Chapter Twenty-Nine
“There was too much to be thought, and felt, and said, for attention to any other objects.”
FITZ
“I CAN’T BELIEVE THE HOSPITAL let you do this.” Monroe snuggled close to me on the bed Thursday afternoon. She’d had more tests run most of the morning, so I’d hardly seen her. Monroe’s father, Foster, had helped me set up this little surprise for her before he left to meet some old colleagues he’d worked with back when he and Monroe had lived in the UK. I would be forever grateful he’d taken the job here. Because of that, my life had been infinitely better.
“There are some perks to being me.” I clicked play on the remote I held, and a large screen came to life. Frankie Valli’s voice filled the room.
“ Grease !” Monroe squealed. “I love you so much.” She kissed my cheek. Her I love you s had taken on a different meaning now. Everything had—even sleeping. To hold Monroe all night in my arms, knowing that she would still be there in the morning, was the most incredible feeling.
I wrapped my arms around her, letting my fingers glide down her silky arm. “Did the doctor give you any more results today?”
“The CAT scan was clear, and I’ve passed all the cognitive tests so far. But ...,” she hesitated to say, “Dr. Taylor thinks I should talk to a therapist, which I’m not against. He’s just worried I have some trauma I need to work through.”
I cleared my throat, feeling like the world’s biggest prat. “The trauma I caused?”
She snuggled closer to me. “Honestly, some of it must be from watching my mother die without being able to save her, and then wanting to make sure nothing bad happens to the people around me as a result. But I think it was more believing I needed to be someone I wasn’t. I know it sounds crazy, but that dream made me realize I don’t need to be an Elizabeth or even want to be one, even though I was pretty good at it.” She laughed.
I kissed her head, knowing how deeply her mother’s death had impacted her and how much my words had hurt her. “Monroe, I’m sorry I made you feel that I wanted you to be someone you weren’t. That was never my intention. Kingston made me see that it wasn’t my protection you needed, but my acceptance. You’ve always had that. I just lost my head for a moment. I wanted to eliminate any barriers to crossing the friendship line with you, knowing that it would be complicated, but I went about it poorly. I was just desperate for us to be together. The thought of you falling in love again with another man gutted me—I couldn’t have that.”
“Tony.” She shuddered. “We’ll talk about him in a minute. Kingston told me what you found out about him. But first, we should acknowledge that being together probably will be complicated. I mean, your mum hates me, and you might become a social pariah because of me. And let’s not forget we live in separate countries.”
“Fixing the last one is easy. I’ll move to the States if you’d like.”
“You can’t do that. How can you leave Oxford? And you’d have to renounce your title, which I know you’re willing to do.”
Leaving Oxford would be difficult, but I would do it for Monroe. “I take it Kingston talked to you about renouncing my title,” I grumbled.
“Yes,” she giggled. “I love that you would consider that, but I also know, despite the life you’ve made for yourself outside of your title, it’s still part of you and your history. I would never ask you to give it up. Besides, how could I brag that my best friend is a duke if you disclaim?” she teased.
“I’d prefer if you called me your lover now.” I was not teasing.
“Okay, lover boy,” she laughed. “But seriously, are you really ready for what’s coming our way?”
“Monroe.” I tilted her chin with the crook of my finger until our gazes locked. “I believe we can face anything together. We always have.” After thinking I’d lost her, my perspective about what was difficult had shifted dramatically.
“That’s true.” She contemplated for a moment. “Well, I could teach piano and voice lessons here. I could even do sessions via Zoom for my current students.”
“Are you saying you want to move here?”
She tilted her head from side to side playfully. “You know how much I love the UK. And, I mean, how can we be lovers if there is an ocean dividing us?”
“That is an excellent point.” I nuzzled her nose with my own.
“Fitz,” she whispered seriously. “You mean for us to be a forever kind of thing, right? I’m not asking for a proposal right now, but if I move here, I want to know that it’s not for play—as much as I love playing with you.” She squinted her eyes and scrunched her cute button nose. “That came out wrong,” she laughed. “But you know what I mean. We’ve crossed a line we can’t turn back from, and I can’t stand the thought of us not being together.”
“Nor can I,” I interjected. “This is a forever thing.” I would propose to her now, but I wanted a more romantic setting—and I’d been hoping to use my grandmother’s ring, which I would need to ask my mother for. It was not a conversation I looked forward to.
“Wow. We really defined our relationship fast.” She smiled the smile I adored so much.
“I was thinking it took far too long, but I bear the blame for that.”
“Maybe we needed to make our mistakes in love so that we could get it right together.” She always looked on the bright side, and I loved her for it.
