Wild Hearts (The Wilde Brothers #5)

Chapter 19

19

WALKER

A s much as I wanted to invite Addison over to the cabin, tomorrow was Christmas. I should spend the holiday with my daughter without any distraction.

"Is Addison coming over tomorrow?"

"I don't think so. I thought you and I could spend the day together and then see the rest of our family."

"Oh."

"Is that okay?" I hadn't anticipated her being upset about that arrangement. "It's our first Christmas together."

"What is Addison doing?"

I shrugged. "Spending time with her family. I think she said her sister would be in town."

"I made her a gift in art class. I was hoping to give it to her."

"We can see her the day after." I'd noticed that she had some old painting supplies and sketchbooks in her room. I was using that knowledge to buy her gifts for Christmas.

"It feels weird not to see her on Christmas. She's become part of our family. If that makes sense?"

I nodded. "I thought it was important that we spend our first Christmas together. "

Dakota sighed. "Holidays don't always look like we expect, do they?"

"I know you must be missing your mother."

"I am. But I'm also looking forward to spending it with you. Last year, I didn't even know you existed."

The thought of that sent a slice of pain through my heart. I never wanted to go back to a world where I didn't know Dakota. "You're my best present this year."

"Awe. That's sweet, Dad. Mine too."

"So I didn't have to buy you anything then? I should take it all back?" I teased.

She slapped my arm. "No. I want to unwrap presents."

She'd asked for a new computer, one that would be good for graphic design. She was interested in a specific graphic design program, and I'd done my research, she'd need a good computer if she wanted to continue in that profession. It was expensive, but I figured I was investing in her future.

I didn't want to spoil her, but at the same time, I'd never bought her a gift.

At home, she went right to bed, and I was able to finish wrapping her presents. I'd gotten her a new bedding set that Scarlett said she wanted on their shopping spree, the computer, the painting of horses, art supplies, and an easel.

I'd gathered all the photos I'd taken of us and with our family and framed them. I hoped she enjoyed the presents and that they were enough. I arranged them under the tree and sent a picture to Addison.

Addison: Looks great! She's going to love it.

Walker: Dakota was hoping you could come over tomorrow. She's disappointed you're not.

Addison: Why don't you see how it goes? Have your morning, and then let me know. I can always come over later.

I loved how understanding she was. She understood that we might change our mind or not know what to do this holiday season.

Walker: I miss you. I want you here now.

Addison: As much as I want to, I don't think she's ready for me to be sleeping over, especially on Christmas morning. She needs her dad.

Walker: She might be feeling some stuff tomorrow too.

Addison: First Christmas without her mom.

Walker: I have an idea of what next Christmas will look like.

Addison: Oh, yeah? What's that?

Walker: I want you here by my side. We'll watch some sappy holiday movie and go to bed together.

Addison: Sounds perfect.

Walker: Good night

Addison: Night

I had everything I'd ever wanted, my daughter, and Addison. I tried not to let myself go down the thought spiral of what if I never found out about Dakota or what if her mother didn't get sick. That led to too many uncomfortable feelings. My therapist told me to stick with the present moment and to feel grateful for having her in my life. And I was.

T he next morning, I expected that Dakota would get up early, eager to open her presents. But I was up long before her. I felt like a kid on Christmas morning waiting on my parents to get up. I showered, made breakfast, and then waited for her to appear.

Finally at ten, she came down the steps in her pajamas.

"Morning, sleepyhead," I said. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Dad." She smiled and crossed the room to hug me .

This was the best Christmas I could remember, and it had only just started. "Do you want breakfast or presents first?"

Her stomach rumbled. "Food, then presents."

"This is different than how I imagined. I thought you'd race down here at the crack of dawn wanting to rip open your presents." I poured the batter in the pan for pancakes.

Dakota rolled her eyes. "I'm thirteen. Not seven."

"That must mean I'm old." And I missed out on having a little girl. I tried not to think about what I'd missed, but it was hard not to on this morning. The sense of loss was acute.

"You could always have another, you know?"

My brow furrowed. "Have another what?"

"Another child? You could raise her from the beginning. Then you could experience everything you missed with me."

I rested my hand on the counter. "First of all, there is no replacing what I lost from your childhood."

She raised a brow. "And second of all?"

"I never even considered having another. Besides, you're already too much for me to handle," I teased.

She rolled her eyes. "Please, I'm an angel."

I chuckled. "You're all right. For a teenager."

She shook her head, her eyes filled with mirth. "You got lucky with me."

I grinned. "I'm not gonna lie. I totally did. You're the best kid."

Her nose scrunched. "I've never had a dad before, but you seem good so far."

"I make the best pancakes, buy the best presents, and am not embarrassing."

Her nose wrinkled. "I could see how you could be embarrassing."

