Chapter Forty-Two #2
I continue for about a mile before coming to a halt. They must have seen a forest animal they wanted to play with. Bear knows how to get home. They are a demon after all, and are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves.
The woods often remind me of Joon and the many times we rode through them together as we left the palace to search for the shards. At the time, it had been less than ideal—a necessary obligation. One that gradually transformed into deeply significant moments long before I ever realized it.
My life is good, now. It’s what I wanted for so long. I am content and happy with the path I’ve chosen. It’s what I’ve always wanted. And yet, I don’t think I will ever stop missing him.
So, while I travel between the trees, I let myself remember to feel close to him again, even for a moment, without holding back.
Fat tears slide down my cheeks as easily as smiles curl my lips.
I mourn, but I do not despair. Joon wouldn’t want his loss to burden me any more than I’d want that for him, had our fates been reversed.
Near the end of the woods, a man comes into view. He walks the road in the opposite direction, leading away from Firnhallow. I hastily swipe at the trails of salt on my face.
As the distance between us shortens, I slow Star Runner. He reminds me of Joon. Then again, everyone and everything reminds me of him.
The white mare steps on a branch as I guide her to the side. The loud crunch breaks the quiet, catching the man’s attention. I barely look away fast enough. He might get the wrong idea if he catches me staring.
But my gaze is drawn to him again against my will. I don’t realize I’ve stopped until he comes to a standstill several yards from where I stand.
The stranger lifts his head enough that I can see his face unobscured by the brim of his hat for the first time. For an eternity, my heart ceases to beat.
“Joon?” His name is barely more than a breath.
“Hello, Violet,” he answers.
It’s his voice… with his face—
Then I’m on the ground and running. Crashing into him.
He’s here… he’s alive and he’s here.
Sobs wrack my chest, and I’m helpless to stop them. Joon holds me until the way of emotion finally runs out, able to breathe and speak again. His arms slip away when I pull back.
“Are you really here?” I ask, voice raw.
Joon smiles sweetly and brushes his fingertips over my face, using his power to cool my feverish cheeks and already swollen eyes. “I am.”
Tears burn my eyes anew. “Where have you been?”
“Above the Maldan wall, here the celestial heavens and the earth touch.”
“How is this possible? The king’s letter… he said—”
“Do not blame him. Eojin only did as I asked.”
“You… you’ve been alive this whole time?”
He nods. “Yes.”
“Why didn’t you find me sooner?”
“You deserved the chance to create a life you wanted for yourself without worrying over me.”
“I worried anyway. I would have done so for the rest of my life until I knew what happened to you.”
“That is exactly what I did not want for you.” He sighs. “I thought I could be happy if I knew you were doing well. I did not intend to show myself today—that if I did, it would only make things worse.”
“What?” I can hardly believe my ears. His admission feels like a betrayal. Every beat of my heart spreads hurt and disquiet through my veins. “You let me believe you were dead and would have let me go the rest of my life thinking that?” I shove him.
He stumbles back several steps. Bear comes from out of nowhere and moves behind him, causing Joon to trip and fall, landing on his back in the snow.
“Then why come back at all?” I stomp over to him.
Joon’s gaze darkens a second before his hand snakes out and snatches my wrist. He tugs hard, pitching me forward, but he catches me in his arms and rolls, pinning me with his body.
He dips his head, resting his brow against my shoulder, and sighs. It reminds me of another time. A time when we clung to each other in a temporary world of our own, hidden within a forest. When we allowed ourselves to take what we wanted and gave freely.
Just like that, with such a simple gesture, he has me.
He meets my gaze with a soft, wistful smirk. “I thought it obvious.”
“Tell me anyway,” I say breathlessly.
After a moment, he gets to his feet, pulling me along with him effortlessly.
“I came for you. The second I saw you, I knew I could not live one more day without you.” He rests his forehead against mine. “It is terribly selfish of me.”
“It is,” I agree. My voice is barely audible.
“Would you deny me if I begged to stay by your side for the rest of my life?”
For the briefest moment, my heart soars only to plummet.
“Joon…” I can barely utter his name. I swallow and step back, needing distance to say what I must. “I can’t… I can’t leave—There are people who count on me.” It is a truth that physically pains me to say out loud. “I cannot go back with you.”
He steps forward. “I will not ask you to leave your life here again.”
“Then, would you be content traveling back and forth, only seeing each other on rare occasions?” I shake my head.
“I don’t know if I could share you with the world.
I don’t want to spend more time missing you than being with you.
” His face becomes a blur as tears obscure my vision.
“I could not ask you to give it up—not after everything you’ve endured.
But I couldn’t bear a lifetime of goodbyes. ”
“It was no hardship to let go of something I never wanted. After seeing the way my uncle had controlled others, I could not stomach the thought of wielding that kind of power. Arum deserves a ruler whose heart is with them. How can I give that to them when it is with you?”
“Yet, you must,” I whisper.
“You are the dawn that banished my prison of eternal night. My salvation. My heart. I would endure the curse a thousand times over just for a chance to love you.”
“Joon…” I bite down on my bottom lip, willing myself to stay strong as he mercilessly breaks down my defenses.
“It was not a decision I took lightly, nor was it one I would have anyone else make on my behalf. In truth, it is a choice I made long ago.” He cups my cheeks, angling my face up. My tears escape, sliding over his fingers. “It is already done.”
My eyes snap to his, not sure I heard correctly.
“The Winter Dragon is with the guardians of the past among the stars.”
“How can that be?” I shake my head. “I thought it happened only if you…” I trail off, unable to say the final word.
“Yes. It was a death of sorts. It was part of the reason I didn’t return until now.”
“What does that mean for you?”
“It means that I am a fae with lesser magic, I am afraid.” He smiles, then winks. “Well, maybe a bit more even without my pearl, but not as powerful as I once was.”
Silence settles between us. This feels like a dream, but if it is, then I don’t want to wake up—not if it means losing him all over again.
“You once said that you loved me and that you were mine. Is that still true?” Joon’s brows crease as his eyes search mine.
I open my mouth to say, Yes, of course it is, but a spark ignites, and instead, I say, “That depends.”
He frowns. “On?”
A smile forms on my lips. “My family and friends. I don’t know how they would react if I let a man freely claim me.” I feign mild disappointment.
“Freely?” he says, donning his own wicked smile. “I am already yours. I have simply come to collect my wife in reciprocity.”
I flex my hand. The shimmering thread of magic, once tied to our fingers, is gone. “Our marriage was always meant to be temporary. It ended when the curse broke and both our promises were fulfilled,” I say quietly.
“My heart says you are my wife still. I do not need a bargain to tell me as much.” Joon presses his lips to the spot just below my ear. The delicate kiss sends heat sluicing through my body.
“I’m not so sure anyone else would agree,” I say. My eyes close as his mouth explores my skin.
“The world can think what it wants of me. Nothing will stop me from claiming what is rightfully mine.” His lips move over the column of my throat, leaving a trail of kisses between nips and flicks of his tongue.
“One way or another, I will have you as my wife again. You are the fate I choose, just as I am yours.”
My back bumps up against the rough bark of a tree. “I suppose there is not much for me to do but accept my fate,” I say.
“Then say it. Say that you are mine, and I am yours.”
This moment reminds me of another. When we pretended during a time when I would never live a normal life, and he was destined for one far outside my reach, when being together was nothing more than an impossible dream. But now it is ours to seize.
“I am yours, and you are mine,” I say.
“For the rest of our lives and beyond.” He leans forward.
“For the rest of our lives and beyond,” I echo, just as Joon’s lips descend on mine.