Chapter 18
18
TORI
T his morning was perfect with the bacon, the shower sex, and Xander giving me permission to use his truck. I loved that he trusted me with something important to him. It almost made up for last night when Xander disappeared into the bathroom after we'd been intimate. When he'd returned, he hadn't immediately reached for me. When he finally did, I figured he wasn't used to relationships since he'd never done anything like this before, and I'd easily fallen asleep.
But then he'd mentioned our arrangement. I'd hoped we'd moved away from any of it being fake. I wasn't sure what to make of it. Was he panicking because he wasn't used to being in a relationship? Was the fake label making it easier for him to do this? If so, I'd give him some time. Every time he said the word "fake," I felt a sharp stab of pain in my chest.
I wanted to move past any talk of our arrangement and onto a future where something between us was possible. I wanted to make any decisions about our future together.
When I got back to the apartment, I texted Noelle to see if she could help me decorate the apartment. She'd always had an eye for design. Plus, she was one of my best friends when I lived in town. I wanted to spend more time with her, especially since this move was permanent.
She'd texted back that she could get away for a few hours, so I changed, then met her at one of the furniture shops downtown.
She hurried inside with windblown hair, her coat hanging open, and her scarf thrown haphazardly over her shoulders.
I smiled as soon as I saw her and held my arms open for her. "Thanks for meeting me on such short notice."
She let out a breath and rubbed her hands together. "What are we looking for?"
"The apartment is Xander's, and there's nothing on the walls. The couch has no pillows or blankets. It's sad."
Noelle grinned. "You came to the right person. What color palette are we working with?"
I thought about the furniture colors and the walls. "Tan. Brown. Basically variations of brown."
She grimaced. "Have you thought about buying new furniture or even painting?"
"He's looking to buy a place soon, so we'll revisit those ideas. But for now, the place just needs a pop of color."
Noelle grabbed my wrist and led me toward the pillows. "You could do navy, red, green, mustard, orange, white. Really anything would be an improvement. What do you like?"
I scanned the rainbow of textiles. "I love blues and grays."
"Perfect. We'll get navy, and then you can work on convincing Xander to paint the walls a soft gray."
"Thank you for helping me." We picked out pillows, then moved onto throws. Noelle recommended faux fur blankets that were amazingly soft. Then she dragged me to a new art store that featured local artists. I fell in love with a few paintings that portrayed snow-covered mountains. One reminded me of the view from the lodge. I ordered all three to be wrapped and delivered in the upcoming week.
Pleased I was putting my touch on his apartment, I carried the bags of pillows and throws outside. "I wish you could do lunch. We don't spend enough time together." I felt bad imposing on her if she was busy.
"I have to get back."
"Are you living with your family?" I asked tentatively. Noelle had always been closemouthed about her family situation.
She shook her head. "I'm there a lot helping out."
"Oh. Let me know if you ever need any help." I offered, knowing she wouldn't accept.
Her face pinched. "You know I'm not great at asking for help."
"I know, but I'm home for good. I'd like us to spend more time together." If my friend needed help, I'd be there for her. I just hoped she'd let me in.
"I'm busy with my businesses. I get up early to make the donuts, and when I can get away from my family, I spend time on my design business, which is really just a glorified holiday decorating service at the moment." Her eyes widened. "I didn't mean it like that. I love my family."
I touched her shoulder. "Everyone knows how devoted you are to your family."
"It's hard for my mom. She's in a lot of pain, and she doesn't want to admit that she can't do everything."
I didn't bother to ask if her mother applied for disability. I wouldn't be surprised if her mother hadn't. Noelle got her pride from her hardworking single mother.
My phone vibrated so I set my bag down to read the message.
Xander: Killian's coming home for Thanksgiving.
"Killian's going to be home for Thanksgiving. Weren't you close with him?" I asked, texting out a quick message to tell him I was excited for him.
Her eyes were wary. "We trained together for a bit. That's all."
Noelle didn't date much in school and seemingly had no interest in boys. I never thought much about it because I was so focused on studying. "I need to get this stuff home and arranged before Xander arrives, but I want to hear about your love life the next time we get together."
