Chapter 18 French Fries and Fuck Ups
CHAPTER 18: FRENCH FRIES AND FUCK UPS
LACEY
T he last fifteen minutes have felt like being trapped on a roller coaster. I’m still processing what happened when Jace shuts the door behind Eli and turns to face me. I’m honestly not sure where we go from here. For ten years I built up what he did to me in my head and have hated this man because I thought he betrayed me.
I play back the memory burned into my mind of that day in the coffee shop. I was so sure. Mariah was so sure. She wouldn’t shut up about it. Kept pointing out all the little things I missed. And then I got home and when I told my mom we broke up, she didn’t even ask why. Instead told me I should have never tried long distance and it was doomed from the beginning. Her words solidified everything I was feeling and I completely crumbled.
How could I have been so wrong?
“Now what?” I hear him ask. He walks over and sits in a chair across from me. “Are you hungry? I made fries.”
“You made fries?”
He nods. “Yeah, I remembered you liked them and thought I might need a peace offering.” He lets out a low chuckle and I sit there stunned. He rubs his hand over the back of his head. His eyes locked on mine.
“Hold on.” He jumps up and moves into his kitchen. I hear the shuffling of what sounds like pots and pans. He walks back into the living room. His hands are full of a bowl of freshly cut fries, a plate, and a variety of dips. He sets it all on the coffee table in front of me. He didn’t heat up something frozen. He actually made me fucking hand cut French fries.
“Thank you.” I bite my lip and grab one from the bowl. Squirting a little ranch on the plate, I drag the fry through it and then pop it into my mouth. He returns to his chair and watches me. Fuck they’re good.
My mind races, trying to come up with something to say. How do I even begin to tell him how sorry I am?
“Do you like them?” he asks.
“I’m so sorry,” I say at the same time as his question.
“Oh, yeah. They’re delicious,” I say. I take a deep breath and rub my hands on my denim shorts before crossing my arms. “Do you mind if I start?”
He nods and leans back into his chair.
“So, let’s see. The September after you left, I convinced my parents to let me go visit Mariah in Virginia for fall break. The plan was for me to take the train into D.C. and surprise you. The day of the trip, she came with me.” I pause trying to remember every detail of the day. He offers me a smile and another nod. “So, we were on our way to your place and we passed by the coffee shop you had been raving about…”
“The Espresso Bean,” we both say at the same time.
I take a deep breath. “Yes, The Espresso Bean. So anyway, everytime we did talk you’d rave about the coffee and the pastries. I decided to go in and get us both a coffee.” I laugh to myself. “I didn’t want to show up empty handed.”
“Lacey, I had no?—”
“Please, let me finish.” He nods and I continue. “So, we walked in and the shop was packed with people. Mariah saw the two of you before I did. You were seated at this tiny table with a woman, who I now know was Eli. You were sitting close to one another, I remember, closer than friends would be sitting. And you were making her laugh. You both looked so happy and I froze. Mariah grabbed my arm and drug me out the door and back to the train before I could really process what I’d seen.”
“Why didn’t you talk to me?”
“I don’t know.” I let my head fall into my hands. “After you left, you got so busy and I was so lonely. I felt like I was the annoying high school girlfriend not letting you live your new, cool life. You remember how it was? We would plan to talk and then we wouldn’t. I felt like I was losing you and then I saw you with her.”
He leans forward onto his knees and I grab a couple more fries. “Just because I was busy didn’t mean I didn’t want to be with you. When you called, it felt so out of the blue. I didn’t know what to do or say. I don’t understand why you didn’t say something about Eli then.”
I stand and start pacing back and forth in front of his couch. “Because I was seventeen and emotional. I was embarrassed. I mean, fuck, I had planned on…” My voice trails off and I stop moving. I’m not sure I want to tell him what my plan had been. The embarrassment I felt that day creeps back in and makes my stomach turn. I was seventeen. I was in love and I thought I was losing him. I got it in my head we needed to connect and convinced myself sleeping with him was the best course of action. And then I saw him with her and I froze.
“You had planned on what?”
Hearing his question breaks my thoughts, and I let my eyes settle on him. He’s looking up at me, his sky-blue eyes begging for me to continue.
“I had planned on sleeping with you,” I say quietly. He clears his throat and I watch as his Adam’s apple bobs up and down. “So imagine how embarrassed I was that I came all that way with the grand plan to give myself to you and then I saw you with someone else. It was mortifying. So I called you and ended it because you had hurt me and I didn’t want to give you the satisfaction of knowing you had.” I plop back down on the couch.
“I’m sorry,” he says.
“You’re sorry? I’m the one that fucked all of this up. I’ve created some huge drama because of some teenage narrative I’ve been telling myself for ten years. You must think I’m the worst person you’ve ever known.”
“I could never think that.” His words hang in the air and for a second he looks at me like he did when we were teenagers. Like I am the only girl he’s ever seen. I push the thought from my head. My phone pings and I look down.
Cute Stalker: Thinking about you! Want to grab dinner tonight?
I put my phone face down on the coffee table and look back up at Jace. “I mean you tried to talk to me and I ignored you. Hell, I blocked you and convinced Poppy to block you too.” I shake my head. “I’m just, well, I’m so sorry.” Tears well in my eyes and I try to wipe them away. “Oh, god dammit,” I blink. “I got something in my eye.”
He stands and strides over to where I’m sitting. “Here, let me look.” He settles in next to me and our knees brush against each other. He barely grazes my cheek as he moves his fingers to my eye. His other hand rests on my upper arm, steadying himself. My skin tingles under his touch and my lungs fill with his deep, woodsy scent. My breath hitches as I allow my eyes to flutter shut. He carefully plucks something from my eyelashes. “It was a piece of fuzz,” he says, causing me to open my eyes again. He studies my face and time feels frozen.
