When You Were Mine (Mistletoe and Silver Foxes #2)

Chapter Two

TWENTY-SIX YEARS LATER

“Jasper, what the hell?” To say Darby was blindsided was the understatement of a lifetime.

Her brother’s assistant raised both hands. Don’t look at me. “I had no idea.”

Of course, he didn’t. Her brother had hired someone to transform their grandparent’s hotel into a luxury resort. He might be making the final choices, but the designer was sourcing talent and setting up interviews.

And anyway, after witnessing all she’d gone through as a teenager, her brother would never consider hiring Emil. And certainly not without giving Darby a heads-up.

Why would Emil want this job anyway? He lives in Hofn, a town four hours away.

Except it was true. This is real.

Emil is here.

At that moment, he was in her brother’s office interviewing for the job of landscaper.

When the designer had led him into the dining room, he’d taken one long look at Darby and then disappeared into her brother’s office.

His unreadable expression jarred her.

God, she was shaking.

And how crazy was the timing? Not even twenty-four hours ago, she’d asked a man to marry her. After being single for her entire life, she was finally moving on from her first love and entering a relationship that might not be romantic but would provide her the companionship she’d lacked since catching Emil and his pregnant “friend.”

“What’s he doing here?” she asked, mostly to herself. Her fiancé and the wedding planner had left the room, her brother was interviewing Emil, so it was just her and Jasper.

“Interviewing for?—”

“I know that. I know. I’m sorry. I’m just…I feel sick.” She went light-headed and woozy, but when she reached out to keep from collapsing, she caught only a handful of air.

“Here.” Jasper put a chair under her. “Sit.”

Her ass hit the hard wood. She didn’t need to hang around and wait for him. She could go to her room and get ready for the first chef tasting which started in an hour.

But she was rooted to the spot. She needed?—

What? What do you need from him?

You’re not even the same woman you were when you were together.

Don’t give him this power over you.

A door opened and laughter came out of her grandparents’ old office—her brother’s now. As the deep voices approached, Darby got up.

She would not let him see her like this.

I’m a grown woman—an accomplished race-car driver—and I’ve had the big, wonderful life I always dreamed of.

He’s a first love, nothing more.

When the two men rounded the corner and found her standing there, her brother’s eyes flared in concern, and Emil came to an abrupt stop.

“Jasper, come on.” Her brother motioned for his assistant. “Let’s get to work.”

The two men left, leaving her alone with him.

Emil.

“Hi.” She faked a big, stupid smile.

Oh, my God. Hi?

You said, Hi?

Way to regress back to the silly teenage girl who pitched fits when she saw other girls flirting with him. And they did.

Dear God, did this man get attention.

But she wasn’t a girl. She was a grown woman who led a NASCAR team. She commanded respect by being fair, but firm, strong but reasonable, and generous but mindful of the budget set by sponsors.

She put herself back in the driver’s seat of that last race before she’d retired. Strapped inside the cockpit in her five-point harness, she’d cornered that final turn at one-hundred-ninety miles per hour. Drenched in sweat, she’d run on instinct, on decades of training. She’d held onto control, pulled ahead, and won.

That’s who I am.

“It’s been a long time.” There. She sounded better. More confident.

But he didn’t answer. He just stared at her.

She knew better than to engage in the kind of casual conversation expected in social situations, though.

He only speaks when he has something to say, remember?

“I’m surprised to see you here,” she said. “You don’t live in Hofn anymore?”

“If I limited my business to my hometown, I’d be mowing lawns and planting flowers.”

That made sense. Well, it was a long and often sparse coastline. He couldn’t work in every hotel and B&B along the Ring Road. “You must have a team of landscapers working with you?”

He nodded. “My business is headquartered in Reykjavik, but I have contracts with a lot of the major hotels and resorts on this side of the island.”

“Oh, wow. That’s great.”

Are you married?

Do you have kids?

