Chapter 4
RIVER
When the door opened, revealing Jack Wilde on the other side, my heart had done a funny little dance of confusion.
First, I couldn’t help but think how incredibly inappropriate it would be for me to engage in any physical touch with a student, but then I’d reminded myself he was no longer my student.
I’d already turned in all of my grades for graduate students. The only remaining grades outstanding were for a few students in a low-level undergraduate course.
After I’d successfully reminded myself the fraternization rule didn’t apply here, I felt indescribably giddy.
I was going to get to hold Jack Wilde in my arms all night long.
If he would let me.
This was too good to be true. I’d had an inappropriate crush on this particular grad student since three days before the semester started when I’d seen him jogging on a treadmill at the gym while trying to hold back a bad case of the giggles at something on his phone.
He hadn’t succeeded.
I’d watched him nearly stumble off the equipment while snorting with laughter. Every time he’d tried to get control of himself, he’d look back at the phone and start laughing again.
He was magnetic. I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. Even now, I wanted to drink in every facet of his beautiful face.
But he was panicking. And I couldn’t blame him.
I’d spent the entire semester terrified of stepping out of line, of being caught staring, or worse, getting hard in front of the damned class because he was just that sexy.
His eyes were bright blue green, and his sandy-brown hair was slightly overgrown and always looked messy, like he’d rolled out of bed after being well fucked all night. He was quick to smile and even quicker to make a new friend and put others at ease.
He was the holy trifecta of funny, sweet, and smart.
I wanted him more than I’d ever wanted anyone, including the celebrity crushes I’d had as a preteen.
But Jack Wilde was off-limits.
Or he had been. Now he simply hated me.
I’d done everything I could to avoid him.
It had been neither professional nor pretty.
I’d avoided eye contact in class. I’d resisted calling on him for fear I would be seen playing favorites.
And I’d written the shitty recommendation that had cost him his dream placement on the Raintree expedition.
No wonder the very sight of me had made him choke.
I moved up onto the bed next to him and put my arm around him, pulling him into my chest. How did I explain all of this? How did I even begin to apologize?
His voice was muffled at first until I realized I was holding him too tightly. “What?” I asked.
“I was trying to focus on the tennis racquet.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, meaning it more genuinely than anything I’d ever said to another human being. “I… I need to explain.”
Jack’s breathing was finally slowing down, and the fact he could make a complete sentence was a very good sign.
“It’s fine,” he said. “I’m feeling better anyway.”
He tried to pull out of my embrace, but I tightened my arms without thinking. “Don’t.”
Jack lifted his face to me. His eyes were red-rimmed but still bright and beautiful. The tip of his nose was pink from being pressed against my shirt. “I’m okay,” he said again. As if that was the only reason I was holding him.
“I’m not,” I admitted softly.
Jack studied me for a minute before snuggling into my chest again and returning the hug. We stayed like that for a long time, holding each other without a word of explanation or understanding.
Except… except I did understand. I understood why he needed this. Why he needed comfort.
One of his professors had screwed him over by denying him a spot on the research expedition he’d so desperately wanted.
I pulled away from him and moved to squat in front of him again so I could see his face. He looked surprised and confused but didn’t say anything. I wondered if he was scared or hurt or angry.
Without thinking, I took both of his hands in mine, which only seemed to make his shock more intense. His eyes were almost comically wide.
“I need to tell you something,” I said, scraping my teeth over my lip. “And I couldn’t tell you before now because I was your professor, and also the university was trying hard to keep it under wraps.”
Jack blinked, his inky lashes still wet from tears. “What… what is it?”
“It’s about your research,” I began.
Jack’s nostrils widened, and his lips pursed. “Oh.”
“No, wait,” I said quickly, trying to think. Just spit it out, asshole. “It’s not what you think.”
“Really? Because I think you fucked me over by sabotaging my application.”
He could see the truth on my face because he yanked his hands out of mine.
“Jack,” I said. “I did. But let me explain.”
He pushed me until I rocked back on my heels and hit the ground on my ass. Clearly, he wanted to get away from me. Instead of following him over to the large window, I rested against the dresser and waited.
“Go on,” he said after a minute. He didn’t turn to face me. Instead, he looked out the window as if the Houston skyline had something interesting to offer.
“Raintree is part of a fraudulent research grant scheme.”
He turned to face me. His expression was fiercely defiant. “What? No way.”
I balled my hands into fists to keep from going over there to hold him again. I wanted to touch him so fucking badly. Instead, I focused on giving him the explanation he deserved.
“It’s true. Dr. Raintree has been pocketing the bulk of the grant money.
He gets his grad students to help apply for research grants, the grant money comes to him, and then he half-asses the research and pockets most of the money.
He’s had two expeditions in the past five years get canceled for bad weather, and the money hasn’t been returned or used for other research. ”
Jack stared at me in disbelief as his brain worked through what I was saying. He was a smart guy. I knew he’d have done his research on the Raintree expeditions, and he’d know about the canceled trips.
“How do you know about this?” he asked.
I sighed and dropped my chin to my chest. “I’ve been watching him for the past four years. I finally couldn’t stand it anymore, and I said something to the dean. If… no, when word gets out, it’s going to put all of us in a bad light. The university wanted time to mitigate the fallout.”
“You turned him in?” he asked.
I nodded cautiously. I couldn’t decide if he thought I was a terrible human being for ratting out a colleague or a decent one for trying to protect the students and the program.
He reached up to run his fingers through his hair and yank on the ends. I could tell the information was taking time to process. “So… what does this mean for the department? Is Dr. Raintree leaving? And what about the students in the middle of research?”
“I don’t know. That’ll be up to the dean.”
My fingers itched to touch him. Now that I was here, now that I knew he wanted—no, needed—touch, I couldn’t stop imagining my hands on him.
“Come here,” I said.
Jack’s eyes widened. “W-why?”
“I want to hold you.”
My heart thundered even though I tried my best to project a calm, controlled demeanor.
“Why?” he asked in a slightly higher-pitched voice.
Instead of answering him, I pinned him with a look—one I hoped held all the longing and frustration I’d been repressing for an entire semester.
Jack’s chest rose and fell before he whispered, “You can’t mean it.”
“I do. I wanted to hold someone tonight. It’s been a hell of a week.
A hell of a semester. My colleagues turned their backs on me when they learned what I’d done.
I had to find another job. I felt so isolated and alone, I was willing to take comfort with a stranger.
But now that I know you were the one who wrote that post… I want it even more.”
Emotion flashed through his eyes. Surprise, and if I wasn’t mistaken, heat. My chest tightened.
“Please,” I added softly.