Chapter 30
Claire
I couldn”t sleep last night, although that”s not really a change. I”m so stressed out all the time that my mind races even while exhausted, but last night I wasn”t thinking about bills and debt.
Last night, Walker managed to sneak into every thought I had.
I didn”t have some eye-opening epiphany, but I know that the man is one of the good ones.
I also know that I”d never tell Larkin when she was older that sacrificing all her happiness is okay. I”d never instruct my daughter not to spend time on herself because she”s making sacrifices for those that she loves. It”s just not healthy. I reason that it would be different once she”s older, when she has a little more independence, then maybe I can too, but that doesn”t feel right either. Don”t happy children have happy parents?
I don”t know how many online articles I”ve read about kids being able to sense conflict in their parents even when they don”t witness strife.
I watch Larkin as she brushes her troll doll”s hair, only occasionally looking up at the cartoon playing on the television. She doesn”t seem maladjusted, but I”m not a child psychologist either. I have no doubt I”ll mess her up in some way no matter how hard I try to be the best parent I can be.
While waiting for Walker to show up, I pull my phone from the front pocket of my scrubs and instantly open the text thread from last night.
Walker texted me because I was so quick to get Larkin inside last night that we never discussed what time I needed him here. When I asked if he drove all the way back to the bar to get my number, he shocked me when he told me that he”d had it in his phone since the night I filled out the application in his office.
He was straightforward in his texts, and it left me feeling a little annoyed. I don”t think the man has an ulterior motive, but he”s always so flirty when we”re together. It frustrated me that none of that came through last night.
His last text simply read sweet dreams.
That was it. He missed an opportunity to tell me to dream of him or mention maybe that he”ll be dreaming of me.
A knock on the door has me clicking my phone off and shoving it back into my pocket like the man has x-ray vision and can see me staring down at his text the way a high school girl might.
I pull in a deep breath, knowing I don”t have enough time to get the heat of embarrassment from my cheeks, before pulling open the door.
”It”s time to go,” I tell Larkin as I walk past her to open the front door.
She doesn”t argue as she stands, placing her trolls in the small basket on the TV stand before grabbing her little coat from the sofa.
”Good morning,” I tell Walker, who looks like he slept just fine last night.
I know it”s not fair to sort of hate people who are less stressed than me, but I also can”t stop those emotions sometimes either.
”For you, sweetheart,” Walker says, leaning down and holding a boxed cupcake out for Larkin.
My sweet little girl just glares at him.
”She doesn”t take anything from strangers,” I explain. ”Now if you had a p-u-p-p-y, then it might be a different story.”
I shake my head, smiling when his eyes dart to mine as if he”s considering doing just that.
”Not a chance,” I tell him. ”Larkin, you can have the cupcake.”
My little girl squeals in delight, tossing her jacket to the floor right at her feet before grabbing the box from Walker’s hand.
“What do we say to Walker?” I prompt.
“Tank ew, Walkey,” she says over her shoulder as she rushes to her chair at the small dining table.
”Walkey?” he says. ”I sort of love that.”
We stand in silence, watching as Larkin devours the cupcake in record time.
”I normally wouldn”t let her have that much sugar so early in the day, but it”ll keep Nora on her toes.”
He chuckles, his hand at his side but moving it just enough that he brushes his fingers against mine twice.
I look up at him. ”Bribery may work with her, but it won”t for me.”
”Do I need to bribe you, baby?”
I swear, at a different time in my life, I would”ve rolled my eyes at the endearment, but I”ve been void of attention for so long, it hits me in the middle of my chest.
He has said it twice before—yes I”m counting—but this is the first time he’s said it when we weren”t in the throes of passion.
”God, you”re beautiful.”
If I didn”t see the truth in his eyes and the way he looks at me, I”d argue that he”s lying. I”m not exactly a bridge troll, but my hair is in a knot on the top of my head, and I only added a little mascara this morning because I looked as exhausted as I felt. The dogs and cats don”t care what we look like at work, and Corbin doesn”t have rules about wearing makeup or anything like that.