I snorted. "Please. I'm cool."

"If you were cool, you wouldn't feel the need to say that. "

I flipped the pancake, refusing to acknowledge that comment.

"Did you invite Addison over?"

"I didn't yet." She seemed okay this morning, but maybe she'd been upset when she woke up. Dakota wouldn't share everything with me, and that was okay. I'd just be there when she needed me.

I handed Dakota my phone. "Can you text her and ask her to come over whenever she's ready?"

Dakota's fingers flew over the keys much faster than mine. "She said she's doing lunch at her parents but could come over later." Then she frowned. "Shouldn't you be with her?"

"Her family understands that I have you now."

"We should spend time with her family too, Dad. This is a two-way relationship."

I sighed. "Again, what do you know about relationships?"

"I read books."

That made me pause. "You read romance books?"

"Maybe." She stretched out the word.

If it was okay with her mother, I wouldn't interfere. "Maybe I need to read some of these books."

Dakota laughed. "You might learn some things. It's all about how to treat a woman right."

"I like this idea."

We ate our pancakes with whipped cream, chocolate syrup, and strawberries. Even I ate the decadent toppings. When we were stuffed, we moved into the living room.

Dakota jumped up. "Let me grab your present."

"You didn't have to get me anything."

"I wanted to," she called over her shoulder.

I sat on the couch and waited for her to return. I carefully unwrapped the package. It was the back of a frame. I turned it over and saw the picture of just us, taken on the night of the bonfire. Tears threatened. "This is perfect. Thank you. "

"You don't have an office, so I don't know where you'll put it."

"I'm going to make the small den down here my office. I prefer working here instead of at the lodge."

She looked around. "Now, where are my presents?"

I moved to the floor where I handed her one box after the other. "I can't believe you got me a computer. It's exactly what I needed for school. How did you know which one to get?"

"I did my research."

She hugged me tight. "Thanks, Dad." She pulled away, swiping at the tears. "Mom wouldn't have been able to afford something like this."

"I wish I'd known. I always would have supported you in any way I could."

"I know you would have. I have a pretty good idea of what kind of person you are. Loyal. Kind. Generous. Loving."

"You're the same."

When she reached for the painting, my heart jumped into my throat. Would she like it?

She ripped through the paper while my heart raced. She turned the canvas over to reveal the horses running through the snow. The combination of the dark brown against the white backdrop was gorgeous. But I wasn't a connoisseur of art, and I wasn't a teenager. I had no idea what she would think.

She ran a hand over the painting. "This is an original."

"Addison and I found it when we went to the market a few weeks ago. It's the same artist who did the scene above the fireplace. I thought you might like something for your room, but if you don't like it—" I didn't know why it was so important to me that she like it, but it was.

Dakota lifted her head to the larger painting. "This is the most beautiful thing I've ever owned."

I immediately relaxed, the tension dropping off my shoulders .

She lifted her gaze to mine. "Can we hang it? I don't want anything to happen to it."

"Let's do it." I grabbed a hammer and a sturdy nail for it and waited while she considered the perfect spot. Then she decided to hang the framed photos I'd given her too. That took an hour, and by then, we were hungry again.

I made hot chocolate and put out some cookies my aunt had made and dropped off earlier in the week. Dakota had hit play on some holiday tunes, and there was a fire burning in the hearth. It was the perfect day.

I carried the mugs into the living room where Dakota was sitting cross-legged on the floor. "What did you and your mother do on Christmas?"

Dakota accepted the mug with a grateful smile. "We opened presents in the morning, and then we went to my grandparents' house for an early dinner. It was nice, but it always felt a little lonely. Like I should have a sibling to share it with or something. Most of my friends have one if not two or more siblings."

"And two parents?"

Dakota nodded. "Not all but most."

"I'm sorry I missed out on all your other Christmases. Going forward, I don't want to miss a single thing."

Dakota smiled sadly.

"You should probably call your grandparents today and wish them a Merry Christmas." I thought it was a little odd they hadn't sent any presents. But maybe they were waiting for our trip to Virginia so they didn't have to ship anything.

"That's a good idea."

"But first you have a few more presents to open."

Dakota drank her hot chocolate while she leisurely opened the rest of her gifts. She seemed to like every art supply and book I'd chosen for her. "If you don't like anything, we can exchange it. I wasn't sure exactly what you wanted or needed."

"These are great. This is what I need. "

"I looked at what you already had."

There was one more present. This was one I guessed at. I had no idea if she needed one, but I suspected she might. It was a huge box.

"I can't imagine what else you could possibly have gotten me."

"You'll have to open it and see."

She put her mug down and popped a cookie in her mouth. Then we both stood next to the box leaning against the wall. She began ripping the paper off, revealing a box with a picture of an easel.

