Chapter 28
Claire
The way he shut down after mentioning Jason makes me feel like a complete asshole, and not because it makes him sad. I brought up his brother because I knew it would make him shut down.
I don”t want to entertain this idea of us dating. I don”t have the time or energy to put anything into anyone. As fun as things have been with him, I know it will all end. He”ll get tired of me working all the time and being stubborn. He won”t be able to wrap his head around the idea that I”m in a mess not of my own doing, but I own it. He”ll want to help and will only grow increasingly annoyed when I won”t let him run to my rescue.
We can flirt and be friends or acquaintances now, but if it goes on the way he wants it to, we”ll end up wanting to cross the street when we see the other person walking toward us. It”s inevitable, the bitterness and hatred that will soon follow.
Honestly, I”d rather have everything come to a head now and us part ways if that”s how it”s going to be. I already feel a certain level of impressiveness, and the man just grabbed takeout from The Brew and Chew. I”m not that easy to impress these days, if I ever was in the first place, and that will end up with me feeling all the things which will really suck when it”s over. I know better than to think I could have more out of life than the shitty hands I”ve been dealt, even if there”s the urge inside of me to ride the ride until I get bucked off.
Loneliness is better than having and losing as far as I”m concerned.
”Do you not like those chips?” he asks, pointing to my plate.
”No,” I tell him because it”s easier than explaining the truth.
”Do you mind?” he asks, reaching for them when I shake my head.
He tosses a few in his mouth, chewing before speaking again.
”What”s your favorite flavor of chip?”
I pull in a deep breath, hating the way he simply smiles at my growing frustration.
”The truth?”
He nods. ”Always the truth.”
I swallow down all the hateful things that come to mind. It”s not this man”s fault that my life is so hard, and taking my frustrations out on him serves no purpose. It doesn”t even make me feel good when I get angry at him. If anything, it makes me feel worse.
”The truth is that I love chips. All chips,” I say, huffing a humorless laugh when he stops mid-reach for another handful of chips off my plate. ”But I can”t eat all my favorite things because I”ll gain weight. Since I don”t have time for the gym and men are assholes that don”t tip for good service but rather tip based on the percentage they think I might be interested in them, I have to watch my weight.”
He”s silent as he lifts his paper napkin to his mouth.
”I tip for good service,” he says.
”You stare at my ass every time I walk away.”
”You can”t possibly know that.”
”Eyes in the back of your head are handed out to every woman when she becomes responsible for children.”
His smile is quick and wide. ”My mom used to say the same thing. You can”t blame me for looking at your ass. It”s incredible. ”
”Thank you, but it wouldn”t be if I ate all the things I wanted to eat.”
”You can come to the gym with me if you want. I have free passes saved up for a year, and it wouldn”t cost you anything.”
”Sweet baby Jesus,” I mutter and drop my head into my hands. ” Just when I think you”re actually paying attention to me.”
”That”s not fair,” he says. ”I do pay attention to you.”
”Did you miss the part about me having to work two jobs to pay bills? That I don”t have time to date?”
”I think your money woes are going to be over very soon,” he says.
”I can”t afford to play the lottery,” I remind him.
He chuckles, his smile wide, eyes lighting up.
It”s a damn shame the situation I”m in because if things were different, I wouldn”t hesitate to spend as much time with him as I could manage.
”All of these excuses you have make it sound like dating me would be a bad thing.”
I stand from the table, a thank you for lunch on my lips, but he stands too, coming around to my side of the table and standing right in front of me.
”Any man worth his weight, Claire, makes his woman”s life easier, not harder. I”m not here to increase your burden. I want to lighten it.”
I don”t pull my face away when he leans down to kiss me. It isn”t a passionate kiss. It”s something much scarier. It leaves me wanting more than just a couple of quick romps between the sheets. It shoots possibilities through my head of what a life with him could be like, and I know just how dangerous that can be.
”Walker, I—”
My mouth snaps close when his phone rings, but he pulls it from his pocket without giving me room. Every other man I was even remotely dating would slink away to answer it or they”d say it wasn”t important and just let it ring so as to not raise suspicions of why another woman might be calling him.
He connects the call and puts it to his ear. I hate the way it makes me feel when I hear another female on the other end of the line.
”You”d be right,” he says, smiling down at me, and it makes my stomach turn.