How long did it take you to move on from me?

Because—fun fact—I never did.

“How are your parents?” she asked.

She saw the moment the fire puttered out, and she knew she’d lost him.

“I lost my father many years ago, but my mother’s doing well. Good to see you.” With a curt nod, he took off, striding quickly and intentionally out of the room.

Oof. Her cheeks stung as though he’d slapped her.

So, he really, truly didn’t care.

Oh, man, did that hurt.

He’d moved on long ago—like a normal person.

Even though no one was there to witness her humiliation, she still hurried out of the dining room and down the hallway, desperate to get to the privacy of her room.

Darby really liked her fiancé. He listened. He cared.

But he wasn’t Emil.

And even though he was handsome, fit, and charming—come on, he was Trevor Montgomery, the movie star headlining the Clan Wars franchise—she still didn’t feel anything more than friendship toward him.

Which was a good thing since he’d just ended their short-lived engagement. In a wild coincidence, the resort designer turned out to be his first love. And unlike Emil, Trevor was determined to win his ex back.

She was fine about it. It was a stupid, impulsive idea to propose to a man she’d known a month. She hadn’t done it out of loneliness—she liked being alone. And she had lots of good friends and colleagues.

What she really craved was love. True love. The kind she’d shared with Emil.

The kind she’d never replicated with anyone else.

She wished she could say she was over him, that his indifference had snuffed out the ember that glowed deep within her.

But it just wasn’t true.

She supposed she would always love that man.

Even if she couldn’t have him.

Darby planned on getting all glammed up for their day in the city. And honestly, it had nothing to do with Emil. It wasn’t like she’d see him again on this short trip. She just liked fashion and makeup and…commanding a race car.

But just as she and Trevor headed out of their room, a text message came in.

Emil: Coffee tomorrow morning?

The jolt of seeing his name knocked her sideways. Oh.

Had she misread him? She’d been so freaked out she hadn’t paid attention to his eyes, the window to his soul.

So, the idea that he wanted to see her… It sent her right back to when she was a lovesick teenager waiting for the phone to ring. They didn’t have social media or cell phones back then, so she could only make up terrible stories about what he was doing with his friends.

Specifically, Gia. What did they get up to in that little seaside town with so little to do? He was so protective of her, and it had driven her crazy with jealousy.

But she’d vowed to never again be that insecure girl who’d relied on her imagination to fill in the gaps of Emil’s silences. So, either she met with him and asked pointed questions, or she blew it off.

What could they possibly accomplish by getting together?

He’d catch her up, she’d catch him up, and then they’d go their separate ways for the rest of their lives.

One thing had become clear that morning: this flurry of emotions was rooted in the past. Around Emil, she was eighteen all over again.

And I don’t need that.

There can be no closure.

They’d said all they had to say.

Darby: Hey, good to hear from you. This is a quick trip to see my family for Christmas and pull together a wedding in under two months. As you can imagine, it’s pretty crazy. But next time I’m in town, we’ll definitely catch up.

Good. Settled. Done. Now, it was time to get ready for her day in the city. But before she could reach for her makeup bag, another text came in.

Emil: Cut the shit. You’re not marrying that man. I’ll pick you up at seven.

Two reactions hit at the same time. One, indignance that this jerk would question her engagement to Trevor Montgomery.

And two, mortification that her ex knew the truth: Trevor had called it off.

But how did Emil know? Trevor hadn’t told anyone. She’d convinced him to continue the ruse because, the moment he announced it, he’d have no reason to be in Iceland. His only reason to be with his ex was to plan a wedding.

So, then, how did Emil know?

Because he knows me.

He sees me.

He always has.

From the moment she’d first looked into those intense, dark eyes, she’d known they had a special connection.

So, really, why play games?

She needed to be brave like Trevor and admit the truth. She wanted to see him.

Darby: Sure. Okay. But don’t tell anyone we’re not actually engaged. Trevor’s trying to win Jessica back.

