15. Chapter 15
Chapter 15
Lilli
On Monday, I muddle my way through my classes before plopping down on the bleachers for lunch. I have no appetite, but I chew my sandwich anyway.
My wounds, garnered at the hands of both Mama slowly heal but it’s an ache that follows me wherever I go. Over the remainder of the weekend, I pondered what to do and all I’ve been able to come up with is running away. Leaving this town altogether.
I don’t want to leave Rachel and Mercy, but I can’t stay, not without losing what’s left of my shriveled soul.
I need money though, which means squirreling away the tiny bit Mama pays us for working the booth at the Saturday Market. I don’t have much choice unless I tell Wolf about the trouble, I'm in, and that’s out of the question.
Over the next few days, I agonize over what to do while Mama ignores me, and Daddy follows suit. Although I don’t have anything to say anyway, shutting me out doesn’t feel all that great. It’s a technique she’s employed since we were little.
Back then it felt like the end of the world. Now I’m just tired. Tired of the rules. Tired of the pain. I have to get out before something worse happens.
“Lil?” Rachel whispers, pushing my door open. I glance at the hall in alarm, but she waves me off and closes the door behind her.
“You shouldn’t be in here,” I say, and she shrugs.
“Rae—“
“It’s fine. They’re in bed,” she says, stopping at the edge of my mattress. “You’re going to leave, aren’t you?”
Rubbing my brow, I smile weakly, and she collapses beside me. When I touch her shoulder, she pulls away, hiding her face in my bed covers.
“Rae, I’m sorry…”
“No, you’re not. I don’t blame you. As soon as I turn eighteen, I’m gone.”
The ferocity of her tone surprises me, and I lean back with a frown. “I thought—“
“What? Just because I’m better at playing the games doesn’t mean I don’t hate it here.”
Wow. Okay. I had no idea and now shame burns my chest because I haven’t been protecting her too. That’s what we do. As the oldest sister here, it’s my job to keep my sisters safe and I failed.
After a moment, I say through the lump building in my throat, “You’ll watch after Mercy?”
She slowly nods before stepping to the door. I watch her go before turning to my side and swallowing my tears. I can’t stay but leaving feels like the shittiest option ever.
The next few weeks are quiet. After class on Monday, I meet Rachel, who’s been cold since our conversation, by the fountain outside. I muster a wan smile which she ignores as we walk home.
I’m running through all the things I can say to ease her anger when we pass the auto body shop, and I stutter to a stop. Is that…? It is!
Maddox looks up from where he’s polishing an already sparkling motorcycle. Does he work here? Daddy mentioned all the businesses the MC owns as a reminder to avoid them, but I don’t remember him speaking about this one.
My heart thrums painfully and I do my best to ignore him but for the urge to look around for Wolf. I can’t be seen speaking to him and shaking away my desperation, I keep going only to pause on the sidewalk when he says, “Lilli?”
I can practically feel Rachel vibrating with curiosity beside me, but I’d like to shield her from this if I can. No such luck though because she stops, crosses her arms, and raises a brow.
Shoot.
Damning my head strong sister, I approach Maddox with a silent sigh. Of course, she’s right beside me. I don’t want her to face our parents’ wrath, but I know she’s just as stubborn as Miriam and therefore I have to let her make her own mistakes.
I just wish she could see how miserable I am with mine.
“Hey,” I say, waving lamely.
To his credit, he ignores my awkward greeting and his pretty dark eyes sparkle as he stands and says, “Good to see you, sweetheart.”
Rachel shifts and his gaze moves to her watching our interaction with fascination. He doesn’t ask who she is to my relief and after another awkward pause, I mumble, “You too.”
It’s weird to have my sister whose part of my old world collide with the new which was over before it started but exciting and wonderful at the same time.
When his smile fades, I look around as he says, “Got a message for ya.”
My heart thumps and I swallow. From Wolf?
“Wolf says to stick to your house. No funny business, eh?”
My ridiculously naive euphoria fades and I muster a rigid smile because it’s not Maddox’s fault Wolf is a jerk.
“Got it,” I rasp, and he sighs, dropping a rag to the ground.
“Look, Lilli,” he says. “Wolf isn’t…he doesn’t…”
If I weren’t brooding over Wolf’s need to warn me away, again , I’d find Maddox’s expression of discomfort amusing. As it stands, all I can say is, “I’m not one of his…whatever.”
His eyes flicker but he just nods. Shaking my head, I smooth my hair back into a bun and wince. Mama’s punishments get more and more brutal as her rage grows.
Apparently, she’s confused her Christian duty with corporal punishment because I’m pretty sure Jesus didn’t die on that cross so she could take it out on us.
“What’s that?” Maddox says, leaning forward with a frown.
“What?” I mumble and he points at my neck.
“That.”
“Oh.” Covering my skin, I say, “Nothing. An accident.”
Lies of course, but I’m not about to admit I let my mother beat me. I have some pride. I’m already viewed as a ridiculous, emotional girl who runs to the big bad Wolf every time I’m in danger. Gah.
Of course, this is when Rachel chooses to speak. “Mama punished her.”
“Rae,” I groan.
“For what?” he says, his eyes flashing.
Although I spy the faint hue painting her cheeks, she doesn’t so much as flinch when she says, “Hanging out with people like you.”
Maddox raises a brow and I mentally cringe. I don’t think she meant to use that tone, but she made it sound like he’s the dirt under her shoe, nonetheless.
“Is that so? And who are people like me?”