He runs his hand down my arm when I go to step around him.
”Here she is.”
I stare down at the phone when he holds it out to me for a long moment before I shoot a questioning look up at him.
”It”s Madison,” he says. ”She tried calling you first.”
There are a million things happening in so few words, but concern for my daughter wins out over wondering what he”s been saying to people for her to know that we”re together right now.
”Madison?” I say when I lift the phone to my ear.
My heart is racing a million times a minute, and I can tell she”s talking, but the pulse in my head is too loud.
A sense of calm washes over me, and it takes a few breaths to understand that Walker is rubbing circles on my back much the same way he did last Sunday when I was making my confessions about my marriage to Hux.
”Claire?”
”I”m here,” I tell her when her voice becomes clearer.
”I”m calling to let you know that if you have plans to go anywhere other than home after you pick Larkin up, you”ll need to bring her a change of clothes. I was in the kitchen for less than two minutes throwing together a quick snack and one of the boys drew all over her cute pink top with markers. The package said washable, but I can tell you, they most certainly are not. As soon as I get off the phone, I”m going to send a very strongly worded email to the company and I”ll place an online order for a new shirt.”
”You don”t have to do that.”
”They need to know that what they”re saying isn”t true.”
”I mean the new clothes. You don”t have to do that.”
”But you”ll bring her a change of clothes? She”s in some of the boys” right now, but they just swallow her right up.”
”We”re going home right after I come to get her,” I assure her. ”It”s no big deal. I”m more surprised she didn”t have stains on that shirt already.”
”So no plans?”
”Exciting life we lead, huh?”
”I”ll set an extra plate at dinner then.”
I narrow my eyes, feeling like she just set me up because I can”t backpedal and say I have other things going on.
”Madison, that”s not necessary.”
”I know it”s not. Will you tell Walker to bring the beer?”
”Excuse me?”
”To dinner,” she says as if I”m not very quick on the uptake.
”I”m sorry, what?”
”To dinner. Chase asked if Walker could bring the beer.”
I turn to face the man in question. ”Can you bring the beer to dinner?”
The man at least has the wherewithal to look a little confused before nodding.
”That new IPA he was talking about the other day,” Chase says.
”I”ll let him know.”
”See you in a few hours. Have fun!”
The call ends, and I hand it back to Walker before spinning around and walking away.
”Want to explain the instant attitude?” he asks as he follows me back down the hallway toward his office.
”It”s one thing to pretend we”re dating while eating lunch, but it”s a whole other situation when you tell other people we”re dating.”
”I haven”t told anyone but you that we”re dating.”
I spin to face him, and there”s something about the grin spread out on his face that makes my anger stutter a little.
”Why in the hell would Madison call your phone to speak to me if you hadn”t been talking to either her or Chase about me?” I growl. ”I don”t doubt that the Kennedys have already gotten wind of what has gone on between the two of us. Nora all but said something about it two weeks ago after what happened here.”
”I don”t know how to rephrase it in a way that you”ll understand,” he says, his voice calm and free from irritation. ”I haven”t said a word. She said she tried to call you and when you didn”t answer, she called me. Probably because she knew you were working here today and I own the bar.”
I try to hold on to my anger, but it quickly fades when I pick my phone up from the desk and see the two missed calls and numerous apology texts from Madison.
”Shit,” I mutter. ”I’m such a bitch.”
”I like it when you”re feisty,” he says, the warmth of his body covering my back when he steps up to me. ”But full disclosure, Madison and Chase know you left your car at their house, and I bet they saw me drop you off Sunday morning as well. Both of them know me well enough to know that casual dating isn”t my thing.”
”What are you saying?”
”I”m saying that I didn”t have to tell them that we”re dating for them to know that we are.”
”Walker,” I grumble.
”It”s true. How many women have you seen me with in town?”
”I”m not arguing that you”re known to date around.”
Honestly, I don”t know that I paid much attention to him prior to me working here. As much as that makes me sound like a jerk, I have a load of other stuff on my plate to be concerned with.
”Don”t you want to know why?”
”Because you don”t casually date,”I say, repeating what he just told me.
”Because I hadn”t found someone I wanted to date.” He spins me in his arms, dropping his lips close to mine before speaking again. ”Until you.”