She waited for his response. Maybe something like, Great. See you then. Or, being a man of few words, Looking forward to it.

Or how about: I have missed you with every fiber of my being. This time, I won’t let you go.

A shiver wracked her body.

Imagine him saying that? I would die. I would run so hard into that man’s arms.

But of course, she got nothing. No response at all.

Which was infuriating. And also, hot.

Because he never met her expectations. He was his own man, and he put up with no shit.

Including hers.

At the end of the day, after the tastings, as they’d stood at the curb waiting for the valets to bring their cars, it had become clear Trevor needed alone time with Jessica. So, Darby had faked a medical emergency with her dad, and she and her brother made the two-hour ride back to the hotel by themselves, leaving the couple in the city.

Now, eager to be alone, she kicked off her heels, took off her makeup, and crawled into bed.

All day, she’d been surrounded by people, chatting about food and Iceland and everything except the turmoil inside her.

She couldn’t stop thinking about coffee with Emil. What did he want to talk about? Because he had an agenda. She was sure of it. He didn’t do anything without a purpose.

Just sleep. You’ll talk to him in the morning.

But of course, she couldn’t do that. Her mind wouldn’t settle down.

The part of her that always ran from her emotions was screaming, but the other, stronger part, the one that had once loved Emil Birgisson with all her heart, knew she had to see this through.

What’s the worst that can happen?

Oh, just that he could say, “I have to tell you the truth. As much as I liked having sex with you, my heart was always with Gia. We’re married now, and we have ten children.”

Nothing could be worse than that.

And as much as she’d like to believe she was long past the point where Emil could hurt her, it wasn’t true. Hearing that he was happily married would destroy her.

Which forced her to recognize the truth: she’d always held out the tiniest hope they’d find their way back to each other.

So, yes, she wanted to see him tomorrow. She wanted to know if the spark was still there.

Excitement roared through her.

Just admit it: you want to know if you can find your way back to each other.

And almost as if he sensed her turmoil, he sent a text.

Emil: Why were you pretending to be engaged? Was that for my benefit?

Excuse me? What an arrogant dick.

Darby: What kind of question is that? I had no idea I’d see you.

Darby: And even if I’d known, I would never have pretended to be engaged. Are you serious? What an ego.

Emil: When you thought I was sleeping with Gia, you brought Max Henricksson to the café to make me jealous.

Shame washed through her.

Darby: I was sixteen.

Emil: Do people change?

Darby: Excellent question, Emil. Do they? Like, for example, do a man’s priorities change over time? Does he learn how to be a good partner? Or does he always put his friends before his girlfriend?

Oh, she was on fire. She was saying things she would absolutely regret in the morning. But really, fuck him.

Emil: I think, when faced with trauma, they can.

Darby: Are you trying to tell me something?

If ever she needed a response, it was right then. She felt so close to getting the truth. Something she’d waited years for. She rolled onto her side, hoping to see the three dots roll across the screen to indicate he was writing.

But they didn’t come.

And still, they didn’t come.

She composed about five messages demanding a response. Ultimately, she decided not to chase a man.

Because she’d long ago learned if wanted to, he would.

And so, she shut off her phone and curled up under the covers.

But a half an hour later, a pounding on her door had her jackknifing up in bed. In this remote hotel—that had closed a decade ago—along the Ring Road, the noise came out of nowhere.

Had Trevor come back? Last they’d talked, he’d gotten a room in the same hotel as Jessica, but maybe he’d given up the chase?

Ha. No. She might only have known him a month, but one thing was clear. That man was on a mission to win his woman back.

“Darby,” a deep voice called. “Open up.”

Emil.

She hurried to the door and flung it open. “What’re you doing here?” She glanced down the empty hallway. “How did you even get in?”

“You didn’t respond, so I texted your brother.”

“You woke up my brother?” As she flicked on the light, she stepped back to let him in.