”Thank you,” I tell him, my eyes lighting up when a smile spreads across his face.
”I thought you were going to argue with me,” he says, taking a half-step closer.
”Is that what you wanted? An argument?”
”Not this early in the morning.” He leans in a little closer so he can speak without his voice traveling. ”And not when I can”t do something about that fire-hot attitude you like to give me.”
I swallow, forcing myself to look away from him.
Larkin is done with her cupcake, but not quite finished licking the icing from her fingertips. I make my way across the room, grabbing a cloth napkin and wetting it in the sink before wiping her down. After hanging it over the edge of the sink to dry, I help her out of her chair and watch as she runs across the living room to pick up her jacket.
”Help, Walkey,” she says, holding the thing up to him.
He smiles down at her, taking the jacket from her hands and laughing when she turns her back to him and slides the thing on with little help from him other than holding the thing open for her.
I grab my purse and house keys before walking toward the door.
”Larkin, wait for me,” I tell her when she tries to bolt past Walker.
He reaches down and grabs a hold of her hand as if he”s been doing it all her life, and it makes me wonder if he”s ever dated a woman with kids before me.
No, not before me. That implies we”re dating, and we”re not.
Right?
Just because he says it doesn”t make it so.
At the same time, I don”t want to picture him dating anyone else either. I swear I need more sleep in order to make these complicated decisions.
Walker is standing beside his truck with Larkin, the back passenger side door open as she tries to climb into the vehicle.
”She can”t get up there on her own,” I tell him, but he doesn”t stand to the side.
”You got this, don”t you, Larkin?”
My little girl looks back at him, determination in her eyes, before she goes back to her task. It”s hard for me to watch her struggle, but the victory in her eyes is well worth it when she finally gets her footing right and climbs up into the truck.
Nora will be less than impressed with the spot of mud on her pants from moving against the bottom of the truck, but the grin on Larkin’s face is worth whatever chastisement and judgment the woman wants to throw my way.
Walker steps to the side so I can get her buckled in, and he doesn”t even get defensive when I recheck that the straps locking her car seat in the bench seat are still good.
He waits for me to climb into the passenger seat before closing my door and walking around the truck to climb in behind the wheel.
”That”s for you,” he says, pointing down to a coffee cup on the console. It”s a travel mug, one he no doubt brought from home, and I sort of like the idea of him not wasting money on expensive coffee. ”Black and bitter, just how you like it.”
I huff a laugh when he winks at me. ”You made me coffee?”
”I did.”
”Thank you,” I whisper as I reach for the coffee. ”Where”s yours?”
He does that thing men don”t even know is sexy by putting his hand on the back of my seat and looking behind him as he backs out of the parking spot. This truck is fully equipped but he doesn”t use the two different camera angles that pop up on the display screen. He”s comfortable driving without them.
”I got up really early and finished mine before leaving the house.”
”Couldn”t sleep?”
He looks at me as he shifts the truck in drive. ”Couldn”t wait to see you.”
I swear this man is dangerous, and I don”t even think it”s a line. He delivers it simply, as if it”s nothing but the truth, and that makes me want to swoon over him. Someone was excited to see me? When was the last time that ever happened? I can”t recall a single time, which is honestly sad.
I lift the coffee mug to my lips rather than admitting that I was excited to see him this morning too.
The drive to Nora and Leo”s house is much too short.
”Please stay in the truck,” I say when we pull up in front of the home and Walker reaches for his seatbelt.
Thankfully, he doesn”t argue, allowing me to climb out of the truck and open the back passenger door.
”Bye, Walkey,” Larkin says as I pull her from the car seat.
”Bye, Larkin.”
I grab the bag Nora hates so much before giving Walker one last look and closing the door.
I can feel his eyes on me as I walk toward the front door.