“Lacey?”
“Yeah?”
“Can I hug you?”
I hesitate for a minute before answering. Growing up, he was always there when I needed him. Always willing to give me a hug when life felt hard. My parents weren’t like Jace or Poppy’s parents. They were great at showing us they were proud of our accomplishments, but when we were hurt or upset, it was like my mom couldn’t handle the stress of it and my dad thought talking would fix it. Jace was always there to hold me and let me cry on his shoulder. A hug from him could make the worst days instantly better. For ten years, I’ve wished so many times I could hug him and now he’s sitting inches away from me.
“Lacey?”
“Huh?”
“Can I hug you? It looks like you could use one.”
I nod my head and his arms instantly wrap me up and pull me in close. I let my arms wrap around him and my body melts into his. Tears threaten to fall because he’s right, a hug is exactly what I needed in this moment. His body is warm and his grip is firm. How is it that we haven’t spoken in ten years and he knows exactly what I need? My phone pings again and I move a cushion away, unsure of how long I let him hold me. I grab it from the coffee table and swipe up.
Poppy: You still over there?
I look up to find he’s still sitting next to me. “So, where do we go from here?” he asks.
“I’m not sure.” There’s so much more that needs to be said, so much lost time that needs to be made up, but his touch has left me feeling dizzy and I know I need to leave. I need to go home and process everything. “I mean I’ve hated you for ten years. Do I just stop hating you?” I laugh, trying to make light of everything.
“Maybe we try to be friends again?” His eyes meet mine with a silent plea.
“I’d like to try that.”
“Good. I’ve missed you, pixie.”
“I’ve missed you, too, J.” His face breaks out into a wide grin.
“Poppy,” I yell, swinging the door to our apartment open. “You home?”
She walks out of her room holding a duffle bag. “How was your meeting with Jace?”
“I really fucked up.”
She drops her bag by the door with a thud. “What do you mean?” She raises an eyebrow.
We both move to the couch and I recap the events of the day. By the end, tears are running down my cheeks. “I’m so sorry. I convinced you to hate him. If you never forgive me I understand. I was so sure. I never meant for this to happen.”
She rubs my back in slow circles, helping me to calm down. “It’s okay. It was a long time ago. He’s back now, so let’s focus on the future. You can’t change the past and neither can I.”
“You aren’t mad?”
“I mean I’m not exactly thrilled, but we both made decisions based on the information we had. I know you wouldn’t have told me unless you believed it to be true and at the time you did.” She wraps her arms around me. “I chose you then and I would choose you again. I’m glad we can all move forward. I’ve missed the three musketeers.”
My eyes land on her duffle bag. “You going to Logan’s again?”
She nods. “Do you want me to stay here? I can call him. I know he would understand.”
“No, I’m okay. It was a long day. I’m probably going to curl up in bed with a book and try to process it all. Fill him in on everything, will you?”
“Of course. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She walks across the room and grabs her bag. She stops at the door and turns back towards me. “I’m so proud of you. I know today was hard, but I’m glad y’all talked. Love you.”
“Love you more,” I say as she closes the door behind her.
My head falls back on the couch, and I let out a long breath. My phone chimes.
Cute Stalker: Everything okay?
Shit, I never texted him back.
Lacey: Yes, I’m so sorry. It’s been a weird day. Rain check?
Cute Stalker: Of course. Can I do anything to make it better?
Lacey: You’re sweet, but no. I’m okay.
I climb into bed with my e-reader. The sun is still shining outside, but I need to decompress and relax. I open the enemies to lovers book I’ve been attempting to read, but after a few chapters I put it down. I can’t focus. My head is spinning with the events of the day. That hug . My stomach knots as I think about the past ten years. How different they may have been if I hadn’t assumed the worst of him. If I hadn’t listened to everyone else and let my insecurities win.
I mindlessly play with the locket around my neck and stare at the ceiling fan. Grabbing my phone, I click on my brother’s name. I sit up in bed and continue to play with the necklace while I wait on him to answer. His sandy blond hair and green eyes come into view.
“Hey, Sis,” he says, over lots of shouting and loud music in the background.
“Hey, bud. Is now a bad time?” I ask.
“Lacey, you there? I can’t see you.”
“Oh shit. Yeah. I’m here. Can you hear me?”
“Lacey?” The video freezes and his voice sounds muffled.
“Colt?” The line drops. Fuck.
Colt: Sorry I’m out with friends. I’ll call you soon. Promise.
Lacey: Have fun!
I throw my phone down on the mattress and pick up my e-reader again. My phone pings again and I swipe up fully expecting to see a message from my brother. My heart stops when I see Jace’s name instead.
Jace: Tell me something I don’t know about you.
Lacey: Why?
Jace: We’ve got ten years to catch up on. Humor me.
Lacey: I like to dip my fries in chocolate ice cream.
Jace: Why didn’t you say anything earlier? I think we had some chocolate ice cream in the freezer.
Lacey: LOL! You should try it.
Jace: Hold on.
A few minutes pass, and then three dots appear on the screen.
Jace: We had some! You’re right. Chocolate ice cream is definitely a top tier dip option.
Lacey: No way you’re eating fries in chocolate ice cream right now.
Jace: selfie attached
Jace: We didn’t finish off the fries, so I had to try it for myself.
Lacey: I’m glad you like it!
Jace: Maybe we could grab some together sometime.
My heart starts to race when I read his text. Together. I’m trying to think of a response when three dots appear again.
Jace: I meant as friends. You know, just to catch up.
Friends. My heart deflates. Of course that’s what he meant. I should be thankful he even wants to be my friend. I definitely don’t deserve it.
Lacey: I’d like that!
Jace: Me too.