Chapter Forty #2
“What does that mean?” I ask through clenched teeth.
Mingi’s eyes narrow with suspicion, as if he can hear my thoughts. “It means that we cannot tell you what we do not know. We do not know where he is or…” He takes a half step back, then another. “Or what condition he is in.”
All the fight leaves me as that last part sinks in. The meaning underlying his words is crystal clear despite his attempts to soften the blow.
They don’t know if he is dead or alive.
Deep down, I am terrified of the worst. But I cling to the shred of hope I still have left.
I glance at Imugi. Their expression is strange, but I don’t know the demon well enough to read them. Worry? Sorrow perhaps?
Considering their lifelong bond, not knowing one way or another must be hard on them.
Their wintery gaze meets mine for a breath. The demon offers me a minute nod, then turns and floats from the room, passing through the closed door like smoke.
“I will return by evening,” Mingi says quietly to Iseul.
“I am going with you,” I say.
Iseul elbows her brother in the ribs, giving him a pointed look that communicates a scolding and a reminder about me all at once. He returns her look.
“It’s only been one day,” he says to me. “You should rest for now, Violet. We will keep you updated.”
“While I appreciate your concern for my well-being, I am fine.”
As if in a show of support, Bear bounds off the bed and comes to sit beside me.
Mingi and Iseul watch me. Unmoved.
“You cannot expect me to spend the day lounging in comfort and doing nothing when he could be out there, hurt or dying.” I decide to change tactics. Frustration isn’t getting through. “I need to do this.” My voice holds a tremor I couldn’t hide if I wanted to.
The two of them consider my plea. Mingi’s expression hardens. I think he’s about to object, but Iseul speaks first.
“Then I will go as well.” She offers me a half smile. “If it becomes too much for Violet at any point, I will bring her back to the palace.”
Mingi rolls his eyes in brotherly annoyance but doesn’t argue.
Mingi takes the lead, with Iseul and I flanking him. I opted to ride Joon’s snow-white mare. I’ve never ridden her alone, but Star Runner and I are familiar with each other.
Beyond what is necessary, no one in our little search party is in the mood to speak. Our shared goal eclipses all other thoughts.
The air feels heavy, as if the elements themselves are holding their breath, waiting for Joon to reappear. Thick clouds blanket the sky, casting a melancholy gloom over the world. It all comes together, fitting the mood of our little search party.
Bear snuggles against my back under the shelter of my cloak. Their warm body helps fight against the chill.
After nearly two hours, we reach the area Mingi indicated would be the beginning of today’s search.
He slows for a moment and stares at a hilly area ahead of us, before guiding his mount to skirt the area. Iseul follows without question.
I stop. There is something on the other side of the hill. But why avoid it when we will end up there regardless?
For too long, everyone has been careful with me.
I could understand why when the shard caused havoc with my heart, but that is no longer the case.
While sudden and powerful emotions could trigger episodes, that didn’t mean I was in danger from all feelings.
I am tired of being treated as if I am weak and frail.
I will not shrink and wilt by witnessing the harsh realities of the world. No matter how uncomfortable or painful they may be.
Iseul calls to me as I urge Star Runner forward on our original path. Even without Joon, she is the perfect steed. Part of me wonders if she understands the intent of our mission. A moment later, the pounding of hooves follows.
As I crest the hill, another, smaller one comes into view. At first, it appears to be little more than a mound of dark ash, as if there was a recent fire. A powerful odor hits with my next inhale. The reek of rot lingers on the air.
Not fire. Death.
Mingi pulls up, cutting me off. “It would be better to go around.”
When I try to go around him, he moves to block me again.
“Why?” I demand. “You wouldn’t bring me anywhere near here if—”
“It’s the Traitor King,” Iseul says.
Immense relief floods through my body.
“I searched the immediate area for any trace of the prince yesterday. He is not here. If you truly wish to see the carnage, then I won’t stop you. However, you will gain nothing by doing so.”
I relent. The urge to see the other side has been satisfied with that honesty. Even clinging to hope, I still need reassurance to quell my fears.
We begin our search in the west and ride east, then move north, before riding west again, zigzagging across the kingdom, leaving no swath of land unchecked. Somber silence remains our companion with each arc taking us further and further from the palace.
Mingi and Iseul use their magic to leave markers that will allow us to readily identify the ground we covered.
After several hours, we break to build a fire and eat a small meal.
I chew and swallow, barely tasting the food.
Worry makes it difficult to get more than a few bites down.
The only one whose appetite is unaffected is Bear’s.
I sneak them pieces of meat and potatoes that they happily gobble up until my plate is cleared.
I stare into the flames, holding my hands to the heat even though I don’t feel the need to warm myself.
The cold hasn’t gone past a surface level easily banished with a bit of movement.
A thought briefly crosses my mind, wondering if tolerance to the cold is another side effect of Joon using his powers on me.
I turn my hand over and stare at the base of my middle finger.
Tilting it this way and that, I can’t help but hope to see the faint shimmer of the thread that binds me to Joon.
That if the light hits just right, it will still be there, a whisper of spider silk, letting me know he is waiting for me, somewhere.
The second part of the day is much the same as the first. We’ve yet to find the smallest sign or clue that could tell us one way or the other of Joon’s fate.
The westernmost edge of the fae lands is a steep slope into an inhospitable tundra beyond.
Grounds that are nothing but deep ravines with spikes of rock jutting up several stories high.
Ice has formed over everything with sharp edges and points.
Storm clouds cover the wild lands as if they are trapped, lashing wind over the landscape in their anger as they kick up a haze of snow.
“We should turn back now if we want to make it back to the palace before nightfall,” Mingi announces.
Going back now feels like giving up, even if I know it’s not. There isn’t enough daylight to do another pass today. Dying will not bring us any closer to finding Joon.
“In addition to the added travel time, each pass we do will take more time than the last—so don’t expect to make as much progress as today,” he adds. “We can’t risk missing anything.”
I set my jaw and nod. Already, I feel my heart demanding the impossible of me.
Mingi and Iseul steer their horses toward the palace, but I remain in place a moment longer, staring into the wild.
Perhaps it’s only the need to believe that we are still somehow connected. But something inside me is wound tight, as if we are just on the verge of finding him.
I have to believe we will succeed. For as long as we don’t find his body, there is still a chance that he is alive.
“Tomorrow,” I whisper a promise to Joon, hoping it will find its way to him. “I will find you tomorrow.”
Then I turn and follow my companions.