Wild Devotion (Wild Heart Mountain: Wild Rider’s MC #13)

10. Luke

10

LUKE

H alf a man…cripple…the words lodge in my brain and make my chest ache.

Arlo claps me on the back. “That was awesome, man. I knew you were a badass.”

But the praise does nothing to dislodge the pain in my chest. Because as much as I hate the motherfucker, Ian’s right. Isla deserves more than a man like me. She deserves the fucking world. Not a man who can’t even get himself up off the floor unassisted.

I haul myself over to my chair, but I already know I can’t pull myself into it.

Isla comes over, her face full of concern. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” I try to smile, but I don’t want her to witness this. I don’t want her to see Arlo and Davis lifting me into my chair.

“Are you okay?” I ask .

She crouches in front of me. “I’m shaken, but I’ll be fine. He won’t come back.”

“Not if he knows what’s good for him,” Arlo says.

Isla reaches out a hand and touches my cheek. It’s tender and makes me wince. Ian got a couple of swipes at me before I pinned him down.

“Let me patch you up.” Her touch is tender, and I long to lean into it. To feel her caress on my skin and to kiss her again.

“Ready to get back in the chair?” Arlo asks. The question crashes me back to reality. It reminds me of what I lack. I’m half a man. That’s all I’ll ever be.

“I’ll be fine.” I jerk my head away from Isla’s touch, and confusion and pain flash across her face. “Go tend to Cody.”

“Luke…?”

I can’t look at her, and I keep my head turned away until she stands up with a sigh. I wait until she’s taken Cody out of the room before I allow Arlo and Davis to lift me under the arms and haul me into my chair.

I can’t even get off the fucking floor without help. Ian’s words ring in my ears.

Half a man, a cripple.

Isla deserves so much more than that.

It’s after nine later that night, and I’m in my room when there’s a soft knock at the door. I open it to find Isla on the other side with a baby monitor in her hand. She’s wearing a loose shirt with milk stains on it, and her hair is in a messy top knot. But she still takes my breath away.

“Can I come in?”

“Sure.” I wheel into the room and spin around to face her as she closes the door.

She fidgets with the baby monitor. “Thank you for today. For standing up for me.”

I shrug. “I told you I’d protect you, Isla. I just wasn’t sure I really could.”

She grins. “You were badass Luke. The look on Ian’s face when you launched yourself at him.” She chuckles. “He wasn’t expecting that.”

I can’t help grinning. I haven’t had to test my strength since I’ve been in the chair. It felt good to know I can take a man down when I need to. “He threatened you.”

Isla looks down at the baby monitor and bites her lower lip. “Did I do something wrong?”

Her words cut, and I wheel over so I’m sitting before her. “What makes you say that?”

She looks up at me and her eyes shine, and I hate it that I’ve hurt her.

She takes a big breath. “I like you, Luke. I like you a lot and I thought you felt the same, but you’ve been distant, and I don’t know what I’ve done wrong or if I’ve read the situation wrong…”

She trails off and looks down at her hands.

“Oh honey, it’s not you.”

“Then what’s the problem, Luke?”

I run a hand through my hair. Is she going to make me spell it out? “Look at me, Isla.” I wheel a few feet back and hold my arms up. I want her to really see me. “I’m in a wheelchair; I’m missing half my body. You deserve better than that. You deserve a man who’s whole.”

My voice comes out bitter, and I expect her to nod and leave. I expect her to understand. What I don’t expect is the raised eyebrow look she gives me.

“Is that it?” She folds her arms in front of her chest. “Do you think I’m that stupid that I don’t see the man you are inside? You think all I see is a man in a wheelchair? That couldn’t be further from the truth. I don’t see a man in a wheelchair. I see a man. A man with a big heart, who’s kind and loyal and determined. A man who launched himself at another man to protect me and my son.”

She crouches before me and takes my hands in hers. Her touch is soft, and it eases something in my chest.

“You think you know what I need, Luke? I’ll tell you what I need. It’s you, Luke. I need you.”

My chest expands, and I dare to hope I might have a chance with this woman. But she’s only seen one side of me. She doesn’t know what she’s getting into.

“Are you sure, Isla? Life isn’t always easy for me. You’ve seen the best of me, but some days are still dark. Sometimes I get frustrated. I get embarrassed, moving around can be slow. It’s easy for me here because the entire clubhouse has been adapted to be accessible for me. But it’s not like that everywhere. I don’t like going out much because a lot of places aren’t accessible to me, and sometimes just walking along the pavement is impossible. It’s frustrating as hell, and it can be limiting. ”

She squeezes my hands. “I don’t care, Luke. I want to be with you on that journey. I want to ease your frustrations and be there with you.” She looks down. “If you want me too, that is.”

I hear the vulnerability in her voice. She’s put herself out there. She’s offering me everything I ever wanted. I tilt her chin up so she’s looking at me.

“As long as you’re sure Isla, because if we’re doing this, then I’m all in. I may have half a body, but I’ve got a full heart. And I will love you and Cody like he’s my own. Ever since you came here three weeks ago, you’re all I’ve wanted.