“What other choice did I have?” He strode in like a Viking heading into battle.

“I don’t know why it matters to you. I tried to talk to you after your interview, and you blew me off.” They stood awkwardly in the doorway. “So, what do you want?”

“I’m sorry about that,” he said. “I wasn’t expecting to see you.”

“Okay? And?”

“And my mind went blank. I’m sorry. I’ll do better.”

She’d seen him angry, hurt, passionate, and confident. She’d never once seen him awkward.

With him being vulnerable, she calmed down a little. “Okay.”

“I thought your brother was setting me up.” He seemed embarrassed. “I thought he was trying to get us back together.”

“Why would he do that? It’s been twenty-six years.”

“Well, apparently, it doesn’t feel like that to me. Seeing you…” He yanked the beanie off his head and scraped his fingers through his blond hair. “Erased the time.”

She was so ready to deliver a snarky response, but she thought about Trevor’s determination. His bravery.

You’re finally face-to-face with the only boy you’ve ever loved.

Don’t be a bitch.

She had so much to say, but she didn’t even know where to begin. Then again, he’s the one who came here. Let him do the talking. “I’m surprised to see you, too.”

“Then, why are you pretending to be engaged to that guy?”

Classic Emil referring to the world’s biggest movie star as “that guy.” Apparently, Trevor’s only value was his role as her fiancé. “We weren’t pretending. We met at a gala a month ago, and we’ve been hanging out ever since. When it was time to go home for Christmas, I asked him to marry me.”

“Because you love him and can’t stand to live without him?”

“Because I had fun with him. It was nice to have a partner for a change. To not go to every event by myself. I want companionship.”

“You never married.” He said it as a statement, devoid of emotion.

“No. What about you?”

His gaze cut away. “Not married.”

He was hiding something, and she had no doubt it was about Gia. Which stirred up the same horrible feelings she’d had as a teenager, and she didn’t want it. Not one second of it. “Okay. I think you should go.”

“Why? What did I do?”

“You’re lying to me.” The truth landed with a startling clarity. “And that’s why we didn’t work out. That’s why I didn’t respond to your letters.” Man, all these years later, and she finally understood. “If you want to keep her secrets, you’ll have to do it without me in the picture. I will never go back to that place where I’m constantly trying to read between the lines, trying to piece together the little bits of information you give.” Not a chance. “I think you should go.”

“I never married Gia. I have never loved her romantically.”

“But?”

He straightened, his shoulders pulling back. “But I helped raise her daughter.”

It shouldn’t have hurt. Not after all this time. But God, it ripped right through her like a jagged knife. “Get out of here.”

When he didn’t move, she said, it again, only louder and drenched with pain. “Just go.”

“No. I’m not leaving. Not until we talk about it.”

“You chose her, Emil. Whether you want to admit the truth or not, you chose her over me.”

“I didn’t. I couldn’t travel with you because of my father’s heart attack. And when he died five years later, I was glad I’d stayed. Because in that time, I was able to set up my mom’s future.”

“I’m sorry for your loss.” She could give him that. “I know it must’ve been devastating for you and your mom.”

“Yes, it was. But she’s retired now. She and her friends travel and see each other every day. She’s happy.”

“Look, I’m glad. Emil, but I really can’t do this with you. Please go.”

“And that’s why we’re going to talk about it. If it’s still upsetting to talk about the past, then it means neither of us moved on. It’s time we set things straight.”

She didn’t think there was a hope in hell of resolving any issues. But whatever. She’d hear him out. “Fine. But if you’re not going to tell the truth, then you’re wasting my time.” She led him into her suite.

Before they sat down, he said, “It’s Gia’s story to?—”

“No. If you’re going to replay that tired line, then we have nothing to talk about. It’s just going to be more bullshit.”

