Chapter 3
3
WALKER
T oday, I was supposed to take Dakota ice-skating. I'd texted her after our visit just to say good night, and I asked her how she was on the days I didn't see her. She provided short one-word responses, but it was something. When I'd asked her if she was interested in going ice-skating, she was quick to say yes.
The outdoor rink was a new addition to the resort, and I was excited to share it with her. Even though I came to live here at fourteen, I still viewed the resort as my home.
I felt like an outsider, but I enjoyed living on the resort and having the freedom to roam. I'd spent a lot of time on the slopes in the winter and hiking the trails in the summer. We were all expected to work at the resort, and it gave me a sense of responsibility.
I stood at the entrance to the lodge, nervously waiting for Addison's car to arrive. The only way I could deal with her and our past was to compartmentalize everything.
I'd walked away from her when I chose to enlist, and I hadn't looked back. Or at least, I never reached out to her. I thought about her a lot and kept her picture in my pocket for good luck. But I never forgot about her. She was my first love after all, and I'd never met anyone who came close to her.
But I couldn't handle revisiting my past at the same time as meeting my daughter. Dakota came first, and I was grateful that Addison was her social worker. I appreciated her support and guidance.
I wasn't sure what I was doing and hoped I wasn't messing anything up.
When her car pulled to the curb, I opened Dakota's door. "Are you ready to go ice-skating?"
Dakota kept her expression carefully blank, but she gave me a slight nod. She was interested in the lodge and my family. As much as I wanted Addison here as a buffer, I needed to spend some time alone with my daughter.
Addison stepped onto the sidewalk. "I'll be back in two hours. That should be enough time to skate and get some hot chocolate."
"Thank you. I really appreciate you bringing her."
She smiled; it was cool and distant. "Of course. Have a good time."
"Have you ever ice-skated before?" I asked Dakota when Addison drove away.
"Nope."
"I hope you'll like it. My cousins recently installed this small outdoor rink in the back. We'll get you fitted with skates and then try it out."
We walked through the lobby and outside to the rink. We grabbed skates and laced them up on one of the benches added around the rink. There were families and teenagers already gliding over the ice. A few young kids and beginners held onto walkers in the shape of penguins.
Music played over the speakers and the large Christmas tree stood on the patio, decorated for the holiday.
I stood and walked toward the fence, but Dakota didn't get up. I moved back over to her and held out my hand. When she placed her hand in mine, it hit me. I'd never hold her as a baby or see her take her first steps. She would never be a little girl again, holding my hand while I did something with her for the first time. She was already a teenager.
As soon as we got to the fence surrounding the rink, Dakota grabbed onto it with her free hand.
"Are you nervous?" I asked softly.
She bit her lip. "Maybe."
"You can hold onto the side as you get your footing." I stepped onto the ice and waited for her to take a step.
When she did, her blade slipped, and I grabbed her elbow until she regained her balance. "One hand on the side, and we'll take it slow."
She kept a tight grip on my hand, the other on the railing as she took a tentative step.
"You'll want to glide a little like this." I demonstrated, then waited for her to attempt the move.
She took one step, then another, gaining more confidence as we moved. It was a glacial speed compared to the experienced skaters, but I was taking everything in. I'd missed so many firsts, but I got to experience this one.
"You're doing so good."
Dakota gave me a look of disbelief. Then her arm flailed as she lost her balance.
I gripped her elbow and hauled her up. "Maybe keep your eyes on your feet for a bit longer."
Her face screwed up. "I'm terrible at this."
"I'm sure I was the first time I tried it. But I'm fairly sure it was on a frozen pond, so I was more worried about the ice giving way."
"Really?" Dakota asked.
"That was before I came to live here. We had a pond behind our house, and we'd go out on it when it was frozen. It wasn't as big as this, but it was fun."
"I like hearing about you growing up."
"Whatever you want to know, you're welcome to ask."
She fell silent, concentrating on the rhythmic glide of her skates from side to side. Her grip wasn't as tight, but I wasn't ready to let her go. I suspected I wouldn't get many opportunities to hold her hand.
"Why didn't my mom look for you?" she finally asked after we'd completed another lap.
"I wish I had an answer for that. I'm sure it's my fault for not exchanging more information with her."
"You remember her?"
"I do." I recognized her first name. "We didn't exchange last names or phone numbers. We both knew I'd only be in town for a short time, and neither of us were looking for anything serious. I was young, constantly moving from one place to another. But had I known about you, I would have done whatever I could to be with you. I'm sorry that we missed out on the first thirteen years."
"I am too."
I wondered if it was the fact that we were looking down at the ice that made it easier for her to talk about this.
