Chapter 28
28
‘So… our first night sharing a bed together,’ Ethan points out.
‘Except it isn’t,’ I remind him.
‘It’s the first time we’ve done so in the normal way,’ he replies.
‘Because this is so normal,’ I add.
If we were actually in bed together like that then the scene would be perfect. I’m wearing one of my more attractive sleeping-vest-and-shorts combos – one of the ones that I don’t somehow lose a boob from while I’m sleeping – and Ethan is wearing a tight-fitting pair of boxers, not that I’ve noticed (of course I’ve noticed). It’s warm but it isn’t too warm. There’s a breeze drifting in through the open door that leads out onto our balcony. It’s so relaxing, watching the sheer curtain blowing gently. The room smells like an expensive diffuser with a name like ‘ocean bliss’ and the only thing I can hear is the roar of the ocean (and maybe my heart thumping in my chest a little stronger than it usually does).
The scene is set for romance. Proper Mills & Boon-type shit. If I weren’t thinking straight I could just pull back the covers, climb on top of him, and forget about everything else. I am, however, thinking straight and I know that if we did it would probably result in us – I don’t know – dislodging a block that sends the entire house crashing into the sea, just bringing it all down like the end of a game of Jenga.
‘So, how was your day, honey?’ he asks me.
I laugh.
‘Don’t do that,’ I tell him.
‘What?’ he replies, chuckling innocently.
‘Turn us into some old sitcom, where we’re both lying here, side by side – essentially like we’re in twin beds – wittily debriefing our day. I’m half expecting to hear a laugh track.’
‘I’m just asking,’ he insists. ‘But I’ll drop the honey. I’m taking my role as your fake boyfriend very seriously.’
‘Right, but I meant what I said, I don’t want to do that any more,’ I tell him.
‘I thought that was a test,’ he replies.
‘No, I really don’t,’ I insist. ‘Like, stay, enjoy the holiday, have a lovely normal time – but I am officially abandoning the plan.’
He laughs to himself, ever so quietly.
I roll onto my side, to face him.
‘What?’ I ask, getting the feeling he’s keeping something from me.
‘Well, if it’s not a test, and you really do want to call it off, then I can only assume it’s because of that lanky lord I saw you drooling over.’
‘He’s an earl,’ I point out.
‘Oooh,’ he teases. ‘Someone sounds exactly like the rest of their family.’
I know he’s joking but that prods at a soft spot.
‘And I notice you’re not denying that you were drooling over him,’ he adds.
‘Well, we’re just friends, so I’m free to drool as I please,’ I remind him.
‘You are, that’s true,’ he tells me. ‘But I was brought here to be your boyfriend, and everyone thinks I am your boyfriend, so I can’t let you make me look bad, can I?’
I laugh.
‘You can say and do what you want,’ I tell him. ‘I’ll just make out like you’re like Steve – a desperate ex, deluded in thinking we’re still together.’
‘But you brought me here,’ he reminds me.
The tone between us is wildly flirtatious, given the conversation we’re having.
‘Yeah, but it’s like, when you know the dog needs putting down, and you love it so you give it an absolute dream few days, to say goodbye. I’ll just tell everyone I’m doing that.’
‘You’ll tell everyone you love me?’ he replies, selecting the part of the sentence he knows will bug me. ‘Interesting.’
‘Ethan, the plan has changed, and you’re right, I fancy the earl, so I’m going to see what happens there,’ I tell him firmly.
Telling him this can only help, right? Because if he thinks I’m completely uninterested in him, and that I’m all in on someone else, then he won’t do anything that tempts me back over to the dark side… right?
Ethan rolls onto his side, so that he’s facing me – sort of like that thing they make boxers do before a fight where it looks like they’re going to kiss.
‘In that case I am going to “toff block” you at every opportunity I can,’ he replies with a smile. ‘I’m doing the job I came here to do.’
I should have known, really, that if you shop for crazy, you buy crazy. Ethan is here and he’s doing exactly what the plan was, in a way that is better than I could have imagined… but the plan has changed so, if Ethan wants to play dirty, that’s what we’ll do. And we’ll all ignore just how oddly hot this all is.