Wicked Stalker (Captives of the Onyx Brotherhood #1)

Twenty-Four

Gabriel

I’d have thought it was impossible for today to get any worse, but I was wrong. Even through the heavy press of my own grief and the three shots of Fireball, I feel Eve’s dismay as if it were my own.

“Naked. In front of—” She shoots a horrified glance at my friends, who studiously look away. “In front of everyone?”

I should have done this already, when we were alone. Why didn’t I? Because things were going well, and I didn’t want to spoil it. Because I was caught up in her small steps toward enjoying her own body. Well, now I’ve ruined all that, and I can’t even find the words to reassure her. My head isn’t in any place for it.

I failed my dad, and now I’ve failed Eve. Again.

“Don’t worry. We’ll look away. Promise.” Jacob, finding the right thing to say, as ever. Seb rushes to agree, then the two of them stand.

“See you tomorrow. Try and get some rest. Bye, Eve.” Jacob squeezes my shoulder.

Seb opens his mouth, closes it again, and settles for a whispered “Good luck. ”

They both make a swift exit.

Eve hasn’t even looked at me. She’s focused on her fingers, twisting them together in front of her. I put a tentative hand on her shoulder. “I—”

“Let’s not talk about it now. You’ve got enough to be dealing with. It can wait.”

I hate the tight, cold note in her voice more than I would screaming anger. She’s shutting down. Being polite. She’s right, really. I’m in no place to deal with this on top of everything else. But leaving it unresolved won’t make me any happier.

She’s still staring at her fingers. I cup her face in my hand, thumb under her chin, and turn her to look at me. I mentally slip into my commanding persona, and it holds its own sort of comfort. If I’m focused on her, I can forget myself for a while.

“I decide what we talk about, and we’re talking about this. Now.”

She blinks but doesn’t argue. “In the ceremony, you’ll focus on me. Yes, there will be other people there, but they’ve seen the ceremony plenty of times. It’s nothing new. You’ll focus on me and do exactly as I say.”

“Or what?”

A shadow touches my heart. It’s the one question I’m not allowed to answer. Our Wards must obey us at the ceremony without question and without knowing the fate that awaits us both if they don’t. I could break the rule, of course. It’s only us here. But I can’t shake the fear that somehow, Kendrick will find out.

“There is no ‘or what.’ You’ll do what you’re supposed to do, and that’s the end of it.”

She looks about to flare up, but then the spark dies. Her eyes close. “I can’t. Not in front of all those people. I just can’t. ”

“You can. We’ll practice. You’ll do it so many times it’ll be second nature. And for the most part, you’ll be kneeling, facing me. People won’t be able to see much.”

She pulls away. “Just forget about it. Let’s—”

I grip a fistful of her hair and twist her back around to face me as she yelps. “It’s not a debate. Do you want to spend a few more hours in your collar? Because that’s the way this is going.”

She swallows, and her eyes flick over to my desk. “I thought—”

“You thought I’d go easy on you because of what happened? No. If anything, quite the opposite.” I lean into her, lowering my voice. “I can’t imagine a better way to distract myself than playing with you.”

It’s true. I’m almost thankful the truth about the ceremony came out now, at the worst possible time. Every time I think of my dad, an iron vice grips onto my heart, squeezing the life out of me. I’m hanging on to Eve. She’s a life raft in a stormy ocean.

“So, I’ll ask again. Do you want a few more hours in your collar? Maybe I should tie your hands, put the vibrator in, and leave you like that all night while I sleep.”

As if I’d be able to sleep with her in such a predicament. But she doesn’t need to know it’s an empty threat.

“No!” She’s looking at me with fear again, and the twisted part of me relishes that look. She needs the trust, but the respect and fear, too. A delicate balance.

“Then you’ll do as I say. We’re going to practice for the ceremony right now. Strip.”

We should be going to bed. I’m exhausted, and Eve probably is as well. But the thought of lying in silence in the dark makes me sick. Too much time to think.

Eve’s eyes are wide, the pupils blown out, and I don’t think it’s all from fear. No, I don’t think so at all. That cold, brittle look she had is long gone, and her lips part. She needs this, too. Maybe as badly as I do.

I release her and watch as she stands to peel the sensible clothes I dressed her in off her body. She seemed happy when I gave them to her, relieved to be allowed something so normal. I scoot my chair away from the table, sitting as I will at the ceremony, and gesture to the far side of the room.

“It’s a simple process. I’ll be on stage, and you’ll be at the side with a couple of the more experienced Wards. Probably Portia. You’ll remove your clothes”—she flinches at that, but I press on. The more she becomes used to the idea, the better—“then you’ll walk to me and kneel. Do it.”