"I want to try and do it without holding on." Dakota dropped my hand.
I skated close by, ready to grab her should she fall. I hadn't felt protective over anyone like this before. I was acutely aware that Dakota could get hurt. My instinct was to stick close and be ready to react should she go down. Logically, I knew she was capable of handling herself, but I was here now. I could finally be the dad she deserved.
Dakota pushed off once, gliding forward, then a second time. Her gaze met mine, and I grinned. "You're doing it. "
In slow motion, she tipped backwards and went down. I skated over to her, and caught her with my hands under her arms before her butt hit the ground. "I got you."
When she stood straight again, I asked, "Are you okay?"
She grinned despite the scare. "I did so much better, right? I just need to keep my eyes on my feet."
"Not forever. Just until you feel steadier."
"Thanks for catching me," Dakota said before she turned away from me, a hand on the side as she continued to practice her skating. She eventually was able to move off the side of the rink for longer periods of time.
After one of our laps, Dakota paused at the exit. "Can we take a break? I'm tired."
"Absolutely." I untied my boots and grabbed hers. "I'll get us some hot chocolate."
"I'm not going to move from this spot."
I laughed, and it felt good to just enjoy this moment with my daughter. It was still hard to believe that she was mine even when she looked so much like me. The same hair and nose, but I think she had her mother's eyes.
I tried not to get upset that I'd missed out on her early years. Thankfully, I had her now, and we'd make up for lost time.
By the time I made my way back with two hot chocolates, a boy was sitting next to Dakota. I set the drinks on the bench next to her so I could draw myself to my full height. I tipped my head slightly as I fought for control. "Can I help you?"
The boy was leaning back in the bench, his arm over the back behind my daughter. "We were just talking."
"I'm on a date with my daughter. Do you mind?"
Dakota's eyes widened.
"Of course." He slid off the bench without another word to Dakota.
Dakota's cheeks were pink, and I don't think it was from the cold. "Dad, that was so embarrassing. "
Her use of the word Dad made my heart contract. "I'm your father. I'm supposed to embarrass you." That was something I'd heard my uncle say to his kids a few times. It was interesting for me to be in this role now.
"We were just talking."
"You're only thirteen." Wasn't she too young to be talking to boys?
Dakota's nose scrunched. "Mom didn't mind."
I sat down next to her and handed her the hot chocolate. "I don't know anything about raising a teenager, but I have to be honest with you; I don't like seeing you talk to a boy."
Dakota sighed. "I'm going to talk to kids at school."
She needed to make friends. Especially if I wanted her to be happy here. "I'll try not to scare everyone off, but can't you be friends with girls?"
She giggled at that, and I couldn't stop a smile from stretching over my face. She'd actually let go because of something I said.
When she recovered, she sipped her drink, and we watched people on the ice.
Finally, I sighed and turned slightly toward her. "I have a feeling I'm going to mess up a lot. I'd appreciate it if you could be patient with me."
Dakota looked at me as if she didn't know what to make of me.
"I've never been a dad before. I don't know what the rules are and how I'm supposed to navigate these issues. And honestly? I was hoping I had more time before you started dating." I didn't even know when kids started dating these days. I don't remember being interested until I met Addison, but we were fourteen, not much older than Dakota was now.
Dakota bumped shoulders with me. "I'll take it easy on you."
I grinned at her. "'Preciate that."
Dakota checked her phone. "Addison's here. "
"Tell her we're by the rink." I wasn't ready to let Dakota go yet.
I waited for her to type out the message, and then I said, "Do you think you're ready to meet my family? One of my cousin's wives, Scarlett, wants to host a dinner at her house."
"I'd like to meet your cousins."
"They can be a little much. Especially if you're not used to a big family."
"You must know what that's like. Weren't you an only child?"
I nodded. "It took some time to get used to it, and I still have to take breaks here and there." Usually when I saw my cousins with their parents, I felt a sense of loss. That was something I never said out loud to anyone except for Addison.
"I want to meet your family," Dakota said quietly, and I was struck by how lucky I was that Dakota was my daughter. I'd been a little worried that she'd be more standoffish toward me. But so far, she was open to getting to know me. I just hoped that continued.
Addison stopped in front of us. "You two have a good time?"
I lifted my gaze to meet hers. She wore jeans, a puffy jacket, and a knit cap over her dirty blond hair. Her cheeks were red from the cold.
"I'm terrible at ice-skating," Dakota said as she stood.
Seeing them standing together had me wondering what would have happened if I hadn't walked away from Addison. What if Dakota was our child? The thought of being a family sent my heart racing. I had no business even thinking about a future that I'd put a stop to.
