13. Ryker
Chapter thirteen
Ryker
The diner we’re in is packed with people and other storm chasers we know from our years of chasing. They’re all out today because of the weather across Oklahoma and Kansas, and generally, people tend to follow my team wherever we go.
The minute we drive off, I guarantee several other teams and solo chasers will follow. It used to annoy me when I was younger, but now it doesn’t. I’ve learned to take it for what it is: a compliment to my teams’ skills. The only thing that does annoy me is that several chasers have tried to copy our rocket design over the years. But like us, nobody has had a successful launch.
“I think it was a faulty rocket, which we knew could happen,” Hawk says as he chews on a cold leftover fry. He’s been out in the truck with Joey, tinkering with the rocket that failed, while Ezra, Finley, and I ate and chatted with a few people that came up to our booth. I had hoped at some point Ezra would get up so I could talk to Finley alone, but no dice. Now she’s at the counter chatting with Joey while Ezra talks to another chaser in the diner.
“I think I launched too late,” I say.
Hawk swallows another fry before leaning forward in the booth. “Really?”
I fix the cap on my head and study my friend’s familiar face, wondering if I should tell him the truth: that when Finley’s fingers brushed mine, my brain short-circuited, and I paused a second too long, losing the moment I needed. I fucked up again because of my feelings for her.
“I wanted to believe it was the rocket at first, but—” I exhale a tight breath and allow my eyes to find Finley at the counter. She’s laughing at something Joey said, and an envy fills me. I want to be the one making her laugh and smile.
Hawk groans. “What did you do?”
I drop my gaze to the table where half of my burger sits and say nothing, giving him an answer without words. He’s a smart guy; he’ll put it together.
“Look at me,” he says after a long pause.
I lift my head, bracing myself for the stare of disappointment or anger on Hawk’s face, but instead, I find a softness in his brown eyes. Which, honestly, is worse. I was hoping he’d take me by the shirt and punch me across the face. That seems easier and more palatable than whatever the hell this look is. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Do you want to know?” I counter.
Hawk presses his lips into a hard line. “I think I can guess what happened.”
We stare at each other across the table, and Hawk dares a look at Finley before eyeing me again. “You’ve never let anyone, intimate relationship or otherwise, jeopardize your work before.”
I scratch my jaw and feel shame crawl up my neck like spiders. I know I’ve let him down, and I’ve let my team down, too, including Finley. Yes, we’ll have more opportunities to shoot off the rockets and collect data, and yes, that tornado dissipated faster than we would’ve liked, but that’s not the point. If my head was in the game, not only today but yesterday as well, things would be different now. Instead, everything is shit, and I feel like a guilty asshole.
“I know.” I push my plate to the middle of the table. “You warned me to keep my distance, and I didn’t listen. ”
“When have you ever listened to me about women?” Hawk smirks.
My lip twitches. “I listen to you.”
“You’re such a liar.”
“In college, you told me not to date Nicole because she was a known cheater, and I didn’t.”
“You still slept with her.”
“Like I said, I didn’t date her.”
He glares at me, an exasperated look I rarely see from him since we hardly ever disagree, fight, or get on each other’s nerves. We’ve always worked well together as friends and colleagues, and we have since the day we met. Hawk and I get each other, and we know when to say something and not to say something.
It’s why he warned me about Finley, because up until I met her and started talking about her a little too much, I’d never spoken or reacted to a woman quite like this before—and never a student.
Had she not been a student, he wouldn’t have cared and let me do my thing. Normally, I keep my sex life simply that: a sex life. I’ve been leaning toward a future of being perpetually single, chasing hookups since I’m mostly on the road, teaching, or pouring over data.
With Finley, he wasn’t only concerned for me and my job if anything were to happen between us but her heart, too. For better or worse, that’s the kind of guy Hawk is.
Finley’s laugh floats over from the counter, and I stare at her, my eyes following the length of her chestnut hair then down to the gentle curve of her ass. My hands itch to slip in the back pocket of her jeans and pull her against my chest, to feel her warm body close to mine again.
“Ryker.” Hawk interrupts my daydream. This time, when I focus back on him, he does look ticked off. “What was that look about?”
I consider my next words before saying, “Let’s go outside and talk. ”
Hawk agrees and grabs another cold fry. A few moments later, we step out of the diner, the warm late afternoon air hitting us as we walk to my truck in the parking lot. When I’m sure we’re alone, I lean against the back passenger door and stare up at the sky. Once upon a time, Hawk and I would share a cigarette, but we kicked that habit many years ago, so instead, we stand in silence until Hawk speaks.
“Tell me.”
I stick my hands in my pockets. “I think you guessed it, but Finley and I had sex.”
For a long pause, Hawk stares, then he punches my shoulder like he used to do when I said something dumb in college.
“Ouch!”
“I thought you made out or maybe got to second base, not fucked her right out of the gate. Jesus, Ryker!”