“Sit down and give me a chance. It is her story to tell, and it’s an ugly one. Her daughter was born out of trauma, and it was clear no one would care for her the way she deserved, so I stepped in, and I don’t regret it. My involvement helped Gia see a child and not the circumstance that created her.” He set his hands on her shoulders and bent his knees so they were eye-level. “But I never loved her, and we’ve never had a physical relationship. I have no reason to lie about that.”

No, he didn’t. “You never even kissed her? Even one time?”

“Would you kiss your brother?” he asked.

She made a face of disgust.

“Would you step in if he had a child and was too traumatized to raise her?”

“Of course.”

“That’s what I did.” The plea in his eyes for her to believe him worked like a balm. It soothed all the agitated bits of her.

“Okay.”

“Do you believe me? I have never had feelings for her. She’s…” He looked away, and she could see his struggle to tell the truth without betraying his friend. “Weak.” It pained him to badmouth her. She could see it in the tension around his eyes. “Lost. She’s not my type.”

“What is your type?”

“Ballsy, loud-mouthed, fun-loving, stubborn women who jump to conclusions and run at the first sign of conflict.”

Pleased beyond measure, she grinned. “Well, then, you have very bad taste.”

“Don’t I know it. Because they’re very hard to find and even harder to get over.” He yanked her up against his chest. “Darby Pullman, you’re the only woman I’ve ever loved, and I’ll never forgive you for not coming back to me.”

It all happened so fast, she couldn’t have prepared for it. She only knew her body went haywire at the glaze of lust in his eyes and the softening of his lips. The moment they crashed over hers and she got a hint of the indescribably soft, warm heat of his mouth, her knees buckled.

In his arms, memories that were once so distant rose up as fresh and crisp as if they’d happened yesterday.

That first date when he’d said—matter-of-factly—"I’m going to marry you.”

Their first time making love. She was supposed to go out of town with her parents for a wedding, but she’d claimed she had a project due. Instead, she’d spent a blissful weekend with Emil. They hadn’t discussed sleeping together, but the way they’d kissed and groped each other… It was inevitable. He’d brought condoms, and she’d been on the pill. Her mom made sure of that the day she’d caught them kissing in the alley behind the café.

He'd tried to be so kind and loving and soft with her, but all the deep kisses and grinding made him come too early. It had broken the tension, and they’d laughed about it. It made her first experience so good because it was all about intimacy and passion and desire and just liking each other so much.

But now, this kiss. The passion, the need. When was the last time anyone had wanted her this badly? This desperately?

She didn’t know how intoxicating his hunger was until she’d had decades without it.

Abruptly, he pulled away. Adjusting himself, he said, “See you at seven.”

He opened the door and walked out.

Leaving her with a mix of frustration, pleasure, and…

Hope.

One thing she loved about Emil: she could count on him. He showed up right on time and drove her fifteen miles to the charming village of Vik with its iconic, red-roofed church.

They had breakfast at a very nice hotel. “I can’t believe how much this town has developed since I moved away.” Whenever Darby visited, she stayed in Reykjavik with her family. She rarely ventured out of the city.

While she chatted as though they were old pals, her stomach was twisted into a knot. Because she wasn’t sure if she believed him. Still.

And that spoke to the wedge his deception had created.

“Yep,” he said.

“Still a man of few words, I see.”

“Well, Darby, I don’t want to talk about the weather. I don’t want to talk about this fancy new hotel in Vik. I want to know why you never responded to my letters. I want to know why you gave up on us.” He leaned forward. “And don’t say I was looking for excuses. I wanted to go with you. It was my dream, too. But my father had a heart attack. I don’t believe you’d have done anything differently if it had happened to you.”

Weirdly, the truth only wriggled its way to the surface in that moment. She’d suppressed it all this time. “Let me ask you something. Is that the real reason you didn’t come with me or did Gia’s pregnancy have something to do with it?”

Anger followed a flash of disbelief. But then, he sat in stony silence.