“Perhaps.” I brushed my lips over hers. “Or I was just a knobhead.”
“I do like that word.” She giggled before asking seriously, “What if I’m a terrible duchess?”
I brushed back her silky hair. “I think that you should make the title your own. Don’t let it define you—you define it.”
She threw her arms around my neck. “That might be the sexiest thing you’ve said to me yet.”
“I have sexier things to say,” I assured her.
“I’m all ears.” Her lips met mine. Unfortunately, there was an interruption in the form of a knock on the door.
Monroe’s lips slid off mine. “These dang nurses keep doing their jobs too well,” she said lightheartedly. She straightened up before saying, “Come in.”
I stayed on the bed with her. The nurses and doctors were used to it by now, and if they needed me to move, I would.
But it wasn’t a nurse who walked in; it was Winnifred, dressed as Miss Bingley in a velvet gown. She looked alarmed to see Monroe and me in bed together with a movie playing in the background. “I’m obviously interrupting.” She froze by the door.
Monroe’s wide eyes said she was just as stunned to see Winnifred as I was. “It’s okay—we can make out anytime.” Monroe smirked, knowing exactly what she was doing. I couldn’t fault her—Winnifred had been nothing short of awful to her.
Winnifred held her head high, but she wrung her hands and refused to make eye contact. “Yes, I see you are clearly a couple.”
“Why are you here, Winnifred?” I asked coolly while pausing the movie. Her deplorable behavior after Monroe’s accident was something I could never forget.
“I came to apologize,” she mumbled, as if she couldn’t believe it herself. “I saw your interview during our leisure time last night, and it made me feel ashamed of my behavior.”
Monroe’s jaw dropped.
Even I was stunned by Winnifred’s admission. “I appreciate your candor.”
She let out a meaningful sigh. “I suppose candor is all we have left. I should have been more honest with myself. It was obvious you did not regard me as I’d wished for.”
Her admission eased my conscience. I would hate to think I’d strung her along or given her false hope. “I hope you find happiness,” I said sincerely.
She half shrugged. “I’m sure I will. I wish you the best of luck—you’re going to need it when you face your mother.” Her lips ticked up. “Ta-ta. I have to get back to the park.” She turned to leave, having said her piece.
“Wait,” Monroe called. “Who is playing Elizabeth and Darcy?”
“Your friend Macey, and the man she brought,” Winnifred replied, sounding displeased.
“Oh, that makes me so happy.” Monroe patted her heart. “Maybe my falling off the horse wasn’t such a bad thing after all. Maybe it even helped,” she said more to herself.
Winnifred rolled her eyes before walking out the door.
“I guess it was too much to ask that she was really sorry,” Monroe quipped.
“I think in a small way she is, but she is my mother’s pet.”
“Ugh. Your mum. Have you talked to her?”
“Not yet, but she has left me several colorful messages.” I would deal with her later.
“I won’t be able to avoid her, will I?” Monroe bit her lip.
“I’m afraid she is part of the package. If this changes your mind, I understand.”
Monroe tsked. “Are you kidding me? I trifled with Lady Catherine, which means I can certainly trifle with the dowager duchess.”
I chuckled, loving her spirit. “They are cut from the same cloth. Which reminds me: Do you wish to go back to the park? I have no doubt Agatha will allow us to resume our roles.”
She placed her hands on my cheeks and squished them in Monroe style. “I wouldn’t do that to Macey. And honestly, I feel like I experienced Pride and Prejudice more intimately than I ever expected.”
Monroe had spoken of it often. I’d never heard anyone speak of a dream in such detail before. It had obviously left quite an impression on her.
“Besides, I don’t want to pretend to be anyone besides Monroe and Fitz anymore,” she added.
I concurred. For the last thirteen years, all I’d ever wanted was to be Monroe and Fitz.
“But ...” Monroe grinned. “I do want to dance with you at the ball in one of the dresses I made.”
“I do like those dresses.” Pulling her close, I wrapped my arms around her and laid us down on the bed.
Monroe giggled as we came face-to-face. “Yes, I saw you peeking when I changed in the back seat of your car.”
“Guilty,” I confessed, not ashamed in the least.
“So, will you dance with me at the ball, Your Grace?”
“You realize that will be your title one day too, my love?” I reminded her, needing to know she was on board for the wild ride ahead of us.
She gave me a wary smile. “Wow, this is getting real. I like real. But I love you even more.”
“This is excellent news.” I leaned in to kiss her.
“What about that dance?” She wasn’t letting it go.
“It would be my honor to escort you to the ball.”
She smiled. “Very good. Now you may kiss me.”
That was the plan for the rest of my life.