I rub my arm. “I honestly thought you’d figured it out.” Now his lack of reaction earlier makes more sense.
“I knew you could be an idiot sometimes, but I didn’t think you were that much of an idiot. She’s your student, Ryker—you’re her mentor!” He hisses the last part quietly.
I grind my teeth. “Like I didn’t fucking know that? I’m beating myself up about it enough already. I know it was stupid and reckless—I told Finley as much after it happened.” Hawk punches me again, and I grunt. “What the hell was that one for?”
“You told her that?”
“Not those exact words, but she knows I regret it. I think she feels the same way.”
“You’re more than just an idiot—you’re a complete idiot.”
“Fucking thanks. Exactly what I needed to hear from my best friend.”
Hawk runs a hand through his already disheveled hair. “That’s why I’m saying it, because I care about you.” He pauses for a second, thinking. Then he continues. “You have to know that was a stupid thing to say to her. ”
I stare at him and wait, knowing he wants to say more.
He huffs out a breath. “Do you really regret what you did? Or did you say that to her to make yourself feel better?”
“Of course I regret it,” I express almost too quickly.
Hawk kicks some dirt at his feet and leans against the truck. “You’re lying to yourself, man.”
Annoyance grows in my chest. “I thought you’d be glad I shut it down.”
“You shouldn’t have had anything to shut down in the first place.”
“I know. But it just happened.” My eye twitches at the excuse. Sure, it happened, but pretending it “just happened” is a lie. Finley and I have been too comfortable with each other all year. I should’ve shut it down ages ago—but I didn’t.
“At least I know why you’ve been acting like such a dick since last night. Ezra thought yesterday was finally the thing that shook you up, but now, everything makes sense.”
“I’m not acting like a dick.”
Hawk laughs sardonically. “You’re treating Joey like trash, and you called Finley ‘Ms. Buckley’ like you’re some stuck-up scientist. You’ve also been short with me and Ezra since we talked last night.”
“I’ve been trying to remain professional.”
“Being a dick means you’re being professional?”
“You’re pissing me off, Diego.”
His eyebrows shoot up toward his hairline at my use of his legal name. We stare each other down for a long moment before my shoulders sink and I force a tense exhale.
“Have I really been that bad?”
“Joey asked me if he’d done something wrong.”
“He has a shirt with my face on it that says Tornado Daddy.”
“Like you would’ve cared in the past, Twister Tamer ?”
My fists clench. I know my anger is dumb, but I can’t stop the annoyance I feel toward my young friend over his incessant flirting with Finley, even though he’s clearly a better match for her than me. Not only are they age appropriate, he’s not her professor.
“We always rib each other,” I counter weakly.
“Ribbing and being a dick are two different things. I saw the way you glared at him in the diner—you know Joey flirts with everyone. You can’t act jealous after you told Finley you regret what happened between the two of you.”
I ignore that Hawk is somehow in my thoughts and rub the back of my neck in frustration. “She’s my student; I had to say it.”
“You’re only proving to me that you don’t regret it and that now, after it happened, you’re taking some bullshit moral high ground. Why is that?”
I clamp my eyes shut. “I almost got her killed yesterday.” The truth of it crushes around my heart, only making me feel worse about everything.
Hawk’s hand comes down on my shoulder, and he asks me to look at him again. When our eyes connect, I see his pity in them, and it makes me nauseous.
“But you didn’t—you both lived. And from what you told us, you put her life over yours and protected her the best you could. Take comfort in that.”
He squeezes my shoulder, but his words don’t lessen the heaviness in my chest. “Keeping her safe still doesn’t change the fact that what I did was wrong—and that she’s my student.”
“No, it doesn’t, and that’s something you’ve got to work out. But either way, get your head out of your ass and stop being such a dick. We need you at your best, and this is not your best.”
A stubborn part of me wants to debate him, to justify my behavior further, but I know he’s right. “I know,” I echo my thoughts as I turn my gaze back toward the diner. I can’t see Finley through the window, but I imagine her there with Joey, laughing, smiling—exactly how she was with me before yesterday.
“You really like her. ”
I turn back to Hawk, who’s studying me like he observes radar. “It doesn’t matter.”
He shakes his head. “It does.”
“I should apologize to Joey and Ezra,” I say in an attempt to change the subject.
“Yes, but maybe talk to your girl, too.”
“She’s not my anything.”
Hawk chuckles. “Whatever you say, Ryker. You can deny it till you’re blue in the face, tell me you regret what happened, but I’ll never believe it.”
“Hawk—”
“I’m going to grab a coffee to go before another storm picks up speed. Figure your shit out. Do it before the others start to ask questions and things get more uncomfortable than they already are. I’ll support you in whatever you want to do—but please, stop being an idiot.”
My friend pats my back then walks off to the diner, leaving me to my thoughts. Which I’m not sure is a good thing.