Chapter 16
16
TORI
I felt bad lying to my parents about what this thing was between me and Xander. But they were so happy that we were together. I could tell they were hopeful it was serious and that I'd stay in town. It wasn't enough that I said I wanted to. A local boyfriend, especially one that had been my best friend forever, was the perfect candidate in their mind. That's why we were doing this fake relationship to begin with.
We followed my parents to the bar to get a drink. I noticed that Xander drank water. He was nervous. He had been since I found him struggling with his tie. He'd suggested we kiss, and I thought it might relax him, but it only made him more tightly wound.
Was it so hard to pretend to be into me that he was worried he'd mess it up? I'd been so flustered after that kiss that I had to pretend it hadn't affected me at all, when in reality my heart was racing and my limbs were weak.
Who would have thought kissing your best friend would lead to feverish feelings? I ignored my attraction to him for so long that I didn't trust my judgment when it came to Xander.
I just had to get through tonight, and then I could hide in my room and pretend he hadn't altered my entire plan with that kiss. I couldn't pretend any longer that I wasn't attracted to him. That kiss brought everything into clarity.
I was attracted to Xander, and he clearly was just doing this whole charade as a favor to me and a way to impress his brothers. It wasn't because he was secretly in love with me.
Xander leaned close, talking into my ear. "Is everything okay?"
I smiled to cover my turmoil. "Of course."
"We should dance," Xander said simply, the charm effortlessly falling from his tongue.
I didn't think that was a good idea. In fact, I thought it was dangerous. I couldn't be that close to him. My nerves were already firing from that kiss. I wanted him badly, and I was scared I wouldn't be able to hide it anymore.
"Good idea. We will too," Mom said.
We followed them onto the dance floor. Then Xander expertly guided me away from them. "I can't dance next to your parents. It feels wrong."
I understood what he was trying to say, but it felt like he was saying that he couldn't keep up the charade under their scrutiny which meant this wasn't real for him. I tried not to let the disappointment show on my face.
Xander touched my cheek. "You've been off tonight."
To anyone else watching us, they would assume it was a tender gesture, but I knew it was an act. "This whole thing is harder than I thought it would be."
Xander's eyes shuttered. "What do you mean?"
My nose wrinkled. "Pretending in front of my parents, your brothers, the town. It's a lot."
He nodded, dropping his hand.
I missed his touch.
"I was hoping we could have an enjoyable night," Xander finally said, vulnerability creeping into his tone.
"I like when we're alone." And I don't have to pretend. The night in the tub was great because I wasn't thinking about the parameters of our new relationship or stressing about what Xander felt. I just acted on instinct.
"I do too," Xander said, and for once, there was no charm or flirty innuendo. It was just raw honesty. "That kiss earlier took me for a ride."
I frowned. "What do you mean?"
Xander expertly guided me away from a couple that swayed nearby. "I enjoyed it.”
I swallowed hard. "Me too."
Xander gathered me close, pressing me against his hard body. "It made me want things I shouldn't."
Was this happening right now? Just when I thought that I couldn't take this fake relationship anymore because Xander didn't see me as anything more than a friend, he changed the game.
Xander lowered his head, his words ghosting over my lips. "Tell me you want me too."
The demand ricocheted through my chest, and I curled a hand over his neck. "I think I've always wanted you, ever since I knew what that feeling was." If he could be honest, then I would be too.
Xander sighed. "You've put me in a bad position. We're supposed to be putting in our time here, showing that we're the real deal."
A smile curved over my lips. "What better way to do that than to get a room and head upstairs?"
"Like we can't keep our hands off each other?" Xander asked, his voice picking up the pace.
I grinned. "Exactly."
"You aren't afraid of what your parents might think?" Xander asked, his gaze flitting to them.
"Don't we want to make a statement?" Wait. Was I getting caught up in the act again? For once, I wanted to forget about our plan, our arrangement, and just go by feelings.
Xander grinned, and for the first time tonight, he looked relaxed. "I think we do."
"How are we going to do this?" I asked him.
Xander's gaze darted around the room. "We'll go to the front counter and get a room."
"Can you get a room without going to the front counter?" I asked, feeling nervous about being so open about our desires.
"I don't have a master key to the condos we keep for family upstairs. I rarely use them."
I loved that he didn't make it a habit to take women to the hotel rooms. He'd said as much, but this was proof that he hadn't.
"Come on. Let's see about a room." Xander curved his hand around mine and led me through the throng of dancers, out of the ballroom, and down the hall to the main lobby at a quick pace.
Next to him, with my hand tucked against his, my body was light and bubbly, almost as if I'd erupt into giggles at any moment. I'd never felt so young and carefree.
We were going to cross that line from fake to real. I waited at the counter while Xander requested one of the family’s condos for the night. To her credit, the worker didn't say anything about one of her bosses needing a room. Maybe it was a usual occurrence for those who partied and drank too much.
When she slid him the room card, Xander turned toward me, lifted our joined hands, and kissed the back of mine. "Are you ready for this?"
