35. The Lilac Language
A s the sun rises, Wooju’s head spins incessantly.
Though the pain isn’t as bad as it was last night, it still feels as though he’s being sliced in two.
Wooju trudges to the kitchen. He’s about to swing the silver fridge door open to grab a bottle of water and a snack when Yunho’s voice stops him in his tracks.
“Wooju!”
Yunho still reeks of alcohol, but he seems to be more alert now than when Jihoon dropped him off last night. He couldn’t even climb onto his bed without assistance. If Yunho remembers, he’ll be embarrassed.
“Where were you?” Yunho asks, the worry palpable in his tone. He sprints toward Wooju and traps him in his arms. “You scared me,” he murmurs, his grip unyielding. Seconds later, he pulls away, and adds, “What happened? I saw blood all over the bathroom sink.”
“It’s nothing,” Wooju replies fast, though with hints of reluctance. His nosebleeds had only started last night, but he was probably just stressed over Yunho coming home late. His dizzy spells, on the other hand, are an ongoing issue. He’s fainted more than once in this timeline. No one noticed because he was always alone. “I just had a little accident. I’m okay.”
Wooju can only hope Yunho still remembers the doctor’s explanation about why he collapsed before. The doctor said everything was normal, including his blood tests and the CT scan results. He’s healthy. Just ... tired.
“A little accident? Like what?” Yunho scrutinizes Wooju’s face as though searching for any sign of deceit.
“I bit my tongue while eating,” Wooju lies, blinking innocently. Despite his efforts, the sharp pain in his head is becoming harder to mask as he winces in pain.
If nothing is wrong with his body, perhaps this is a side effect of traveling through time eighty-eight times.
It should subside soon.
Right?
But why is it still hurting?
Just as he’s on the verge of speaking up, a metallic taste invades his mouth.
Blood?
Wooju looks at Yunho, whose eyes are wide and laced with fear. Yunho clutches Wooju’s shoulders and says something, but what is he saying? Wooju tries to decipher the words, but they come out muffled. His ears ring, and his heart races. Every sound is ear-splitting. He can barely hear his own breathing, let alone Yunho’s voice.
Is he even alive? Or is he just waking up from a dream he wishes to stay in?
Wooju fights to stay conscious as the world around him distorts, perhaps a little too fast. In mere moments, his vision darkens, and the inevitable occurs. Wooju’s knees give way, and he collapses to the floor.
This time, Yunho is there to catch him.
When Wooju slowly comes to, he finds himself in a hospital room, surrounded by the faint beeping of a cardiac monitor and the sound of someone’s breath beside him.
Yunho .
“Are you okay?” Wooju manages to blurt out, his heart skipping a beat as he feels Yunho’s hand holding his.
“You’re the one who fainted on me,” Yunho responds wistfully. “How are you feeling now?”
“Better,” Wooju lies just as he tries to contain his next bout of headache.
“I hope you’re right. They couldn’t find anything wrong with you.” There’s a lengthy silence. “But Wooju, don’t you think this has something to do with you traveling through time eighty-eight times?”
Wooju drifts into contemplation before saying, “No, I’m sure it’s nothing. I’m just tired and stressed.”
“Is that all?” Yunho mutters softly, his voice threaded with doubt. “Is that really what you think this is?”
No, but does it really matter?
“Yunho.” Wooju squeezes his hand softly.
Does it really matter if I can’t even save you?
“Hm?” Yunho perks up.
“I’m sorry for dragging you down with me,” Wooju says, his voice as weak as a flame flickering in the wind. What happened earlier sear into his consciousness—the way Yunho carried him to the hospital, the labored breaths rippling through the air, and the unfiltered worry etched into every line of Yunho’s face. How long does Yunho have to suffer because of him?
“You’re changing the topic again.” Yunho smiles, withdrawing his hands from Wooju’s. His smile seems to light up the room, but Wooju knows him well. Yunho’s smile right now is just a mask crafted to conceal dread. “But no, you didn’t drag me down with you. I wanted to be with you, then and now. Nothing will ever change that. I will always be your biggest fan, Jo Wooju. No matter what happens, I’ll take care of you. You know that, right?”
Wooju nods and returns his smile.
“By the way, I had my mom come here to act as your guardian. The nurses were about to call Jaehee, since he’s the only one on your emergency contact list. I had no choice. My mom told them she’d call him herself.”