She hesitates, probably feeling awkward and shy. I feel a bit that way myself. It’s such a strange ritual to be completed in front of an audience. But the sight of Eve naked has done its usual job, even after everything, and to my own amazement, I’m getting hard. After going without sex for so long, I'm starving. Nothing can stop me wanting to eat.

Eve isn’t confident about her body. She’d hate having to walk on stage in a bathing suit, never mind naked. I hate that she doesn’t see herself the way I do, as the most beautiful woman in the world.

“Start there.” I point to the door. “Walk to me and kneel. You have five seconds.”

This time, she does as I ask. Her eyes remain locked on the floor as she touches the door frame, takes a breath, and makes her slow way toward me. Stopping in front of me, she sinks to her knees with a grace I still find surprising, though I probably shouldn't. At church, she'd have spent plenty of time on her knees.

She looks up at me, eyes glassy, and I know what should come next. I should instruct her in the wording of the ceremony and make her practice it until it feels natural. I want to do it. Just imagining her saying those words, then kissing my hand, makes my blood rush hard in my veins.

But the words don't come. There's a moment of quiet, a single instant where my mind slips its chain and thinks about the thing I'm desperate not to. A memory comes crashing through my defenses, raw and potent.

My dad and me, sitting up well past midnight, playing Grand Theft Auto , drinking coke, and eating chips. His stern warning not to tell my mom. I asked him if I could live with him full time, and while he said it wasn't possible, I'd never seen him look so happy.

It's a physical pain, a lance to the gut so hard my breath leaves me in a silent blast and I double over, eyes closed. It's a sharper pain than I've ever felt. The understanding that I've lost something and nothing can bring it back.

“Gabriel?” Eve’s sweet voice is hesitant, confused, but there's something else there too. I open my eyes to see her studying me, brow creased.

It almost seems as though she's worried about me, insane as that would be, given the circumstances. The pain in my gut eases a little, backing off to the manageable level again. I have a sudden, depressing premonition. This is how it's going to be. The sadness will always be waiting, ready to pounce when I least expect it.

Eve glances to the door. Does she think I need help? God, she must be so confused. One day, I tear her from her life, and the next, this. I need to be strong for her. I have to at least pretend I know what I'm doing.

I straighten, steadying myself. “It’s nothing. You need to say…”

“It’s not nothing.”

The interruption was quiet but firm. I should react. Control of this situation is slipping through my fingers, but the words stick in my throat. There’s something real about this, about her, in this moment.

“You lost your dad. That means something, even in this…” She waves a vague hand, taking in the room and probably the whole damn Compound by the way her expression sours. “...place.”

Anyone else would have said “fucked-up place”. The word practically screams in the silence.

She stretches higher on her knees and, unbelievably, rests her arms on my thighs, face turned up toward me. It’s a move straight out of my softer fantasies, Eve coming to me in willing submission. I’m sure she doesn’t know what the gesture means to me, but it cracks another chink into the hard, stony wall I’m protecting myself with.

I bend, press my forehead to hers, and breathe in the scent of her. It’s a balm, wrapping my burnt-out mind, and I bring my hands to rest on her back. Her body stiffens, then relaxes as I hold her.

The moment of inaction lets reality come crashing in, a heavy wave of exhaustion. I can’t fight it, though I want to. Though I should. My brain is molasses, and if I don’t find a safe place to lie down, I’ll collapse right here and be done with it. I need the bedroom, with its locking door and lack of sharp objects.

“Bed.” I aim for commanding, but it just comes out gruff and tired. “Don’t think this gets you out of practicing. We’ll do twice as much tomorrow.”

She gives a sarcastic “uh huh” noise I can’t let slide. I grip her hair again and lean close. “What do you say?”

She pauses, eyes flicking away from me as she mutters, “Yes, Gabriel. ”

“Better.”

The cross look on her face gives me just enough energy to get to my feet. I don’t let go of her hair, but use it as a rope to lead her into the bedroom. She sighs as the locking internal door closes with a thunk.

I release Eve and strip heedlessly, tearing off my clothes before collapsing into bed. I’ve never felt so tired. It’s bone-deep blackness dragging me down. I don’t need to worry about Eve in here anyway. There’s no escape and no weapons. Unless she wants to sleep on the floor, she’ll end up in bed with me, where she belongs, eventually.

I lie in a sort of dead doze, vaguely aware of Eve moving around the room. It’s the first chance she’s had to explore without me watching her every move. She’ll be disappointed. Running water sounds at the edge of my fading consciousness, then I feel Eve’s presence close by.

She slides into bed, settling on the far side, away from me. I don’t think so. I use the last of my awareness to roll over and pull her in tight. She wriggles against my arm for a second, then gives up. She has to be tired too. It was a big first day of captivity for her.

The blackness takes me, rising up and dragging me under.