She pales at his harsh tone, and I touch her arm, but she pulls away. Rachel tends to lash out when she feels backed into a corner which is why I’m not surprised when she sneers, “Murderers. Drug dealers. Scum.”
Wide-eyed, I turn to her, but she shrugs and looks away, her lip quivering. Once again, she’s gone on the offensive and now she regrets it but it’s too late.
“Rae,” I say softly as Maddox steps back and straddles his bike.
“No! Look at him. Look at you. You’re in trouble because of guys like him.”
I shake my head because she’s got it all wrong, but Maddox interjects, saying, “And yet she’s hurting because of something the great Abernathy’s did. Who’s the monster now?”
He starts the motorcycle, the loud roar drowning out any response and after tipping his head toward me, he’s gone.
Rachel stares after him, her back ramrod straight, and with a groan, I watch him go. What was that about?
Later that evening, I pause on the threshold to the dining room when I find the sheriff seated at the table. He’s sitting in Miriam’s chair and my throat burns as I approach.
When he looks up, his thin lips stretch into a smile and he says, “Well, hello Lilli. You get prettier every day, just like your mama.”
Mama titters, clasping her chest while my skin crawls. This man spoke about me as though I was nothing more than something to use. He frequented Darcy’s mama’s bed and turned on her without remorse. Apparently, he has no issue with looking past the hypocrisy of it all.
Does Mama, who’s practically kneeling at his feet, know of his sins? Does Daddy?
“Thanks,” I mumble, wishing they hadn’t seated him next to Mercy. Eyeing her pale face, I urge her to look up but she’s immune as she plays with her fork, her delicate fingers trembling.
Rachel bows her head and with a silent sigh, I resign myself to an awkward meal.
My parents and the sheriff make small talk through the ordeal while I move my food around on my plate and pray for this to be over.
Why is he here? Is it a message for me?
“How’s your granddaughter?” Daddy asks while I stare at my plate.
The sheriff sighs and says, “Not great, Jim. She’s fallen in with the wrong people if you know what I mean.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Mama says, and I mentally roll my eyes at her simpering tone.
“Well, you know how it is. Kids, these days. At least Danny isn’t affiliated with that MC like his daddy and granddaddy before him.”
My ears perk up at this and I stow the information away for later. Why does the sheriff hate the MC so much? I mean, notwithstanding their criminal activities, his actions seem to go beyond that of the letter of the law.
Thankfully, the dinner finally ends but when I go to push back from the table, Daddy says, “Lilli, we need to speak to you. Girls, go to your room.”
Rachel glances at me sideways and I muster a weak smile as she stands, and they disappear down the hall.
A bead of sweat trickles down my spine as I turn back to the three expectant stares and say, “What is it, Daddy?”
The sheriff shifts in his chair, the bulk of his belly brushing the table, and I brace myself as he says, “I have a few questions for you, Lilli.”
“Oh,” I croak through a dry throat. Mama taps her finger on the table and my soul burns at her ability to turn a blind eye to the evil before her.
I’ve spent my life being told what to do and how to do it for the sole purpose of supposedly pleasing god and yet here I sit, across from a sinner himself. The difference is, this man doesn’t care about his actions, where all I’ve ever wanted was to be good enough for my parents.
“Yes, we know you were with Darcy McCray the other night,” the sheriff says, and I bow my head.
How many lashings will I get this time?
With a bitter smile, I clench my hands between the folds of my skirt. I’m supposed to answer this jerk’s questions about Wolf and my sister, knowing I’ll be beaten when this is over and somehow, I’m the one who’s damned.
Yeah, right.
“Where did you go with her?” he asks.
“To a party,” I whisper, hoping I’m not creating more trouble for Darcy. Did they ask her the same questions? What did she say?
“Where?” Daddy barks and I flinch before raising my gaze.
When the sheriff smiles, I bite my lip because it’s all there, ready to tumble from my mouth. I hate him for putting me in this position. I hate him for threatening my sister.
If that’s a sin, well, I guess I’m going straight to hell.
“It was a field,” I say rigidly, and he cocks his head. This was the night where I ran into Wolf’s arms after something caused the stampede.
“Were the Saints there? Wolf Castro, perhaps?”
This is where I have to decide. Lie and hope that Darcy didn’t say anything or tell the truth and potentially damn Wolf.
I’m hoping Darcy didn’t know he was there though because by the time I found him, it was mass chaos.
“Who?” I ask and his eyes narrow.
Mama leans forward and I shrink away as she hisses, “We don’t have liars in our house.”
How would she know if I’m lying?
“You see,” the sheriff says. “We know you were at their compound, Lilli. My man saw you.”
What man? Does Wolf know they have a traitor in their midst?
Either way, I’m damned if I don’t find my way out of this. Staring at my hands, I mumble, “I saw him once when I went to see Miriam. I’m sorry. I miss her.”
My voice cracks at the end, and I wipe a tear from my eye. I do miss her but it’s sheer terror causing my tears.
“Hm,” the sheriff says. “How did you get from the field to the compound?”
Slumping, I close my eyes. He knows how I got there. He’s baiting the trap now. The question is, who’s he trying to catch? Me or Wolf.
“Wolf,” I say, and he pushes back from the table.
“You got what you need?” Daddy says, following.
Mama turns to me with a hard glint in her eyes before saying, “Sheriff?”
The sheriff pauses at the door, and she says, “Don’t forget about Miriam. I fear our daughter has lost her way.”