Wishing On A Daisy (Wishing On #1)

Prologue

“Ariel, why do you think you’re here today?”

“Because I need help?” It comes out like a question because the truth is I’m not completely sure why I am here. I mean sure I’ve been through a couple traumatic events, but I’m not sure that I’m ready to accept the help. Unfortunately, my best friend, Veronica, begged me to come, so that’s what I’ll do.

“You seem hesitant.” Therapists. Always pointing out the obvious.

“Of course I am. Do you know how hard it’s going to be to talk about the shit I’ve been through!” I snap, and instantly feel guilty. “I’m sorry.” I quickly apologize for my behavior.

“There’s no need to apologize. You’re one hundred percent right. It’s not easy to talk about the things we have been through. However therapy is not about talking about your traumas. Therapy is about overcoming traumas, learning things about yourself you didn’t realize, it’s about healing, among a lot of different things. Sometimes therapy is simply here just to talk to someone. What you do here is up to you. You’re in charge here, so if you don’t want to talk about the things you’ve been through, you don’t have to. We can sit and chat about the weather if you wish.”

“That sounds lovely. The weather has been very nice here lately.”

“It has. The sunshine and summer breeze brings out a lot of joy. Has it given you joy?”

“No. That’s kind of the issue. I don’t feel anything anymore. I just feel numb.”

“And that’s the reason you’re here, yes?”

“Yep. One too many traumas has turned me into a robot with no feelings.” I chuckle. “Sorry that was dark.”

“Again there’s no need for apologies here.” She pauses to let her comment sink in before she does her therapist thing. “And that robot comment? Many people confuse being numb and having no emotions when they really have no correlation. Having no emotions means there’s absolutely nothing there. Being numb, now that means the emotions, the feelings are there, but you’ve buried them under all the weight and trauma you’ve endured. It’s the Flight of Fight or Flight. Basically what’s happening is that your subconscious is terrified of being hurt, of endearing trauma again, so it essentially flipped the switch to your emotions off.”

“Well that hurts. There’s nothing more painful than being called a coward.”

“It’s not cowardly. It’s actually the exact opposite. Your subconscious is protecting you to help you survive, and there is nothing more brave than surviving. I don’t know what you’ve been through yet, but the pain I see in you tells me more than enough, and for you to be here,” She looks me in the eyes. “Ariel, every breath you take reflects so much courage. Living is not easy. It seems like it should be because it’s all any of us can do, but it’s just not. There’s so many obstacles that like to get in the way. There’s so much pain and misery that makes living painful, and so many people are suffering at this very moment because of it.” She takes a moment to breathe. “What I’m trying to say is that as long as you’re still here, I will never call you a coward. Being numb is not the safest for mental health, but it’s so common, and I have the inkling that you’re here to turn that switch back on.”

“What happens when I do that? Wouldn’t that be harming me?”

“Not at all. This is a safe space for you, and I won’t lie to you, it will be hard. It’s not an easy journey, but once you get to that point when your emotions are turned back on,” She smiles warmly at me, “you will see the world in a whole new light. For all the pain, there is such beauty too. If you look closely, there’s beauty to be found everywhere, even in tragedies.”

“I don’t know about that.”

“It’s kind of painful to see, but tragedy brings people together in a way that nothing else can. It opens people’s eyes- though most are only opened for a short amount of time- to see that this world will never stop suffering, and they want to ease it.” I consider her words, and start picturing all the tragedies that I’ve been through. How every time so many people surround me to see if I need anything. There is so much truth in her words, and I’m ready to feel again so I can experience that beauty.

“How do I get my emotions back?”

“It’s going to be a long and hard process, but my advice is you start by telling me what led to this moment. You don’t have to go into detail. Just give me the basics and we’ll start from there.”

I take a deep, calming breath before I begin, “It started when I found out that I was pregnant.