”Larkin,” I say before she can rush past Nora into the house.
It”s not often that she listens to me when she”s excited, but for some reason, she must sense the unease in my voice.
”Do you think it”s setting a good example, Claire?”
I don”t have to ask her to clarify what she”s talking about because her eyes are locked on the truck behind me.
”I think,” she continues, and it just hits me all wrong like it has so many times she”s given me her opinion.
Only this time, I”ve met the end of my rope.
Instead of arguing with her, something I”d never do in front of Larkin, I simply reach down and take my little girl”s hand and guide her right back down the front steps.
Walker climbs out of the truck when he sees me walking back in that direction, and he has Larkin”s door open before we reach him.
I”m almost in tears by the time she”s strapped in her car seat and I”m climbing back into the passenger seat.
I don”t have time for tears. I don”t have time for anything, especially not throwing a fit and ruining the one place that I knew I could take Larkin while I worked. Nora isn”t mean to my daughter. It”s always been me she has a problem with. Now I”ve caused problems I don”t have the luxury of causing all because I got my feelings hurt.
I pull out my phone, pressing Kristina”s contact information before Walker can make it back into the driver”s side of the truck.
”Hey,” Kristina says when she answers. ”What”s up?”
”I”m going to be a little late this morning,” I say.
”Oh no. Is she not feeling well again?”
”Larkin is fine,” I assure her. ”I”m just working through a babysitter issue this morning.”
”Did you finally tell that old hag off?”
I huff a laugh. I might”ve voiced my opinion of Nora out loud before catching myself on occasion. Kristina is the closest person I”d call a friend, but she stays really busy with her little boy, so we haven”t been able to hang out before.
”We”ll see you when you can make it in,” Kristina says when I don”t confirm.
”Thank you,” I whisper, hanging up before I start sobbing on the phone.
Walker pulls out of the driveway and I stare at Nora”s disappointed face as she watches me leave with him.
I”m honestly surprised she didn”t start yelling at me when I escorted Larkin off her porch without a word, but she has to keep up pretenses, doesn”t she? If she yelled, it wouldn”t fit in the narrative that I”m the problem. What would the neighbors think?
Tears streak down my cheeks, and I try to dash them away as quickly as they fall, but I”m losing ground as Walker drives.
He opens the console of his truck, pulls out some fast-food napkins, and hands them to me.
I appreciate him not offering advice right now, but if he had a solution, I”d be all ears.
”Nanpup?” Larkin asks.
”No, sweetie,” I begin but her mention of Madison”s dog reminds me that the woman offered to take Larkin because she wanted to start a home-based daycare.
Any other time, I”d never make this call, but I”ll never be able to make things work if I don”t have childcare. I”ll be damned if I”m going to go crawling back to Nora after making such a show of walking away.
I pull up Madison”s contact information, feeling a sense of dread when she answers the phone. I hate asking people for favors, but I know I have no choice.
”How serious were you about that home-based daycare?” I ask when she answers.
”Depends on your expectations,” she says just as quickly. ”Do you expect me to be out of my pajamas when you drop her off in the morning?”
”Of course not,” I say with a huff of laughter. ”You could stay in them all day for all I care.”
”I wouldn”t do that, but getting small kids fed when they wake up like they haven”t eaten in a week is always my first priority. I”m making pancakes. Does Larkin like pancakes?”
”She had a cupcake for breakfast,” I mutter, feeling bad that Madison may bear the brunt of that sugar rush instead of Nora.
”Lucky girl,” Madison says. ”I”ll make her some scrambled eggs. Maybe it”ll help to dilute the sugar in her belly. See you in a little bit. Gotta get breakfast going before the boys start gnawing on the furniture.”
The call ends and I”m left staring at the phone in my hand.
Walker must”ve heard part of the conversation because he makes a left instead of the right he”s been taking, driving around town while I was on the phone.
He stays in the truck once again when he pulls up outside of the Graves Estate.