“I’ve learned to live with my disability and I’ve found a life I love here, but for the first time in a long time I doubted myself. I doubted if I was enough.”

She shakes her head. “You stupid man. You’re more than enough, Luke. You’re everything to me.”

I pull her onto my chair and wrap one arm around her, pulling her close.

“I love you, Isla, and I’ll love and protect you for as long as you want me around. I’ve loved you since the moment you walked into the clubhouse. I’ll fight for you, I’ll stay strong for you, and what I lack in body, I’ll make up for in devotion. You’re my everything.”

She puts her hands around my neck and I kiss her slowly and soft, letting every emotion bubble up out of my chest and into the kiss. My hand slides up her back, and holding her in my arms feels so fucking good.

With my other hand I wheel over to the bed, and Isla jerks back as I bump into the bedpost. “Sorry, you’re distracting me.”

She smiles and climbs off my lap, and I grab her hand before she can go anywhere. “Is Cody down for the night?”

She glances at the baby monitor where the screen shows him peacefully sleeping in the basinet. “He shouldn’t wake for a few hours at least.”

I brush my thumb over the pulse of her wrist, feeling it beat against my callused skin. “Stay with me.”

Her gaze meets mine, and I bring her hand to my lips and kiss the tender skin of her wrist. She gasps as I graze my lips over the underside of her wrist, her pulse throbbing against my lips.

“I want to show you what you mean to me.”

Isla smiles shyly. “I’d like that.”

She looks between me and the bed, and I see the question in her eyes. My instinct is to ask her to turn away while I use the transfer board to get myself onto the bed. But if I’m going to be her man, she has to see all of me. I have to show her my vulnerable side, and that’s scary as hell.

I pull out the plastic green transfer board I keep by the bed and position it next to my chair. Isla tilts her head, looking curious, and suddenly I don’t want her to see this.

“Turn around.”

Isla furrows her brows at me. “Why?”

“I don’t want you to see this.”

She puts her hand on her hips. “Luke, if you think I’m going to be scared off by seeing you use a transfer board to get into bed, then you’re stupider than I thought.”

I raise my eyebrows in surprise. “How do you know what a transfer board is?”

“You’re not the only one who knows how to use Google.”

She reaches for the board and places it on the bed, near the pillow. “May I?” she asks, and I nod before she slides the other end under my body.

“You learned how to do this?” My voice chokes on the emotion welling up inside me. While I’ve been Googling how to look after a newborn, Isla’s been searching for how to look after me.

“I might have watched a couple of videos.” She smiles. “Did I do it right?”

I nod, not trusting myself to speak.

I place my hands on the board and pull myself onto the bed. It’s less embarrassing than I thought it would be. And Isla slides the board back in its place beside the bed then climbs onto the bed like it’s no big deal.

My heart swells for this woman, for her acceptance of me.

“I love you, Isla.” I pull her down to the mattress, and we lie side by side. Tendrils of hair escape from her messy bun and tickle my nose. I sweep them away and cup her cheek in my hand.

“I swear I’ll do all I can to protect you, to love you and to give you and Cody the best life I can.”

I don’t make oaths lightly, but this is one is easy to make .

I run my hand over her cheek, and she leans into it. “And the other babies we’re going to have,” she says.

My eyes widen, and I jolt onto my elbows in shock. “You want more babies?”

Before I got blown up in Afghanistan, I was too young to think about having a family. And after the accident, I didn’t think I’d ever have one. Now, the thought of having kids with Isla loosens something deep inside, a longing I never knew I had.

“As long as it’s what you want,” she adds quickly.

I stroke her cheek. “Oh honey…” The words choke in my throat. I never thought I’d be a father. “I’ll give you more babies if that’s what you want. Let me be a father to Cody, and I’ll show you what a father I can be.”

Tears shine in her eyes, and I wipe them away with my thumb. “I already know you’ll make a great dad.”

Her words ease my last doubts. This is really happening. I’ve got my woman, and we have a future together. Pure happiness shoots through my veins, and a huge grin spreads over my face.

“We better get some practice in.”

She giggles, and I kiss her through the smile and through the tears. Isla sighs into my mouth, and I kiss her harder. My hand snakes into her hair and I loosen the top knot, letting her hair cascade over her shoulders.

“You’re beautiful.”

She raises an eyebrow. “In a milk-stained top and hair I haven’t washed in four days?”

I look down at her top critically. It hugs her breasts in the most delicious way. “You’re right. This top needs to come off.”

My fingers tremble as I undo the top button of her checkered shirt. It’s been a long time since I undressed a woman and never one who I loved the way I love Isla.

Slowly I unravel her, button by button until the shirt falls open. Isla’s hand jolts up to cover her maternity bra.

“I don’t have any other bras that fit at the moment.” She bites her bottom lip, looking embarrassed. But I couldn’t care less about the plain practical bra.

I pry her fingers gently away. “We better get this off too.”

She giggles, and I reach around behind her to undo the clasp. I’m out of practice and my fingers fumble. “I feel like a fucking virgin. It’s been so long.”

Isla smiles. “I like that. I’d be worried if you could undo a maternity bra one handed.”

