32. Chapter 32
Chapter 32
Lilli
Later that evening, I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. Beyond the thin walls, I hear my parents having sex again, but no matter what I do, I can’t drown out the sounds.
Beyond the fact that it’s like fingernails on a chalkboard to hear them in that room, it’s galling to know that they’re going about their lives as though nothing is wrong.
Miriam ran away to get out of their cloying world. The two of them, despite their supposed godliness, have conspired to hurt her and the baby.
Meanwhile, I’m carrying my own child, and I know to my bones that if I don’t escape, they will try to hurt it too. Now I must choose.
Although the sheriff hasn’t been back with any more threats, it's only a matter of time. If I stay, I'm risking my baby. If I go, my sisters will suffer the consequences. I can't win no matter what I do, and I feel so alone curled up on my bed in the dark.
Wolf’s cold stare when I found him with Melanie dances over my vision and I groan. I know what I said but it didn't take him long to move on. What that means about his feelings for me, I don't want to consider.
The thought sours my memories, and I welcome the distraction when Rachel tiptoes into my room and stops at the edge of my bed.
“What?” I whisper.
I can’t see her face in the dark, but I see her hesitate before sitting down beside me. “I want to go too,” she says, and I shake my head.
“What are you talking about?”
I haven’t said a damn thing about leaving. How does she know?
I barely came to the decision myself. Now Rachel’s begging to go with?
”Rae—“
”Please,” she sobs, and I drop my head to the pillow. Her pain hurts my soul but what can I possibly do? They’ve already proven what they’re willing to do to Miriam and her baby. How can I risk Rachel on top of that? Who would take care of Mercy?
”Rae,” I say, taking her hand and she falls against me, her thin shoulders shaking as she cries. Quietly I soothe her, my own tears snaking down my face.
Eventually, she falls into a fitful sleep, and I stroke her hair, singing a lullaby until I fade into slumber myself, dropping into a dreamless void, and waking, if possible, more exhausted than usual. It’s only when I see Mercy standing in the doorway of my room that I realize something is wrong.
Rachel is no longer in bed with me, and I hope she’s back in her own but with doom circling my soul, I whisper, “What’s wrong?”
She points down the hall and I approach their room. It's empty, of course, with the bed neatly made. But the drawers, hanging open and empty, mock me as I open her closet door and stare at the hangers now missing her dresses.
She’s gone. She left. How the hell did I let this happen?
“Mercy!” Mama says and she raises her wide eyes to mine. “Why aren’t you dressing? We don’t have…time….”
Mama stops in the doorway and looks around. Her brows slam over her eyes and she grabs my arm.
Holding back my cry, I allow her to drag me away because if she’s focused on me, she won’t take it out on Mercy.
“Jim,” Mama bellows, and I cringe as she shoves me to the floor.
Daddy comes out of the bedroom with a sigh and ambles over to where I’m sitting. Without batting an eye, he says, “What?”
“She’s gone,” Mama sneers and Daddy looks around.
“Who?”
“Who? Who!” she snarls. “Rachel. Rachel is gone. The little bitch cleared out her room while we were sleeping.”
Mercy hovers near the door and I tip my chin hoping she gets the message. She ignores me though and bows her head.
While Mama rages about their reputation and Daddy drinks from a bottle of whiskey he usually keeps hidden on the top shelf over the refrigerator, I can’t hide my revulsion.
They’re not worried about her. They’re worried about how this looks for them. I can’t believe it despite all I’ve seen to the contrary. These people truly are monsters.
I look up when Mama says my name and shrink away as she approaches with a gleam in her eyes. “You know where she is?”
“No,” I say, and her eyes narrow. Although I’m telling the truth, I still feel a trickle of sweat slide down my spine. I’m quite sure Mama doesn’t care about innocence until proven guilty, but I hope she believes me, anyway.
“You know where Miriam is though.”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to deny it but her eyes dart to Mercy before returning to me and I slump. I can’t sacrifice Mercy. She’s too damn young.
“Sort of,” I finally say, and she straightens with a smile. I don’t particularly like that smile because it holds evil that I’m afraid for her to carry out but in this, I know the MC can take what Mama thinks up. Mercy won’t survive.
“Good,” she says, rubbing her hands together.
“Kathleen…” Daddy says but she ignores him and leans over me.
“You’ll go bring your sister back,” she says.
“If I can’t?” I rasp.
Shaking her head, she stalks toward Mercy and grabs her arm. Mercy cries out and I stand but Mama wrenches her away.
“You bring her back, Lillith Anne,” she spits, and I cringe away from the fanatical light in her eyes. “Until you do, Mercy will stay here.”
She marches her down the hall and I follow my heart in my throat.
“Mama, no!” I cry as she shoves her into the closet and locks it. It’s a tactic she used a lot when we were younger, hence the lock conveniently placed on the outside.
Mercy pounds on the wood as I stare at it helplessly before rage suffuses my system and I charge her. Mama steps back but she’s ready for me and I fall to the floor as she punches my head.