"You got me an easel?"

"Is it something you needed? I wasn't sure. You had all those painting supplies and blank canvases. I figured you needed something besides a table to work on."

She threw her arms around my neck. "Yes. I needed one. They're expensive. I never even bothered to ask for one."

"I want you to have everything you need." And it wasn't like she was asking for too much. These were good things. The ability to express herself through art could only help her process her emotions about her mother and me.

We cleaned up the wrapping paper, joking about how fun it would be to get a puppy for Christmas. That gave me an idea for next year or maybe even her birthday. I was afraid I was close to spoiling her with everything she never had. But I couldn't help it. What else did you do when you hadn't met your daughter until she was thirteen?

Dakota went upstairs to shower while I prepared sandwiches for lunch. I figured we'd eat our fill at the Wilde dinner at my aunt and uncle’s house this year.

Everyone was finally home. Even Killian had arrived, staying in one of the condos in the lodge on the top floor.

After we ate lunch, there was a knock on the door. Dakota ran to the door before I could, letting Addison inside .

She was pretty in a red sweater that said Merry in white with black pants and boots. I took the bouquet of flowers and wrapped gifts from her arms.

"The flowers are beautiful," Dakota said as she arranged the vase on the counter. The red and white blooms instantly brightened the mainly white kitchen.

"These are for you," Addison handed Dakota the wrapped presents.

"I have something for you too." Dakota placed the presents on the counter and ran upstairs to grab it.

I pulled Addison against me. "Merry Christmas, Addison."

She looked up at me with a smile curved over her face. "Merry Christmas, Walker."

Before I could kiss her, Dakota jogged down the stairs. I stepped back as Dakota handed Addison the small rectangle-shaped package.

We moved into the living room.

Addison opened the box first, finding gold hoop earrings.

"We made them in school."

"Thank you, Dakota. I love them." Addison hugged her, and then said, "Now open mine."

Dakota unwrapped a journal with an image of flowers on the front and gold edging on the pages. It came with a set of fancy pens that Dakota oohed and aahed over. She thumbed through the blank pages of the journal. "The pages are too pretty to write on."

Addison waved a hand. "The journals aren't expensive, and there's a lot more where that came from. You should feel pampered when you're writing your deepest thoughts on paper."

Dakota laughed, and I enjoyed watching them interact. I could easily see Addison stepping into a motherly role with Dakota. She seemed to know what she needed, and it wasn't just her social-work training. They had a connection .

"Are you ready to spend the evening with my family? This is nice and quiet, but it will be loud and crazy with everyone else."

"I can handle it, Dad. Is it okay if I try out my paints upstairs?"

"Absolutely, let me set up your easel and help you carry everything upstairs." Once we had her easel set up and paints arranged on her desk, Addison and I headed back downstairs to give her privacy.

"You did a good job on her presents," Addison said as we sat in front of the fire, enjoying the lights on the tree.

"I saw that she had worn brushes and mostly empty paint containers. It was an easy assumption."

"Maybe. But it also shows how much you pay attention, and you care. I think she sees that too." Addison was quiet for a few seconds before she continued, "She knows you care about her."

"I should hope so." The love I felt for Dakota eclipsed almost anything else I'd ever felt. "Do you want to open your present?"

"Absolutely." Addison shifted closer as I handed her an envelope.

She slowly opened it revealing a gift card to a bed and breakfast. "A weekend away. Will you join me?"

I grinned. "I was hoping you'd ask."

She laughed. "You were worried I'd take someone else?"

I sobered. "I messed up when we were kids. I like to think that we've moved past it, but I'm not sure that's realistic. I want you to trust me again, but I know it takes time, and I want you to know that I'll do whatever it takes to prove I'm here to stay."

Addison's shoulders lowered. "I have to be honest?—"

I wasn't thinking she'd throw any kind of bombshell on me on Christmas. "About?"

"I didn't mean to fall in love with you again so soon, but I have." She blinked away tears. "I'm not sure I ever stopped."

"Same. "

"I love you, Walker." She threw her arms around me, and I held her tight.

"I love you too."

As we pulled away, I cupped her cheek, tilting her chin slightly up so I could kiss her upturned lips. It was a sweet kiss, both of us aware that Dakota could come downstairs at any minute.

Addison's loving me took some trust. So I took her declaration as a good sign.

"Open mine," she urged eagerly.

I opened her gift, and it was a journal—: soft brown leather with gold bookmark—a heavy pen, and a book about fatherhood. I sifted through the book, and it appeared to be serious and funny quotes about being a dad. "This is great. Thank you."

The greatest gift of all was having Dakota and Addison in my life again, but I knew it was too soon to say that out loud. She declared her love for me, and that had to be enough. For now.