Noelle's expression softened. "Honestly, there's not much to talk about. But what's this I hear about you and Xander dating?"
"Where are you parked?"
Noelle pointed in the direction of my apartment.
"Let's walk and talk. Don't share this with anyone, but we were supposed to be pretending to be together to prove to our families that I was committed to staying here in Telluride and for him to show that he was serious about his job."
Noelle's eyes widened. "Wow. That's a lot. Especially since I always got the sense that you two liked each other."
"I don't know about that. I've always enjoyed being around him. But I didn't think he went for girls like me. He liked the cheerleader types." And I was a nerd in school.
Noelle's expression was thoughtful. "I do remember that about him. He has a reputation for not taking anything seriously."
"He said that his reputation isn't deserved. When he dates, he looks for women who reside outside of Telluride, and he's been looking for someone who could be a friend first."
Noelle's eyes widened. "Because he always valued his friendship with you."
"Exactly." I desperately needed to share what I was feeling with someone. "Things got real last night."
Noelle stopped in front of a small sedan with a rusted bumper. "You slept with him?"
I nodded. "It was amazing, but afterward, he got weird. He disappeared into the bathroom and didn't want to cuddle at first. This morning, I thought we'd reconnected, but he brought up our fake arrangement again. I don't know what to think. I was hoping we were past all of that."
"You think he'd have sex with you to maintain the facade of a fake relationship?" Noelle's tone was incredulous.
I sighed. "I don't know what to think. Maybe it's easier for him to think of it as fake? It's a barrier, and then he doesn't have to deal with his feelings?"
"I don't know Xander that well. But I ran into him the other day when I was decorating the tree at the lodge. I had Christopher with me, and I thought he was going to berate me for working with my brother, but instead, he offered him free ski lessons."
"He did?" Why hadn't Xander mentioned that to me.
"He said it was because we worked for the lodge. I was worried that he was giving us a handout, but he said that's how the Wilde family does business, and the Richards are family to them."
"That's really nice of him." Noelle was sensitive to those who looked down on her mom or how she was raising the kids. But it sounded like the gesture was well-meaning. "Your mom worked for the lodge for a long time."
"The Wildes have always been good to her. Do you know that Xander's parents let her stay on at the lodge as a consultant?"
"I didn't know that."
Noelle nodded. "Mom is always surprised when Mrs. Wilde, and now Eli, would set up a meeting to discuss the management of the inn. It's usually more about staffing and the cleaning service, but Mom feels so good when she gets off those calls, like what she has to say is valuable."
"Her knowledge is valuable. She worked there for a long time and ran a cleaning business on the side."
"I thought it was really thoughtful of him when we don't know each other that well."
Noelle had been close to Killian back then. I didn't remember her bonding with the other brothers. She was so focused on training. She hoped to get a scholarship to snowboard, but then her mother's back had gone out, and everything had changed for her. I hated that she didn't get to pursue her dreams like I had. "Thanks for telling me about that."
"Christopher was so excited. I didn't have the heart to tell him no."
"It's a great opportunity for him, and the Wildes are a generous family." They certainly take care of their employees.
"I don't know Xander well otherwise. You have to follow your instincts. What is your intuition telling you?"
I sighed. "To give him some time."
"Then do that." A gust of wind flew through, and Noelle wrapped her thin jacket around her frame. I shouldn't have made her stand outside like this in the cold. I didn't realize how threadbare her jacket was. "Get inside and turn on the heat."
Noelle hugged me, then got into her car. It made a straining noise, but the engine turned over, and I hoped there wasn't anything majorly wrong with it. She worked so hard, and she deserved a break. I wasn't sure I would have made the same sacrifices that she did. I had a newfound respect for my childhood friend. She was tougher than she thought.
I walked home, lugging my now-heavy bags. Inside, I got to work, covering the couch and bed with the new additions, then planned where to hang the paintings I'd ordered. One could go over the fireplace and the second in the bedroom. I hoped I wasn't being too presumptuous by decorating.
