Chapter 42
CHAPTER
42
Sawyer had just returned from a walk around Hills Homestead when Mila pulled into the driveway, a cloud of dust in her wake. She appeared to be driving too fast, her back tyres spinning a tad as she reached the house and pulled in next to his car. He’d only caught a fleeting glimpse of her expression behind the windscreen, and she didn’t look happy.
Hell, had she changed her mind about inviting him to stay?
It wasn’t Mila’s style to throw a tantrum. If she wanted to renege on her invitation, she would’ve called him. No, this was about something else, and when she got out of the car and slammed the door, barely glancing his way, he knew he had to tread carefully.
He’d only seen her this mad once before, when her parents had cancelled a Christmas visit at the last minute, and he’d been the one to comfort her back then too. She’d been sobbing when he’d come upon her near the dam, and he’d been powerless to do anything other than sit next to her, hoping his silence conveyed support.
She popped the boot and started grabbing bags of groceries, and he moved to help her.
‘I can do it myself,’ she muttered, but he heard the slightest hitch in her voice.
‘I know you’re not okay, so is there anything I can do?’
She dragged in a shuddering breath, the kind of breath to stave off tears, and he’d never felt so useless in all his life. ‘Just help me get these inside and packed away.’
‘Not a problem.’
They worked in silence, unloading the bags then putting the groceries away. He didn’t speak, giving her time to compose herself.
‘Want a cuppa?’
She shook her head, and before he could make a joke about would she like something lighter, she turned to him and he saw her eyes glittering with rage but filled with tears.
‘Hey.’ He opened his arms, and she flew into them, bursting into tears the moment he tightened his hold.
The strong, independent Mila he knew rarely cried. She wore her tough outer shell like a cloak, rarely allowing anyone to get close. So, for her to fall apart like this … it must be bad.
For a horrifying second, he wondered if she’d learned the truth about his acquisition, but that was stupid, because if she had he’d be the last person she’d turn to.
She clutched at his shirt and sobbed, and he wondered when their friendship had morphed into something deeper. He hated seeing her this upset and would happily slay whoever or whatever had made her so sad. However, the emptiness in his chest signalled how bereft he felt at the thought of not being around for her once he left.
That was the kicker in their relationship. At some point, he’d have to leave, and he knew it would be a billion times harder than the last time he’d fled this town.
He genuinely cared about Mila Hayes and how far he’d gone to help her financially proved it. But deep down, he had a feeling that caring could become something else entirely given half a chance, and it terrified him just as much as the thought of her discovering the truth about what he’d done.
When she quieted, he held her at arm’s-length. ‘You don’t have to tell me what that was about, but it might help to talk about it?’
‘It’s nothing, really.’
He raised an eyebrow, and she barked out a laugh. ‘Okay, I guess it was something. I overheard Anne Curruthers and another woman bad-mouthing me at the supermarket. They implied I was a golddigger who’d deliberately targeted Phil, and when he dumped me, I moved on to you.’ She reddened. ‘I’m upset because I pride myself on being a smart woman, yet I was stupid enough to think people in this town wouldn’t judge my marriage to Phil. Just because we weren’t head over heels …’ She shook her head, regret clouding her eyes. ‘I’m an idiot. I bet you’ve never done anything so stupid that you feel like a big fat dunce.’
‘You’re speaking to the king of dunces,’ he blurted, attempting to make her feel better but instantly regretting it.
Astute as ever, Mila pinned him with a curious stare. ‘Is this about school?’
Sawyer had spent a lifetime lying to everyone and he could continue now. But Mila was the only person back then who remotely gave a damn about his learning difficulties, the only one who’d suggested he might have a problem. In response, he’d run. But not anymore. Time to own what he’d gone through with a woman he trusted.
‘Yeah. You were the only one who cottoned on that I might’ve had a problem at school.’ He shook his head, remembering how utterly humiliated most teachers made him feel. ‘I felt stupid all the time. Couldn’t focus long enough in class to make sense of what was being taught. And even when I could sit still, I’d end up daydreaming so absorbed zero of the lessons.’
‘Have you been formally diagnosed?’ she asked, her tone soft and respectful as she reached out and slid her hand into his.
He nodded. ‘My first girlfriend when I made it to Melbourne was a part-time tutor and had a brother with ADHD, so she recognised the signs when we talked about our respective experiences at school. I saw the right docs, got diagnosed and put on meds.’ He shrugged. ‘It changed my life. Everything became clearer. I could focus for longer than ten minutes. I could actually learn rather than everything being a jumble.’
He squeezed her hand. ‘You knew, didn’t you? That’s what you were hinting at two weeks before Year 12 exams.’
‘I had a feeling, so that’s why I mentioned you clowning around at school for years to hide the learning stuff.’
‘And I reacted by running as far from this town as I could get.’ He rolled his eyes. ‘Not too mature.’
‘Hey, you were eighteen. We all do dumb stuff when we’re young.’
‘So what’s your excuse for marrying Phil at thirty-two?’ he deadpanned, and she yanked her hand out of his to punch him on the arm.
‘I’ve already explained my rationale for marrying him.’ She paused, her expression pensive. ‘Phil’s been a good friend to me, and it gets lonely out here. Financial security and friendship was enough for us.’
Sawyer struggled to hide his surprise. All this time, he’d assumed Mila’s marriage to Phil was solely about money. But it sounds like they had a connection, albeit a platonic one. He hated the thought of her feeling so alone she contemplated marrying. Then again, he had no right to judge. He’d bolted from this town without looking back and knew nothing of farming life.
‘Speaking of Phil, he’s throwing a B & S ball at his place next week and asked me to help plan it.’
‘I bet he did, the fucker.’
He didn’t swear much, but the thought of Mila marrying Phil for comfort made him want to thump him.
Mila laughed. ‘You’re being too hard on him. He’s a friend who’s having a rough time of it, with the townsfolk hating him for ditching me.’
Just a friend? Yeah, right. Tell that to Phil.
‘I know he’s your neighbour, but maybe I can find someone to buy him out, so you don’t have to see him ever again.’
She grinned and bumped him with her hip. ‘Are you jealous?’
‘What if I am?’
‘I’d think you’re even more adorable,’ she murmured, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. ‘And thanks for trusting me enough to tell me about your diagnosis.’
‘You’re one of few people I trust in this world,’ he said, fearing he’d said too much when confusion clouded her eyes. ‘You and Will have always been there for me and I appreciate it.’
His clarification did little to dispel the sinking feeling in his gut that he’d just revealed too much. That she’d see straight to his soul and realise he was well on his way to falling for her.
But he didn’t do long-distance relationships and she couldn’t leave the farm, so he’d be smarter to quell his burgeoning feelings and enjoy this relationship for what it was: two friends indulging in some very sexy benefits.
‘You’re one of the good guys, Sawyer Mann.’ She raised his hand to her cheek and rested against it. ‘But for the next hour or so, I’m hoping I can corrupt you to be bad.’
She winked, and relieved they’d reverted to banter, he brought her hand to his lips and trailed his lips across her knuckles so softly she sighed.
‘When you offered me a room, I had no idea I’d be expected to perform—’
‘Shut up and kiss me,’ she said, sliding her arms around his waist and tilting her chin up.
Sawyer did as he was told.