She undoes the clasp, and the straps go loose on her shoulders. I slide the bra down her shoulders and suck in my breath when it falls off, revealing her heavy breasts.

My dick jerks in my pants, and I almost lose it. “Fuck, Isla, you’re fucking gorgeous.”

I cup her left breast and press my lips to the skin. My research tells me she’ll be sensitive so I bypass the nipples, caressing every other part of her instead.

Her hands run down my chest, and she tugs at the bottom of my t-shirt. I help her shrug it off and discard it on the floor next to her clothes.

Her hands trail over my body, and my muscles flex under her touch. Her fingertips brush against my hard chest, making my skin heat. Then she leans forward to kiss my chest.

Every press of her lips has jolts of heat coursing through my body. My body’s on fire, and every flame leads to my dick. I’m so hard it’s painful.

I long to be inside her, but I’m not sure how the logistics are going to work. I’m not sure if I can balance or what positions are best for a double amputee. So I go on instinct, leaning into her and pressing our bodies together, loving how it feels good and how her little whimpers tell me it’s good for her.

Her hand glides lower down my chest, and I suck in a nervous breath when she gets to my lower torso. “Can I touch you down there?”

I know what she’s asking. No one touches what remains of my legs except my physical therapist. But if I’m going to let Isla in, I need to let her in all the way.

“Yes.” My voice is little more than a croak. “If you want to.”

Her hand glides over my bulge and to the top of my left thigh. It’s been so long since anyone touched me there that the sensation makes my phantom leg jerk. Isla pauses and turns her questioning gaze to me, asking silently if this is still okay.

I hold my breath and nod. This is more intimate that I ever imagined, and it scares the shit out of me. What if she’s turned off by what she finds? I fight the urge to push her away and instead unbutton my jeans.

“Take your pants off,” I instruct her. If I’m going to expose all of me, then I want both of us naked .

I wriggle out of my jeans, then take a deep breath and pull down my briefs. Our clothes are discarded on the floor. And then we’re both naked. Since the accident, I haven’t been naked in front of anyone who wasn’t a medical professional. I’m thankful for the dim light.

I’m breathing hard and terrified she’ll be turned off by what she sees. I hold my breath as she traces her fingers up my inner thigh. At the same time her lips press to my right nipple, and the sensation makes me jerk against her. My hardness bumps into her arm, and Isla giggles.

“I guess you like that.”

“Honey, I like everything you do to me.”

“Then open your eyes.”

I didn’t realize I had them closed, or that I was holding my breath. When I open them, Isla’s watching me, her eyes dark pools of desire.

And it finally hits me. She doesn’t care about my missing limbs; she’s not turned off by them. She wants my body as much as she wants my heart. If such a thing is possible, I fall for her even more.

“Fuck, I love you, Isla.” My voice comes out low and husky, and I slide my arm around her waist and pull her against me.

“I love you too, Luke.”

This time when I kiss her it’s urgent and hungry. Our bodies slide together, and my hardness presses against her soft belly. She opens her legs, and I pull her thigh over mine as my cock glides between her wetness.

I no longer think about what I’m lacking. All I can think about is moving my body to please Isla. I watch her expression to figure out what she likes as I glide between her folds.

My hand runs over her hip and her ass as I explore the contours of her body. We move together, lying side my side. But that’s not how I want to take my woman. I want to show her I can still take control in the bedroom.

Grabbing her shoulders, I flip Isla onto her back, making her gasp as I roll myself on top of her. Her eyes widen in surprise as I pin her down with my arms.

“Luke…” She moans my name as her hips thrust up to meet mine. Her thighs part for me, and I release her enough to guide myself into her.

We both groan as I sink inside.

Isla feels like heaven and everything good I’ve been missing. She clamps around me, and I squeeze my eyes shut before I lose control.

“Fuck, Isla, you feel incredible.”

I’ve never been more grateful for getting back to the gym as I prop myself up with my arms, using my strength to rock back and forth, sliding deeper with every thrust.

Isla wraps her legs around my buttocks, wordlessly providing the leverage I need to push deeper. I lean forward to kiss her neck and cheeks and lips and the sensitive place behind her ear that makes her body jerk when I press my lips to it.

I try to take it slow, but I’m unable to hold back the tide of emotion and sensations building inside of me. I give her everything I have as I lose myself in Isla, in the woman I love.

“Luke…” Isla’s moans turn to whimpers. Then she tenses under me and comes in a wave of heat and noise that breaks through my last restraints.

The dam bursts and a wave of bliss crashes over me, consuming every last doubt I had. Isla is mine, and I’ll make love to her every fucking day for the rest of my life.

I hold her close as I explode into her and she trembles under me, whimpering my name over and over again.

Afterwards we lie side by side talking long into the night.

Around midnight, Isla gets up to feed Cody and I join her, watching her with our son.

Then we go back to bed and make love two more times before Isla falls into a deep sleep. I watch her sleeping with her hair falling over the pillow and her mouth slightly open.

My chest feels like it might burst as I watch her, my woman.

Isla reminded me of what it means to be a man. She made me whole, and I’ll spend the rest of my life being the man she needs.