I nodded, not trusting my voice.
He took off for the elevator, and once we were inside, he backed me against the wall, bracing a hand over my shoulder. "I'm gonna need the words to go any farther."
I touched his face, the same one I'd gazed into a million times before and longed for a moment like this. "I want you, Xander.”
"Fuck, yes," Xander practically growled as the door slid open. He grabbed my hand and led me into the hallway. "This is the family's floor. Eli used to have a penthouse up here, and the rest of us use the extra condos when there's an event. This one is mine." He stopped in front of a room at the far end of the hall from where he'd gestured for Eli's condo.
He opened the door and I preceded him inside.
It was large and open. "You have a condo at your disposal whenever you want?"
"I never use it. Oliver uses his frequently with Joey and now Carolina. Obviously, Eli lived in his until his house was built. But I never felt like I should use it, if that makes sense."
I turned to face him; his expression was open. "You don't feel like you're a part of the family?"
He swallowed hard. "Something like that."
"Like you don't contribute enough to your family or the resort to warrant a condo?" I said softly as I considered him. This was a huge door into his psyche. Xander Wilde wasn't the careless, irresponsible man he'd led everyone to believe. He felt things deeply, and I was honored that he felt comfortable enough to share this with me.
He nodded.
My heart thumped. "You are worthy. You deserve everything."
Xander's eyes warmed, then went molten with desire. "Are you the one who's going to give it to me?"
I chuckled lightly. "Yes."
I stepped away from him, lowering the zipper of my dress and letting it sag, then fall to the floor.
Xander's gaze followed the movement. "Fuck. You're gorgeous."
I tilted my head to the side. "You saw me in the bathtub."
"You were covered with bubbles, and when you undressed I averted my gaze." His gaze was a light caress on my skin that sent fire flicking across the surface.
I couldn't remember that night. I just assumed I'd been exposed and that he'd seen everything there was to see. But knowing now that he hadn't, that this was all new, sent tingles through my body. I didn't feel self-conscious in the lace thong and bra. I'd picked my outfit for him, hoping something like this might happen.
Xander stepped closer, brushing his knuckles over my shoulder where the thin strap of my bra was the only barrier between his touch and my skin. "You're absolutely beautiful. More gorgeous than I imagined, and I spent a lot of time thinking about this."
I couldn't believe that Xander had thought about me. "You mean since the bathtub."
Xander shook his head. "Since I was old enough to know I liked girls."
"You liked me back then?" I couldn't help but ask. He was letting me.
He stepped even closer until I was surrounded by his scent. "How could I not?"
I practically whimpered when he lowered his mouth to mine, cupping my head and angling me to exactly where he wanted me. This was different than the kiss in his house. This time, he was in control.
He cradled my head while he explored my mouth. I couldn't resist wrapping my arms around his neck and pressing my chest against his.
He reached around and unhooked my bra. I wanted it off, so I pulled back long enough to shrug it off. Then I was pressed against him. This time, my nipples rubbed the stiff material of his shirt.
He growled as he removed his jacket, then unbuttoned his shirt. He was desperate for me. My legs were weak, my core heavy with need, and he'd barely touched me. It was a combination of the reverence in his gaze, his words, and the way he kissed me. He was touching me with intention, as if I meant something to him.
I wasn't one of the women people accused him of picking up in a bar. I was his friend. Taking this step could ruin everything. But this felt too good to stop now.
Besides, I could see my bid for the practice falling apart now that I'd met Lincoln. He was the perfect option for my dad. But I wanted something for myself. Especially if I needed to move in the new year and look for a new job. I'd always have this moment with Xander.
I wouldn't have any regrets or curiosity about what might have been. Because I was following my instincts now, and I wanted to know what it was like to be with him without the alcohol interfering with my memory.
This was real. I just had to keep telling myself that. This wasn't part of our arrangement or something to prove to someone else.
Then the nagging voice in the back of my mind reminded me that Xander had suggested the room as a way to get everyone talking about us. But that was an excuse, right?
His hand drifted down my shoulder, over the curve of my breast, and lower. "Are you wet?"
All my thoughts flew out of my head. "Why don't you find out?" I'd never been this open in a relationship, especially not during sex. But I felt like I could let go with Xander. Maybe because we'd been friends first. Xander had been searching for a friend to be with. Was that because I was the right woman all along?
His hand dipped under the lace of my panties and cupped my pussy. I rocked into his hand, needing more friction. I wanted his fingers. "Xan. I need you."
He dropped his forehead to mine. "I know you do. I'm gonna take good care of you."
"Yes, please."
Xander chuckled as he pulled my panties down my legs, and off. His fingers separated my folds, and he dipped one inside me.
I moaned, rocking into his touch, riding his finger. I needed more. I wanted more. Then he slipped in two fingers and lowered his mouth to my nipple. I wasn't going to last. He was still fully dressed while I was naked.
We hadn't even made it to the couch, much less the bedroom. What did this say about our connection? That it was piping hot, and I shouldn't walk away from an amazing experience. I'd never felt like this with any other guy.
