Chapter 5
JACK
This was too good to be true.
I moved toward him slowly, waiting for him to laugh and admit it was all a setup of some kind. But then I saw the sincerity in his eyes. His chest heaved up and down, revealing maybe he wasn’t quite as calm and collected as he appeared to be about this.
“Isn’t this fraternization?” I asked weakly.
“I already turned in your grade. I’m no longer your professor.”
It was true. I’d checked my grades before heading to the hotel and hadn’t really been surprised at the strong showing in my evolutionary biology class. In being a total hard-ass to me all semester, it turned out Dr. Henry had managed to thoroughly prepare me for the final.
I’d aced it.
And now my hard-ass professor was summoning me to… his lap? For hugs? What was happening right now?
“I thought you hated me,” I blurted.
His eyes darkened, which made my skin prickle. “That’s the opposite of how I feel about you, Jack.”
When he said my name, my stomach swooped and left me light-headed. It was amazing how much longing and want he could pack into that single syllable.
“W-why?” I hated how unsure and vulnerable I sounded right then, but I felt unsure and vulnerable. I’d never been good at hiding my true feelings.
Professor Henry sighed and looked down at the hands he held clasped in his lap. “Because you’re beautiful and smart. You’re funny and warm.” He looked up at me. “You’re exactly the kind of man I’ve always dreamed about being with.”
My breathing sped up again, enough to make me wonder if another panic attack would come on. “You’re messing with me,” I said, stopping in my tracks before getting too close.
“Does it look like I’m messing with you?” His eyes stayed on mine with an intensity that filled the room, and I had to shake my head.
“I don’t want to pressure you or do anything you don’t want. So tell me… do you want me to leave?”
No. Definitely not. No. No, please.
“I don’t know,” I admitted, lying through my teeth.
His body language stayed relaxed, but his expression didn’t. It was almost like he wanted me to listen, to understand.
“I saw you before the semester started,” he said, surprising me. “You were at the gym, laughing at something on your phone. I couldn’t stop staring at you.”
My heart ticked wildly in my neck. I didn’t know what to say, so I stayed quiet.
“You were sexy as fuck. Sweating from your run and wearing these little running shorts that revealed your long, muscled legs and your tight ass. I almost got hard right there in the student fitness center.”
I hoped to God my breathing didn’t sound as erratic as it felt.
He continued. “But it was your laugh that really got me. You couldn’t stop.
And your joy lit up the space around you.
Everyone who heard you got a smile on their face.
That night when I went home, I decided that if I saw you again, I was going to ask you to spend the afternoon with me…
or the evening… or, fuck, forever, if you’d have let me. But you never came back to the gym—”
“I tripped over one of those electric scooters people leave all over campus,” I whispered. “Tweaked my ankle.”
“When I saw you walk into my classroom a few days later, my heart leapt out of my chest. There you were, finally, only…”
“Only, I was your student,” I finished for him.
He nodded. “And I was your professor.”
The puzzle pieces clicked together. His avoidance of me, the lack of eye contact, his short answers to my questions. It made sense, or… it would have, if not for the fact he was way out of my league.
“Fuck. But that wasn’t fair,” I said, feeling anger bubble up. “You should have said something. I thought you hated me. I thought I couldn’t do anything right. I thought… I thought I wasn’t cut out for this field!”
Professor Henry surged to his feet, grabbing me by the shoulders and leaning down to meet my eyes. “You are,” he said with a clenched jaw. “You’re one of the brightest students in the entire program, and if I made you doubt that for a single second, I’m even sorrier than I can express.”
Hearing him apologize lifted a heavy burden I didn’t realize I’d been carrying. I respected him as a scholar, and his approval carried weight with me. If he believed I had something to contribute to the study of evolutionary biology, then maybe I could stop second-guessing myself all the time.
Maybe I could stop listening to my parents’ opinions.
“Professor—”
“I’m not your professor anymore,” he growled. “Call me River.”
River. Even thinking of him that way felt incredibly intimate.
Perfectly intimate.
“River,” I said slowly, testing the syllables.
He exhaled softly.
“I wish you’d told me.”
“About Raintree or about my attraction to you?”
There was the slightest hint of a smile at the corner of his mouth, and I wanted to explore it with the tip of my tongue. I was nearly giddy with the idea that I might actually get to.
I swallowed. “Both?”
“And what would you have done if I’d told you?” He moved his hands down my arms until he could weave our fingers together. My breathing hitched.
“Uh…” I couldn’t think with him this close, with saliva filling my mouth and blood filling my dick.
River’s eyes flicked between mine as if trying to read me. One of us moved closer.
I breathed in, catching the scent of him. Aftershave that smelled fresh and masculine. I wanted to press my nose to his neck and get more of it.
“I don’t know,” I admitted.
“I couldn’t tell you about Raintree. All I could do was try and make sure you weren’t one of the students he left hanging in the wind. I was under a legal agreement not to disclose anything—” He sucked in a breath. “You’re driving me crazy,” he added under his breath.
I leaned forward until my forehead was on his collarbone. He’d come here to give me comfort, so I was going to take it.
“Why didn’t you tell me you wanted me?” I asked his shirt.
His arms came around me and pulled me closer. I exhaled and felt my entire body give in and relax against him.
“I didn’t want you to drop the class,” he admitted, nuzzling his cheek against my head. “Seeing you was the brightest spot in my week, and I couldn’t give it up.”
I tilted my head up until my nose brushed the skin of his neck. God, he smelled so fucking good. “I wanted you too,” I admitted before letting my lips brush his neck too.
“Jack,” he breathed. “I came here—” His voice cracked. “I came here to give you platonic comfort.”
I reached up to grab the sides of his face with my hands and meet his eyes with mine.
“I don’t want comfort anymore.”