Chapter 12
Claire
”I don”t understand,” Nora says, standing on the porch. I”ve seen her stand in the doorway of her house so many times I swear this is how I”ll always remember the woman. That and the pinched smile on her face that makes her look constipated.
”I”m going to spend an hour with her,” I say, smiling down at Larkin who is tugging on my hand, trying to pull me away.
As forgetful as she can be about cleaning up her toys before dinnertime, she surely didn”t forget my promise to take her to the park for a little while this afternoon.
”Then I”m going to drop her off at the Graves Estate for a playdate. I was asking if it would be okay if you or Leo could pick her up at six.”
The woman blinks at me as if I”ve sprouted a second head and started speaking a different language.
”Dinner is at five.”
”I”m sure Madison will feed the children.”
”You”re sure? I don”t like knowing that my granddaughter might not eat an evening meal.”
”Madison isn”t going to let them starve. Are you unable to pick her up? I just need to know. I”m sure Walker can cover the bar for half an hour if you want me to do it?”
I know I ask a lot of the Kennedys, and I know this woman is tallying up every favor I”ve requested, as much as I know she”s no doubt literally keeping score. That”s just the kind of woman she is.
”We don”t have a problem helping Larkin,” she says eventually, emphasis on my daughter”s name. She”s always quick to remind me she doesn”t do this for me.
”I”m really grateful,” I tell her. ”Thank you, Nora.”
I allow Larkin to pull me off their front porch. With her excitement, it”s easy to get her into her car seat. I wave to the witch on the front porch before getting behind the wheel, buckling up, and driving away.
I fight the urge to cry because there”s nothing worse than having to do something every day that you positively hate. I get the feeling that there will come a day when I”ll have to distance myself and Larkin away from that toxic woman. I have no idea what they say in front of my child about me. I”d like to think she has a little more decorum than that, but some days, I”m not so sure.
Larkin is all smiles when I pull up to the small park in town. It doesn”t offer much more than a tiny jungle gym, a double set of swings, and a slide, but for a three-year-old, this place must look like Disneyland.
She chooses the slide first like she always does, but after four times of climbing the stairs and flying down the thing, she”s ready for a break. I follow her to the swing, wondering if her pink cheeks are from exertion or if it”s too cold to have her out here. There are no other kids playing and that seems a little unusual for a Saturday, but I sort of like the isolation. I don”t have to worry about side-eyes or judgment, and I certainly don”t have to worry about someone misconstruing my words and thinking I need them to intervene in my life. I know people mean well, but their propensity to help me has made me want to stay at my house and not speak to anyone. Being a single parent is lonely enough.
I help Larkin into the toddler swing and push her gently. Her beautiful blonde hair alternates between flying behind her and whipping into her face. Her squeals of delight make me smile before they make me sad.
I fight the urge to apologize for not being a better mother.
This is not how I pictured my life.
”Climb, Mommy!” Larkin says, pointing to the jungle gym.
I slow the swing and pull her out once it”s safe.
”Be careful,” I urge, watching her run across the playground in her bulky clothing without a care in the world.
I take a seat at one of the park benches and watch her play. Like always, I let my mind wander to what my life could”ve looked like if Hux hadn”t died.
He promised to take care of her when I came to him a month after we hooked up with a positive pregnancy test. He didn”t hesitate. After coming to Lindell three years ago, I can see why his first instinct wasn”t to accuse me of trying to trap him or arguing that he wasn”t the father. Men in Lindell don”t seem to ever shirk their responsibilities.
We didn’t marry because we were in love. He felt obligated, or maybe it was because he saw no other way.
With how irresponsible he was with his money and the situation he left us in, I have to wonder if the man ever had any real intention of keeping his promises. Maybe he was more of a talk-a-good-game but never-follow-through sort of man. I couldn”t answer the question one way or the other. I didn”t know him very well at all.
”Mommy?”
I jolt at the sound of her voice right beside me as I”m hit with another wave of guilt for getting distracted and in my own head that I didn”t even notice her climb down from the jungle gym. I can only imagine what Nora would say if she knew.
”What, sweetheart?” I ask, smiling at her and feeling grateful that she didn”t get hurt during my moment of neglect.
”You”re sad.” She traces the side of my face as I pull in a heavy, deep breath.
”I”m cold,” I tell her, giving my body an overexaggerated shiver. ”Are you ready to go meet Cale and Cole?”
Thankfully, it”s all it takes for her to forget her concern for me.
Fifteen minutes later, we”re pulling up outside of Madison and Chase”s mansion of a home.
