Chapter 38
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Catarina
The cold checkered tile sends a shiver through my body as my bare feet leave the carpet stepping into the bathroom.
I look down at the blood still caked under my nails and dried in the creases of my palms. The water drips down my forearms as I splash water on my face.
The smell of the iron being washed away causes my stomach to churn and the taste of metal coats my tongue.
My fingers shake as I grip the sink, staring at my reflection.
The person in the mirror doesn’t seem real but she is.
She’s me. I stare at my eyes unable to shake this feeling.
The one where I’m waiting for something bad to happen, waiting for a reason to run again.
A knock sounds at the door, cutting through the quiet of the room. “Catarina?” It’s Nathaniel. I guess he read whatever message Harold sent him again and realized there’s an additional A in my name.
“You can come in,” I say.
He stands in the doorway holding a tray and walks in to set it down with a soft click.
“I brought you something.” A glass of orange juice, a few pieces of toast, a couple eggs.
I should be starving, I can’t remember which meal was my last. Yesterday feels so far away.
I walk over, pulling out a chair tucked beneath the basic white table in the corner.
He waits for me to sit before he pulls out the chair beside me, sliding it away to give me enough distance before casually plopping down.
“So, we have a connection with someone who has a few long term rentals,” he continues, pulling a small folder from his bag and sliding it across the table to me.
I don’t move immediately, my eyes just follow the folder as it’s pushed in front of me. He’s not rushing, he’s giving me space to process it, and for that, I’m thankful.
“There’s only a couple of options, but scan through those and let me know which you’d like to look at.” He pauses for a moment before continuing. “We’ve got you set up with a cell phone. There’s also been a bank account opened in your name. Everything’s ready. It’s not much, but it’s a start.”
I give him a quick nod, thinking if only it was as simple as he makes this seem.
I look down, my fingers brushing over it lightly.
It’s a simple black card with no name, just a number.
The image of it sends a ripple of doubt through me.
It’s so impersonal and detached. I never imagined my life would feel so wrong.
I used to fantasize about leaving home and being my own person.
But it feels like who I am, I can no longer be.
I’m not sure what’s waiting for me or if the offer of help is as easy as he’s making it sound.
But I don’t have the luxury of turning any of this down, and even I can see that there’s no point in being defiant or curious.
“Thanks,” I say, my voice sounding unfamiliar.
I press the power button on the side and the screen flickers to life.
The phone is already set up, just like he said.
It’s clean. No messages. No missed calls.
No saved contacts. Just an empty device.
I glance over at him, my fingers tighten around the phone.
“There’s nothing on here.” My head shakes, and I look up, meeting his eyes.
“No number. No way to reach you. Kind of feels like you forgot the part where I might need to contact you.” He sees the question before I even finish asking it.
“Trust me, if I could leave a number, if I could give you something, I would. But that’s not how this works.”
He crosses his arms and leans back in his chair.
“You’re going to be okay. You’re going to build a life, one that’s yours.
You don’t need my phone number for that.
” The words land harder than they should.
I don’t even know him, he’s a stranger, but something about hearing it out loud still gets to me.
“So that’s it?” My voice cracks despite me trying to keep it steady. “I’m just on my own?”
Nathaniel puts his elbows on the table, placing his head in his hands.
“You’re going to be fine,” he says, almost like he’s seen it before.
“I know you don’t believe it right this moment, but you will.
You don’t need to have it all figured out right now.
” I don’t even know what “fine” means anymore.
I shake my head, staring at the screen again, thinking maybe if I look long enough a name will appear.
“I don’t even know where to start.”
“Look. No one expects you to have a roadmap, and I certainly don’t have one I can give you.”
I blink, fighting the lump in my throat.
Loneliness isn’t new to me. I just hate that I have gotten used to not being lonely.
Used to having him. His voice softens. “We’re all alone at the beginning of this journey.
I was. Others were. You will find your way, just like we did.
” I eye him up and down, looking at his small frame.
There’s something about the sharpness of his features and those light eyes that haven’t stopped scanning my face since he entered the room.
I drop my shoulders, letting the weight of it settle. The idea of being alone for the first time in my life. Something I had wanted at one time so badly, now feels distant, and I can’t even remember why I ever wanted it at all.
It isn’t some big revelation, it’s just the bitter truth—that some paths you have to walk on your own, bound by something you can’t escape. And that’s exactly what I am—because if someone is coming for me, it won’t be to save me.