Chapter 5
5
I’m sitting at my desk, I’m tapping away on my keyboard, and I am working but everything I’m doing today is very much on autopilot because all I can think about is last night – and when I’m not thinking about what happened last night, I’m thinking about what might happen tonight.
I keep smiling to myself, like a crazy person, but it’s that image of him – the last thing I saw before I left him this morning – the look on his face, like I was the only person in the world.
At the desks across from me, Faye and Molly are deep in conversation, and if they were talking about work then it would be something to do with… data? Honestly, I’ve never been entirely sure. Something to do with algorithms or analytics – I assume they’re different things? This place is techy beyond my GCSE IT qualification. My role here is more to do with admin and managing the general office chaos, and sometimes I can’t shake the feeling that they look down on me for not speaking their techy language. They’re besties, with their own secret code and in-jokes that always make me feel a bit like an outsider. One time, when they did bring me into their conversation, they both agreed that I wasn’t a ‘girl’s girl’, whatever that is, but apparently there’s no greater crime when it comes to girl code.
‘Mark texted me this morning, so he obviously enjoyed last night,’ Molly says, her tone making it clear that something happened between them. ‘He wants to see me again tonight.’
‘Already?’ Faye raises an eyebrow, clearly impressed. ‘What did you say?’
‘I haven’t replied yet,’ Molly says, leaning back in her chair with a satisfied smile. ‘And I’m not going to, at least not for a while.’
‘Good idea,’ Faye agrees, nodding. ‘You don’t want to seem too available.’
‘Why?’ I ask.
I can’t help it. The question just slips out before I can stop myself.
Both heads swivel toward me. Molly gives me a look like she’s not sure if I’m serious or just clueless.
‘You can’t give them everything they want right away,’ Molly explains, her tone dripping with that condescending edge that gets my back up. ‘You’ve got to hold back a bit, make him work for it.’
I raise an eyebrow, genuinely confused.
‘But if you’ve already slept with him, isn’t that giving him what he wants? I mean, if you asked most guys if they’d prefer a night together or a text, they’d probably choose the night together,’ I point out. ‘So… you’re making him wait for a text?’
Molly thinks for a moment, questioning if I may be on to something.
Faye rolls her eyes, leaning forward as if she’s about to put me in my place.
‘That just shows the kind of guys you’ve been hanging out with, Lana. It’s important to get the upper hand from the start.’
I resist the urge to roll my eyes right back at her.
‘I don’t know,’ I reply. ‘I just don’t think men are that complicated. If you don’t reply to their messages, they’re not going to think you’re playing hard to get. They’ll think you’re not interested.’
Molly shakes her head like I’m some na?ve child who just doesn’t get it.
‘And that’s why you’re single,’ she tells me.
I decide not to say anything back, deciding it’s not worth getting into with the two of them. If this is what it means to be a ‘girl’s girl’, then I’m fine sticking to my own rules.
I turn back to my screen, focusing on the email in front of me, because the sooner I crack on with work, the sooner it will be time for my date.
‘Hi, Lana,’ a familiar voice says, and I look up to see Steve sitting on the edge of my desk.
Steve is exactly the sort of guy you would imagine working in a place like this. I feel like you would just know he wrote code, even if he didn’t tell you – even if you didn’t even really know what that meant. He’s got sandy brown hair that’s perpetually tousled, like he’s just run his fingers through it, and brown eyes that are kind and unassuming.
He comes and sits on my desk most days, for a quick chat, while he’s going to and/or from the coffee machine. I don’t feel like I know him all that well but he’s nice enough – and he’s never accused me of breaking girl code, which is a plus. Wow, perhaps I really am a guy’s girl.
‘Hey, Steve,’ I say, forcing a bit of cheer into my voice. ‘How’s your day going?’
He shrugs, a lopsided grin on his face.
‘Not bad, just can’t believe it’s only Tuesday,’ he replies.
‘I know what you mean, I feel like I’ve been here all week,’ I joke. ‘It will be the weekend before you know it.’
‘Let’s hope so,’ he says, and there’s a pause, like he’s gearing up to say something else. He scratches the back of his neck, looking almost shy. ‘Hey, I was wondering… do you fancy grabbing a drink sometime?’
‘Oh,’ I say, caught off guard.
‘Like a date?’ Molly chimes in, giving away that she’s been listening this whole time.
Faye’s head snaps up so fast I’m surprised she doesn’t get whiplash.
‘Well, yeah,’ Steve says, glancing at her before looking back at me. ‘What do you reckon, Lana?’
Oh, boy. Steve and I have always got along, and sure, he’s been a bit flirty now and then, but I never thought he’d actually ask me out. It’s typical, isn’t it? As soon as I find someone I really like, someone else comes knocking.
‘Thanks for asking, Steve,’ I say, giving him a soft smile. ‘Ordinarily, I’d love to, but… I’m sort of seeing someone.’
His expression shifts for a moment, disappointment flashing across his face before he quickly covers it up with a smile.
‘No harm done,’ he says, waving a hand dismissively. ‘I totally get it. My problem has always been missing my window while I build up the courage.’
He stands up, his easy-going grin back in place.
‘Anyway, I’d better get back to work. Catch you later?’ he says.
‘Yeah, catch you later,’ I reply, watching as he walks away, cringing to myself because I do feel bad.
‘Wow, savage,’ Faye says.
‘What?’ I ask, turning to her, a little defensive.
‘There’s you, telling me off for not texting a guy back, and then you go and treat Steve super mean when he’s already keen,’ she says, shaking her head like I’m some kind of hypocrite.
‘I really am seeing someone,’ I insist, not liking the way she’s looking at me.
‘Well, you weren’t yesterday,’ Molly chimes in. ‘Everyone in the meeting was talking about their Valentine’s Day plans, and you kept your head down.’
I pause, realising she’s right, but yesterday I didn’t have a date at that point.
‘It’s early days,’ I tell them, my voice firm. They’re both looking at me like they don’t believe a word I’m saying, but I don’t care. Let them think what they want. I would rather it was true and they didn’t believe me, than have them be super jealous about something I had made up.
I’m really looking forward to tonight and that’s all that matters. I know that Ethan is real – unless I’m imagining him. Imagine if I’ve just conjured him up, desperately, in an attempt to feel like I’ve got the perfect guy. That would be a new low.
That’s the thing though, he is perfect. He really is.
And now I’m excited again.