside, and it’s then that I lose the fragile hold on my strength.

The tears start.

My father tried to kill me.

And then as I replay the last twenty minutes, they won’t stop, and it only makes it harder for me to breathe.

“You should take her up to the shower,” Brooks says to Darby, who’s holding my hand. “Get her cleaned up. You don’t want to get sick from that pond water, Dani.”

“I don’t want a shower,” I say, instinctively pulling away from Darby, but then Bridger’s there, and he takes my hand.

“It’s okay, kitten,” he says, and my heart pounds as I look up at him. He’s smiling, but his eyes look hard, like he might be mad. I don’t think he’s mad at me, though. “Just a shower, not a bath.”

“That’s right,” Darby says as she leads me upstairs and into a bathroom. “I promise, you’re safe in this water, Dani. I promise . ”

I take a deep breath and look back at Bridger. He’s three years older than me, and he’s always been my friend.

He nods and steps back. “I’ll wait right out here. It’s okay.”

I sigh, and then Darby murmurs something to him and closes the door.

“Come on, baby girl. Let’s get you cleaned up.”

The shower wasn’t so bad, even though we had to wash my hair and my face, and now I’m sitting out on the porch with all of the siblings. Not just mine, but Bridger’s, too. There are ten of us kids, so it’s a good thing the porch is big.

Their mom came home—not surprised to see us all there—and gave us ice cream. Vanilla fudge ripple.

It’s my favorite.

“How are you doing?” Bridger’s sitting on one side of me, and his sister, Billie, is on the other. My twin sister, Alex, is sitting on the floor between my knees, and I’m running my fingers through her hair, soothing us both. It’s what Mama used to do when we’d sit at her feet.

“Better.” I smile up at him. All of the Blackwells are cute, but Bridger? I’ve started to notice things about him lately. Things that I’d never tell him because I would be mortified. He’s just my friend, but he’s my brother’s best friend, and I know those two things will never change. “You don’t have to stay with me. I’m okay.”

“I’m happy here,” he says and then looks over my head to his sister. “You happy here, Billie?”

“Yep,” she says and licks her cone. “Why did he do it, Dani?”

I blow out a breath, still not altogether steady. It. No one wants to say out loud what he just tried to do to me. “ I-I-I forgot to get the eggs this morning, and when he said he was going to hurt me, I said n-n-no. ”

They’re quiet for a long minute, both of them forgetting all about their ice cream. Alex tips her head against my leg. She’s so quiet, and I know we’ll huddle together under the blankets later and cry.

“He’s a monster,” Billie whispers, repeating what I thought myself earlier. She leans her head on my shoulder.

But Bridger still hasn’t said anything at all, so I take a peek up at him, and the look on his handsome face almost scares me.

He’s mad.

“Bridge?”

“Fuck, Dani.” He shakes his head and tosses his cone into a trash can before he wraps his arms around me and hugs me close. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”

I let him hold me, because Bridger gives really good hugs. Billie’s rubbing circles on my back. I look around the porch and notice that everyone is quiet, watching us.

They heard.

Holden’s breathing hard, his eyes narrowed. I know he wants to kill Dad, but he can’t because then he’d go to jail, and he won’t leave us.

So we’re just stuck. Charlie, my baby sister at just two years younger than me, crawls into Holden’s lap, crying. She’s ten, but she still clings to our older brother as if she’s a baby, and he holds on to her but never looks away from me .

I feel loved here. Protected. But I have no idea how long this feeling will last. If it will at all. Because the monster will never stop.