Larkin couldn”t care less how big the house is. She”s a pretty easygoing kid. She loves all the toys the Kennedys buy for her, but she”s also just as content to play with her troll dolls and, thanks to Adalynn and Walker”s meddling, she loves riding her little car around our tiny backyard. Okay, riding might be too strong of a word. She mostly drives it into the fence before I have to turn her around to do the same thing on the other side of the yard. She”s nowhere near ready for a driver”s license, but she”ll get the hang of it eventually.
After unbuckling Larkin from her car seat and helping her out of the car, I grab her bag.
Madison is all smiles on the porch, waiting for us to make our way to her. It doesn”t annoy me as much as it does when I pull up at the Kennedys” house and Nora is waiting.
”Hi, Larkin. Are you ready to play?”
”I gotta swing!”
Madison frowns before looking up at me. ”We don”t have a swing.”
”She got to swing,” I explain. ”I took her to the park for a little while.”
”Ah!” Madison says. ”Did you have a good time?”
Larkin is already distracted by the rocking chair set off to the side.
”She”s mostly fully potty trained,” I tell Madison who, unlike Nora, immediately takes the strap of the diaper bag when I offer it to her. ”But there are a few changes of clothes if she has an accident.”
”Does she have allergies?”
I look up at her and smile, grateful that she”s responsible enough to ask. Most people—cough—Nora—cough, just assume that they can eat whatever.
”Soy and mustard seeds,” I tell her.
”The plan today was for mac and cheese, chicken nuggets, and copper pennies.”
I grin at her menu. I had no idea what copper pennies were until I moved to Lindell, and after finding out that they were just brown sugar and butter-sweetened sliced carrots, I knew I never would”ve been able to guess that.
”She”ll devour all of that,” I assure her as I look at Larkin rocking away in the chair.
The child is capable of entertaining herself easily, and it makes me wonder if that is just one more thing I can add to my running list of things that make me a less-than-stellar mother.
”I hate that I can”t be here,” I mutter, smiling at Larkin when she grins back at me.
”We can do this again. Next weekend is Cash and Adalynn”s wedding, so it”ll be a little hectic, but I don”t have anything going the weekend after.”
”That”s fast,” I say, hoping she doesn”t see my words as any form of judgment.
”They should”ve been married a decade ago,” Madison says with a grin. ”I say it”s several years late.”
”I bet it”s going to be a beautiful ceremony. Is it happening here?”
Madison”s smile is wide and I can see the excitement in her eyes. ”The first one I”ll be hosting.”
”Didn”t you and Chase get married here?” I ask, my forehead wrinkling in confusion.
I wasn”t invited, but I didn”t feel left out. Until today, Madison and I hadn”t made plans together.
”We did, but my mom organized most of that. It would”ve been too much of an undertaking for me as the bride, but you”ll be able to see all of it next weekend, right? I figured Walker would need you here.”
I dart my eyes away, wondering just how much gossip is already circulating around town about the two of us. It doesn”t matter just how little has happened. I have no doubt people have seen him watching me while I work and have made assumptions other than the truth that he”s making sure I”m not getting harassed by patrons in his establishment.
”I”m not dating Walker Conroy,” I tell her, but it only makes her smile grow wider.
”I never assumed you were, but that quick clarification makes my senses perk.”
”You said I”d be here with him,” I clarify.
”Walker has been hired to man the bar at the wedding, just like he did for mine and Chase”s,” she explains. I feel like a complete fool, assuming just like I hate when others do the same to me.
”Oh,” I say. ”That”s Saturday, right?”
”Yes.” She chuckles.
Her laughter does nothing to ease my irritation.
Fridays and Saturdays are the busiest days at the bar, other than when Walker has some form of live entertainment during the week. Maggie prefers to work Friday night and Saturday dayshift because of her study group schedule. Having worked the last three Saturdays, I”ve gotten it in my mind that I”ll work them all. I know the whole saying about counting my eggs before they hatch, but he hasn”t mentioned me not having a shift next weekend.
”Nora will be here to pick her up at six. I apologize in advance for her opinions and rudeness,” I say, changing the subject.
Walker is going to catch hell from me when I get to the bar, but I refuse to let that attitude reflect in the conversation I”m having with Madison.
”I can handle Nora,” Madison assures me, but there”s a level of exasperation in her tone. ”I”ll call you if there are any issues.”
”Thanks again for having her over. I know Larkin is going to have a great time.”
Accustomed to being dropped off, Larkin waves at me when I wave at her as she climbs off the rocker and takes Madison”s hand.
”Let”s go see if the boys will let us paint their toenails,” Madison says, giving me a little wave.
I”m almost in tears as I pull around the circle drive in front of the house, watching as Madison and Larkin wave at me in the rearview mirror. One of these days, I”ll have the chance to be the mother that precious little girl deserves.