It only lasts minutes but feels like hours before Daddy pulls her off and says, “Enough.”
My head throbs as I curl into a ball. My ribs ache and it’s hard to take a deep breath.
Meanwhile, Mercy has quieted down behind the door, no doubt terrified by what she heard.
“Go,” Mama says, her chest heaving.
When I don’t move, she grabs me and pulls me to my feet before pushing me to the door. I glance back at the closet and Mama steps into my view.
“Go,” she says again.
Daddy steps around her and opens the closet door. When Mercy emerges, tears on her cheeks, I exhale.
“One week,” Daddy says, and I whip my head up. “One week and she goes back in there.”
With hate burning in my heart, I march to the door and at the threshold, I say, “I’ll make you regret this if it’s the last thing I do.”
I’m outside before they can comment and rage fuels my steps down the street.
Despite what Mama seems to think, I don’t exactly have an in with the Shadow Saints MC. Yes, I know them but I’m not their favorite person these days.
Unfortunately, when they pushed me out the door, I had no time to ask for money. I don’t have a car, and they didn’t offer to drive me. I’m dressed in my long night shirt, and I guess it’s lucky, I slid my feet into my canvas shoes before leaving the bedroom earlier.
With every step I take, I feel a sharp pain in my ribs.
A mile down the road, I lean over and puke, groaning at the pain. Only rage and frustration keep me moving when my body is screaming at me to slow down.
I hate myself for letting Mama hurt me and more so because I had to leave Mercy, but Daddy wasn’t exactly defending us and two against one, respected community members at that, meant I didn’t have a choice.
I just hope Daddy keeps his word. My heart aches at Mercy’s fear and it’s this that keeps me going. One foot in front of the other.
Hours pass while I drown in my misery and when the sun blazes high in the sky I pause. Not only is it a struggle to breathe but in the last hour, I’ve felt the slick slide of what I refuse to believe is blood between my thighs.
I need to rest. I’m on the edge of collapse and so thirsty.
I’m on the highway that leads to the clubhouse, but I have no sense of how much further I need to go.
I can’t move any more though and with a groan, I collapse to the grass on the side of the road and stare at the trees beyond.
Under other circumstances, it would be beautiful but right now, all I feel is the aching need to close my eyes.
As soon as my lids flutter closed, blackness consumes me, along with the pain that’s brought tears once more to my eyes.
“Hey, hey, c’mon now. Wake up.” The light tapping against my cheek rouses me and I blink at the shadowy form hovering above.
As soon as my eyes focus though, I mumble, “Giant.”
Just that little action sends a shard of pain through my lungs, and I groan, wrapping my arms over my chest.
“Shh,” he says, leaning away. “Hurry.”
Hurry? Where?
I fall back into the darkness and rouse again when my ribs protest and I cry out.
“What the fuck are you doing?” someone roars, and I open my eyes.
Giant glances down with a grimace and I touch his chest. Am I in his arms?
“Back off,” he growls and Wolf leans over me. Practically nose to nose with Giant, he rasps, “Give her to me.”
“No,” Giant says, and Wolf’s lips pull back in a snarl. “No,” he says again. “She’s hurting. You want to make it worse?”
Wolf bows his head and steps aside. I lean around to keep Wolf in view, his presence comforting before Giant presses me back against his chest. “Shh,” he rumbles before I succumb to the darkness.
The next time I wake, I glance around wildly. Toni leans over my head and adjusts something…a pillow?
“Is she okay?” Miriam says and I look her way. Her worried eyes meet mine before Wolf says, “What’s wrong with her?”
“Out. Everybody out,” Toni barks.
My eyes flutter closed, and I welcome the opportunity to evade my pain for a little longer.
“She’s losing it,” someone says, and I moan when I feel pressure between my legs.
“What?”
“Baby.”
“Oh god.”
It’s pitch black when I open my eyes. For a moment, I’m back in my room and the ever-present ache invades my ribs. Except this time, it’s hard to breathe.
When I touch my side, I fumble over something thick and follow it down my ribcage. It’s wrapped around me, suffocating, and with a grunt, I tear at it wildly.
“Whoa, hold up. Stop,” Wolf says, and I sob, “I can't breathe.”
“You can, baby girl,” he says, and I collapse.
“What’s happening?” I ask before it comes rushing back. “Rae,” I gasp, fumbling in the dark for his hand.
“Shh. Rest,” he says but I shake my head.
“I can’t. I need to find Rachel before they hurt her,” I rasp.
Wolf presses me gently back to the bed. His fingers find mine in the darkness and he places them on my chest.
I curl them into a ball and bring them to my mouth before biting down. The pain supersedes my panic but does nothing for the sharp ache in my ribs.
It’s the middle of the night. Tomorrow. I’ll make them see…tomorrow.
“Yes, tomorrow,” Wolf says but when I wake the following morning, he’s gone.
Beside me, Miriam sits in a chair, quietly knitting. I haven’t seen her do it in so long that I’m overcome with nostalgia. The sharp bite that follows my inhalation pushes me into motion and I rasp, “Mir?”