While I was staring at the empty wall, the door opened.
"Honey, I'm home," Xander teased from the doorway.
"I don't have dinner cooking for you, but I did get some pillows to brighten the place." Then I held my breath hoping I hadn't overstepped.
Xander toed off his booths and hung his jacket on the hook, then turned to survey the living room. "Pillows? And a blanket?"
I ran a hand over the soft fur of the blue blanket. "Yeah, what do you think?"
He stepped close. "I think I'd like to fuck you on this blanket in front of the fire."
I gasped a little at his dirty words but quickly recovered. "I think that can be arranged."
He placed his hands on my hips and pulled me into him. "I missed you."
I hooked my wrists around his neck. "I missed you too."
"I couldn't stop thinking about you."
I touched the hair on his nape, feeling him harden against my stomach. "Did you think about how you'd like to fuck me when you came home?"
His lips quirked. "You have a dirty mouth on you."
"But you like it." I pulled on his neck to lower his lips to mine and he said, "I do," just before they touched.
The kiss was needy and insistent. He had been thinking about this all day. For the moment, that made the niggling doubt disappear. I could give Xander more time. He wasn't used to being in a serious relationship, and we'd jumped into this. We had time to sort this out.
Xander pulled back, grabbing the throw and laying it on the floor in front of the fire. "Is this what you imagined when you bought it?"
I chuckled. "Not at all. But it is soft to the touch."
"Good. Because you're going to be naked in a few seconds, and I'm going to be devouring my favorite meal."
If I wasn't wet before, I was now. With trembling hands, I pulled my sweater over my head and unhooked my bra. I was eager to get naked and let him have his way with me. I was a little sore from last night, but it was a good pain. I couldn't wait to feel him inside me again.
The cool air drifted over my nipples, making them harden with more than anticipation.
"I can't get over how beautiful you are." His voice was low, the frequency striking a chord with my heart.
His words never failed to fill me with confidence, while Hugh had treated me with indifference. I felt adored for the first time in my life. "You're not so bad yourself."
Xander pulled his fleece over his head, then his T-shirt, while I pulled his pants down with his briefs. His cock bobbed out, hard and purple. I gripped the base, needing to taste him. I dropped to my knees on the blanket, relishing in the soft cushion as I licked the tip.
Xander growled. "I like the way you think, but that's not what I had in mind. Get on your back."
With a grin, I let go of him and shoved my jeans and panties off before finally laying back. I spread my legs for him. And then my mouth went dry when he gripped his dick and tugged. I'd never seen a man touch himself like that. It was hot.
He tugged a second time, and I whimpered.
"Show me how you touch yourself when you're alone and thinking of me."
I had a lot of practice with this, so I tweaked my nipple with one hand and then let the second drift lower until I settled it between my legs, rubbing my clit.
"Eyes on me while you're touching yourself." His voice was insistent, and I couldn't resist his command.
My eyes flew open, meeting his gaze. Wanting to keep his eyes on me, I slid a finger inside.
"You're so sexy when you're touching yourself."
This entire situation was the hottest thing I'd ever experienced. I'd never touched myself while a man watched. And I certainly never felt as seductive as I did now. Xander's gaze was filled with desire.
I widened my legs as he dropped to his knees, lining his cock up with my entrance. We'd foregone condoms in the shower, so neither of us paused to mention them now. I wanted to stay in the moment, enjoying every inch of him inside me.
I trusted him to take care of me. He'd never put me in danger. That was the beauty of being with your best friend. I knew he wouldn't be sleeping with other women behind my back. The thought wouldn't even have entered my mind, except for what happened with Hugh.
As soon as Xander's dick nudged my entrance, thoughts of my ex flew out of my head, and my hand fell away. He slid inside easily, his girth making me forget about anyone who came before him. I was in this moment with him, enjoying ever second.
He braced his hands on either side of my body and thrust hard. With each movement, he erased a little more of my past until all I could think about was him. Xander's face filled my vision, his broad shoulders blocking everything out. There was nothing but him.