The idea that it was our level of comfort together kept me in the moment and not obsessing over how we might destroy our friendship. My senses were heightened. This awareness I'd always had of him morphed into something so much bigger. Every touch, every kiss felt so much more intense than with anyone else.
I jerked as his thumb rubbed against my clit, his fingers thrusting inside me. I moaned as I let my head fall back.
Xander nipped at my jawline, kissing down my neck.
Was this because I was already in love with Xander? My easy breakup with Hugh had led me to think that we weren't in love, or maybe I'd fallen out of it. But now, I wondered if it was ever love at all. I didn't feel a tenth of what I felt for Xander for Hugh.
"Are you with me?" Xander's voice was gruff against my throat.
"Uh-huh."
"I only want you thinking of me. It's my hands on you."
"I'm here with you, Xander. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."
"Damn right," Xander said as he picked up the pace of his fingers, rubbing my clit at the same time. The combination was too much. I was quickly barreling to the finish line. Then Xander bit my nipple lightly, soothing it with his tongue, and I cried out, my hips moving in time with this fingers. My walls contracted, setting off the most powerful orgasm I'd ever experienced.
"You're so beautiful when you come," Xander said softly, reverently, as he let me ride his fingers. I whimpered when he finally removed them and sucked my taste off of them.
I'd never seen anyone do that before. The guys I'd been with had been passable. But there was nothing memorable about the sexual experiences. No one made me wet just by thinking of them.
"I'm taking you to bed," Xander warned before he picked me up and stalked down the hallway to the bedroom. He threw me on the bed, watching me bounce as he ripped his shirt out of his pants and off his shoulders. His pants and briefs were next. Then he was naked, standing in front of me with miles of tan skin taut over well-honed muscles.
Hot. That was the only word I could use to describe him. Handsome wasn't enough. His body could have been chiseled from stone. It was obvious he took care of himself and was active. I felt soft in comparison.
I went up on my knees, my gaze drawn to his cock. I'd never had the opportunity to examine it, to feel it. His skin was hot to the touch.
He hissed when I squeezed him.
"You like that?" I asked softly, my gaze lifting to his.
"I'd like anything you do."
"Mmm. I love the sound of that." I lowered so I could lick the precum off the head, loving the salty taste in my mouth. I'd never felt so open or free with another sexual partner. I felt sexy and beautiful when I was with him.
I had no inhibitions or worries about my body. He clearly loved it, and he said he'd like anything I'd do. Eager to test that theory, I gripped the base and licked the underside of his shaft.
His hips jerked as if his cock wanted more. My mouth.
I sucked him into my mouth, licking and squeezing, getting lost in the act of pleasuring a man I cared about deeply.
"You look even better on your knees with my cock in your mouth."
That only made me suck him harder. I wanted to make him feel good. He'd said he was looking for the right woman, the one who could be his friend first. The chemistry between us was off the charts. It would be a travesty not to pursue this. Who else got this? Friendship and desire?
He touched my shoulder gently. "But I don't want to come in your mouth."
I hummed around him, still sucking him deep.
He pushed me back so that I fell to the bed, my legs widening for him. He settled between my legs.
"Condom,” I reminded him.
He opened the nightstand, retrieving a box. "We always keep the condos stocked. Not because I come here, but just because."
I stroked his arm. "I believe you."
He let out a breath, and I wondered if he was still worried that I thought the worst of him like everyone else. I took the wrapper from him, opened it, then smoothed it over his cock. My heart was squeezing at his vulnerability.
I couldn't believe that his brothers couldn't see the kindhearted man underneath the charm. I wanted everyone to see what I did. I curled a hand around his nape and pulled him down to me. His kiss was urgent as his cock slid through my folds and over my clit, driving me higher. "Xander, I need you inside me."
He eased back slightly, holding himself as he pushed inside. I touched his arm, not wanting to be far away from him as he paused, then looked at me. "Are you okay?"
I nodded. This man.
His eyes glazed over with desire as he slowly moved, pausing every so often to allow me to adjust to his size. When he was seated, he moved over me so that he could capture my mouth. There was something so intimate about him being inside of me and kissing me.
I felt so close to him, as if nothing could come between us. We'd crossed that line from friendship to something more, and lightning hadn't struck. My heart contracted as he pulled away slightly to see my face. There was so much tenderness in his gaze that my heart contracted.
"I can't believe you're here with me."
That was an admission, one that I didn't think he made with anyone else. "It's surreal."
Then he pulled back, thrusting inside. He quickly gained a steady rhythm that had me soaring to new heights, and when I went over that edge, he was there to hold me tight, whispering about how beautiful I was when I let go.
His movements became more erratic as he picked up his pace. His muscles were pulled taut as he thrust deep and emptied himself into the condom. His body shuddered, and his forehead rested on mine.
"That was indescribable."
I stroked his side and his back, needing to be touching him, close to him.
He slowly pulled out, moving from the bed to the bathroom to take care of the condom. Was he having regrets? Was he worried what this meant?