She set down her fork. “I don’t want you to regulate your emotions right now. I don’t want you to sort through your feelings and find something rational to say.”

“Well, guess what, Darby? I’m not impulsive like you. I don’t let words rip out of my mouth and then regret them later.” His nostrils flared. “In my home, I had to be very careful not to upset my mother. I had to be quiet in the mornings until she woke up. And on the days when she didn’t get out of bed, I had to take care of myself because my father was running the store.” He wagged a finger between them. “We are not the same. We will never be the same.”

“I know that.”

“But you don’t understand it. I will always think before I speak because if I lashed out, my mother would cry. If I misbehaved, she’d go to bed, and I didn’t know when she’d come out of her room again.”

“You’re right. I don’t understand it.”

“Because you didn’t get punished for expressing yourself. But you should know that when I do speak and when I do express myself, I mean what I say. You can trust my words. And I have never—not once—lied to you.”

“Well, I’m sorry, but when I saw you with Gia that day, and she was pregnant?—”

“You left. You didn’t come in and ask me what was going on. And even after I wrote you a letter explaining it, you still didn’t respond.”

“Because I didn’t trust you.” And there it was. The absolute truth. “I still don’t.”

“You think I had romantic feelings for Gia?”

“I don’t know. Can men and women really be friends? Maybe I trust you, but not Gia. Maybe”—and this was only just occurring to her now—“the problem is that Gia’s been in love with you.”

“She’s not. But even if she were, I’d never be attracted to her.” He sat back in his seat and went quiet.

She gave him his space because his answer was so important to her.

“I think it’s no surprise that Gia is very much like my mother. And while I love my mom and consider it my duty to take care of her, I don’t respect her the way I did my father. I never felt responsible for Gia and would have left the country to be with you in a heartbeat, but after you cut me off, and I saw the type of mother she would be, I made the decision to be in the baby’s life. I don’t know if I’ve done a good job of explaining?—”

She reached for his hand. “You have. I get it. I really do. And I’m sorry for not responding to your letters. For the rest of my life, I never again want to hear ‘It’s not my story to tell,’ but I get it. I think, though, I understood we could never work out because I needed to leave Iceland, and you needed to stay.”

“I think you’re right about that. And look at the kind of career you’ve had. It wouldn’t have happened if we’d stayed together.”

“No, it wouldn’t have.”

She didn’t know what he wanted from her—maybe nothing but closure—but she had to see. “And I guess nothing’s changed because your life is here and mine’s in North Carolina.”

“Do you still race?”

Hm, he hadn’t addressed the issue. Well, that was her answer, wasn’t it? He wasn’t here for a reconciliation. “No, I retired a couple of years ago. I own a team now.”

He nodded. “And you like doing that?”

“I do.” What was he getting at? “And you’ve got a business here in Iceland.”

“I could sell my business.”

Shock reverberated throughout her body. “What are you saying? That you’d come to North Carolina with me? Emil, we haven’t seen each other in twenty-six years. We don’t even know each other anymore.”

“That’s the point. I want to know you. I have thought about you every day for twenty-six years and three months. The first time I held Gia’s baby I cried because I knew I would never hold our child. You have never left my mind, and I’ve never loved any woman other than you.”

“What are you saying?” She repeated the question because tears blurred her vision, and she just couldn’t believe it.

“I’m saying I want to learn about NASCAR racing.” He clasped their hands together. “I want to learn about you.”

Now, it was her turn to go quiet.

He’d move to the States to be with her?

“What about your mom?” she asked.

“I got her settled twenty years ago. She’s been good since then.”

“And your daughter?”

“She’s getting her master’s degree in Broadcast and Digital Journalism from Syracuse University.”

“She’s in New York?”

He nodded.

She smiled. “You’d really come to North Carolina?”

“Darby Pullman, if you let me, I’ll be wherever you are for the rest of my life.”

Thank you for reading DARBY AND EMIL’S SECOND CHANCE AT LOVE.