“You’re awake,” she says, dropping the colorful mosaic of yarn to the bed. “How do you feel?”
“Rae,” I rasp, and she rounds the bed, picking up a glass of water and pressing the straw to my lips.
I suck greedily, the liquid soothing on my sore throat. When I’m done, I grab her hand. “Rae. Is she here?”
Miriam frowns and sets the glass down. “No. Why would she be?”
Of course, it couldn’t be that easy, and rubbing my hands down my face, I say, “I don't know. She’s gone.”
“What happened, Lil?”
I shift to gain a better position and feel something gush between my legs. Tears fill my eyes, and I touch my stomach. Miriam places her fingers over mine and says, “I’m so sorry, Lil.”
I can’t do this. I can’t feel this ache on top of everything else and moving my hand away, I push up, although I’m half sitting up already.
“Let me help you,” she huffs while I grit my teeth until I can see straight again.
“What’s wrong with me?”
Miriam grabs my hand with a raised brow, and I look away from the challenge.
She eyes my wobbling lips before sighing. “We think you have a cracked rib or two. Could be broken. Hard to tell without taking you to the hospital.”
“No,” I say, shaking my head.
“That’s what Wolf said,” she grumbles, and I whip around. Wow, just wow. “He said you wouldn’t have come all this way if you wanted us to take you to the hospital. Of course, he doesn’t know about…”
She trails off uncomfortably and I change the subject, gripping her hand. “We have to find Rae.”
“Why?” Miriam says with a wince before pulling away to massage her fingers.
“Mama. Daddy. They’re going to hurt Mercy if I don’t bring her back. One week. We have one week.”
Miriam bows her head, staring at the bed before she stands. “I seriously hate those fuckers. Stay here, I’ll get Duke.”
While I wait for them to return, I clutch my belly, tears stinging my eyes. Wolf doesn’t know. Maybe it’s for the best.
I wasn’t exactly prepared to do the whole parenting thing. No job. No home. Just a wad of cash that Maddox gave me. Did Maddox know? How?
I move my hand away with a wince when the door bursts open. Duke appears, followed by Giant, Maddox, and Wolf, who shuts the door in Miriam’s face.
He’s immune to her death glare though as he turns and leans against it before crossing his arms.
Although I have nothing to be ashamed of, I can’t meet his stare. I failed. I failed to protect our baby and it’s this that confirms what I knew all along. I’ll never be the woman he needs.
“Tell us about Rachel,” Giant says, and I crinkle my brow.
Sensing my confusion, Maddox says, “This is my pops, Lilli. He’s the president of the Shadow Saints MC.”
“Oh,” I say, splaying my hands. “I’m sorry.”
“What are you sorry for, darlin’?” he says, flashing a charming grin.
Wolf shifts against the door and Giant frowns at him and says, “Tell us what happened.”
“My parents…they told me to find Rachel. They told me that I have a week.”
“Or what?” Maddox asks.
Wiping a tear from my cheek, I whisper, “They’ll hurt Mercy.”
Duke swears and Giant stiffens. They all know Mercy now and I think maybe they’re envisioning her joyful smile just last night as they consider my words.
“Fuck it. I say we kill ‘em,” Maddox says like he’s ordering a steak. I eye him dumbly while Giant holds out his hand.
“Do you know where Rachel is?” Giant asks and Maddox huffs.
Shaking my head, I say, “No. I don’t. I should’ve known, I should’ve asked but I was too scared…”
“Scared,” Wolf says, stalking toward the bed. When I refuse to respond, he raises my chin with a single finger and says, “Your mama do this to you?”
He needs no confirmation. He can see it behind my eyes. Without another word, he pulls the door open so hard it crashes against the wall before disappearing down the hall.
“Fuck,” Duke says, racing after him.
I stare blindly at the door until Giant says, “Tell me everything you know about your sister.”
There’s not much to say but I do feel better when Giant squeezes my hand and says, “We’ll find her.”
Once they’re all gone, Miriam comes back with Toni in tow. Miriam finds her place in the chair while Toni approaches and says, “How are you feeling?”
She reaches over to touch my wrist, and I grab her hand. When she looks up, I say, “I’m so sorry, Toni. I’m so very sorry.”
Pulling away, she pats my shoulder and says, “Don’t worry about it, angel. Sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do, hm?”
She smiles knowingly, and I ease back against the pillow. She may not know exactly what went down that night, but she suspects something.
With a nod, I close my eyes. She bustles about the room and asks me a bunch of questions before handing me a pain reliever and water.
Once I’ve downed the pills, she sits beside me and says, “You’re probably going to bleed for a few days.”
“Okay,” I whisper, staring at the blanket as tears fill my eyes.
“I’m not going to give you false promises. You will move on, but every once in a while, you’ll wonder what could have been.”
When I whip around, she lifts her lips into a sad smile and pats my fingers, curled into a ball.
Miriam is quiet beside us, and I avoid looking her way because although I’m excited for her, seeing her pregnant and all glowy compounds the loss I’m only beginning to accept.