"I'm sure you're not bad. It's one of those things that you have to do a few times before you get the hang of it."
"If you say so," Dakota mumbled.
Addison looked from me to Dakota. "I'd better get you back to the hotel."
"Unless you want to stay for dinner. I'll cook. "
Addison waved a hand. "Oh, I wouldn't want to intrude."
It would give me more time with Dakota, and I wouldn't mind getting to know who Addison was now. "It's not any trouble."
"Do you want to stay?" Addison asked Dakota.
"If it's okay with my grandparents?"
"Let me check," Addison said, and we waited for her to type out the message, and a few seconds later, she said, "They said they'd get dinner on their own."
I let out the breath I'd been holding. "I'll meet you at the cabin."
Addison had already been to my cabin twice, and I figured Dakota would feel more comfortable riding with her.
We headed toward the parking lot, and when I stopped next to my truck, Dakota asked. "Can I ride with you? I want to see your truck."
I looked over at Addison who nodded her assent, so I changed course and opened the passenger side door for Dakota.
She climbed inside, her eyes wide as she took everything in.
I closed the door and turned toward Addison. "Was it okay that I asked her to stay for dinner?"
Addison smiled. "I think it's great. It seems like things are going well."
I had a feeling it was because I was a connection to her mother. But I hoped that we could build our own relationship. "It's been better than I hoped."
Addison held up her hands. "She's still a teenager and subject to mood swings. So when it happens, don't be offended."
I nodded. "Thanks for the reminder."
Addison grinned, then backed away. "See you in a few."
I was pleased with how the day and now the evening was going. I should have been solely focused on my daughter, but I couldn't help but be interested in getting to know the Addison she was now .
Did she enjoy her job? Was she dating, or was she married? I hadn't seen a ring on her finger, but I supposed she could be living with someone. Did she have kids of her own? She never referenced any, so I didn't think so.
I parked at the cabin, and we went inside.
"Make yourself at home. You can watch TV or hang out in the guest bedroom." I wanted her to feel like this was her home because soon it would be.
"Where's the bathroom?" Dakota asked.
I waved in the direction of the foyer where we'd just come from. "The first door past the entrance." Then I turned to pulling out the beef for dinner. I'd planned to make burgers.
Addison stood by the counter. "Do you need any help?"
I raised a brow. "Can you get out the lettuce and make a salad?"
"Of course."
For a few minutes, we worked quietly together. I seasoned the meat and formed patties while Addison dumped lettuce in a bowl.
When the burgers were cooking on the stove, I leaned a hip against the counter. "I asked Dakota if she wanted to meet the rest of the family. Scarlett wanted to host a dinner."
"Was she okay with it?"
I nodded. "Should you be there too? I don't want to overwhelm her."
"I can come. I talked to everyone when I found out about Dakota, but we didn't get a chance to catch up. It was kind of a whirlwind."
"Thanks for helping us navigate this situation."
"That's my job," Addison said, reminding me that she wasn't here because of our past relationship. This was a job for her.
Dakota returned with her headphones around her neck. "Can I lay down for a few minutes?"
"I was thinking your room would be the first on the left at the top of the stairs." It had a view of the back yard with the tall trees. It would be quiet if she was prone to sleeping in.
Dakota left without another word.
"I'm hoping she'll want to move in with me soon, and I can get her enrolled in school."
"I think she'd like that."
"This feels like it's moving fast yet not quick enough. I've lost so much time."
"You have to be patient. You can take two steps forward, then one back. She might be comfortable with something today but not tomorrow."
"I can do that." I felt like I was holding my breath, waiting for something to go wrong.
"Her grandparents aren't happy about her staying here. They want her to stay with them in Virginia. It's the only place she's ever lived. She has her school, friends, and her family."
"I don't want to take her away from everything she's ever known. But this is where my support system is. I own a stake in the family business, and I have my cousins who want to help. Her family is bigger now. Do you think it's wrong to ask her to move here?"
"Not at all. This is where you live and want to make a home."
"Are they going to fight me for custody?" The possibility had been lingering in the back of my mind.
"I don't know. They might want visitation. But I said that was up to you."
"I have time to think about it?"
"You might decide that it would be best if you spent all your time with Dakota at first. You need to get to know her without any outside influence. When she's settled in, and you feel more confident about your relationship, you could ask them to visit, or the two of you could travel to Virginia. I think Dakota might like that, but at the same time, it might bring up painful memories. You're going to have to take things day by day. "
"I can do that." The prospect of being a father was so overwhelming at times. There were so many decisions I had to make. But when I thought about ice-skating with her this afternoon and our discussion, I was excited about our future. Getting to know my daughter for the first time was everything.