“Thank you.”
“You can tell her that when she comes back from the restroom,” Yunho suggests. “I know she won’t remember you, but I’m sure she’d be glad to meet my best friend.”
“This cute boy is your best friend?” Yunho’s mom is at the doorway when both of them turn in her direction. “No wonder you were so adamant about making me come here.”
Yunho straightens his back, laughing awkwardly. “Eomma, I thought that was supposed to be our secret?”
“That you were crazy worried about him?” Mrs. Ri makes her way over to stand beside Yunho, nudging her son by the elbow before sitting on the chair next to him.
“There shouldn’t be any secrets between best friends,” she adds, offering Wooju her sweetest smile. “So, you are the kid my son is bragging about. How are you feeling?”
Wooju blushes. It’s been a long time since they talked. Somehow, Wooju feels like a child again.
“I feel much better, ma’am. Thank you,” Wooju replies.
“I’m glad to hear that.” Mrs. Ri reaches out, gently taking Wooju’s hand into her own and clutching it with reassurance. “If, by any chance, you need anything, don’t be afraid to ask us for help, okay? Don’t be like my son here, who thinks he’s all that. He never asks me for help.”
“Eomma,” Yunho protests. “What do you mean? I asked you for help today.”
“Hush. I am not talking to you,” Mrs. Ri retorts, playfully rolling her eyes at Yunho before returning her attention to Wooju. “Anyway, since you’re my son’s best friend, from now on, you can call me Eomma, too.”
“Eomma?” Wooju echoes.
The way Wooju utters the word catches Yunho and Mrs. Ri’s attention. They swap meaningful glances before Mrs. Ri nods and flicks her gaze back to Wooju, her smile radiant against the sunlight streaming through the window, as though to acknowledge the young orphan’s sweet call.
“Eomma,” Wooju says, the word still foreign to him, but it feels good to say it. It feels right . For someone who has never met his mother, being able to call someone “eomma” makes his heart melt with pure, unconstrained joy .
After laughing and sharing stories about school and how Yunho met Wooju, Mrs. Ri prepares to leave for work. She makes Yunho promise to take good care of his friend, then reaches out for the coat draped over the chair, slips into it, and leans in to kiss both boys on the cheeks.
She steps out of the room, her heels clicking softly against the tiled floor as the door closes behind her.
Yunho and Wooju feel her presence linger for a moment. After some time pass, their eyes meet, unaware their minds are brimming with two opposing thoughts.
“I think we can still change the future,” Yunho says. “Remember how Jihoon accused me of cheating on a test before? And about Sangheon getting expelled from school after that incident with Taehwan? Or Hana getting hurt and spending months recovering at the hospital? Well, none of that happened this time around. All I did was?—”
“Ignore me?” Wooju finishes teasingly.
For a moment, Yunho falls silent. He had indeed ignored Wooju back then. He lets out a sigh, seemingly lamenting the time he wasted pushing Wooju away.
“Either way, I know we can change the future together. We have to,” Yunho implores. “I don’t know how, but we’ll figure it out. We always do. It’s just like reaching for the stars together. It won’t be easy, but we’ll get there. Do you believe in me?”
Wooju wants to believe in Yunho, but the past timelines have already worn him down.
Today, he’s choosing the opposite path.
Wooju studies Yunho’s expression, and when he spots the glimmer of hope in those dark, amber eyes, his heart breaks into a million pieces.
He thinks about the new future he has in mind and how he might never be able to see Yunho’s eyes again. How he’ll regret leaving with the words in his heart forever unspoken. So Wooju gathers his courage and asks, “Yunho, do you know why you remind me of lilac flowers?”
“Because of the lantern bridge. We used to hang out there all the time. Under the lilac trees.”
“No. It’s not that.”
“Then, what is it?”
“Because . . . you’re my first love.”
Without a word, Wooju closes the gap between them, his lips meeting Yunho’s slowly and gently, sealing his unvoiced feelings. I love you, is at the tip of his tongue.
Yunho’s eyes widen in astonishment, but this time around, he doesn’t push Wooju away. There is no trickery here, no desire for retribution. It’s genuine. Both of them surrender, embracing vulnerability in love.
Yunho holds Wooju’s face and kisses him back earnestly. And maybe, just maybe, the phrase I love you is also at the tip of his tongue. Or so Wooju hopes.
But neither of them say it out loud.